1.27一战，才开始练作文，真心求教，CoopeR的作文贴，求共同进步！

cooperdw

独立 185 topic 3 books and experience
As a student, The most signifient duty is to earn more and more knowleges in class by listening to the teachers and reading books,That two best ways to improve your capability on learning. After all , your study remark is the most important certification makes you eligible to have higher level education. The lores from book or from teachers not only provide us a acdamic experience on certain subjects but also show us the way how to study efficiently. Compare with so learned knowleges from school , the practice experience during your daily live may let the everybody judge themselves whether they are pretty good or not.
Almost for sure , “friend” is high-frequency word because we can not keep going without that. Some people will tell the secret from innermost heart to their best friend when they feel bad. During the work , there must have some troubles so colleagues play a guider role to support you with their viable idea. Imagine that if someone work or study alone and overlook the friendship-building. Only adversity and dispointment when he /she fall down. When they wish to share their happiness , their success to someone , they will find nothing but themselves even they get a doctor degree . As result , the experience of how to choose and make friends is one of the indispensable factor in you life.
Furthermore , It can believe that everyone know this idiom : where there is a will , there is a way. If you want to success on your carrer , your school work and so on , your have to pay a lots before.
The process will be very painful ,very boring . and sometimes you must confront the things that may abstract you and force you can not consentrate one hurdred precent . all of this will depend on your will , unfortunity for most people choose give up or avid when they face the trouble . tough spirit is not inborn for everyone , we practice our determination for our goals during the life . when you have a depressive remark in your school, do not discourge , try to do better next time. If someone doubt you or misread you, never mind . tell them they make wrong decision by your hard working . have to say , in the case your want forward , you can not going on without will. And that experience we will never be teached in classroom.
Finaly , from the books we can only execl at theory and priceple of acdamic course, for most of time we must to connect the concrete practice with books in order to know the true idea of knowledge . that why school provide us so many kind the experience for several subject like physics ,chemistry .
Although the books provideus knowledges and acdamic theory and that may ensure tremendous opportunity to get the highest dgree . actually,during your whole life , the daily experience on how to get on well with otherone , how to make up your mind when you face troubles will take more effect on the way to your ultimate goal .

cooperdw

The main point from the lecturer is contradict the viewpoint in the material .what she said is on the opposite side of those doubts to Chevalier in article. From the passage. The critics suspect chevalier in three ways and lecturer disputes all of that by her opinion .

First of all , the lecturer argue that although the Chevalier was extremely rich and no doubt he spent lots of money for parties and gambling, and borrowed the money from other one in article ,actually the reason Chevalier been so rich is that he sell the merchandises first,then earn the money back . so during the business period there may have a few cash in his hand , borrowed from other one was only a way he turnovered the currency in his business.

On the other hand ,the passage demonstrates the critics doubt the accuracy of conversations the Chevalier record just because the record wrtien many years after the conversations occur . the lecture claims that the chevalier write down the recordse each night and he record the everything he could remember after the particular conversation. Those records be always kept by Chevalier ,and finally he put the informations on records into the memoir.

In the end , the passage raise the issue that the real reason cause Chevalier escaped from prison was the jailer be bribed by him. The lecturer opposes to the article’s expectations. She state that there were a lot of prisoner have more powerful friends than he did, and thos people unable to escape by bribed the jailer ,how can Chevalier did ? definitely impossible and after the Chevalier escaped successfully ,the prison was repaired a lots, that detail indicate the prison was broken by some other reasons and make the prisoner more easier to flee.

cooperdw

The article raise the issues that The wood company in unite states will take careless about the ecocertification .however this statement is strongly questioned by lecture that Amrican corporation indeed to figure out how to strengthen the ecocertification for their wood products.
The lecturer begins by pointing out that the consumer will distinguish the advertising between made by the amrican wood company for their own products and made by independent ceritification agencies. And the lecturer also said that the ecologicl-mind consumers will pay more attention on the wood products which certified by independent agencies with good international reputation.those statements are different from the passage.
Furthermore,This evidence disagree with the standpoint that the price is not the main aspect cause consumer to choose the wood products and will always to give their favor to the cheaper one ,as demonstrated in reading passage . the lecturer goes on to maintain that when price difference between products small , in the case of less than 5 precent. The consumer may choose on factors other than price .for example , as the increasing sence of environment-protesting, Those amrican consumers may take more this than price. Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading passage.
In the end ,the lecturer states that the unite states companies should pay a attention on the competition from the international agancies or companies. Because the customer will always prefer to the ecocertified products. So if the domenstrated companies can not capture their customer by what customer really need , the whole market will be occupied by the foreign competitors. So those statements contradict what the passage talking about.

晨依Jacqueline

185题库是比较老的了，建议cooper同学练习机经作文哦~
欢迎加入写作小分队和队友们互改作文~~
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-788587-1-1.html

cooperdw

“It’s more happy to give than to receive”, that will be agreed by so many peoples who have en reasonable job themselves . people with superb capability in some areas or get a incredible payment job are able to contribute, are able to let others ‘s life become more and more agreeable and happy .other people’s happiness is all about what you did , maybe you cost money or you spent your energy to assist other peoples , however your action will raise your definition on “happiness”. Although the social activities also could bring the happiness as much as job does. It’s undoubted that it’s more significant when you have a great job.
The main reason for my view ,is that you will be very pround if you get a high-salary job . such as high-tech engineer , dentist , lawer and so on .because those jobs , your capability will be affirmed by others. Thanks to your hard working and diligent fighting, you finally get those jobs that most people unable to engage. This will be your greatest achievement in your whole life and you will never forget . the great job not only indicate your ability to earn money , but also show the value yourself . sometimes we face the trouble during our work, if you can search the solution for the problem that confuse other peoples for long period . that means only you can get this , the company will undergo loss if you didn’s be hired and that will bring you honor and respect.
Moreover, as the beginning of the article . people who can earn more money can contribute more charity than social life does . for example , in may 12^th. 2008. the earthquake strike the WenChuan in SiChuan
province and so many people gone . so many construction have been destoried . as Chinese people . you might join the aid-team and going to there help to save more suviveor or you may advocate a the performance to let more and more people know the catastrophe and encourage them to donate their money , actually the individual contribution are so small . all of contributions above are depend on the comunitiy .imagine if you able to donate 10000 RMB , the money will bring more goods for the survivors . that’s all because of your great job. for this poiot. The job and social life can get the familiar score.Finaly , the job make us substantial . that can help ourselves to locate where we are and who we are And what we go for . People who get nothing to do in whole day but sleep , eat and play , by the time goes he will taste the tedium. And lost himself .However , we can accumulate more and more working experiences which make our feel happy. Pay your energy to learn something and that ensure you will become the expert on what you did .that not only for yourself’s development but also for your family members . because the job’s payment ,it will bring more goods for your children and will also raise the quality of life about your family like to buy a bigger house, put your children to a better school that sort the things. Those things that the social life can not fulfill .
In conclusion , the definition of happiness is depend on everyoneselves .it dosen’s means someone grab the happiness even if they had a sheer great job. But irrefutablely in most of time, you had a good job ,it will bring you more significant things than social activites does .

cooperdw

“Why?” that word is high frequency word in people’s life. Especially in class, everyone will be confused by several questions on assorted subjects during their study. And as the export on some subjects in class, We have responsibilities to assist the classmates as much as possible. Because I am execl at in the subject . I ensure that I will confront the issues of other like mine even if the tutor can give them more official suggests and shortcut for some problems.
First of all , the relationship between me and student who got a problem are causal , we know each others well , so that make us to communicate very effective. Maybe we are the deskmate, if a student have a Question in the subject and I believe he or she will ask you to help him or her to figure out the solution without hesitation. Thanks to the students question that you can review the knowledge you deeply understand by answer which would make you more official on this area. Nevertheless , research the problem together not only provide the correct answer for the asker ,but also benefit the answerer. After all our friendship will be developed by ask each other over and over again.


On the other hand , The tutor can not help the students who eager to know the answer for several question immediately. Because during the class ,the lessons are going on, teachers will never stop their teaching and make the reply carefully, try to imagine if one students have a question will cost 5 minutes on the class ,what 5 students? Even if the teacher get patience to answer those questions , undoubted to say , that will make other students know want to absorb more knowledges very discontented. If waiting for class over , some student may forget what question want to ask to teacher and tutor and by that some of knowledges point will be neglected.Again , if your deskmate execl at in this subject and for the moment you need to know the answer for some problem which make you to understand the rest of lessons, ask he or she as quickly as possible .and because your pretty good relationship , he or she will assist you by their best.


Finally , for all the difficult problems, even you are a expert there must have something you don’t know ,after all your knowledge can not be unmatched like teachers or tutors. The teacher and tutor will provide you more official lore . in a addition teacher will afford more appropriate study way than best student dose. For this point, Although your deckmate who good at in some subjects can help you , don’t forget to ask teacher or tutor for the most appropriate way to make the study more efficient.


In conclusion ,asking is one of best way to make the progress on your study ,when you form that habit that indicate you wish to figure out the truth for science .you will benefit by that after you going to study in high level institution . your classmates may help you a lot , but please combine the suggest by the teacher and tutor . nevertheless, you will be the perfect student like your deckmate.

lmylacoste

“It’s more happy to give than to receive”, that will be agreed by so many peoples who have en reasonable job themselves. people with superb capability in some areas or get a incredible payment job are able to contribute, are able（略显累赘可删，不然应该要加and） to let others’s life become more and more agreeable and happy .other people’s happiness is all about what you did , maybe you cost money or you spent your energy to assist other peoples , however your action will raise your definition on “happiness”.(这句句子的结构问题在于没有连词maybe 和however都不能连接句子；raise your defination是提高定义？用enhance the understanding of “happiness”会不会比较好？) Although（从属连词要有主句啊） the social activities also could bring the happiness as much as job does. It’s undoubted that it’s more significant when you have a great job.
The main reason for my view ,is that you will be very proundàproud if you get a high-salary job . such as high-tech engineer , dentist , laweràlawyer and so on .becauseàbecause of those jobs , your capability will be affirmed by others. Thanks to your hard working and diligent fighting 这里是你秀词汇的好地方啊historical responsibility, sense of mission要抓住机会, you finally get those jobs that most people unable to engageàengage in . This will be your greatest achievement in your whole life and you will never forget . the great job not only indicates your ability to earn money , but also shows the value yourself . sometimes when we face the trouble during our work, if you can searchàmake out/find the solution for the problem that confuses other peoples for long period . that means only you can get this ,à. so the company will undergo loss if you didn’s be(这个是什么？) hired and that will bring you honor and respect.
Moreover, as the beginning of the article . people who can earn more money can contribute more charity than social life does(这个并列把people和social life 对在一起了) . for example , in may 12^th. 2008. the earthquake strikeàstruck the WenChuan in SiChuan province and so many people gone . so many construction have been destoried . as Chinese people . you might join the aid-team and goingàgo（to）删 there to help to save more suviveor or you may advocate a the performance to let more and more people know the catastrophe and encourage them to donate their money , actually the individual contribution areàis so small . all of contributions above are depend on the comunitiy .imagine if you able to donate 10000 RMB , the money will bring more goods for the survivors . that’s all because ofàbrought by your great job. for this poiot. The job and social life can get the familiar score(什么意思？)

.Finaly , the job make us substantial . that can help ourselves to locate where we are and who we are And what we go for . People who get nothing to do in whole day but sleep , eat and play , by the time goes he will taste the tedium. And lost himself .However , we can accumulate more and more working experiences which make our feel happy. Pay your energy to learn something and that（两个连词？） ensure you will become the expert on what you did .that not only for yourself’s development but also for your family members（谓语呢） . because the job’s payment ,it will bring more goods for your children and will also raise the quality of life about your family like（like加doing） to buy a bigger house, put your children to a better school that sort the things. Those things that（这个连词在这里是做什么呢？） the social life can not fulfill .
In conclusion , the definition of happiness is depend on everyoneselves（额没这个单词） .it dosen’s means someone grab the happiness even if they had a sheer great job. But irrefutablely in most of time, you had a good job ,it will bring you more significant things than social activites does .

608字数，很好，有高分的潜质，其中的有些单词句型用法很好

第一个问题，有句号但是不成句子，句号的不当使用会导致句意的理解发生错误，你看看是不是应该用，的你用了。

第二，that的用法需要改进，that做定语从句的连词时的相关语法建议再复习下



加油，一定要保持字数！

cooperdw

For most of times , we admire those people who are very successful in their domain, and hope could be same level with them by our diligent effort. But as we all know that the success is not so easy to get. Only a few people could taste that happiness in the end. during the way to success, we always look back to summarize the failure experiences and try to avoid those mistakes ,failures and do more better next time. Actually that not enough , we not only need to make clear the defects of ourselves and what we need to improve but also need to focus on how to cultivate the character and some special skill for success. In my opionion, these two elements are the most significant factor for one’s future.
First of all , the people who succeed must have a dogged character to support them , because on the way to one’s goal , there must get a lot of troubles and tough things waiting for them , some times the trouble could destroy their hopes and try to let them realize that is impossible to succeed. So many people will drop their original plan and give up in the end. although the harsh reality to tell them there is no way or a small chance to win , the real hero will never submit and try to find the way to keep forward and finally their name will be momerized by others just because their unbeatable character . Maichel Jordan
, are the shinest star in NBA, loss more than hundreds of game and miss thousands of shoot during his career. But he successed in the end ,why? I still remember what Jordan said : “I failed over and over and over again, that is why I succeed !”so if you sesearch the path to get the brilliance ,please try to practice your tough character over and over again.Furthermore, how to talk with others and comprehend the meaning from other’s word can support the successful people as well. As we know , the relationship-network is the fundamental . we can not do all the things ourselves and most of time our friends ,colleagues , customers may support us with their abilities that we don’t have. But the pre-condition is how to establish the good relationship with them. Especially for the successful people , they must execl at skill of communication , for instance Ma Yun are the best merchant on electric-network platform for commercial affairs . his belief is that you have to know what your employee thinking and try to talk with them by their style, and for customers we must listem those requirements from them and show our faith to make deal with them.. We still should be patient even if the customer have no interest in our business. It’s hard to say them want choose us as their cooperative partner next time.so that is all by comumication.
From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that although there are so many factors on who to get success , yet the most important of most important is your inspiration for the goalandthe way to communicate with those people who will affect your success.

cooperdw

“It’s more happy to give than to receive”, that will be agreed by so many peoples who have en reasonable job themselves. people with superb capability in some areas or get a incredible payment job are able to contribute, are able（略显累赘可删，不然应该要加and） to let others’s life become more and more agreeable and happy .other people’s happiness is all about what you did , maybe you cost money or you spent your energy to assist other peoples , however your action will raise your definition on “happiness”.(这句句子的结构问题在于没有连词maybe 和however都不能连接句子；raise your defination是提高定义？用enhance the understanding of “happiness”会不会比较好？) Although（从属连词要有主句啊） the social activities also could bring the happiness as much as job does. It’s undoubted that it’s more significant when you have a great job.
The main reason for my view ,is that you will be very proundàproud if you get a high-salary job . such as high-tech engineer , dentist , laweràlawyer and so on .becauseàbecause of those jobs , your capability will be affirmed by others. Thanks to your hard working and diligent fighting 这里是你秀词汇的好地方啊historical responsibility, sense of mission要抓住机会, you finally get those jobs that most people unable to engageàengage in . This will be your greatest achievement in your whole life and you will never forget . the great job not only indicates your ability to earn money , but also shows the value yourself . sometimes when we face the trouble during our work, if you can searchàmake out/find the solution for the problem that confuses other peoples for long period . that means only you can get this ,à. so the company will undergo loss if you didn’s be(这个是什么？) hired and that will bring you honor and respect.
Moreover, as the beginning of the article . people who can earn more money can contribute more charity than social life does(这个并列把people和social life 对在一起了) . for example , in may 12^th. 2008. the earthquake strikeàstruck the WenChuan in SiChuan province and so many people gone . so many construction have been destoried . as Chinese people . you might join the aid-team and goingàgo（to）删 there to help to save more suviveor or you may advocate a the performance to let more and more people know the catastrophe and encourage them to donate their money , actually the individual contribution areàis so small . all of contributions above are depend on the comunitiy .imagine if you able to donate 10000 RMB , the money will bring more goods for the survivors . that’s all because ofàbrought by your great job. for this poiot. The job and social life can get the familiar score(什么意思？)

.Finaly , the job make us substantial . that can help ourselves to locate where we are and who we are And what we go for . People who get nothing to do in whole day but sleep , eat and play , by the time goes he will taste the tedium. And lost himself .However , we can accumulate more and more working experiences which make our feel happy. Pay your energy to learn something and that（两个连词？） ensure you will become the expert on what you did .that not only for yourself’s development but also for your family members（谓语呢） . because the job’s payment ,it will bring more goods for your children and will also raise the quality of life about your family like（like加doing） to buy a bigger house, put your children to a better school that sort the things. Those things that（这个连词在这里是做什么呢？） the social life can not fulfill .
In conclusion , the definition of happiness is depend on everyoneselves（额没这个单词） .it dosen’s means someone grab the happiness even if they had a sheer great job. But irrefutablely in most of time, you had a good job ,it will bring you more significant things than social activites does .

608字数，很好，有高分的潜质，其中的有些单词句型用法很好

第一个问题，有句号但是不成句子，句号的不当使用会导致句意的理解发生错误，你看看是不是应该用，的你用了。

第二，that的用法需要改进，that做定语从句的连词时的相关语法建议再复习下



加油，一定要保持字数！

-- by 会员 lmylacoste (2012/12/12 15:21:34)

#########################################################

这篇作文我自己总结如下经验：
1。在写作中如何使用句号，不要想当然轻易断句。使用句号之前看看是否有能包含了 连接词

2。对于让步状语重句的应用，始终要注意链接主句和从句使用逗号，另外再多复习一下让步的用法

3。对于That的应用 想当然了，重复习语法书

45573asdasd

For most of times , we admire those people who are very successful in their domain, and hope could be（hope that we could be） same level with them by our diligenteffort. But as we all know that the success is not so easy to get. Only a few people could taste that happiness in the end（很好）. during the way to success, we always look back to summarize the failure experiences and try to avoid those mistakes ,failures and do（病句，两个事物间用and） more better next time. Actually that not enough（少谓语） , we not only need to make clear the defects（词和词之间一定要能搭配起来。clear 和defects是不是略显不搭？使缺点个清楚？） of ourselves and what we need to improve but also need to focus on how to cultivate the character and some special skill for success. In my opionion, these two elements are the most significant factor for one’s future.
First of all , the people who succeed must have a dogged character to support them , because on the way to one’s goal ,there must  get（不知道能不能这样啊，there get从没见过啊， be多好） a lot of troubles and tough things waiting for them , （改用句号一定不要用逗号）some times the trouble could destroy their hopes and try to let them realize that is impossible to succeed. So many people will drop their original plan and give up in the end. although the harsh reality to tell them there is no way or a small chance to win , the real hero will never submit and try to find the way to keep forward and finally their name will be momerized by others just because their unbeatable character . Maichel Jordan（亮点）
, are the shinest star in NBA, loss more than hundreds of game and miss thousands of shoot during his career. But he successed in the end ,why? I still remember what Jordan said : “I failed over and over and over again, that is why I succeed !”（很好，但好像引号在托福中没见人用过，这不算错误啦，你知道就好）So if you sesearch the path to get the,please try to practice your tough character over and over again.Furthermore, how to talk with others and comprehend the meaning from other’s word can support the successful people as well. As we know , the relationship-network is the fundamental . we can not do all the things ourselves and most of time our friends ,colleagues , customers may support us with their abilities that we don’t have. But the pre-condition is how to establish the good relationship with them. Especially for the successful people , they must execl at skill of communication , for instance Ma Yun are the best merchant on electric-network platform for commercial affairs . his belief is that you have to know what your employee thinking and try to talk with them by their style, and for customers we must listem those requirements from them and show our faith to make deal with them.. We still should be patient even if the customer have no interest in our business. It’s hard to say them want choose us as their cooperative partner next time.so that is all by comumication.


From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that although there are so many factors onaffect who to get success , yet the most important of most important is your inspiration for the goalandthe way to communicate with those people who will affect your success.

很不错了，语言很精准，580很多了，30min 内的作品的花我只能膜拜。表扬的就不多说了。
1.这篇文章存在逻辑错误，在第一段，你用了not only but also，这是一个强调并列关系的词组，但后面你并没有对clear defects 进行论证。
2。你的主体论证部分怎么能不分段啊？而且你既然用了first，我却找不到second。
3.你第一段中提到了some special skill。 但是teamwork 的能力好像和skill有点距离。如果能有一句过渡会显得自然点，你说呢？