1.27一战，才开始练作文，真心求教，CoopeR的作文贴，求共同进步！

cooperdw

After the industrial innovation from Great Britain
,new kinds of vehicles were brought in our life : motorcar , plane , train and so on . Nowadays , there is a growing concernabout which->去掉the vehicle have->has more effective influence on humans life, some commentators conclude->with the comments that the aircraft are-> is more powerful and more convenient for transportation->than any other kinds of transportaion .for -> in my prospective is that the car may play->plays the protagonist in our life. In this article, I will analyze this issue and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate my idea-> it.

First of all, the motorcar will takes->(去掉will,情态动词后面一般接动词原形) less cost than aircraft does . as we all know , the price of aircraft ticket sometime->sometimes worths 10 times as much as motorcar->the bus ticket and probably more than that. Try to imagine ,->imagining that | when->去掉we take a trip from Shanghai to Nanjing , it’s 80 RMB for bus but we need 500 for flight->it costs 80 RMB to take the bus.By contrast,we need to pay nearly 500RMB for filght .it is conceivable that the price is expensive for us . On no account can we ignore the commodity of motor vehicles .


Moreover , now let me tell a second story->口语化的东西去掉 there is other factor must be demonstrated, not on illustrating the importance of cost , but one showing the subtlety of popular element . When we want to take airplane ,for most of time->冗余，去掉 we need to arrive the airport and it is obviously that in most of cities the airport is constructed on outskirt. So reaching ->reach the airport first , then a lot of complex processed and programs or body-inspection waiting for there ,so harsh for ones ! unlike the airplane, everyone can drive a car to any where as long as they wish to do. No need to inspection, No register , ->口语化句子，去掉and not only for traveling , we may–>but also going to work or have a date bydrive a motorcar everyday ,so –>in that case most of people will prefer motorcar than aircraft .


Finally , the extensive application must be taken into account , sometime->sometimes we may not only use vehicle to travel but use vehicle to carry to ->去掉cargos and sort of the things, So the motorcar could assist us effectively . for example when we were obliged to moving house , we can employ the truck to carry all the furnituresfor us->去掉 .sometimes we will carry a new computer from shopping mall to home .that is what airplane can not be replaced->replace.


Admittedly , the aircraft is also important for our life , when we plan to traveling a long distance just like from China
to Unite states , the plane will solve all the problems. We have to take airplane even if it cost so much . before the airplane was invented , we have to use ship to travel far and spend nearly a month to do that->traveling.

From what has been discussed above , we may safely draw the conclusion that although the aircraft is a high efficient vehicles on the planet , definitely the motorcar is best choice for humans daily life.


此篇文章总结的问题：
1 .a will be 6 times as much as b ：a 是 b 的6倍

2. sometime 和 sometimes的用法区别

some time 指的是一段时间 eg ：i have been in china for some time
sometime 指的是一个时间点I will be back sometime in a week
Sometimes 指的是有时，经常

Some times 指的是几倍数eg : His dog is some times larger than my dog

3 . 情态动词 + 动词原形

4 . 注意时态的正确，第三人称的时候一定要纠正

5 . 口语化的句子诸如No xx , No xx ，let me tell you … 等等都不要出现在作文中

6 . 既然有了比较级就应该把than 最后也用上，句子必须写完整

cooperdw

Team-work, a familiar word in our life , a lot of jobs must be done by several people. Unlike the works which could be finished by individual , team-work get a high-level requirement for those people who are the member of the team, they need to know what are other teammates doing then figure out how to work the part of their own in order to be the best partner of their teammates.Nowadays,there is growing concern about do we need to listening to those suggestions in the teamwork , some commentators conclude that the reason why we shouldn’t follow the advise from others is that people like to stylize their own feature during the work .for my prospective is that listening to those suggestions is most important thing for team-work .In this essay , I will analyze this issue and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate it.

First of all , As we know we may not be the forerunner in the team-member , for most oftime we take part in work during it going on . True thing is that nothing we can do from the beginning,and there must be some mentors to teaches us how to get start and how to avoid the common problems, sometimes the shortcut of job from them will bring more conveniences for us . not only the knowledge they teachs us but also the issues we figure out and summarize , ask them directly will enhance you ability of work .On no account can we ignore the importance of listening to those suggestions.

Moreover , there is other factor must be demonstrated, not one illustrating the how our mentor affect us during the work,but one showing the subtlety of the integration in the teamwork . In general , the reason why we should establish a team for work is that we cannot finish the work by single one.people A ‘s work load must be combine people B ‘s in order to make the work available, so we must understand what are your teammates work and how their work’s effort benefit yours , they will push you to know the purpose of their works or you will have no idea about how to start the work of your own .for that , listen to their suggestion is a integral part in your job .In this sense , listen to the those suggestion must be followed during your team-work .

Finally , listening to those words from others will show your patience , manner and motivation throughout the work .that will make your colleague know your personality and feature ,meanwhile , They will be happy to working with you . In my opinion that ‘s the third reason to demonstrate why listening to those suggestion is so significant .

Admittedly, sometimes we also need a ‘hero’ to let team more vibrant and original and that one must execl at in what he or her doing , knows a lot in other one ‘s domain . people with these ability could show the influence of individual .

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that Although the importance of working by oneself can take some efforts for a teamwork abruptly , it is undoubted that listening to suggestions during your work will plays the protagonist.

cooperdw

People working in some certain company became more and more comfortable to finish their work by stay at home . nowadays ,there is a growing concern about whether we should deal the work in the company or not .with the comments that the reason why people consider stay at home also would bring the efficiency for their work . for my perspective , as a company staff , we have better working in the company. In this essay ,I will analyze this issue and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate it.
First of all, for most kind of works,the communication plays a significant role when we are working . if we lost the communication with others , that means we will lost a lot of informations on work . for example , there is a career like sale man needs everyone to exchange the informations in real time and require the employees could discusses any kind of risk immediately .or the company may undergo the huge economic lost. We unable to make a perfact workload if we working at home , on no account can we ignore the influence of communication for working in the company.
Moreover, there is other factor must be demonstrate, not one illustrating the contact with others, but one subtly of the equipment support . as we know , many sort of high-tech corporation will only employ the people who can recevice the High degree or abundant experiences in the certain technical domain .for instant , motorcar industry or telecommunicate industry , those kind of company will provide the specific equipments or devises for the workers ,the purpose of that is to assist the employee finish the task as more effective as they can. In addition ,the equipment may be the prerequisitefor workers to avoid any kinds of problem during the work.,In this sense , working at home cannot do the things above.
Finally, people would adapt the society more better if they choose to working the company .In geneal , during the work time not only we must done the our tasks effectively but also we should learn the so called ‘soft skill’in the company –the reflection of society. Some people can find their own value in hold a festival celebration for entertainment of company , and may be someone could fall in love with a colleague who come from the other department in a certain condition .undoubtedly that we will lost the lover and the role of a celebration’host if we working at home.
Admittedly , for some special reasons working at home also could bring happiness for some people just like music man , they always require a exclusive , tranquil eivronment for creation .so the home is one of best choice for them..
Form what has been discussed above ,we may safely draw the conclusion that although the working at home can provide us a silent circumstance , working in company will bring more and more significant things to us.

conanwang

12.17 独立 修改


Team-work,a familiar word in our life, a lot of jobs have to be done by several people.Unlike the works which could be finished by individual , team-work get ahigh-level requirement for those people who are the member of the team, theyneed to know what other teammates are doing then figure out how to work the part of their own in orderto be aqualifiedpartner of their teammates. Nowadays, there is growing concern about whether we need to listen to those 指代不清suggestions in the teamwork , some commentators conclude that thereason why we shouldn’t follow the advises from others is that people like to stylize their own features during working . For my prospective, listening to other colleague’s suggestions is the most important thing in team-work .In this essay ,I will analyze this issue and come up with some effective reasons todemonstrate it. 开头不错，用词多样化

First of all , as we know we may not be the forerunner in the team-member ,for most of time we take part in work during it going on . True thing is thatnothing we can do from the beginning,and there must be some mentors to teachesus how to get start and how to avoid the common problems, sometimes theshortcut of job from them will bring more conveniences for us . not only theknowledge they teachs us but also the issues we figure out and summarize , askthem directly will enhance you ability of work .On no account can we ignore theimportance of listening to those suggestions. 用了倒装使得句子多样化，但段落意思有点不明确，建议在每段的开头把主题句写出来。

Moreover , there is other factor must bedemonstrated, not one illustrating the how our mentor affect us during thework,but one showing the subtlety of the integration in the teamwork . Ingeneral , the reason why we should establish a team for work is that we cannotfinish the work by single one.people A ‘s work load must be combine people B ‘sin order to make the work available, so we must understand what are yourteammates work and how their work’s effort benefit yours , they will push youto know the purpose of their works or you will have no idea about how to startthe work of your own .for that , listen to their suggestion is a integral partin your job .In this sense , listen to the those suggestion must be followedduring your team-work . 文章的逻辑挺好，本段对上段来说是递进，但是本段只说了一些the reasons why do we need tolisten to others，多写一些会更好。

Finally , listening to those words from others willshow your patience , manner and motivation throughout the work .that will makeyour colleague know your personality and feature ,meanwhile , They will behappy to working with you . In my opinion that ‘s the third reason todemonstrate why listening to those suggestion is so significant .本段很好。

Admittedly, sometimes we also need a ‘hero’ to letteam more vibrant and original and that one must execl at in what he or herdoing , knows a lot in other one ‘s domain . people with these ability couldshow the influence of individual .本段没说do not listen to others的原因，似乎仅仅讲了leadership的作用。不太扣题，但本段文字挺好的。

From what has been discussed above, we may safelydraw the conclusion that Although the importance of working by oneself can takesome efforts for a teamwork abruptly , it is undoubted that listening tosuggestions during your work will plays the protagonist. 这句话有问题。



比较忙，修改晚了些，抱歉。
有些句子有问题，以下是我尝试去修改的句子，不知道有没有表达出你想要的意思，希望对你有帮助。


_________________________________________________________________________________________________

not only the knowledge they teachs us but also the issues we figure outand summarize , ask them directly will enhance you ability of work .

==>> Not only the knowledge they teaches us but also the issues we figure outand summarize. As a result, asking other colleagues directly will enhance our productivity.

Moreover, there is other factor must be demonstrated, not one illustratingthe how our mentor affect us during the work, but one showing the subtlety ofthe integration in the teamwork .

==>> Moreover, by listening to and collaborating with other colleagues,we can take advantage of synergy.

In general , thereason why we should establish a team for work is that we cannot finish thework by single one.

==> In general, weshould establish a team for work, as we cannot finish a large project without ahelp from others.

people A 's workload must be combine people B 's in order to make the work available, so wemust understand what are your teammates work and how their work's effortbenefit yours , they will push you to know the purpose of their works or youwill have no idea about how to start the work of your own .

==>>We can enhance work efficiency though collective actionswhen we cooperate well with teammates. Consequently, we should understand what ourteammates tasks are and how can they help with our work.

for that ,listen to their suggestion is a integral part in your job .

==>>listeningothers’ suggestion is an essential part of our jobs.

In this sense,listen to the those suggestion must be followed during your team-work .

==> We should pay moreattention to listening while working.

Finally ,listening to those words from others will show your patience , manner andmotivation throughout the work .

==>>Finally,listening to others’ opinion will show our personality including patience,manner and respect.

zhisheng2200

我会尽快改你的十八号的作文的 谢谢

zhisheng2200

18号独立 People who used to work in some certain company become more and more comfortable（不能修饰人吧）to finish their work by stay at home . Nowadays , there is a growing concern about whether we should deal with the work in the company or not . With the comments that the reason why people consider stay at home also would bring the efficiency for their work.（这句话不通啊。）From my perspective , as a company staff , we have better working in the company. In this essay, I will analyze this issue and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate it.

First of all, for most kind of works, the communication plays a significant role when we are working. if we lost the communication with others , that means we will lost a lot of information on work . for example , there is a some careers like salesman needs everyone to exchange theinformation in real time and requires the employees could to discusses any kind of risksituations immediately .or the company may undergo the huge economic lost. We are unable to make a perfactafford hugeworkload if we working at home , on no account can we ignore the influence of communication for working in the company.

Moreover, there is other factor mustthat should be demonstrate, not one illustrating the contact with others, but one subtly of the equipment support . as we know , many sort of high-tech corporation will only employ the people who can recevice the High degree or abundant experiences in the certain technical domain .for instant , motorcar industry or telecommunicate industry , those kind of company will provide the specific equipments or devises for the workers ,the purpose of that is to assist the employee finish the task as more effective as they can. In addition ,the equipment may be the prerequisite for workers to avoid any kinds of problem during the work.,In this sense , working at home cannot do thesuch things above.

Finally, people would adapt the society more better if they choose to working the company .In geneal , during the work time not only we must done the our tasks effectively but also we should learn the so called ‘soft skill’in the company –the reflectionpart of society. Some people can find their own value in hold a festival celebration for entertainment of company , and may be someone could fall in love with a colleague who come from the other department in a certain condition .undoubtedlyunfortunatelythat we willmightlose the lover and the role of a celebration’host if we working at home.

Admittedly , for some special reasons working at home also could bring happiness for some people just like music man , they always require a exclusive , tranquil eivronment for creation .so the home is one of best choice for them..

Form what has been discussed above ,we may safely draw the conclusion that although the working at home can provide us a silent circumstance , working in company will bring more and morefurther more significant things to us.

感觉LZ写的很匆忙啊，标点符号位置不对，首字母大写也没有。我水平也有限，提一点小建议吧。
1. LZ有些用词用的很好，我都要去查下字典才认识，但是很多简单语法错了很多，这样的话不如把精力放在降低低级错误上。
2. LZ整体逻辑很好，值得我学习，但是很多细节上出问题，最好写完自己先改一改，很多小细节错误是可以避免的。

cooperdw

There have a lot of television programs show that which generation of young people incline to help others , the editors from the those programs always wish to tell the different between two generation by the behavior and traditional idea on so .nowaday , there is a growing concern about the juveniles from the past are more passionate to help others than the juveniles from today. For my prospective, is that in the modem period , some of other elements will play the significant role to depend the which generation is better .In this essay , I will analyze this issue and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate it .


For of all, the higher level education offer the juvenile from today more capability and sense to assist others than the young people from the past. In nowadays , almost every single one of young people will engage in school : middle , senior even college. As a student ,they will be instructed by abundant knowledge and brilliant personality which include to help others if others need help , for example , they should not only help the old people cross the road or take care of the fancy baby but also assist their classmate by provide several solutions for some puzzles from certain subject ,anyone even their brothers and parents. Actually , the more education they receive, the more assistant they can offer . by contrast , the youth from the past may not have opportunity to take the high education. On no account can we ignore that the well-education will affect the young people from today are more likely to help others than youth in the past.



Moreover , there is other factor would be demonstrated,not not one illustratin the education ,but one showing the subtlety of how the advanced technology affect young people to give more assistant to others. as we know, the digital product like notepad computer, intelligent phone , I-pad and so on , those goods are the masterpiece from world talents.Young people will always be fascinated on that and those high-tech product expand the capability of juveniles to help others. For example, some students will be the absentee of class while there have something more important in family, as the classmate , we could take the shot about information from the lesson like teacher’s note from blackboard and students experience from their notebook .then we could sent those pictures to the absentee in order to remind the student that s/he should not fall behind in study. This may help the one who unable to take part in the class to understand the mainidea about the lesson s/he hasn’t have.In this sense, high-tech will be the second significant element to indicate that the young people form today are more likely to help others than young people in the past .


Admittedly ,it is conceivable that the young people from the past also have some merits which worth the juvenile from today to learn . for instant , young people from the past will treat their friends good and always honestly help the one who really need help, they will never care about who they are , they will never care about the what relationship they get before , in their mind , they could forgive all the stain from what the one treat them before. That is the most significant personality the young people from today should be built.

lmylacoste

There haveàare a lot of television programs show that which generation of young people incline to help others,句号 the editors from the those programs always wish to tell the differentàdifference between two generation by the behavior and traditional idea on so(怪怪的，so是代词?) .nowaday 大写, there is a growing concern about the juveniles from the past are more passionate to help others than the juveniles from today. For my prospective, is that（做什么呢？） in the modem period , some of other elements will play the significant role to depend the which generation is better .In this essay , I will analyze this issue and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate it .


For of all, the higher level education offer单数 the juvenile from today more capability and sense to assist others than the young people from the past. In nowadays, almost every single one of young people will engage in school: middle, senior even college. As a student, they will be instructed by（介词不对吧） abundant knowledge and brilliant personality which include to help others if others need help ,句号 for example , they should not only help the old people cross the road or take care of the fancy baby but also assist their classmate by provide+ing several solutions for some puzzles from certain subject ,anyone even their brothers and parents. Actually, the more education they receive, the more assistant they can offer . by contrast , the youth from the past may not have opportunity to take the high education. On no account can we ignore that the well-education will affect the young people from today are more likely to help others than youth in the past.（结构错误，自己找找吧）

请你务必再好好看看语法中简单句、从句和复合句，这很重要！你已经很有长进，但是最好还是不要犯此等错误

Moreover , there is other factor would be demonstrated,not not one illustratin the education ,but one showing（not but不并列啊，什么意思呢？） the subtlety of how the advanced technology affect+S young people to give more assistant to others. as we know, the digital product like notepad computer, intelligent phone , I-pad and so on , those goods are the masterpiece from world talents.Young people will always be fascinated onàwith that and those（不明白） high-tech product expand the capability of juveniles to help others. For example, some students will be the absentee of class while there have something more important in family, as the classmate , we could take the shot about information from the lesson like teacher’s note from blackboard and students experience from their notebook .then we could sent those pictures to the absentee in order to remind the student that s/he should not fall behind in study. This may help the one who 加are unable to take part in the class to understand the main idea about the lesson s/he hasn’t haveàhad .In this sense, high-tech will be the second significant element to indicate that the young people form today are more likely to help others than young people in the past .


Admittedly ,it is conceivable that the young people from the past also have some merits which worth the juvenile from today to learn . for instant , young people from the past will treat their friends good and always honestly help the one who really need+s help, they will never care about who they are , they will never care about the what relationship they get before ,à. in their mind , they could forgive all the stain+s from what the one treat+ed them before. That is the most significant personality the young people from today should be built.

加油，写的很好！

cooperdw

Earth ,which is the unique habitant for human beings. Nowadays, there is growing concern about in order to increase the economic growth, government can overlook the environment factors. In my perspective, that statement is absolutely ridiculous , nothing could be more important than earth’s environment. In this essay , I will analyze this issue and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate it.
First of all, with the growing economy , a lot of trouble pollutions were brought by humans . such as several countries wishes to develop the resources of petroleum on the pacific. They outfits a huge number of pumps anywhere on the ocean and carries the crude oil by oilers.sometimes the ship confront a bad weather like thunderstorm and so on, it cause so many accidents which destroy the whole ship . as a result ,thousands of tons of oil float on the ocean and completely contaminate the brine ,those pollution will make a harmful influence on humans life. we could still collect a lot of examples like that kind of pollutions each year on humans histories .On no account can we ignore the importance of environmental protection.
Moreover, there is other factor would be demonstrated , not one illustrating the influence of pollution , but one showing the subtlety of the eco-system balance. As we know the case above , the ocean pollution will bring noxious compounds into the marine environment . those poisons will kill species which living rely on water. with vanishing of certain species , many sort of organism which feed themselves by those certain species will also extinct. As a result , the whole eco-system balance will be broken by human beings.In this sense , although the development of economy is the most important element for human , the environment has higher level than economy definitely.
Finally , if the earth’s environment was contaminated by humans development .the trouble war will breakout between the nations. as we know ,some district with abundant resource was polluted by nations ,because of that pollution ,people who leave in that district has no choice but migrate to other places . those migrations may bring the raced collision between humans and finally cause a scale of battle anywhere in the world ,although it is controversial for the collision of faction’s reason , the root cause is the environment distruction.
From what has been discussed above ,we may safely draw the conclusion that the government was obligate to concern the environmental factor , even if the country needs to increase the economic groth.

1369179610

Earth ,which is the unique habitant for human beings. Nowadays, there is growing concern about...+n.... in order to increase the economic growth, government can overlook the environment factors. In (from)my perspective, that statement is absolutely ridiculous , nothing could be more important than earth’s environment. In this essay , I will analyze this issue and come up with some effective reasons to demonstrate it.
First of all, with the growing economy , a lot of trouble(terrible) pollutions were brought by humans . such as several countries wishes to develop(explore) the resources of petroleum on (in)the pacific ocean. They outfits a huge number of pumps anywhere(everywhere) on the ocean and carries the crude oil by oilers.(oil tanker)sometimes the ship confront a bad weather like thunderstorm and so on, it cause so many accidents which destroy the whole ship .(有一点啰嗦，只谈漏油污染海绵的部分就够了。) as a result ,thousands of tons of oil float on the ocean and completely contaminate the brine ,those pollution will make a harmful influence on（不错啊~） humans life. we could still collect a lot of examples like that kind of pollutions each year on humans histories .On no account（很好~） can we ignore the importance of environmental protection.
Moreover, there is （exist）other factors would be demonstrated , not one illustrating the influence of pollution , but one showing the subtlety of the eco-system balance. As we know the case above , the ocean pollution will bring noxious compounds into the marine environment . those poisons will kill species which living rely on water. with vanishing of certain species , many sort of organism which feed themselves by those certain species will also extinct. As a result , the whole eco-system balance will be broken by human beings.In this sense , although the development of economy is the most important element for human , the environment has higher level definitely（weigh more） than the economy growth.
Finally , if the earth’s environment was contaminated by humans development（development of economy） .the trouble war will breakout between the nations. as we know ,some district with abundant resource was polluted by nations ,because of that pollution ,people who leave in that district has no choice but migrate to other places . those migrations may bring the raced collision between humans and finally cause a scale of battle anywhere in the world ,although it is controversial for the collision of faction’s reason , the root cause is the environment distruction.
From what has been discussed above ,we may safely draw the conclusion that the current situations was obligates the government to concern the environmental factor , even if the country needs to increase the economic growth.


写的还是不错的啊~~~继续加油吧~