诚求各位高手狠狠批

lillian馨

可以的啦，我又发了一篇今天。马上考试了，就找了机经来写了。谢谢了哦

-- by 会员 brace1016 (2013/1/1 13:21:01)

好的，我改好了你的30号发的那篇~~

lillian馨

1.1   这篇貌似已经考过了，曾经写的，也让人看过，跟最近的作文写的不是一个模式。我今天就写别的了。对于这篇asd给我看看需要改进什么，提提宝贵的建议。
Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.



Just as Confucius, the greatest philosopher and educator in the ancient China, once commented:” look before you leap”. In the light of this noble sage’s guide, I persist that people should, in most cases, think twice.



To begin with, to take action after prudent contemplation can effectively avoid the possible risk. people who do not make decision or act immediately are those want to acquire more accurate and authentic information, by means of searching the internet or turning to the informative. My friend Jim, a college student, needs an advisor taking the responsibility forhis long-term suggestion about his career plan. Although the first advisor he consulted charged less, my friend did not pay the deposit. The reality proved that Jim’s decision was right. That advisor had made up his mind to change a job and delivered the application letter to another company. He was unlikely to provide long-term suggestion for my friend. This case is not rare, virtually, an action taken later has made many people elude the economic loss.

Apart from the the first reason, another must be added. Since people are more likely to cherish the thing that costs them a lot of effort, the actions taken after a group of research can ensure that we have the persistence to insist on the decision. As a matter of fact, the more effort people have made, the less possible it is that people give up when facing with difficulties. There are few obstacles that can force me to abandon my determination to go abroad for further study because I have made so much preparation before. If I took action in a hurry, I would have surrendered long before due to the difficult tests and complicated application letters.



Admittedly, it may be true that actions should be taken as soon as possible in some situations, especially when a leader discovers a conflict between co-workers. The harmony, which determines the efficiency, is the most essential part of cooperation. Once the divergence among co-workers exerts pressure on the harmonious atmosphere, the leader has to deal with this problem in a second to stop the further detrimental effect. However, this case is specific and too week to support the idea that patience is not a good strategy. Thus, I insist that before taking action, we should ponder over the problem and be patient.

45573asdasd

Just as Confucius, the greatest philosopher and educator in the ancient China（黄的是好句）, once commented:” look before you leap（疑惑啊。。。是这样的吗？这翻译过来早呢么看着这么像小盆友写的啊）”. In the light of this noble sage’s guide, I persist that people should, in most cases, think twice.



To begin with, to take action after prudent contemplation can effectively avoid the possible risks. people who do not make decision or act immediately are those who want to acquire more accurate and authentic information, by means of searching the internet or turning to the informative（形容词？）. My friend Jim, a college student, needs an advisor taking the responsibility for his long-term suggestion about his career plan. Although the first advisor he consulted charged less, my friend did not pay the deposit（美国人很直的，你写什么一定要有照应，突兀来个定金有点跳跃，就是not pick him 就好）. The reality proved that Jim’s decision was right. That advisor had made up his mind to change a job and delivered the application letter to another company. He（来来回回都不知道是谁了。写明多好~） was unlikely to provide long-term suggestion for my friend（JIm就是Jim，你这样会让考官觉得又来一个人）. This case is not rare（this kind of cases）, virtually, an action taken later has made many people elude the economic loss.（叙述的时候最好一环扣一环，而且后面的故事好像很不好理解，开始是给suggestion 后来又跳到change a job and delivered the application letter to another company。这俩行为好像关联不紧啊）

Apart from the the first reason, another must be added. Since people are more likely to cherish the thing that costs them a lot of effort, the actions taken after a group of research can ensure that we have the persistence to insist（重复了） on the decision. As a matter of fact, the more effort people have made, the less possible it is that people give up when facing withdifficulties. There are few obstacles that can force me to abandon my determination to go abroad for further study because I have made so much preparation before. If I took action in a hurry, I would have surrendered long before due to the difficult tests and complicated application letters.



Admittedly, it may be true that actions should be taken as soon as possible in some situations, especially when a leader discovers a conflict between co-workers. The harmony, which determines the efficiency, is the most essential part of cooperation. Once the divergence among co-workers exerts pressure on the harmonious atmosphere, the leader has to deal with this problem in a second to stop the further detrimental effect. However, this case is specific and too week to support the idea that patience is not a good strategy. Thus, I insist that before taking action, we should ponder over the problem and be patient.（结尾很好）
还是不错的，但有些表达确实chinglish比较明显我觉得很具体的一个窍门就是多用点which来修饰句子中的名词显长而且显句子组织能力，长短句交替，切忌跳跃思维，你的第一个例子我都看不明白，更何况老美。 加油~~~！

lillian馨

Just as Confucius, the greatest philosopher and educator in the ancient China（黄的是好句）, once commented:” look before you leap（疑惑啊。。。是这样的吗？这翻译过来早呢么看着这么像小盆友写的啊）”. In the light of this noble sage’s guide, I persist that people should, in most cases, think twice.



To begin with, to take action after prudent contemplation can effectively avoid the possible risks. people who do not make decision or act immediately are those who want to acquire more accurate and authentic information, by means of searching the internet or turning to the informative（形容词？）. My friend Jim, a college student, needs an advisor taking the responsibility for his long-term suggestion about his career plan. Although the first advisor he consulted charged less, my friend did not pay the deposit（美国人很直的，你写什么一定要有照应，突兀来个定金有点跳跃，就是not pick him 就好）. The reality proved that Jim’s decision was right. That advisor had made up his mind to change a job and delivered the application letter to another company. He（来来回回都不知道是谁了。写明多好~） was unlikely to provide long-term suggestion for my friend（JIm就是Jim，你这样会让考官觉得又来一个人）. This case is not rare（this kind of cases）, virtually, an action taken later has made many people elude the economic loss.（叙述的时候最好一环扣一环，而且后面的故事好像很不好理解，开始是给suggestion 后来又跳到change a job and delivered the application letter to another company。这俩行为好像关联不紧啊）

Apart from the the first reason, another must be added. Since people are more likely to cherish the thing that costs them a lot of effort, the actions taken after a group of research can ensure that we have the persistence to insist（重复了） on the decision. As a matter of fact, the more effort people have made, the less possible it is that people give up when facing withdifficulties. There are few obstacles that can force me to abandon my determination to go abroad for further study because I have made so much preparation before. If I took action in a hurry, I would have surrendered long before due to the difficult tests and complicated application letters.



Admittedly, it may be true that actions should be taken as soon as possible in some situations, especially when a leader discovers a conflict between co-workers. The harmony, which determines the efficiency, is the most essential part of cooperation. Once the divergence among co-workers exerts pressure on the harmonious atmosphere, the leader has to deal with this problem in a second to stop the further detrimental effect. However, this case is specific and too week to support the idea that patience is not a good strategy. Thus, I insist that before taking action, we should ponder over the problem and be patient.（结尾很好）
还是不错的，但有些表达确实chinglish比较明显我觉得很具体的一个窍门就是多用点which来修饰句子中的名词显长而且显句子组织能力，长短句交替，切忌跳跃思维，你的第一个例子我都看不明白，更何况老美。 加油~~~！

-- by 会员 45573asdasd (2013/1/2 11:56:17)

这是我以前写的，只想着要用好的句子往上摞字数，让你纠结了！我之后把第一个例子给好好改改！