独立弱爆了某CDer求各位指导（各种语法错误、用词不当等恳请狠批）

artemisan

Nowadays it’s easier to maintain health than the past

When it comes to health, the majority of people believe that it’s much easier to keep fit than the past since the improvement of medical treatment has exerted positive effects on diseases. Although it is an indisputable fact, there is little evidence that people nowadays can maintain health much easily than before. Instead, I believe that it’s may difficult to keep health than before.

To begin with, increasing pollution not only causes serious problems such as global warming but also threatens to end human life on our planet. It is not uncommon that people are beset with the toxic air or polluted water released by chemistry factory and even suffer from lung cancer because of poisonous air and skin cancer because of radiation. According to a recent study, even though the annual rate of the cure for cancer has risen by modern science and technology, the total amount of patients who suffer from cancer has risen too. Many countries incline to develop economic growth in the sacrifice of environment. This inclination will definitely force governments to pay a heavy price for what they have done.

In addition, we have no definite evidence to say people nowadays endure more pressures than before, but it is absolutely true people nowadays undergo great pressures that come from various directions, including school, work, and so forth. For example, a bachelor degree may no longer guarantee a well paid job because more and more companies post their ads claiming that applicants should have at least master degrees, which take one or two years longer. Employees may work extra hours to earn money and thus take less physical exercise. As we all know, physical exercise contributes directly to a person’s physical fitness.

Finally, we should always keep in mind that the word “health” includes two aspects: physical health and mental health. Because of irregular lifestyle, people who are addictive to drinking, smoking, sinking in soap operas and so forth are found hard to maintain not only physical fitness but also mental health. Moreover, pornographic and violent scenes in films also pose deleterious effects on people’s mental health.

In a word, the advanced science and technology medical treatment can not guarantee our health. In other words, it’s not easy to keep health nowadays than past because of the worsening environment, great pressures and irregular lifestyle.

e23lzh

感觉内容有点偏，具体在附件中

e23lzh

更新了版本

artemisan

感觉内容有点偏，具体在附件中

-- by 会员 e23lzh (2013/1/22 20:55:22)

感谢你的批改，语法果然是我万年的硬伤……我的想法是：
1、大环境的污染本身就容易使得人们得各种各样的疾病，即使现在医疗水平够高也并不能阻止，比如因为臭氧层的破坏导致皮肤癌的患病率上升等等。
2、生活压力大也会使得人们怠于锻炼，甚至会染上不好的习惯，比如为了释放压力或者对生活失望而嗜酒等等
3、很多人因为生活的不规律还有现在影视媒体的色情暴力等传播，在人们的心理和生理上都造成了一定的损害
综上，在这样的情况下想要保持健康是比较难的。