February Go

wsywsy1

Integrated Writing: TPO14
The lecture states a totally different story from what the passage says. Although the passage asserts that salvage logging can help to protect forests from natural reasons and economic reasons, the lecture argues that for the long-term consideration, the action of salvage logging may be questionable.
First of all, it seems likely that removing dead trees immediately can make room for new trees growth. While the lecture points out that cleaning up a forest actually has a side effect to（on） create the right conditions for trees growth(建议改成”,since….”。“因为”单个成句有点点小奇怪). Since the natural process of wood decay enriches the soil and makes it more suitable for future generations of trees. In other words, salvage logging may result in less nourishment in soil to support long term forest growth.
Second, the lecture contradicts the passage’s second part by targeting the pest issue. Although the passage says that spruce bark beetles are harmful to the forests, the lecture shows evidence that for the last 100 years, spruce bark beetles didn’t cause major damage. From another view of point（建议直接写viewpoint）, dead trees provide habitats as well for birds and other diverse insects(with birds and with other diverse insects as well..感觉这样好些..还有。。provide with是给。。提供，provide for是装备), which are vital contributors to the long-term expansion of forests.
And third, the lecture brings up a question about the economic concern given in the passage. From one side, removing dead trees requires large equipments such as helicopters or lifts, machines that are expensive and （感觉and 前后应该并列。。有点怪）associate with costly maintenance. On the other hand, the job created by salvage logging is often temporary and doesn’t guarantee the employment from local residents(guarantee from “保证不。。”). It is（可省略） may be stuffed by outsiders with more experienced and proper training(trained).



我能说我受打击了么~~亲的思路好清晰，要点也踩到了，句型也不错~但有一点小错误。。

libertine

6 February / IndependentWriting:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People who cannotaccept the criticism from others will not be successful at working in a group.

In mention to(似乎没有这个表达方式) criticism, some people take it as insult or offensive, thefirst shot(这个短语似乎只有第一枪或者第一张照片的意思) in mind involving a negative image. On the contrary,others allow the criticism to affect their life and their work in the positiveways, making a splendid future. I favor that, in a cooperative team people whoaccept constructive criticism will be very successful. The reasons to supportmy opinion are as follows. Firstly, taking criticism makes people perfecttheir personalities. Secondly, in a work team, taking suggestive advice(提示性的建议？suggestive没有建议性的意思) fromothers will give people a better chance to improve their work and enhance(增强发展一个光明的未来？enhance你想表达什么意思？) to develop a brightfuture. I will expand every single reason in details in the followingparagraphs.
(我觉得这些文字在这里有点多余)

To beginwith, taking criticism makes people perfect their personalities, which in turn,will advance their work. Accept (+ing) the criticism (+do) not get (改成give) people theprecious chance to face their mistakes, but (改成and) help people to correct the errors. 这句话蛮糟糕的，建议下次写之前先想好用什么句式，到底该怎么用During the procedures, they will develop the personalityof honest, courage, and cooperative (cooperative作名词，只有合作社的意思). Taking myself as an example, I was assigned aproject for my accounting class. Jerry, one of the study group members,reviewed my analysis report and pointed out my numerical mistake /data error.(直接写成error就好，这里显得太过冗余) I wasunwilling to admit my mistake until he went over the data with me once more. Inoticed that I put some number in wrong order. This unfavorable outcome could dragthe whole team down, while the new report got us an excellent grade.(get sb sth表示给某人买东西) I am glad that I conquered myself, accept(+ed) mymistake honestly, and finally, I’d like to collaborate with my group member.
例子不错，但是句子质量不高

Secondly,in a work team, taking suggestive (问题同上) advice from otherswill give people a better chance to improve their work and enhance to developa bright future.(问题同上) My friendRené, an engineer working in a small startup company, she always takesconstructive advice from her supervisors and her colleagues, intending to avoidmistakes and learn their valuable working experiences. By taking advantage fromthe criticism, Rene’s career took off in the first years (去掉s) and she will expect (将要期待，这句话读不通) a promising position in the future.
该段太粗略，建议增加点内容

In conclusion,I want to stress that taking criticism from others are beneficial to people,not only because that can help people improve themselves in all sorts of ways,but also because that can lead people a grand success in their work.


1.     建议笔者不要凭自己感觉写句子，这样可能会导致很多句法上的错误
2.     小错误太多，下次要注意

晨依Jacqueline

来给奶茶加个油咯！

renehan

来给奶茶加个油咯！

-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2013/2/7 20:06:52)

renehan

For Libertine, 重新看了6号的作文，我的作文写跑题了。我会重新改正思路，再改写一下。

请你在思路和结构方面，也对我多提些意见和建议。

谢谢帮助

renehan

7 February
Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.
Job can secure people a better life---making money foreconomic independence, chasing dream of personal pursuit, and gaining cognitionof social status. While is it true that the main purpose for people who havejobs is for money rather than social status? Living is quite a complexsituation and it needs to be balanced between reality and ideality, which specificallyin this case indicates to money and social status. Therefore I favor thatworking for money and for social status are mutually complementary. I willexpand in details in the following paragraphs.
To begin with, if money is the primary impetus forpeople to get a job, they will lose their enthusiasm to pursue a meaning life,being a machine of work, eventually. Take my friend Rene as an example, when shehunted job after graduation, she took money as the top purpose and thenaccepted a lucrative job from a company, a position that she was not good at. Inthe mean time, she had to turn down another offer from a public organization thatshe was really interested in. A few years later, she talked to me that she waswrong at the first beginning. She had to travel a lot and had no time to staywith her family. This job leaves her nothing meaningful but money and moneywould never make up for what she sacrificed to catch up her work.
Secondly, the purpose that people work mainly forsocial status is unrealistic. For instance, people who are after fame andposition get job in an art field have to keep drawing. However, they barelymake a living by selling paintings before they become famous. Moreover, theirdream chasing could place an intolerable burden on their family.

And finally, money in fact plays a role as importantas social status does. For instance, people who have well-paid job are more capableof contributing to our society, making donation to charities. Such good deedswould in turn enhance people’s social status.
In conclusion, I want to stress that when people seekfor jobs, it’s better to weigh a balance between money and social status.

renehan

Integrated Writing
TPO 15

renehan

8 February
Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement
Some people think that movies and TV programs that made in their own country are more interesting than that made in other countries.
Integrated Writing:
TPO16

独立写作
深水猫改renehan
renehan 改 perfectends
perfectends改深水猫
lihaolan和wsywsy1 互改

综合写作
tsyxyss 和 wsywsy1 互改

renehan

8 February
Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement
Some people think that movies and TV programs that made in their own country are more interesting than that made in other countries.

perfectends

序：红色--错误；蓝色--建议或者交流；黄色--赞

Job can secure people a better life---making money for economic independence, chasing dream of personal pursuit, and gaining cognition of social status排比不错（cognition感觉有点奇怪，获得社会地位的认知？）. While is it true that the main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status? Living is quite a complex situation and it needs to be balanced between reality and ideality, which specifically in this case indicates to money and social status.这句话好干练地道的感觉 Therefore，（therefore后面必须加,）I favor that working for money and for social status are mutually complementary.其实我感觉这个话题最好也是写折中，但是感觉一般折中都难写，我就没尝试，下文我拭目以待I will expand in details in the following paragraphs.


To begin with, if money is the primary impetus for people to get a job, they will lose their enthusiasm to pursue a meaning meaningful life, being a machine of work, eventually.好地道的感觉 Take my friend Rene as an example, when she hunted job after graduation, she took money as the top purpose and then accepted a lucrative这个很久没见人用过 job from a company, a position that she was not good at. In the mean time, she had to turn down another offer from a public organization that she was really interested in. A few years later, she talked to me that she was wrong at the first beginning. She had to travel a lot and had no time to stay with her family. This job leaves her nothing meaningful but money and money would never make up for what she sacrificed to catch up her work.


Secondly, the purpose that people work mainly for social status is unrealistic. For instance, people who are after fame and position get job in an art field have to keep drawing. However, they barely make a living by selling paintings before they become famous. Moreover, their dream chasing could place an intolerable burden on their family.

And finally, money in fact plays a role as important as social status does. For instance, people who have well-paid job are more capable of contributing to our society, making donation to charities. Such good deeds would in turn enhance people’s social status.这句话也很地道


In conclusion, I want to stress that when people seek for jobs, it’s better to weigh a balance between money and social status.


不知道楼主在海外待了多久，感觉整个文章比较地道，肯定没有用模板，但是很多话不是多么在炫耀语言却非常地道，很舒服的感觉。只有个别地方是错误，红色标出了，其他我真没感觉有什么错误可改。抱歉过年期间不太在家，我自己的也是昨晚才刚写完。到你这里才想起来还有2.8的没写，我今天晚上补。