【5/11一战】【独立写作】

山禾璟

第一次在写作版发帖请多多指教。
每天22：00之前贴作文。

山禾璟

4/7 long-term or short-term pleasure
321words 30min

With the rapid development of the economy, people's living standard has witnessed a remarkable improvement, and people now have varied ways to spend their money. Some people may spend their money to buy luxury goods such as diamond, jewelry and gold which will last longer, while some other people prefer to have a vacation instead as a short-term pleasure. Views vary from person to person. As far as I concerned, I prefer to spend my money to buy an expensive merchandise as a long-term investment.

Firstly, take into the consideration of the interest in the long run, purchasing a luxury merchandise can be considered as an investment. It is a symbol of value and will not devalue as years passed. For example, a piece of diamond is expensive because it is precious, so its price and value will be rapidly increased in the following years. The owner of the diamond can have a choice to resell it to earn more money as the result of this long-term investment.

Secondly, buy  something that can last long will pay back longer pleasure. Whenever you see it you may recall the memory of it.  For example,  if you buy a painting, you can use it to decorate your room . You can also share the story and the happy feel of the painting with your with your family and friends.

Although I agree that there may be a couple of advantages of spending money on short-term pleasure, I feel that the disadvantages are more obvious. For example, a person will spend both money and time on a trip of just a few days which is not worthwhile. As time goes by, the memory of the trip may be forgotten, as well as the pleasure.

In a word, it is better to spend money on the long-term pleasure than to have a short-term one. Choose a worthwhile way to spend money is a better choice.

第一次写作文求狠批！自己的问题是词穷，中文大纲不能完全地用英文表达出来，求指导！谢谢！

lihaolan

With the rapid development of the economy, people's living standard has witnessed（experienced） a（the） remarkable improvement, and people now have varied ways to spend their money. Some people may spend their money to buy luxury goods such as diamond, jewelry and gold which will last longer, while some other people prefer to have a vacation instead as a short-term pleasure（which offers them temporary happiness）. Views vary from person to person. As far as I concerned, I prefer to spend my money to buy an expensive merchandise as a long-term investment.

Firstly, take into the consideration of the interest in the long run, purchasing a luxury merchandise can be considered as an investment. It is a symbol of value and will not devalue as years passed. For example, a piece of diamond is expensive because it is precious, so its price and value will be rapidly increased in the following years（as time goes ）. The owner of the diamond can have a choice to resell it to earn more money as the result of this long-term investment.（可以说下有更多钱可以干嘛。这样内容就多了）

Secondly, buy something that can last long will pay back longer pleasure. Whenever you see it you may recall the memory of it. For example, if you buy a painting, you can use it to decorate your room . You can also share the story and the happy feel of the painting with your with your family and friends. 什么样的memory具体化，例子里。

Although I agree that there may be a couple of advantages of spending money on short-term pleasure, I feel that the disadvantages are more obvious. For example, a person will spend both money and time on a trip of just a few days which is not worthwhile.（还可以说会遇上很多trouble， tired and so on 多说点例子）. As time goes by, the memory of the trip may be forgotten, as well as the pleasure.

In a word, it is better to spend money on the long-term pleasure than to have a short-term one. Choose a worthwhile way to spend money is a better choice.（最后一句好像是废话，建议最后一段在总结下前文）
文章就是内容太少。建议多想点东西。

mr.ming

1Secondly, buy something that can last long will pay back longer pleasure.直接buy动词开头？
2In a word, it is better to spend money on the long-term pleasure than to have a short-term one. Choose a worthwhile way to spend money is a better choice.要是用了这样的句子，你下面就必须接论述，就又要写例子出来论证，所以这一句你应该换成你的观点，就是你的分论点，稍微概括就好了。
3文章总的问题，字数太少，虽然够300，但是400多字比较好，而且是很容易写到的，只要你每个分论点下面加上详细的论据（就是分论点后面用自己的话稍微分析一下），详细的例子（这个你的文章中几乎没有，你的for example后面还是在分析，不能算真正的例子。写个有trouble的trip还有你买的东西的precious应该都不难吧？）。然后你也可以学习一下结尾段的写法，你写的这个太简单了，很空洞。

山禾璟

4/7 修改后 415words
With the rapid development of the economy, people's living standard has witnessed a remarkable improvement, and people now have varied ways to spend their money. Some people may spend their money to buy luxury goods such as diamond, jewelry and gold which will last longer, while some other people prefer to have a vacation instead as a short-term pleasure which offers them temporary happiness. Views vary from person to person. As far as I concerned, I prefer to spend my money to buy expensive merchandise as a long-term investment.

Firstly, take into the consideration of the interest in the long run, purchasing luxury merchandise can be considered as an investment. It is a symbol of value and will not devalue as years passed. A piece of diamond is expensive because it is precious, so its price and value will be rapidly increased as time goes. The owner of the diamond can have a choice to resell it to earn more money as the result of this long-term investment and start another investment on luxuries or take it for another use.

Secondly, buying something that can last long will pay back longer pleasure. Whenever you see it you may recall the memory of it. For example, if you buy a painting, you can use it to decorate your room. You can also share the story and the happy feel of the painting with your with your family and friends. Once I visited my friend’s house, she showed me a painting her mother bought years ago and told me the background of the story the painting showed. She also shared some interesting things about the painter with me.

Although I agree that there may be a couple of advantages of spending money on short-term pleasure, I feel that the disadvantages are more obvious. A person will spend both money and time on a trip of just a few days which is not worthwhile. I had an unhappy trip two years ago and that made me exhausted and disappointed, even though I spend a lot of money to join in a touring group with a professional guide. As time goes by, the memory of the trip may be forgotten, as well as the pleasure.

In a word, although short-term pleasure is a good way to spend money, choosing a long-term pleasure is better if you consider it as an investment. You can gain both interest and pleasure. Why not choose a way that you can gain double pleasure?

山禾璟

4/8 celebrities' privacy
367 words(字数啊怎么办啊……)

We can see many gossips about celebrities like movie stars, pop singers, athletes, and etc. as entertainment news as a result of the development of TV, newspaper or Internet nowadays. Their daily lives are exposed under the eyes of public. The views are different from person to person. Some people may consider that the celebrities have no need to protect their privacy due to the specificity of their occupations. But the disadvantage is obvious. In my part of view, I support the opinion that celebrities' privacy needs to be protected.

Firstly, privacy is a basic right for every person with no exception and each person should have a private space to work and relax. The curiosity of their daily life may bother them. As a result, they could not concentrate on their career. As athletes, for example, their career is very important to them. The public concentration on their private lives will increase their stress. What is worse, their training and their career will be affected eventually. To be a professional who need hard training to keep famous in career or to be an entertainer who need just few gossips to keep famous in public? This is a question.

Secondly, gossip about celebrities may be taken into a negative use. It is annoying that some actors or singers may create negative gossips to appeal the attention of the public to make them more popular. They are more than an entertainment but a troublemaker as well. On the one hand, parents are unhappy and worry about their teenage children imitating the examples of their favorite pop stars, like some rock stars, whose lives are full of negative or even illegal matter. On the other hand, celebrities may suffer from fake news reports written by unscrupulous journalists to break their public images.

In a word, every person has the right of privacy, no matter he or she is famous or not. Furthermore, celebrities should build up a professional character in their career rather than create gossips to make them famous. That will make a positive effect on the public. Entertainment should base on the respect to others. We should pay more attention to their achievement in their own career while the celebrities need to protect their privacy and image themselves.

lihaolan

We can see many gossips about celebrities like movie stars, pop singers, athletes, and etc. as entertainment news（去掉） as a result of the development of TV, newspaper or Internet nowadays. Their daily lives are exposed under the eyes of public（be exposed to the public）. The views are different from person to person. Some people may consider that the celebrities have no need to protect their privacy due to the specificity （character）of their occupations. But the disadvantage is obvious. In my part of view（没见过这样表达。。personally）, I support the opinion that celebrities' privacy needs to be protected.

Firstly, privacy is a basic right for every person with no exception and each person should have a private space to work and relax. The curiosity of their daily life may bother them. As a result, they could not concentrate on their career. As athletes, for example, their career is very important to them. The public concentration on their private lives will increase their stress. What is worse（worse yet）, their training and their career will be affected eventually. To be a professional who need hard training to keep famous in career or to be an entertainer who need just few gossips to keep famous in public?（语病。主谓宾。不定式变成句子。） This is a question.

Secondly, gossip about celebrities may be taken into a negative use. It is annoying that some actors or singers may create negative gossips to appeal the attention of the public to make them more popular.（这句突兀。和中心无关。是否要有隐私） They are more than an entertainment but a troublemaker as well. On the one hand, parents are unhappy and worry about their teenage children imitating the examples of their favorite pop stars, like some rock stars, whose lives are full of negative or even illegal matter. On the other hand, celebrities may suffer from fake news reports written by unscrupulous journalists to break their public images. （有点混乱。可以直接说报道明星私生活对小孩成长不利。然后具体化，比如****。 在另一方面，有些报道不全面，侵害明星名誉。这样逻辑清晰点。前面明星炒作新闻造名声无关。）

In a word, every person has the right of privacy, no matter he or she is famous or not. Furthermore, celebrities should build up a professional character in their career rather than create gossips to make them famous.（偏离中心明星是否要有私生活） That will make a positive（积极？） effect on the public. Entertainment should base on the respect to others. We should pay more attention to their achievement in their own career while the celebrities need to protect their privacy and image themselves.
逻辑有点问题。就是题目说明星是不是要有隐私。可以说隐私怎么样重要。侵犯隐私有什么危害。但是和明星自己去炒作新闻没什么关系。这点要去掉。至于字数。把内容具体化就多。 怎么危害。具体表现。怎么重要具体表现。

山禾璟

4/8 修改中

We can see many gossips about celebrities like movie stars, pop singers, athletes, and etc. as a result of the development of TV, newspaper or Internet nowadays. Their daily lives are exposed to the public. The views are different from person to person. Some people may consider that the celebrities have no need to protect their privacy due to the character of their occupations. But the disadvantage is obvious. In my point of view, I support the opinion that celebrities' privacy needs to be protected.

Firstly, privacy is a basic right for every person with no exception and each person should have a private space to work and relax. The curiosity of their daily life may bother them. As a result, they could not concentrate on their career. As athletes, for example, their career is very important to them. The public concentration on their private lives will increase their stress. Worse yet, their training and their career will be affected eventually. To keep famous in professional career need hard training, but it is easier to be a entertainer who need just few gossip. Which one would you choose?

Secondly, gossip about celebrities may be taken into a negative use. On the one hand, parents are unhappy and worry about their teenage children imitating the examples of their favorite pop stars, like some rock stars, whose lives are full of negative or even illegal matter. (e.g.) n the other hand, celebrities may suffer from fake news reports written by unscrupulous journalists to break their public images. (e.g.)

In a word, every person has the right of privacy, no matter he or she is famous or not. From one perspective, celebrities need free space for their careers and lives. From another perspective, gossip may have a bad effect on the public. Entertainment should base on the respect to others. We should pay more attention to their achievement in their own career while the celebrities need to protect their privacy and image themselves.

山禾璟

4/9 government support the scientific research

As the inevitable result of social development,the public pay more and more attention to science research. But consider the factthat there are some conclusions of scientific research are unable to be used inpractice. Many people may call in question that whether the unpracticalresearch is a waste of money and energy. Should the government continue to investthe research? Personally, I think the governments have the necessary to supportit.

On the on hand, science researchers canexplore many unsolved mysteries in different areas, such as physics, chemistry,archaeology, geology, and so on. With plenty knowledges of various subjects, wecould easily put them into practical use to solve many problems we meetnowadays.  For example, it is widelyknown that environmental pollution poses a great threat to us, and we have tofind a proven and effective method to crack this serious problem by scienceexperiments. According to the research report we are able to make a strategy tosolve the pollution of air, water or other environmental problems directly andeffectively.

On the other hand, since the governmentencourage and invest the scientific research, the scientist may have plentymoney to prepare the experiment with deserving salaries. It could appeal morescientists to get into the research. Since the rising trend of the demandquantity, more students may determine to learn science courses as a futurecareer. Hence, universities will input more resources to conduct scientificresearch and cultivate future elites and talents. It is optimistic for us to assumethe quality of the science research may be improved, as well as the relatedtechnology. And the governments are willing to pay for it. That starts apositive cycle.

In a conclusion of my argument, the governmentsneed to support the scientific research for a long-term consideration. We willcrack lots of unknown secrets to solve problems we meet if it could practicallyuse . Furthermore, it is good for the society to improve the awareness ofscience knowledge. The government should take every condition intoconsideration to establish a policy of supporting scientific research or not.

gobelieve

4/9 government support the scientific research

As the inevitable result of social development,the public pay more and more attention to science research. But consider the fact that there are some conclusions of scientific research are unable to be used in practice. Many people may call in question that whether the unpractical research is a waste of money and energy. Should the government continue to invest the research? Personally, I think the governments have the necessary(necessity) to support it.

On the on(one) hand, science researchers(scientists/scientific researchers) can explore many unsolved mysteries in different areas, such as physics, chemistry, archaeology, geology, and so on. With plenty knowledges(knowledge不可数) of various subjects, we could easily put them into practical use to solve many problems we meet nowadays. For example, it is widely known that environmental pollution poses a great threat to us, and we have to find a proven and effective method to crack this serious problem by science experiments. According to the research report we are able to make a strategy to solve the pollution of air(air pollution), water or other environmental problems(我的个人建议是可以写点除了pollution之外其他的问题，这样的话列举就都是environmental problems，而不是各种pollution了，内容上比较平行。这个地方没有错误，就是一个小建议^^) directly and effectively.

On the other hand, since the government encourage(s) and invest(s) the scientific research, the scientist may have plenty (+of)  money to prepare the experiment with deserving salaries. It could appeal more scientists to get into the research. Since the rising trend of the demand quantity, more students may determine to learn science courses as a future career. Hence, universities will input more resources to conduct scientific research and cultivate future elites and talents. It is optimistic for us to assume the quality of the science research may be improved, as well as the related technology. And the governments are willing to pay for it. That starts a positive cycle.

In a conclusion of my argument, the governments need to support the scientific research for a long-term consideration. We will crack lots of unknown secrets to solve problems we meet if it could practically use . Furthermore, it is good for the society to improve the awareness of science knowledge. The government should take every condition into consideration to establish a policy of supporting scientific research or not.

虽然字数不多但是字字珠玑，特别崇拜你的用词！很灵活，恰到好处。我要好好研究一下当做范文学习！注意细节小错误，可以写完了仔细检查检查。

红色是错误，蓝色是没有错但是我的建议，如果有批改错的请你原谅！^^

关于内容方面的问题我想和你一起讨论，这个题的重点是关注“没有实际用途的科学研究”还是“政府支持科学研究”呢？我有点迷惑，我自己写的时候也觉得有点迷糊。