Argument 73 第一次写作文 希望狠狠地拍

realjimyli

In the  profile of the Mozart school of music, the author procalims that parents should give priority to the school when planning music education for their children. As evidence the author points out the school is easily accessible and owning adequate instuments, some wonderful teachers and wide-ranged music types. Furthermore, the author take some successful graduates as examples to promise a possibly bright furture. Close scrutiny of each piece of evidence, however, reveals that none of this evidence can lead to the assumption that the school should be the first choice.
First, no access limitation can not guarantee the quality of school education. Could you just imagine a 3-year-old music amateur and a 22-year-old adept join in the same school to learn  the piano? Perhaps students from differernt ability and age levels may share commom basic capacity of learing and they might help each other to make progress. Nonetheless, to teach all these students may need lessons at different ability and age levels for only one course. Thus, a prodigious number of faculty would overwhelm the school's finace. In order to lower the cost, incompetent teachers would be hired. Fianlly, the school would be notorious for its poor quality education.
Also, the well-equipemented school very likely demand high tuitions. For some poor families, how could this expensive school be their first choice?
In addition to the previous analysis, the supplied vague data is the most questionable part. No accurate percentage of "the most diatinguished musicicians" in whole faculty cannot convince me that the average level of teachers is high. Similarly, without specific information about those celebrated and wealthy musicians graduated form Mozart, the promise of a brilliant furture can't hold water.Even though these graduates, just like the arthor said, are living blessed lives, the single sample is insufficient to draw any general conclusion about new students attending in the school.
In sum,the conclusion relises on certain doubtful asssumptions that render it unconvincing as it stands. To bolster the conclusion the author must provide clear evidence --- perhaps by way of a school internal survey or study--- that the whole number of teachers and those famous musicians and the specific information of those  accomplished graduates. The school also must change the relaxed standard to recruit new students.

普渡哥

作为第一篇，还挺成功的。

realjimyli

谢谢~~~我不知道怎么再写长一点~不知道字数够不够~还没400=。=

竹林中人

augument有两点建议给你，一是紧贴instruction写，集中。这是og的要求，所以再写作文的时候，麻烦把题目也附上来。
一个是具体，你所要做的是把自己认为很简单的一个推理和分析，尽量具体的写出来，比如题目是怎么说的，它有什么问题，有什么前提没提到，如果要能说服人，需要什么样的证据或者信息等，如果没有，会有什么样的其他的结果，结合不同的instruction，各有侧重，但一点是相通的，一定要细致具体，而且最好能有小例子。

realjimyli

谢谢~~