求狠批，求互改

vanessa923

Do you agree that students taking school organization and activities club are as important as their academic class.

The rich and colorful campus life involves not only having excellence performance in academic study but also developing communication skills and team work spirit. An increasing number of students are beginning to realize that they can learn a lot from taking extra-curricular activities or participating student organization. Thus I am of the opinion that the benefits learned from activities are as vital as academic performance.

Fundamentally, taking school organization or activities enables students to apply what they have learnt from academic study. It will provide a chance for students to use the knowledge in the real word. For instance, I was a member of students union. Our department planed to hold New Year party last semester. We had to do make a budget. Since I was majoring in accounting, the department leader asked me to make the budget. It did give me an opportunity to apply what I learned from academic study. I analyzed the projects and made a suitable budget for the party. According to my budget, the party (was )successfully completed. This opportunity let me realize the importance of joining a club or participating school organization. It will help students to understand what they learned from the academic and prepared for the future jobs.

Subsequently, joining school activity or organization can enhance students’ communication skills, which are important for future career. It is well known that communication capacity plays an essential role in our daily life. No matter what major we focus on, we have to talk with others .Excellent communication ability may help us to do things well. And participating in students activities involved a lot of communication with others. Students can use these opportunities to strengthen their communication skills. For instance, my roommate, Lucy, who was a shy girl, was good at playing Cello. We all encouraged her to run for the president of student music club. Running for the president means she had to speak in the pubic and persuade different people to support her. During this experience she learned to communicate with different people. Finally she was successfully elected to the president of student music club. And during her two years presidency, she organized more than twenty activities for her club members and she became an out-going girl since then. Our roommates are all happy with her personal development. Thanks to the school activities, they not only let(led) students to experience a colorful life in the campus but also help students to develop their abilities.

Admittedly, participating activities occupy students’ a lot of time. It may influence students’ academic study if students cannot keep a balance between study and activities. However, time management is a hot topic for students to learn when they are just at school.（表达 很让人疑惑）When facing time conflict issue, students can learn what things will put into the priority to do.(这后面的to do有点redundancy，可以直接说 what things should be given the priority)This experience helps them to know their energy and efficiency well, thus preparing for their future career.

From the discussion above, I firmly believe that the students can benefit a lot from the school activities. Thus participating organization is as important as academic studies. Both of them facilitate the development of student’s future career.

还是很不错的说哦。羡慕你的字数加例子。
恩恩控制时间吧！加油！

brace1016

机经作文。
which of the following three factors contributes to an enjoyable vacation most? A good food.  B. good location. C good friends with you.

Vacation some people claims to bring peace, love and goodwill toward all. Yet for some people, the holiday often means stress, fatigue, pressure, disappointment and loneliness. What contributes to an enjoyable vacation arouses public attention. From my perspective, good friends play a crucial role in an unforgettable vacation. They not only bring fun to me but also help me to understand the food eating during the vacation and know more about the places I visited when we are at vacation.

Fundamentally, good friend with me during the vacation means we can communicate with each other about the places we visited and the food we eat. Good friends who have a variety of knowledge can help me understand the food I eat and the interesting of places I visit, increasing fun for me during the whole vacation. It is acknowledged that the purpose of vacation is to relax ourselves. But the experience we gained from vacation enriches our lives and forms a longtime time memory. I still remembered when I first visited Beijing, the capital of china, which is famous for ancient culture and prestigious Peking roast duck. I almost knew nothing about the history of various ancient houses. But my best friend Lucy, who is interested about Chinese history, offered me lots of assistance. She explained how old the Forbidden City is and shared me with interesting things happened in the past. I can imagine how boring of the vacation without accompanying by Lucy. It is not only the beautiful scenery but also the knowledge that lead to a meaningful trip. Thus good friends accompany during the vacation increase fun and broaden horizon.

Subsequently, accompanying by good friends during vacation helps to deal with emergency, which reduces the fun of the trip. and a humorous friend makes vacation more colorful even we meet some difficulties. And the help from my friends at he holiday facilitates me deal with the problems easily and continuous to look for fun. The example of my trip to Bali Island proves my view perfectly. I traveled to Bali Island with my friend Susan last year. When we all enjoyed swimming in the sea, I suddenly got a cramp in the leg and had to be helped out of water. My friend Susan quickly dragged me out of water and massaged my muscle. After I recovered, we continued to see local show. Thus it is not the scenery but my friend gave me a wonderful time.

Admittedly, Good food and a good location can greatly improve holiday, but bad food and a bad location do not necessarily spoil one. In fact, some of my happiest holiday memories are of those that went wrong in many ways: disappointing hotels, terrible weather, and transportation mishaps. However, sharing those experiences with my friends made them a lot of fun, and left me with some good stories to tell. In contrast, all the beautiful views and delicious food in the world cannot overcome the unpleasantness of ongoing conflict between travelling companions.

Taking all these factors into account, it is apparent that a good friend contributes to an enjoyable vacation most. Every one needs to be accompanied and understood all the time. Together with a bona fide friend, our vacation will be more enjoyable.

brace1016

机经作文
Colleges and universities should offer a better job preparation before they start working.

As industries develop, work opportunity grows, while competition increases as well. It can be widely seen that every graduate wants to find a perfect job. Therefore, how they stand out from thousands of people will be depended largely on how much they had grasped in a wide range of knowledge, in a sense. Under this circumstance, I full agree that the colleges and universities should provide more courses to equip students with well-rounded information ready for the upcoming challenge before they step into society. I hold a favorable attitude toward it.

First of all, for majority of college students, they have got plenty of theoretical knowledge after four years’ study. Nevertheless, they have few opportunities to put into practice and don’t know how to apply knowledge in actual work. Hence, the colleges and universities should offer more chance to let students to do some social practice and take part in internships. Only in this way, students can get familiar with the society, enhance their competiveness and get a good physical and mental preparation before starting work. Take my university for example, my major is Management of Tourism and my college always provides lots of opportunities to let us practice in travel agencies. As a result, before graduated, a number of classmates had recruited by these travel agencies and they can get job easily due to the various working experience.

Furthermore, job preparation offered by universities can make students realize what kind of jobs is suitable for them. Many students don’t know clearly what career orientations they want to pursue for in the four years’ study. The latest surveys conducted by China daily showed that still 70% of graduating students in my county have no idea on what types of jobs they are suited to after graduate. Thus, it is necessary for college and university to open certain selective course or give some lectures to let students get a clear understanding with themselves and set up their career goals. For instance, my friend Jason does not know what kind of job he is intended to apply for. Obviously, he has no clear planning for his future. So he attended a short-tern course named Self-explore, which was provide by graduate vocational counsel. After taking this course, he recognized his superiority and advantages and then he began to hunt for a job confidently and positively. Now, he is satisfied with his job very much.

Last but not least, a good job preparation can not only benefit the students but also boost the school’s reputation. It is clear that if students find ideal jobs and work in the companies outstandingly, universities will acquire increasing reputation among both potential applicants and corporations. Every company wants to recruit high-quality graduates, who can adapt the working environment and society more quickly. So if a school always cultivates such exceptional students, companies are absolutely willing to carry out the job fairs in this school, increasing high employment rate of this school and building up recognition and reputation.

To sum up, offering a better job preparation not only enables students to get competitive and make much clearer career goal, but also promotes the schools’ reputations.

lillian馨

which of the following three factors contributes to an enjoyable vacation most? A good food. B. good location. C good friends with you.

Vacation some people claims to bring peace, love and goodwill toward all (这句话没谓语： some people claim that vacation can bring peace, love and goodwill toward all ). Yet for some people, the holiday often means stress, fatigue, pressure, disappointment and loneliness. What contributes to an enjoyable vacation arouses public attention. From my perspective, good friends play a crucial role in an unforgettable vacation. They not only bring fun to me but also help me to understand the food eating during the vacation and know more about the places I visited when we are at vacation.(我懂你这句话什么意思，你应该是让know more about the places 和understand the food eating 并列吧？我感觉这样表达有点罗嗦：你看一下这样行不：they not only bring fun to me but also make me familiar with eating and scenery spots during the vacation)

Fundamentally, good friend with me during the vacation means we can communicate with each other about the places we visited and the food we eat.(这两个动词的时态得一致) Good friends who have a variety of knowledge can help me understand the food I eat and the interesting of places I visit, increasing fun for me during the whole vacation. It is acknowledged that the purpose of vacation is to relax ourselves. But the experience we gained from vacation enriches our lives and forms a longtime time memory. I still remembered （这个是你现在记得可以用一般现在时）(觉得这里得加上the time) when I first visited Beijing, the capital of china, which is famous for ancient culture and prestigious Peking roast duck. I almost knew nothing about the history of various ancient houses. But my best friend Lucy, who is interested about Chinese history, offered me lots of assistance. She explained how old the Forbidden City is and shared me with interesting things（应该是share sth. With sb.改成shared interesting things with me.. 但是你后面又有定语，所以可以把with me 提前： shared with me interesting things having happened in the past）happened in the past. I can imagine how boring of the vacation（这句用虚拟语气多适合啊：how boring the vacation would have been）without accompanying by Lucy(without Lucy as an accompanier). It is not only the beautiful scenery but also the knowledge that lead (not only…but also…就近原则，应该用单数形式：leads) to a meaningful trip. Thus good friends accompany (我查了一下它只能作动词的：the accompanying of good friends) during the vacation increase (increases) fun and broaden(broadens) horizon.

Subsequently, accompanying by good friends during vacation helps to deal with emergency, which reduces the fun of the trip (which may make the fun of the trip fade)and a humorous friend makes vacation more colorful even (少了when) we meet some difficulties.(你这句and后面这句话直接在which引导的从句加上，很让人引起误会以为是和which并列的，所以不合适，分开写最好) And the help from my friends at the holiday facilitates me deal with the problems easily (facilitate sb. 我不知道行不行，我查了一下例句也都是跟的sth. ：facilitates the process to deal with urgent affairs and makes it likely for me to keep on looking for fun ) and continuous to look for fun. The example of my trip to Bali Island proves my view perfectly. I traveled to Bali Island with my friend Susan last year. When we all enjoyed swimming in the sea, I suddenly got a cramp in the leg and had to be helped out of water. My friend Susan quickly dragged me out of water and massaged my muscle. After I recovered, we continued to see local show. Thus it is not the scenery but my friend (强调句式少了that) gave me a wonderful time.

Admittedly, Good food and a good location can greatly improve holiday, but bad food and a bad location do not necessarily spoil one. In fact, some of my happiest holiday memories are of those that went wrong in many ways: disappointing hotels, terrible weather, and transportation mishaps. However, sharing those experiences with my friends made (brought) them a lot of fun, and left me with some good stories to tell. In contrast, all the beautiful views and delicious food in the world cannot overcome the unpleasantness of ongoing conflict between travelling companions.(我感觉however后面这两句不用要你的反驳就很好了)

Taking all these factors into account, it is apparent that a good friend contributes to an enjoyable vacation most. Every one needs to be accompanied and understood all the time. Together with a bona fide friend, our vacation（应该是we 与bona fide friend 一起，这里主语用our vacation 逻辑上不合适） will be more enjoyable

bet

改——机经作文
Colleges and universities should offer a better job preparation before they start working.

As industries develop, work opportunity grows, while competition increases as well. It can be widely seen that every graduate wants to find a perfect job. Therefore, how they stand out from thousands of people will be depended largely on how much they had(时态不用过去完成时) grasped in a wide range of knowledge, in a sense. Under this circumstance, I full agree that the colleges and universities should provide more courses to equip students with well-rounded information ready for the upcoming challenge before they step into society. I hold a favorable attitude toward it.

First of all, for majority of college students, they have got plenty of theoretical knowledge after four years’ study. Nevertheless, they have few opportunities to put it into practice and don’t know how to apply knowledge in actual work(可改成it works，否则和前面半句重复). Hence, the colleges and universities should offer more chances to let students to（删） do some social practice and take part in internships. Only in this way, students can get familiar with the society, enhance their competiveness and get a good physical and mental preparation before starting work. Take my university for example, my major is Management of Tourism and my college always provides lots of opportunities to let us practice in travel agencies. As a result, before graduation, a number of my classmates had recruited by these(删) travel agencies and they can get job easily due to the（删） various working experiences.

Furthermore, job preparation offered by universities can make students realize what kind of jobs is suitable for them. Many students don’t know clearly what career orientations they want to pursue for in the four years’ study. The latest surveys conducted by China daily showed that still 70% of graduating students in my county have no idea on what types of jobs they are suited to after graduation. Thus, it is necessary for college and university to open certain selective course or give some lectures to let students get a clear understanding with themselves and set up their career goals. For instance, my friend Jason does not know what kind of job he is intended to apply for. Obviously, he has no clear planning for his future. So he attended a short-term course named Self-explore, which was provided by graduate vocational counsel. After taking this course, he recognized his superiority and advantages and then he began to hunt for a job confidently and positively. Now, he is satisfied with his job very much.

Last but not least, a good job preparation can not only benefit the students but also boost the school’s reputation.(这个观点好啊！) It is clear that if students find ideal jobs and work in the companies outstandingly, universities will acquire increasing reputation among both potential applicants and corporations. Every company wants to recruit high-quality graduates, who can adapt the working environment and society more quickly. So if a school always cultivates such exceptional students, companies are absolutely willing to carry out the（改成hold） job fairs in this school, increasing high employment rate of this school and building up recognition and reputation.

To sum up, offering a better job preparation not only enables students to get competitive and make much clearer career goal, but also promotes the schools’ reputations.



注意定冠词（多余的the比较多）和名词形容词的使用（比如graduate用那种形式），还是小问题啦～非常喜欢你的倒数第二段，观点好，表达也非常清晰流畅～继续加油：）

brace1016

5号的独立，机经作文。

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: it is impossible to be completely honest with your friend

So profound influence friends exert on us that we share happiness and sorrow, set up goals and struggle together and give each other a hand when in need. And we have been taught to be honest to our friends since we were young. Some people hold the view that it is right to be completely honest with our friends. But with time passing by, we find it hard to do so all the time, so from my perspective, I prefer to endorse that it is impossible to be completely honest with your friend all the time.
Fundamentally, under certain circumstance, we have no choice but make a white lie to our friends in order to protect our friends. People make white lies not to hurt their friends' feelings sometimes. Bad news happens everyday. Sometimes the receiver is just not ready enough to really take the truth. Take my sister Grace for example, last semester; she was eager to borrow a guitar from her roommate. And before she got that guitar, her roommate, Lucy, who was really careful with her guitar, told her several times that she should take good care of her guitar. However, the tragedy really happened. Grace broke the invaluable guitar by not on purpose, and she was so frightened that she dare not tell the truth to her roommate, because everyone knows that the broken guitar is so meaningful to Lucy. Then, she made up her mind that she planned to say that everything is all right in that Lucy would go crazy and give up her important exam if she was informed of this bad news. Finally, knowing nothing about her guitar, Lucy passed her exam successfully, and Grace sent a new guitar to Lucy to amend her mistakes. Therefore, sometime, complete honest may not the best choice for us and our friends.

Subsequently, sometimes we are dishonest to our friends is to keep our privacy. Every person in the modern society with explosion of information has the right to protect individual privacy. Complete honest refers to that we have to expose ourselves without any thing remains for us. It will definitely sacrifice privacy if stick to be a complete honest person and trusting friends thoroughly might lead to pandemonium. For instance, my brother, Jim who came from a single mother family, had a best friend, Tom, who lived in the same dormitory with my brother in the university. My brother is completely honest with Sam, and told the details of family condition to Sam gradually. One day, my brother was laughed at by other students, who called him a no father boy when they had a quarrel, since Tom told others unconsciously about my brother’s family condition. Therefore, even to best friend, one is unnecessary to reveal the detail of privacy especially the family condition

Admittedly, being honest is not only the vital part of moral integrity, but it is also the basic necessity to maintain friendship and interpersonal relationship. My mother often inculcated me that one person should be honest with others especially with friends since I was a little girl. However, we need to be honest to our friends, but not completely.

In conclusion, even if the honesty is the basis of friendship, it is impossible for modern people to be completely honest with friends due to individual privacy. Furthermore, being dishonest to friends sometimes is to protect friends and let things go well.

shanhunian

不好意思，现在才上网看到，很抱歉，很抱歉。。。之前都是同学帮我上传作文的。。


So profound influence friends exert on us that we share happiness and sorrow, set up goals and struggle together and give each other a hand when in need. And we have been taught to be honest to our friends since we were young. Some people hold the view that it is right to be completely honest with our friends. But with time passing by, we find it hard to do so all the time, so from my perspective, I prefer to endorse that it is impossible to be completely honest with your（用our好些把，文章中尽量少用you第二人称哦。。） friend all the time（尽量不重复使用短语多次哦，always可以代替.尤其在开头）
Fundamentally, under certain circumstance, we have no choice but make a white lie to our friends in order to protect our friends. People make white lies（加个 would或could情态动词感觉会好些。。） not to hurt their friends' feelings sometimes. Bad news happens everyday. Sometimes（使用频率有点高了） the receiver is just not ready enough to really take the truth. Take my sister Grace for example, last semester，she was eager to borrow a guitar from her roommate. And before she got that guitar, her roommate, Lucy, who was really careful with her guitar, told her several times that she should take good care of her guitar. However, the tragedy really happened. Grace broke the invaluable guitar by not on purpose, and she was so frightened that she dare not tell the truth to her roommate, because everyone knows that the broken guitar is so meaningful to Lucy. Then, she made up her mind that she planned to （有点中式表达了，可以去掉把）say that everything is all right in that Lucy would go crazy and give up her important exam if she was informed of this bad news. Finally, knowing nothing about her guitar, Lucy passed her exam successfully, and Grace sent a new guitar to Lucy to amend her mistakes. Therefore, sometime（加s), complete honest may not the best choice for us and our friends.（结论的话，感觉直接的结论会比间接的结论好些，这段的主题是特殊情况下，善意的谎言是需要的，所以直接说特定情况下善意的谎言是必须的就可以了。）

Subsequently, sometimes we are dishonest to our friends is to keep our privacy.（主题句，是要明确的态度，立场坚定的句子，所以出现sometimes不是很有利。） Every person in the modern society with explosion of information has the right to protect individual privacy. Complete honest refers to（不需要to把，这里） that we have to expose ourselves without any thing remains for us. It will definitely sacrifice privacy if （少主语， 加个we把）stick to be a complete honest person and trusting（trust) friends thoroughly might lead to pandemoniu(might lead to..后面的就不要了把）. For instance, my brother, Jim who came from a single mother family, had a best friend, Tom, who lived in the same dormitory with my brother in the university. My brother is completely honest with Sam, and told（注意时态哦，tells) the details of family condition to Sam gradually. One day, my brother was laughed at by other students, who called him a no father boy when they had a quarrel, since Tom told others unconsciously about my brother’s family condition(家境吗，用family circumstance好些把）. Therefore, even to best friend, one is unnecessary to reveal the detail of privacy ，especially the family condition

Admittedly, being honest is not only the vital part of moral integrity, but it is（省略it is ) also the basic necessity to maintain friendship and interpersonal relationship. （主题句包括的方面过多，后面阐述的话有难度哦）My mother often inculcated me that one person should be honest with others especially with friends since I was a little girl. However, we need to be honest to our friends, but not completely. （这段内容过少了哦，不够充分说明观点）

In conclusion, even if the honesty is the basis of friendship, it is impossible for modern people to be completely honest with friends due to individual privacy. Furthermore, being dishonest to friends sometimes is to protect friends and let things go well.
总评：
1，全文思路很清晰，逻辑也强哦，内容也充分阐述哦。
2，个别词使用过多了，注意同意转换把。
3，句子表达有些中式了，呵呵，多练习，写写漂亮的句子拿高分，嘿嘿。

perfectends

亲，1.9的独立？

brace1016

9号 独立写作
Nowadays, more and more people spend too much money on their pets (dogs, cats and others), although there are better uses for this money.

No one can deny that pets are the best friends of human beings. Nowadays, an increasing number of people consider pets as an indivisible part of their family members. People are willing to spend large amount of money to buy all kinds of stuffs for their pets, such as delicious food, well-quality toys and various clothes. However, some others hold the view that people should spend money for other better uses. From my perspective, I claim that people should spend money on pets more wisely.

First and foremost, it is reasonable and necessary that people purchase food and toys for their pets, but for the clothes and other some decorations, I cannot agree with it. The numerous people put elaborate clothes and decorations on their pets, such as a small cap, the tiny shoes and so on. Even some people spent lots of money to dye or perm the fur to show off their pets’ beauty. For example, my cousin has a puppy named Sara. She always dresses up Sara like a princess with complex suit, small crown or plastic flowers. However, obviously, Sara doesn’t like it anymore, because every time when my cousin wants to put all of these on Sara, she always runs away from her. It shows that these decorations make pets much more uncomfortable instead of enjoyable themselves. Accordingly, it is unnecessary to spend too much money on things like clothes or decorations on pets, which is a way of waste of money.

Furthermore, compared with spending too much money on pets, there are many meaningful things for people to use extra money. People can spend extra money on children’s education and cultivate their interest and hobbies, like play piano or draw oil painting, which can increase their competitive edge. People can spend extra money to travel all over the world and experience the different culture, which can broaden people’s horizon. All of these costs are only make people’s life more colorful, but also more meaningful.

Admittedly, many people may say that they spend large number of money on pets because they love pets and the pets bring them a great amount of joy and relaxation. It is truly that when people feel upset，their pets always stay around with them and console them. Nevertheless, in fact, when pets have their period of depression and want the owner to accompany them, a lot of owners have no time and mood to spend more time with the pets and play with them. Thus, the owners may buy some expensive food or toys to make up their pets instead of pay much attention on their pets.
Based on the points discussed above, we may reasonably draw the conclusion that people should spend money not only more wisely on their pets, but also for better uses. Moreover, they should spend much more time to stay with pets and take care of it more carefully rather than spend too much money to give them materials.

perfectends

妞，你这1.10独立我稍等批啊，我今天写完了过来看。 唉，搞什么，今天又得出去，无语。。。