sunchou的写作作业（新人第一次参加，求狠批）

sunchou

2.26 独立 题目
Independent Writing:
在家工作好 还是 去公司工作好？
 
 With the development of modern society, people basically have two ways to work: at home or in the company. Some people might have preference in working at home because of the convinience and comfort. Unlike these people, I would like to work in the company. Generally, three reasons will be listed to account for why I prefer working in the company.
  Distraction is major problem that will bother you at home. It is usual that you want to be left alone and work concentrately in you room while the other family members are watching TV progroms and make lots of noise. Working in the company, however, will seldom be disturbed by others. People in the same office are always focusing on their own projects. Besides, salaries somehow are closely related to the efficiency of the work, hence the competition for more economical benefits will drive people to bury themselves in the work. As a matter of fact, there is no time remained to let people become distracted.
  Working in the company can also enhance the chance to solve the problem when you get blocked by accident. Usually, a group of people who are in the same department will be assembled in an office. It is quite easy for you to ask for a favor if you have trouble in certain problem. People in the same office are inclined to help each other not only out of cooperation but also out of the internal desire. Through interacting with others, one can get improved too. It is the process of learning by each other that guarantee the success in your project.
  Furthermore, it is helpful for one to get updated while working in the company. If something new happens in the company, you will be the first one to receive the information. For instance, while you are working on an engineering project, all of a sudden, the instructor in you team determines to change the working orientation, you need not to complete your task any more. If you work in the company, you will stop your work as soon as you get the news. However, you may keep on working for a comparatively long time if you work at home.
  Admittedly, working at home has its advantages. The working environment is more comfortable, for example. However, working in the company has the advantage of

改变

2.26 独立 题目
Independent Writing:
在家工作好 还是 去公司工作好？

高亮精彩 红色错误/建议
With the development of modern society,people basically have two ways to work: at home or in the company. Some peoplemight have preference in working at home because of the convinience and comfort(前后不是完全对账啊 应该是 convenience and comfortableness). Unlike these people, I would like to work in the company.Generally, three reasons will be listed to account for why I prefer working inthe company.(显得有点重复了 why I prefer that way)
第一段中多次出现了 working in company 可考虑替换一下
Distraction is major problem that will botheryou at home. It is usual（common） that you want to be left alone and work concentrately in you(your) room while the other family members are watching TV progroms(programs) and make lots of noise. Working in the company, however, will seldom be disturbedby others. People in the same office are always focusing (一般的状态用 alwaysfocus)on their own projects. Besides, salariessomehow are closely related to the efficiency of the work, hence thecompetition for more economical benefits will drive people to bury themselves in the work. As amatter of fact, there is no time remained to let people becomedistracted.(这句话的句意有点不是很清楚 你的意思是由于大家忙于工作，所以就不会有时间来被浪费？)
Working in the company can also enhance thechance to solve the problem when you get blocked by accident（第一遍读不知道什么意思 看了下文才明白 你指的是原来遇到困难 我没有查出来 get blocked 有这个意思 感觉 用plunge into that ）.Usually, a group of people who are in the same department will be assembled in an office.It is quite easy for you to ask for a favor if you have trouble in certain problem(meet some difficulty). People in the same office are inclined to help each othernot only out ofcooperation but also out of the internal desire. Through interactingwith others, one can get improved too. It is the process of learning by each other that guarantee(guarantees) the success inyour project.
这一段不知道到怎么的 刚开始读的时候感觉很奇怪 但是之后再看看感觉有很多的用法在里面 学习！！
 Furthermore, it is helpful for one toget updated （promoted）while working in the company. If something new happens in the(泛指吧 a) company, you will be the first one to receive theinformation. For instance, while you are working on an engineering project, allof a sudden, the instructor in you(your) team determines to change the workingorientation(感觉orientation 做指导的情况较多 change objective of project), you need not to complete your task any more. (不确定你这个句子对不对 从the instructor到 any more这是一个不太算是一个句子吧。 建议 将 you areworking on an engineering project 另起一句.当你知道工作方向改变了 你就不需要做这个任务了)If you work in the company, you will stop your work as soon as youget the news(感觉有点重复啊。。。). However, you may keep on working for acomparatively long time if you work at home.
 Admittedly, working at home has itsadvantages. The working environment is more comfortable, for example（for example 在句首的多吧）. However,working in the company has the advantage of（目测没有粘贴全）

文章感觉很好 但是不知道是我自己的水平问题还是什么有一些句子确实是第一次读觉有有点奇怪 chinenglish的感觉 建议文章的衔接上能够更加的平滑写。

sunchou

恩，确实是有点中国式英语的味道

sunchou

5.18  日作业 独立写作
People are fond of enjoying their work by dedicating themselves to their jobs. However, some people will get bored because of the repeating work every day. In my opinion, people should have hobbies and do physical activities that are different from their work.
     It is more and more acknowledged in the modern times that versatile employees are badly required by cooperation around the world. In order to accomplish a designated job by the administrator, we are inclined to combine knowledge in several of fields. For example, I was once required to calculate the total mass of leaves in a tree. To finish the task, I have to obtain the knowledge in botany, understanding the growing characteristics of a tree. A good knowledge of geology is also required to determine the growing environment of a tree, which also plays a vital part in the growing process of a tree. Having a hobby of botany will obviously benefits this task and enables me to go through the job.
     Physical activities which are different from people's work are essential as well. People nowadays tend to work in big offices, drinking coffee and moving little. Employers put on weight quickly unless appropriate physical activities are combined into daily work. For instance, jogging for 30 minutes every day after work benefits heart and mind, which helps you to keep in good shape as well. According to research report in Journal of Peking University, proper physical activities can effectively prevent people become fat and extend the average life time by several years.
     It is important for people to cultivate a hobby or do physical activities that are different from their work by virtue of consistency of their work. Working on the same thing over and over again will bore the worker soon. On the contrary, if we are engaged in a hobby or physical activity that is distinct from our work, we are capable of being recharged soon, which provides us with more energy.
    It is glad to see that the economy of our country improves by leaps and bounds. If you work with your heart, you are a laborer. If you work with your heart and mind, you are a carpenter. If you work with your heart, mind and soul, you are an artist. We are supposed to become an artist as long as we develop a hobby or accomplish a physical activity that is different from our work.

sunchou

5月19日 独立写作

With the development of society, people work in a faster and fasterenvironment compared with that several years ago. It is glad to see that moreand more universities are established around the world and thus more and moreprofessionals are provided. In my opinion, people who have developed manydifferent kinds of skills are more successful than people who focus on only oneskill.

   Time flies. Things have changed alot during the past several years. It is more and more acknowledged that peopleequipped with many different kinds of skills are preferred by most of theemployers. In common sense, success virtually equals career. In other word,those people who find jobs hands down and accept much salary are the successfulhuman beings.

   Nowadays, social economy isdeveloping by leaps and bounds these days. Our work is much more sophisticatedthan that ten years ago. It is reasonable to combine knowledge from a varietyof fields to accomplish a task that is designated by your employer. Take my ownexperience for example, I was once required to calculate the total mass ofleaves in a tree. In order to finish the job, I have to associate the knowledgein botany, geology and mathematics. Obviously, people who have developed manydifferent kinds of skills are more likely to complete a complicated problemthan people who concentrate their attention on only one skill.

   Take the diversity of life intoconsideration, we are easily to recognize that it is healthy for us to developdifferent kinds of skills during life time. Modern jobs are repeating andtedium, people will become tired of work if they keep doing the same task.However, a totally different skill in other field enables you to relax when youbecome bored. For example, I am a student of Eletronical Engineering. In mydaily course work, I have to calculate difficult mathematical problems andconduct experiments by means of computer software such as MATLAB. My eyesalways become dull and mind seems to stop running after several hours ofworking. To relieve my stress, I take part in the piano class. I am learningsome beautiful melodies in the class and they indeed help me to relax.

   It is glad to see that more andmore people will stand a chance to receive knowledge in different kinds offields. People who have developed multiple of skills are more inclined to beemployed and are more likely to solve complicated problems. In a word, Ibelieve these people are more successful.

applesoforever

People should have hobbies and do physical activities that are very different from their work.

People are fond of enjoying their work by dedicating themselves to their jobs. However, some people will get bored because of the repeating work every day. Therefore, in my opinion, people should have hobbies and do physical activities that are different from their work.(加个Therefore是不是衔接得会更好，不然为什么要说前面那几句呢。就是为了引出自己的观点哈。)
     
It is more and more acknowledged in the modern times that versatile employees are badly required by cooperation around the world. In order to accomplish a designated job by the administrator, we are inclined to combine knowledge in several of(删) fields. For example, I was once required to calculate the total mass of leaves in(of) a tree. To finish the task, I have to obtain the knowledge in botany, understanding the growing characteristics of a tree. A good knowledge of geology is also required to determine the growing environment of a tree, which also plays a vital part in the growing process of a tree. Having a hobby of botany will obviously benefits this task and enables me to go through the job.

Physical activities which are different from people's work are essential as well. People nowadays tend to work in big offices, drinking coffee and moving little. Employers put on(gain) weight quickly unless appropriate physical activities are combined into daily work. For instance, jogging for 30 minutes every day after work benefits heart and mind, which helps(helping,which这种跨度大的指代在gmat中算错误，不知道toefl怎样。但可直接用动名词作结果状语来表示相同效果) you to keep in good shape as well. According to a research report in Journal of Peking University, proper physical activities can effectively prevent people become(from becoming) fat and extend the average life time by several years.

It is important for people to cultivate a hobby or do physical activities that are different from their work by virtue of consistency of their work. Working on the same thing over and over again will bore the worker soon. On the contrary, if we are engaged in a hobby or physical activity that is distinct from our work, we are capable of being recharged soon, which provides(同上一处which) us with more energy.

It is glad to see that the economy of our country improves by leaps and bounds. If you work with your heart, you are a laborer. If you work with your heart and mind, you are a carpenter. If you work with your heart, mind and soul, you are an artist. We are supposed to become an artist as long as we develop a hobby or accomplish a physical activity that is different from our work.

总结：
1.论证方面读着有点单薄，再补充点吧。
2.遣词造句方面单词可以再丰富些。也是我自己近期的目标。
3.每段之间没有衔接词，这样读起来会有跳跃的感觉。注意喔。
4.以上是我一人之见，参考。

sunchou

5月20日 独立写作
   With the development of society, modern citizen are always pursuing higher salary and easier working environment. However, a coin has two sides. What is most likely to happen is that a secure job is paid low while a risking job is paid high. Personally speaking, I believe having a low-paying but secure job is not better than having a high-paying job that can be lost easily.
    The living condition around us is undergoing unprecedented change these days. On the one hand, it is our dream to earn as much money as we can during our short life time. On the other hand, we ought to dedicate our energy and strength to our work. With the development of social economy, prices of products are increasing continuously without doubt. For example, the price of houses in China has been doubled over and over again in recent years. As a result, the house price in central Beijing is raising to about 10 thousand RMB per square meter. Thus, we have to obtain a high-paying job to sustain our quality of life.
   In addition to the pursuit of high living condition, we need to make use of the risk of high-paying job to alarm us. The concept that our job may be lost easily will stimulate us to work harder, which drive us to make progress in our work. As for an individual, this appropriate pressure from the work is able to guarantee the working quality. As for society, excellent working quality of employers will contribute to the fast development of social economy and civilization. In a word, the proper pressure is the fundamental power for the progress of society.
   What's more, I think losing a high-paying job is not necessarily awful. We are living in a situation where there are a lot of opportunities and luck. Personally, I believe we should not be attached to a job for our whole life time. On the contrary, we should be encouraged to experience different kinds of jobs in our limited life time. We are not sure whether the current job is the most suitable one unless we have tried several different kinds of jobs. This is process for us to make progress and find our value in life.
   Modern society is full of competition and opportunities. Living in a fast rhythm life, we should try high-paying jobs even though they might be lost easily.

qianjun06

sunchou 发表于 2013-5-19 21:26
5月19日 独立写作
With the development of society, people work in a faster and fasterenvironment comp ...

5月19日 独立写作 With the development of society, people work in a faster and faster environment compared with that several years ago. It is glad to see that more and more universities are established around the world and thus more and more professionals profession are provided. In my opinion, people who have developed manydifferent kinds of skills are more successful than people who focus on only oneskill. more and more 用了太多了    Time flies. Things have changed alot during the past several years. It is more and more acknowledged that peopleequipped with many different kinds of skills are preferred by most of theemployers. In common sense, success virtually equals career. In other word,those people who find jobs hands down and accept much salary are the successfulhuman beings. 这段没有第一的序数词，写作内容有点少，缺乏例子    Nowadays, social economy isdeveloping by leaps and bounds these days. Our work is much more sophisticatedthan that ten years ago. It is reasonable to combine knowledge from a varietyof fields to accomplish a task that is designated by your employer. Take my ownexperience for example, I was once required to calculate the total mass ofleaves in a tree. In order to finish the job, I have to associate the knowledgein botany, geology and mathematics. Obviously, people who have developed manydifferent kinds of skills are more likely to complete a complicated problemthan people who concentrate their attention on only one skill.    Take the diversity of life intoconsideration, we are easily to recognize that it is healthy for us to developdifferent kinds of skills during life time. Modern jobs are repeating andtedium, people will become tired of work if they keep doing the same task.However, a totally different skill in other field enables you to relax when youbecome bored. 少用第二人称，youyouyou,For example, I am a student of Eletronical Engineering. In mydaily course work, I have to calculate difficult mathematical problems andconduct experiments by means of computer software such as MATLAB. My eyesalways become dull and mind seems to stop running after several hours ofworking. To relieve my stress, I take part in the piano class. I am learningsome beautiful melodies in the class and they they有指代吗indeed help me to relax.    It is glad to see that more andmore people will stand a chance to receive knowledge in different kinds offields. People who have developed multiple of skills are more inclined to beemployed and are more likely to solve complicated problems. In a word, Ibelieve these people are more successful.句子有点单调，都是简单陈述句，可以考虑背点复杂句型来润润色，观点还是可以的，每段开头必须要用序数词

sunchou

5月22日 独立写作
With the development of modern society, the technology as well as economy has boomed by leaps and bounds. Multiple of scientists, who are devoting most of their time to scientific research, have made a tremendous contribution to the progress of advanced technology. In my opinion, government should support scientific research even the research has no practical use.
   Financial help consists of the foundation of scientific research. It is widely acknowledged that scientific research is always sophisticated. As a result, failure is common during a scientific experiment. For instance, Edison, the most eminent inventory man in the world had conducted experiments thousands of times before he succeeded in making the first light bulb. As an old saying goes, "Failure is the mother of success". Researchers are encouraged to dedicate the majority of their energy and power to conduct scientific experiment. Failure, on the other hand, will definitely dismay them. It is the financial help that can refresh the disappointed scientists and recharge them for further research.
   In addition, government support soothes the way of research and makes the experiment more efficient. As far as I am concerned, a typical scientific research requires a combination of many different kinds of fields such as mathematics, geology and even politics. Government is supposed to play a positive role in the combination of scientists or professors in multiple of fields. Obviously, an elusive problem will be solved as soon as possible as long as the brilliant cooperation of researchers. Take my own experience for example. I used to solve a mathematical problem of calculating the total mass of leaves in a tree. With the help of my supervisor, I accomplished the task in four days on condition that professors of geology, botany and mathematics associated to offer me a favor.
    Moreover, scientific research is thought to the most brilliant work of human beings. In other words, it may seem not to be practical present, but it is likely to show great function in the future. Science is the power to drive the society moving forward, thus, taking the future into consideration, government should offer support as much as possible to scientific research.  Mobile phones are prevalent all around the world nowadays, but mobile phone was thought to be useless at the beginning of its development. Looking back to the human history, we can easily find that scientific research that seems not to be practical has vital influence on our life.
   Scientific research is hard and boring process, during which the government support plays an important role.

qianjun06

5月22日 独立写作
With the development of modern society, the technology as well as economy has boomed by leaps and bounds. Multiple of scientists, who are devoting most of their time to scientific research, 插入语不错have made a tremendous contributions to the progress of advanced technology. In my opinion, government should support scientific researches even the research has no practical use.
   Financial help consists of the foundation of scientific research. 这句话不好理解，应该说财政帮助为科研发展打下基础It is widely acknowledged that scientific research is always sophisticated. As a result, failure is common during a scientific experiment. For instance, Edison, the most eminent inventory man in the world had conducted experiments thousands of times before he succeeded in making the first light bulb. As an old saying goes, "Failure is the mother of success". Researchers are encouraged to dedicate the majority of their energy and powertime to conduct scientific experiments. Failure, on the other hand, will definitely dismay them. It is the financial help that can refresh the disappointed scientists and rechargerevive them for further research. 开头要用序数词啊
   In addition, government support soothes the way of research and makes the experiment more efficient. As far as I am concerned, a typical scientific research requires a combination of many different kinds of fields such as mathematics, geology and even politics. Government is supposed to play a positive role in the combination of scientists or professors in multiple of fields. Obviously, an elusive problem will be solved as soon as possible as long as as long as 后面要加句子 the brilliant cooperation of researchers. Take my own experience for example. I used to solve a mathematical problem of calculating the total mass of leaves in a tree. With the help of my supervisor, I accomplished the task in four days on condition that professors of geology, botany and mathematics associated to offer me a favor.
    Moreover, scientific research is thought to the most brilliant work of human beings. In other words, it may seem not to be practical presently, but it is likely to show great function in the future. Science is the power to drive the society moving forward, thus, taking the future into consideration, government should offer supports as much as possible to scientific researches.  Mobile phones are prevalent all around the world nowadays, but mobile phone was thought to be useless at the beginning of its development. Looking back to the human history, we can easily find that scientific research that seems not to be practical has vital influence on our life. 插入语用的不错
   Scientific research is hard and boring process, during which the government support plays an important role.结尾有点短