诚求各位高手狠狠批

starlee

Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends. a. joing a sports team, b. participate in community activities,  c. traveling


Some people would like to say that sports team serves the best opportunity to make new friends since team members experience defeat and success together. Others may state that participating in community activities can win them friendship because they share the pleasure of assisting community residents. In my opinion, however, it is travel that endows most incentives, 标点去掉including economy and security aspects, 标点去掉，此处用限定性定语从句which lead people to be mutual friends.（插入语+强调句+ 定语从句）good

The first incentive correlates with travel expenses. Few can deny the fact that people are willing to spend as less money as possible no matter what they do. Similarly, conditions allowing, they would definitely save their pockets during a tour. And cultivating（excellent 我word） friendship with other tourists is（此处不用定冠词the，most表非常之意,good grammer） most direct method. Hotels and airlines often offer a discount for group tourists. The cost of three monuments此处我不大明白你的意思 bought together is substantially cheaper than those purchased separately by three different tourists. At the same time, tourists can pool the same cab to scenery sites. All these occasions are what I came across when I travel to Yunnan, one of the most beautiful provinces in china首字母大写, saving此处是否有语法错误呢 me half of my budget I had expected. Thus, lower travel expense pushes people to make friends during travel.


In addition, to ensure the travel security, people are also likely to make friends. It is common sense that if there is a friend who can accompany you during a journey, you tend to be less afraid of money or camera being stolen. You can ask your friends to take care of your baggage when taking a rest. What’s more, a friend can remind you to be careful when you encounter a potential theif. I can’t take a better example than the case of my ancle（uncle??）, who had a travel in Chengdu province as a student. He was so immersed into appreciating his beautiful pictures taken that he did not pay attention to his wallet. A person thought my uncle was just a single traveler, so he attempted to steal his wallet It was the friend my uncle just met on the site that noticed this scene. And finally he avoided the loss.  He said that he chose to make friends to ascertain safety of property when having a trip. Therefore, considering this aspect, it is more possible for people to rely on new friends.


It is true that due to the common success, defeat , or pleasure, people in the sports team and the group of  community activity have the chances to be friends,(先让步，后接转折提出自己观点，有强调作用) but travel provides people with the most direct motives此处动机可以说是提供吗？改为opportunity是否更好些呢？to make friends, an advantage that sports team and community activity group could not compete. So travel is the best way to make friends.
The organization of the essay is excellent, maybe some of your words is not very appropriate. All above are my humble opinions.

lillian馨

12.23    Is there a good reason to be impolite(rude) to another person?
Are you agitated with the person who never considers whether his impolite behavior has some bad influences on others’ feelings? For most people, I think, the answer would be yes. So it is for me. As a matter of fact, rude manners can not only do unfavorable benefits to interpersonal relationship but also ruin your potential improvement during further pursuits. From these perspectives, I, thus, hold the opinion that by no means should we be impolite to others.

The first reason correlates with the development of relations among groups. It is universally acknowledged that people, to a great extent, display unhappy response to those who always are impolite. Judging from my experience, I can’t take a better example than the case of my classmates Tom. Tom often did rude things intentionally, such as using other person’s cup to drink, regarding the “hello” from classmates as air. As time went by, few students wanted to do after-class discussion with him, making him always alone. All of my classmates said that: he reaps what he has sown. More importantly, I think even if the classmates had cooperated with him, they would not like him from the inner heart because of his uncontrolled rude manners. I have no choice but to claim that rudeness does bring about adverse effects to one’s relation with others.


In addition, being polite may leave others a deep impression in no matter what occasions, especially when you are searching for a job, which can win you an advantageous benefit over other candidates. Actually this is what my uncle, a person wants to be a portfolio manager, has experienced.  He was informed to wait the human resource manager in the receiption room with other competitors. During that period, a person who wore the same clothes as the employees  served tea for all the applicants. Only four of those candidates, including my uncle, said ”thank you” to that person, who was actually the HR manager. And of course finally only those four people were chosen to enter next interview rather than the remaining. My uncle asserted it was his “thank you” endowed him a chance to go further. I agree that this kind of event is not rare. In reality, a research shows that many companies adopt similar methods to test the applicants.

From the above discussion, we can confidently come to the conclusion that it is essential to be polite. We should not find any excuse be to rude not only because rudeness may push your friends keep away from you but also because it may destroy your career.

starlee

12.23    Is there a good reason to be impolite(rude) to another person?
Are you agitated with the person who never considers whether his impolite behavior has some bad influences on others’ feelings? For most people, I think, the answer would be yes. So it is for me. As a matter of fact, rude manners can not only do unfavorable benefits to interpersonal relationship but also ruin your potential improvement during further pursuits. From these perspectives, I, thus, hold the opinion that by no means should we be impolite to others.(倒装用的很好)

The first reason correlates with the development of relations among groups. It is universally acknowledged亮点词 that people, to a great extent插入语恰到好处, display unhappy response to those who always are impolite. Judging from my experience引出例子方式新颖, I can’t take a better example than the case of my classmates Tom. Tom often did rude things intentionally, such as using other person’s cup to drink, regarding the “hello” from classmates as air亮点修辞. As time went by, few students wanted to do after-class discussion with him, making him always alone. All of my classmates said that: he reaps what he has sown.(, "he reaps what he has sown.") More importantly, I think even if the classmates had cooperated with him, they would not like him from the inner heart because of his uncontrolled rude manners. I have no choice but to claim that rudeness does bring about adverse effects to one’s relation with others.


In addition, being polite may leave others a deep impression in(occasion用on) no matter what occasions, especially when you are searching for a job, which can win you an advantageous benefit over other candidates. Actually this is what my uncle, a person wantsto be a portfolio manager, has experienced.  He was informed to wait the human resource manager in the receiption room with other competitors. During that period, a person who wore the same clothes as the employees  served tea for all the applicants. Only four of those candidates, including my uncle, said ”thank you” to that person, who was actually the HR manager. And of course finally only those four people were chosen to enter next interview rather than(并列连词) the remaining. My uncle asserted it was his “thank you” endowed him a chance to go further. I agree that this kind of event is not rare. In reality, a research shows that many companies adopt similar methods to test the applicants.

From the above discussion, we can confidently come to the conclusion that it is essential to be polite. We should not find any excuse be to rude not only because rudeness may push your friends (to) keep away from you but also because it may destroy your career.

-- by 会员 lillian馨 (2012/12/24 21:38:33)

Excellent words, pefect organization and development

lillian馨

12.23    Is there a good reason to be impolite(rude) to another person?
Are you agitated with the person who never considers whether his impolite behavior has some bad influences on others’ feelings? For most people, I think, the answer would be yes. So it is for me. As a matter of fact, rude manners can not only do unfavorable benefits to interpersonal relationship but also ruin your potential improvement during further pursuits. From these perspectives, I, thus, hold the opinion that by no means should we be impolite to others.(倒装用的很好)

The first reason correlates with the development of relations among groups. It is universally acknowledged亮点词 that people, to a great extent插入语恰到好处, display unhappy response to those who always are impolite. Judging from my experience引出例子方式新颖, I can’t take a better example than the case of my classmates Tom. Tom often did rude things intentionally, such as using other person’s cup to drink, regarding the “hello” from classmates as air亮点修辞. As time went by, few students wanted to do after-class discussion with him, making him always alone. All of my classmates said that: he reaps what he has sown.(, "he reaps what he has sown.") More importantly, I think even if the classmates had cooperated with him, they would not like him from the inner heart because of his uncontrolled rude manners. I have no choice but to claim that rudeness does bring about adverse effects to one’s relation with others.


In addition, being polite may leave others a deep impression in(occasion用on) no matter what occasions, especially when you are searching for a job, which can win you an advantageous benefit over other candidates. Actually this is what my uncle, a person wantsto be a portfolio manager, has experienced.  He was informed to wait the human resource manager in the receiption room with other competitors. During that period, a person who wore the same clothes as the employees  served tea for all the applicants. Only four of those candidates, including my uncle, said ”thank you” to that person, who was actually the HR manager. And of course finally only those four people were chosen to enter next interview rather than(并列连词) the remaining. My uncle asserted it was his “thank you” endowed him a chance to go further. I agree that this kind of event is not rare. In reality, a research shows that many companies adopt similar methods to test the applicants.

From the above discussion, we can confidently come to the conclusion that it is essential to be polite. We should not find any excuse be to rude not only because rudeness may push your friends (to) keep away from you but also because it may destroy your career.

-- by 会员 lillian馨 (2012/12/24 21:38:33)

Excellent words, pefect organization and development

-- by 会员 starlee (2012/12/25 0:25:32)

Actually this is what my uncle, a person wantsto be a portfolio manager, has experienced。  修改： Actually this is what my uncle, a person applying for the position as a portfilio manager, has experienced.

lillian馨

12.24  Is it easier to maintain good health than in the past?

The last several decades have witnessed an increasing development of various industries, including transportation. At the same time, the high-velocity society also exerts more tasks on the shoulders of citizens. When considering whether people are more likely to keep healthy now than in the past, from these perspectives, I have no doubt to hold the idea that modern society has given us difficulty to maintain good health.

The first reason correlates with the availability of diverse vehicles in our daily life. It is universally acknowledged that if people have more convenient tools such as bus, cars, they, to a great extent, choose them instead of walking or biking to arrive at the destination. I prefer to take a bus to go to school although my home is twenty minutes’ walk from school. Whereas, forty years ago, the possession of cars just belonged to a tiny minority of rich people. Most people had no choice but to walk. My father was one of them. It took him one hour to go to school every day. Thus nowadays people have been deprived of the chance to get most ordinary exercise by the presence of advantageous vehicles.

In addition, pressure is another factor which can lead people to be in a bad physical condition. As we all know, the depressed economic context during recent year has made many people worry about losing jobs. This kind of stress may be positive to deal with immediate problems. However if people are constantly in nervous state, they may get headaches or other physical symptoms of stress. Over time, their bodies may even develop more permanent conditions like high blood pressure or heart disease. My uncle, a portfolio manager, often has a headache and even can’t sleep well because of unaccomplished tasks his company has given him. Therefore, pressure does do adverse effect on people’s health.

Admittedly, we can have more kinds of food now and the fitness centers are all around us, but it is the plentiful food that offers people, especially the kids, the possibility to pick up. Astoundingly, some kids just eat fried chicken and chips, a booming phenomenon in china. Although the fitness centers provide people places to exercise, what is worth mentioning is that the expensive costs often make the thought to exercise in the center fade.

To sum up, due to the wide popularity of convenient vehicles and increasing pressure coming from work environment, I can confidently conclude that it is more difficult for citizens to maintain healthy now than previously.

bet

12.24  Is it easier to maintain good health than in the past?


The last several decades have witnessed an increasing development of various industries, including transportation. At the same time, the high-velocity society also exerts more tasks on the shoulders of(可改成exerts more pressure on ,exert后通常加抽象n;或者改成imposes heavy burden on) citizens. When considering whether people are more likely to keep healthy now than in the past, from these perspectives, (可删)I have no doubt to hold the idea(可删) that modern society has given us difficulty to maintain good health.

The first reason correlates withthe availability of diverse vehicles in our daily life. It is universally acknowledged that if people have more convenient transportation tools such as bus, cars,(改成buses and cars, 注意复数和and的连接)they, to a great extent, will choose them instead of（改成over）walking or biking to arrive at the destination（可改成commute）. I prefer to take a bus to go to school although my home is twenty minutes’ walk from school. Whereas, forty years ago, the possession of（可删，和后面belong to重复了） cars just belonged to a tiny minority of rich people. Most people had no choice but to walk. 可加连词My father was one of them. It took him one hour to go to school every day. Thus nowadays people have been deprived of the chance to get most ordinary exercise by the presence of advantageous vehicles.后面应该加上exercise 对maintain good health的影响，这样才扣题

In addition, pressure is another factor which can lead people to be in（多余，去掉） a bad physical condition. As we all know, the depressed economic context during recent years has made many people worry about losing jobs. This kind of stress may be positive to deal with immediate problems. However, if people are constantly in nervous state, they may get headaches or other physical symptoms of stress. Over time, their bodies may even develop more permanent conditions(可改成get into some serious problems) like high blood pressure or heart disease. 连词My uncle, a portfolio manager, often has a headache and even cannot（academic writing里尽量不要出现缩写） sleep well because of unaccomplished tasks his company has given him. Therefore, pressure does have adverse effect on people’s health.

Admittedly, we can have more kinds of food now and the fitness centers are all around us, but it is the plentiful food that offers people, especially the kids, the possibility to pick up（可改成become picky eaters）. Astoundingly, some kids only eat fried chicken and chips for 3 meals, a booming phenomenon in china. 此处应该加上这种现象是多么的有害健康。Although the（可删） fitness centers provide people places to exercise, what is worth mentioning is that the expensive costs often make the thought to exercise in the center fade.

To sum up, due to the wide popularity of convenient vehicles and increasing pressure coming from work environment(可删), I can confidently conclude that it is more difficult for citizens to maintain healthy now than previously.


蓝色是我直接加的或者做了微调的词，红色是我的批注。建议可以把一些语句写的简洁一些，而且每段段首句表意可以更开门见山，而且随时要注意呼应题目，避免阅卷者读到一段的段末还需自己提炼本段的中心意思（比如倒数第二段）。这是只是我自己的想法啦，哈哈，你看后咱们可以再交流～
额，，不知道为什么我的格式有点儿混乱，字体也调不大了，不好意思，呼呼

lillian馨

12.31
我总是不会总结，所以第二段第三段的最后一句总是写不好，asd给我想想有没有跟没一段内容更合适的总结方式。
Independent Writing: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can learn more from watching television than by reading books.

It is convenient to bring a book with you wherever you go so that you can obtain information whenever you want, isn’t it? Just as everyone enjoys the flexibility of the book, I agree that we may absorb knowledge from the book. However, when considering the speed to acquire news and the comprehension to understand events, I assert that the advantage of television far outweighs that of books.

To begin with, by watching television, people can learn the most instantaneous news, a merit that never belongs to a book. It is universally acknowledged that people nowadays are beset with overwhelming information, such as international military matters, national policies, or even fire disaster nearby. Only when we know these messages as soon as possible can we make a precise and quick response to those urgent affaires. And it is the television that can endow us this kind of requirement rather than the book. I can’t think of a better example than the case of myself. As a stock enthusiasist, I definitely choose to stare at the television screen to learn about the market situation, since all the data are reported immediately. With the most instant data, I can seize the most appropriate opportunity to buy or sell to miximize my profits. You can imagine what a terrible state it would be if I waited a published book to make an investment. Never a person could estimate the trend of stock based on it’s delayed information. Thus, compared with books, televisions can satisfy people’s needs for immediate information.

In addition, television enables us to realize event thoroughly and completely. The reason why I say so is that television can provide us with not only video but also audio accompanying words. Common sense informs us that by watching the pictures and listening to the voices on the television, we can know more about an event. However, in the books, there are only written words. It often requires thousands of letters to describe a scenario, which may be understood immediately as long as we glance at the television screen. Worse still, the books often include the authors’ subjective opinions, thus influencing people’s attitudes towards an issue. Whereas watching the scenario, our own opinions would appear in the mind with nothing disturbing our thoughts. For these reasons, I have no choice to say that we can learn more from television.

It is true that book has its own benefits that a television could not surpass, especially when television is not available to us outside. For example,if we want to experience the pleasure sit in the sunshine on the green lawn to learn something, we can fulfill this goal with the help of a book, not a TV. However, in my experience, most people may not prefer to study on the open area. So I can confidently conclude that people could learn more from TV than by book

brace1016

那个啥，我现在都是写机经的作文。所以可能跟你们写的不一样哦。凑合着改改哈。

lillian馨

那个啥，我现在都是写机经的作文。所以可能跟你们写的不一样哦。凑合着改改哈。

-- by 会员 brace1016 (2013/1/1 13:06:31)

那我是不是就改你三十号发的那一篇？就只有那一篇还没人改呢~~

brace1016

可以的啦，我又发了一篇今天。马上考试了，就找了机经来写了。谢谢了哦