独立弱爆了某CDer求各位指导（各种语法错误、用词不当等恳请狠批）

artemisan

Independent Writing

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To increase economic growth, government can neglect environmental concerns.

Perhaps no issue in this world is as significant to economic growth as environmental protection. Although there is a wide beliefe that these two matters are interrelated and can’t achieve the success of one unless sacrifice the other. I, given the chance, would absolutely protest the idea that government can neglect environmental concerns in order to increaseeconomic growth.

To begin with, no one can doubt the indiputable fact that increasingly serious pollution over last years has caused a world wide concern. We’ve always heard that citizens are beseting with the toxic air or polluted water released by chemistry factoryand that many workers are suffering from lung cancer because of their severe working conditions. The fact that a highly profitable factory which also contributes much revenue to government is usually an environment-sacrificing factory is not uncommon. Government should always bear in mind that the health of its citizens is an intangible asset. Only its citizens have a good health will the country has hope to be prosperous.

In addition, putting the discussion in a wider context, a further reason why I disapprove that the government neglect environment problems lies in the fact that a country which insist on obtaining economic profit at the expense of environment will always be condemn ed by other countries since we only have one Earth and no one has authority to destroy it.

Finally, frankly speaking, there is also a more practical reason why environmental protection is outweigh economic growth. Since most of resources in the Earth are limited, environmental deterioration is irreversible. We should build up our own environmental conscious because it is the place where we live and suvive. Even if we have the aiblity to change the environment, we can not fight with nature. If we pursue profit too much so that destroy the environment, we would have to face the worst consequence of what we have done.

In brief, we should treat the environment with awe. I am fully convinced that any country should never attempt to increase economic growth at the cost of the environment and those who are blind to this point will pay a heavy price which they cannot to pay.

lillian馨

Independent Writing

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To increase economic growth, government can neglect environmental concerns.

Perhaps no issue in this world is as significant to economic growth as environmental protection. （artemisan这是想表达：没有比经济发展和环境保护更重要的问题还是想表达为了经济发展没有比环境保护更重要的问题了？根据后文我YY一下应该是前者吧？perhaps no issue is more significant than economic growth and environmental）Although there is a wide belief that these two matters are interrelated and can’t achieve the success of one unless sacrifice the other（unless这样用应该不合适的，首先是主语问题谁sacrifice，unless做连词得是完整的句子。改成without the sacrifice of the other）. I, given the chance, would absolutely protest the idea that government can neglect environmental concerns in order to increaseeconomic growth.

To begin with, no one can doubt the indisputable fact that increasingly serious pollution over last (the past) years has caused a world wide (worldwide) concern. We’ve always heard that citizens are beseting with(这个词组好好啊！但是得用被动的，还是原型be beset with/by) the toxic air or polluted water released by chemistry factory and that many workers are suffering from lung cancer because of their severe working conditions. The fact that a highly profitable factory which also contributes much revenue to government is usually an environment-sacrificing factory is not uncommon. Government should always bear in mind that the health of its citizens is an intangible asset. Only its citizens have a good health will the country has (正着说的的话就是： the country will have the hope, 所以得用have的，我觉得这里的will,改成can 可能更好一些) hope to be prosperous.

In addition, putting the discussion （putting的逻辑主语是后面的a further reason是说不通的，我觉得直接把putting the discussion去掉就可以。当然在句首加上这种非谓语动词形式很好，注意逻辑主语就行了~~）in a wider context, a further reason why I disapprove that the government neglect environment problems lies in the fact that a country which insist（insists） on obtaining economic profit at the expense of environment will always be condemned by other countries since we only have one Earth and no one has authority to destroy it.（这一段一句话下来，好累的说！）

Finally, frankly speaking, there is also a more practical reason why environmental protection is(去掉)outweigh（outweighs） economic growth. Since most of resources in the Earth are limited, environmental deterioration is irreversible. We should build up our own environmental conscious (consciousness of environmental conservation) because it is the place where we live and survive. Even if we have the ability to change the environment, we can not fight with nature. If we pursue profit too much so that destroy the environment (改一下不知道是不是符合你的意思：at the expense of the destruction of our surroundings ), we would have to face the worst consequence of what we have done.

In brief, we should treat the environment with awe. I am fully convinced that any country should never attempt to increase economic growth at the cost of the environment and those who are blind to this point will pay a heavy price which they cannot to pay（afford）.

上面是我的一些建议，你看看有什么问题可以继续讨论。你的文章可以用例子去丰富一些就好了，练习的时候想想同义词替换什么的。共同进步！！

artemisan

回复P1的修改：

Perhaps no issue in this world is as significant to economic growth as environmental protection. （artemisan这是想表达：没有比经济发展和环境保护更重要的问题还是想表达为了经济发展没有比环境保护更重要的问题了？根据后文我YY一下应该是前者吧？perhaps no issue is more significant than economic growth and environmental）难道我原句的意思是【为了经济发展没有比环境保护更重要的问题了】？我一直以为我所表达的意思是【没有比经济发展和环境保护更重要的问题】Although there is a wide belief that these two matters are interrelated and can’t achieve the success of one unless sacrifice the other（unless这样用应该不合适的，首先是主语问题谁sacrifice，unless做连词得是完整的句子。改成without the sacrifice of the other）我的意思是two matters are interrelated and two matters can’t achieve the success of one unless sacrifice the other.(如果即使这样还不对，就麻烦你帮我解释下语法吧……语法真心弱爆了……). I, given the chance, would absolutely protest the idea that government can neglect environmental concerns in order to increaseeconomic growth.

artemisan

回复P2的修改：

To begin with, no one can doubt the indisputable fact that increasingly serious pollution over last (the past)这个last或者past应该都可以的years has caused a world wide (worldwide) concern. We’ve always heard that citizens are beseting with(这个词组好好啊！但是得用被动的，还是原型be beset with/by) 这个语法点万谢the toxic air or polluted water released by chemistry factory and that many workers are suffering from lung cancer because of their severe working conditions. The fact that a highly profitable factory which also contributes much revenue to government is usually an environment-sacrificing factory is not uncommon. 这里红字是有什么问题呢？Government should always bear in mind that the health of its citizens is an intangible asset. Only its citizens have a good health will the country has (正着说的的话就是： the country will have the hope, 所以得用have的，我觉得这里的will,改成can 可能更好一些)我的语法果然是弱爆了hope to be prosperous.

artemisan

回复P3的修改：

In addition, putting the discussion （putting的逻辑主语是后面的a further reason是说不通的，我觉得直接把putting the discussion去掉就可以。当然在句首加上这种非谓语动词形式很好，注意逻辑主语就行了~~）对哦，这么一说我猛然发现者简直就是GMAT里面的语法错题的典型嘛，但是要怎么改呢？in a wider context, a further reason why I disapprove that the government neglect environment problems lies in the fact that a country which insist（insists）又见语法bug！on obtaining economic profit at the expense of environment will always be condemned by other countries since we only have one Earth and no one has authority to destroy it.（这一段一句话下来，好累的说！）我自己读了一遍发现确实好长啊，那当初是怎么一口气写下来的？

artemisan

回复P4的修改：

Finally, frankly speaking, there is also a more practical reason why environmental protection is(去掉)outweigh（outweighs）语法bug！我要代表月亮消灭你！！economic growth. Since most of resources in the Earth are limited, environmental deterioration is irreversible. We should build up our own environmental conscious (consciousness of environmental conservation) conscious可以做名词，我觉得修改有点罗嗦，应该可以直接environmental conservation consciousbecause it is the place where we live and survive. Even if we have the ability to change the environment, we can not fight with nature. If we pursue profit too much so that destroy the environment (改一下不知道是不是符合你的意思：at the expense of the destruction of our surroundings )应该可以直接用动名词形式吧at the expense of the destroying our environment , we would have to face the worst consequence of what we have done.

lillian馨

回复P1的修改：

Perhaps no issue in this world is as significant to economic growth as environmental protection. （artemisan这是想表达：没有比经济发展和环境保护更重要的问题还是想表达为了经济发展没有比环境保护更重要的问题了？根据后文我YY一下应该是前者吧？perhaps no issue is more significant than economic growth and environmental）难道我原句的意思是【为了经济发展没有比环境保护更重要的问题了】？我一直以为我所表达的意思是【没有比经济发展和环境保护更重要的问题】Although there is a wide belief that these two matters are interrelated and can’t achieve the success of one unless sacrifice the other（unless这样用应该不合适的，首先是主语问题谁sacrifice，unless做连词得是完整的句子。改成without the sacrifice of the other）我的意思是two matters are interrelated and two matters can’t achieve the success of one unless sacrifice the other.(如果即使这样还不对，就麻烦你帮我解释下语法吧……语法真心弱爆了……). I, given the chance, would absolutely protest the idea that government can neglect environmental concerns in order to increaseeconomic growth.

-- by 会员 artemisan (2012/12/22 20:00:49)

第一处疑问：否定加比较级 可表最高级，你是想说那两个问题最重要不是吗~~然后，as...as...是表示比较，表示  。。。同。。。一样，不知道artemisan这个是什么用法？求讨论~~
第二处：我觉得即使是achieve success也是we(people)  achieve 经济增长和环境保护的success，而不是那俩matters 做achieve的主语~~不知道说的能不能看明白~~

lillian馨

回复P2的修改：

To begin with, no one can doubt the indisputable fact that increasingly serious pollution over last (the past)这个last或者past应该都可以的years has caused a world wide (worldwide) concern. We’ve always heard that citizens are beseting with(这个词组好好啊！但是得用被动的，还是原型be beset with/by) 这个语法点万谢the toxic air or polluted water released by chemistry factory and that many workers are suffering from lung cancer because of their severe working conditions. The fact that a highly profitable factory which also contributes much revenue to government is usually an environment-sacrificing factory is not uncommon. 这里红字是有什么问题呢？Government should always bear in mind that the health of its citizens is an intangible asset. Only its citizens have a good health will the country has (正着说的的话就是： the country will have the hope, 所以得用have的，我觉得这里的will,改成can 可能更好一些)我的语法果然是弱爆了hope to be prosperous.

-- by 会员 artemisan (2012/12/22 20:04:45)

第一个over last years 我觉得是得在last前面加上the, 这里我只是想加上the, 然后就顺手把last 也变成past了~~o(╯□╰)o
第二个红色未改出是我想问你什么意思的，我没有怎么读懂，跟前后文是怎么联系的~

lillian馨

回复P3的修改：

In addition, putting the discussion （putting的逻辑主语是后面的a further reason是说不通的，我觉得直接把putting the discussion去掉就可以。当然在句首加上这种非谓语动词形式很好，注意逻辑主语就行了~~）对哦，这么一说我猛然发现者简直就是GMAT里面的语法错题的典型嘛，但是要怎么改呢？in a wider context, a further reason why I disapprove that the government neglect environment problems lies in the fact that a country which insist（insists）又见语法bug！on obtaining economic profit at the expense of environment will always be condemned by other countries since we only have one Earth and no one has authority to destroy it.（这一段一句话下来，好累的说！）我自己读了一遍发现确实好长啊，那当初是怎么一口气写下来的？

-- by 会员 artemisan (2012/12/22 20:09:56)

put 那里： 我是觉得直接把putting the discussion 直接去掉；当然你要是想用的话，主语是肯定是谁put就是谁做主语了，但是想了半天这样了弄得话，整个我就不知道该怎么组成出来你想说的意思了。求高手指教~~~

lillian馨

回复P4的修改：

Finally, frankly speaking, there is also a more practical reason why environmental protection is(去掉)outweigh（outweighs）语法bug！我要代表月亮消灭你！！economic growth. Since most of resources in the Earth are limited, environmental deterioration is irreversible. We should build up our own environmental conscious (consciousness of environmental conservation) conscious可以做名词，我觉得修改有点罗嗦，应该可以直接environmental conservation consciousbecause it is the place where we live and survive. Even if we have the ability to change the environment, we can not fight with nature. If we pursue profit too much so that destroy the environment (改一下不知道是不是符合你的意思：at the expense of the destruction of our surroundings )应该可以直接用动名词形式吧at the expense of the destroying our environment , we would have to face the worst consequence of what we have done.

-- by 会员 artemisan (2012/12/22 20:14:55)

conscious那一处：我刚用有道查了conscious不能作名词啊~~有道是肿么了？  话说artemisan是在哪里查的~~
at the expense of 这一处，要是把destroy当动词用的话，destroying前面的the 得去掉；   要说当动名词用，那它也是名词，这样的话，表达 坏境破坏这个意思的话，也不能是destroying our environment ,即是名词，那么环境的破坏，两者中间就少了介词 of。。。；；；；但是我不知道at the expense of destroying our environment 和at the expense of the destruction of our surroundings 哪一个是更优的~~~期待指教