作文58。请大侠指正！

不是风

58。         Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

     When talk about business, we often relate this to making money, say, making profit. "If you want to be well-off, you should do business." We often hear people said like this. So in this point, business makes an important contribution to our society. For example, you can eat in restaurants, buy or sell a house or shop household goods. We cannot deny the positive role which business exerts. But when it comes to "business should do anything to make profit", it is not safe to say all things related to business are positive and good for human world.

     Of cause, business needs money to survive and thrive. But if it is necessary for a company to do anything to subsist, I wonder. Especially some strategies may harm our society. For example, in order to make bigger profit, a chemical factory eliminates a sewage processing base. And thus polluted water flows into the local river and contaminate the river. On the one hand, the production cost of that factory is reduced and profit is higher than before. But on the other hand, health condition of the residents is affected by the polluted water. It is not hard to identify which one is more important, profit of the factory or health of the residents. Out of question, the latter has high priority. Under the strict pollution regulation, the strategy of the factory cannot bring it more revenue, but will incur law suit and heavy penalty. Moreover, the fame of the factory will be destroyed by this action. Before implementation every company should consider its actions carefully that could make profit but at the same time could injury the society.  

      So it is safely to say that business world has some responsibilities for our society. The strategies and actions of a company will result in the negative effects should be abandoned even do so may lose revenue. We must not forget the single aim, a solitary goal of doing business is not making profit, but making a better world. It is no sense that we live in a polluted, wicked, and disorderly world even everyone has a great deal of money. We are not live for money, but for love, for faith and for hope.

     I am so upset because there are a lot of fraud related to some companies, such as Enron and WorldCom. But, meanwhile, I am glad to see government and society have taken actions to prevent these negative effects. We cannot blame companies to make profit, as long as they follow the laws, regulations and ethical standards.

不知能得多少分？谢谢了。

不是风

老大，没人理是很寂寞的。支持一下吧。谢了！

likui

上来第一句，要么when we talk about business，要么when talking about business，自己先改改看

感觉遣词造句有点口语化，也不要搞得太怪异；

结构上最好用点TWE的八股词，如first，second，in sum这样看起来工整一点；

能写就是好事呀，继续努力！

不是风

先谢了。我也觉得自己的文章像说话，不太正式。看来还得狠下功夫。

llllyyyy

     When talking about business, we often relate this(it) to making money, say(I am not sure how to correct this verb, but I feel this verb a little bit uncomfortable), making profit. "If you want to be well-off, you should do business." We often hear people said like this. So, in this point, we should admit that business makes an important contribution to our society. For example, you can eat in restaurants, buy or sell a house or shop household goods. (We cannot deny the positive role which business exerts)(how about deleting this sentence—prolix). But when it comes to "business should do anything to make profit", it is not safe to say that all things related to business are positive and good for human world.

     Of cause, business needs money to survive and thrive. But if it is necessary for a company to do anything to subsist, I wonder. Especially some strategies may harm our society. For example, in order to make bigger profit, a chemical factory eliminates a sewage processing base. And thus polluted water flows into the local river and contaminate the river. On the one hand, (It is highly possible that )the production cost of that factory is reduced and profit is higher than before. But on the other hand, (But the ) health condition of the(local) residents is affected by the polluted water. It is not hard to identify which one is more important, profit of the factory or health of the residents. Out of question, the latter has high priority. Under the strict pollution regulation, the strategy of the factory cannot bring it more revenue, but will incur law suit and heavy penalty. Moreover, the fame of the factory will be destroyed by this action. Before implementation every company should consider its actions carefully that could make profit but at the same time could injury the society.   ( I am sorry I do not know how to correct this passage)

      So it is safely(safe) to say that business world(business) has some responsibilities for our society. The strategies and actions of (that—后面是从句)) a company will result in the negative effects should be abandoned even do(doing) so may lose revenue. We must not(can not) forget the single aim, a solitary goal of doing business is not making profit(not to make profit), but making a better world(but to make a better world—固定结构). It is no sense that we live in a polluted, wicked, and disorderly(disordered---parallel structure) world even everyone has a great deal of money. We are not live (living)for money, but for love, for faith and for hope.

Hi, keeping pratice, you will make it!