Libertine的作文本~ 3.2求拍砖

cleotina

逻辑清晰，好的词汇和词组用的也不错
稍微注意一下词性和词组搭配就更棒了！、
继续加油！！

2.1

libertine

个人觉得标绿的那句话逻辑没问题啊，该段一直在论述到新地方可以交新朋友，这句话总结了一下。。。

thanks a lot, anyway!

libertine

Do youagree or disagree with the following statement?

Students can get as many benefits fromorganization or club activities as they can get from their academic studies.

As is known to us, nowadays, there are tons of clubs or organizationsexisting in many schools, which seems encompass almost every aspect of ourdaily lives. However, because of the time that we have to spare forparticipating one instead of studying, some students only choose a very limitednumber of clubs to attend or even don’t. Nevertheless, as far as I’m concerned,students can get as many benefits from them as they can get from their academicstudies.

To begin with, when we have chosen a club to pour our energy into,there will be a lot of people in that club who we will meet, that means it willbe much easier for us to get in touch with strange people which is very good todevelop communicating skills. For example, because of the necessity that weneed to exchange ideas with others about a certain issue, in some sense,staying in a club will dramatically improve our communicating skills.

In addition, as is often the case, it is very common to choose anorganization concentrating on something different from our majors, which willhelp to broaden our horizons in a completely new field. Through the work we doin that club, we can finally find that whether this field will attract us, andwhether we want to choose it as our career. For example, my major is computerscience, but I choose a marketing club to attend where I have done a lot ofwork. And few months later, I find that I like this field more than my majorand decide to work in this field after graduating. And this means that takingparting in clubs can sometimes provide you with more career options.

In conclusion, there indeed exist somebenefits that it is impossible to own when staying in the academic surroundingsall the time, which may be crucial and vital in the following developments ofus.

libertine

2月3号 独立


Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?

Working at home using computers or telephones isbetter than working in the office.



    Nowadays, there are more and more people who choose to work at home usingcomputers or phones instead of working in the office which is the traditionalworking place. In my opinion, both of them are beneficial in some aspects aswell as harmful in other aspects. Whether you will benefit from the place youchoose to work largely depending on what kind of personality you own.

    To begin, it is very easy for us to make a plan about our schedule andpick out the best one when working at home using computers or phones, while theschedule is almost entrenched and very hard to make even a little change in theoffice, which sometimes may conflict with our own affairs to attend to. For example,if you work at home, when suddenly your child is ill, you can leave your workright now take your child to the hospital, nevertheless if you work in theoffice, you have to ask for leave before you leave where you work, which insome sense will do harm to your career development.

    In addition, working in the office can provide us with a moderately nervousmood and our working efficiency can increase thanks to it, nonetheless, if thehome is your working place, sometimes it is rather easy to become relaxed,which may possibly lead to our delaying the work. For example, in the office,most of people around are working carefully, you’ll be influenced by them inpart, consequently, you are likely to work carefully, too. Conversely, when athome, there is no one who can supervise you except yourself, as is often thecase, people tend to be slothful. There exist tons of reasons you can think offor yourself to take a rest, such as taking a nap, watching TV or playing videogames which will make an impact on your efficiency in a large scale.

    In conclusion, it is necessary for one to choose the ideal workingplace based on his own situation. Only this way can he take advantage of iteffectively rather than be hampered by it.

libertine

2月4号 独立
1.    When you areassigned to finish writing about an important presentation in a month, whichway do you prefer?
A. To startworking on it right away.
B. Wait untilyou have a good idea about it.

   
   When facing a task or a difficulty, different people may have different ways to handle it,according to their experiences. If I’m assigned to finish writing about an important presentation in a month, as is often the case, I will wait until I havea good idea about it, because, in some sense, only in this way this presentation can be dealt with efficiently and effectively, as far as I’mconcerned.

   To begin with, when the presentation is assigned to us, if we start to working on it without hesitation, it is very common to encounter this kind of situation that even if we have tried our best, it will often happen that we totally erase theformer one and start a new one because of the lack of an explicit method to complete it. For example, if you are asked to make a presentation in a certain field, while doing it without a good idea, there will be a lot of means appearing in your mind to fulfill it, so when you find that the present way towards this topic is not as good as the one you think up just know, you will give up the preceding one and do it by the new idea. However, you even don not know whether this kind of circumstance will come up again.

   In addition,sometimes although this presentation is accomplished before the deadline, there will exist a lot of drawbacks in it, such as the lack of coherence, progressionand unity. For example, the professor has ordered you to make a presentation in a field that you are familiar with and interested in. Consequently, it will bevery easy for you to speak as much as possible. However, given that you don’t have a good idea about how to convey your opinions before starting to work on it, it is likely that you write down everything that you think up, which always can’t make your presentation well organized and well developed.

   In conclusion,it is very sensible for us to come up with a good idea before taking action,which will lead to an excellent presentation full of clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications and details.

cleotina

个人觉得标绿的那句话逻辑没问题啊，该段一直在论述到新地方可以交新朋友，这句话总结了一下。。。

thanks a lot, anyway!

-- by 会员 libertine (2013/2/3 18:12:18)

翻译一下看看吧：搬到新地方不但会导致失去老朋友，而且还能拓展新的朋友圈。  
根据你的文章逻辑，我觉得好像少了一个否定词哦
Just opinion~~

libertine

额。。貌似就是少了一个否定词~

thanks a lot~

cleotina

2月3号 独立
1,   连接词用的不错
2，句子复杂，但也会显得拗口或者啰嗦。有些句子我删掉了些不言而明的成分。
3，好的文章是长句子和短句子结合起来的，这一点可以稍稍注意。

libertine

thanks a lot~~

renehan

When facing a task or a difficulty,可以去掉，如果想确保字数，可以换个多点字的组合（assigned/allocated a piece of work）, different people may have different ways to handleit, according to their experiences. If I’m assigned tofinish writing about an important presentation in a month, as is often thecase, I will wait until I have a good idea about it, because, in some sense, onlyin this way this presentation can be dealt with efficiently and effectively, asfar as I’m concerned.

 To begin with,when the presentation is assigned to us, if we start to working on it withouthesitation, 这里连着两个从句在一起，看起来不太精简，可以试着合成一句话
To begin with, First of all(这个因为前后都是with，所以换了一个开头), with a presentationassigned to us, if we start to working on it
如果不想换，可以把when 和if 从句合并一个从句Tobegin with, when a presentation is assigned tous and we start toworking on it without hesitation, it is very common to encounterthis kind of situation that even if we have tried try 一般现在时就好our best, it will often happen that we totallyerase (abandon) the former one, 这个one前后都没有指代，要清晰用词the current job at hand and start a new one allover again, becauseof the lack of an explicit method 这个词没扣题, 需要换成idea的其它同义词, 如gist/thought/plan, to complete it.
或者接这句:because doing a work without a good idea is like building a house without agirder. Forexample, if you are asked to make a presentation in a certain field, you may hit on there will be a lot of means appearing in your mind tofulfill it, so when you find that the present way towards this topic is notas good as the one you think up just know,这个应该是now，是不是? youwill give up the preceding one and do it by the anothernew idea. However, you evendon not know whether this kind of circumstance will come up again.

  In addition,sometimes although this even ifa presentationis accomplished before the deadline, there it will exist a lot of drawbacks in it, such as the lackof coherence, progression and unity. For example, the professor hasordered 没有特殊语境，时态用一般现在时就好，这样考场上出错的机会也会小些 asks you to make a presentation in a field that you arefamiliar with and interested in. Consequently, it will bevery easy for you to speakas much as possible. However, given that you don’t have a good idea about howto convey your opinions before starting to work on it, it is likely that youwrite down everything that you think up, which always can’t make yourpresentation well organized and well developed.

  In conclusion,it is very sensible for usto come up with a good idea before taking action, which will lead to an excellent presentation fullof clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications and details.
通篇最明显的感受是: it is, therebe, the, this, the one等词及语句太多，有时一个句子，或者上下句的主语就很模糊。即使在语法正确定的情况下，语意模糊不清也会使文章读起来比较不通顺。
还有就是每段的段意不是很醒目，和例子也不太协调一致。建议再写作文，可以每段先写好一句话提纲，当开头语。然后每段依据大纲展开。