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[作文互改] 新G argument 152,求拍,求拍,

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楼主
发表于 2012-10-30 23:14:39 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
152. The following appeared in a memo to the board of directors of Bargain Brand Cereals.

"One year ago we introduced our first product, Bargain Brand breakfast cereal. Our very low prices quickly drew many customers away from the top-selling cereal companies. Although the companies producing the top brands have since tried to compete with us by lowering their prices and although several plan to introduce their own budget brands, not once have we needed to raise our prices to continue making a profit. Given our success in selling cereal, we recommend that Bargain Brand now expand its business and begin marketing other low-priced food products as quickly as possible."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

In the memo, considering that the lasting welcome of the Bargain Brand breakfast cereal from customers and advantages over other companies on such products, the author recommends that Bargain Brand Cereals should expand business for other low-priced food products. Even though the argument seems to be well-presented and reasonable in somehow, I am afraid it can hardly bear further consideration because of insufficient information about the specific situation such as market share and unsubstantiated confidence of future success of other low-priced food products in the market.

First and foremost, as we know, sound and persuasive evidence always needs specific data and result from comprehensive surveys. Words such like 'quickly drew many customers away' cannot be a sufficient proof to prove the company's high and steady status in the market. In order to make clear that whether the company have steady income from the low-priced cereal business and competence to expand its business, the author should answer the many questions about specific situations, such as 'what is the market share of the cereals produced by the company?' 'Is the low-priced cereal welcomed by customers as one year ago?' The answers to these questions will provide an accurate picture of the company's situation.

Furthermore, the author only mentions about that the company does not need to raise our prices to continue making a profit even though the competitors tried to lower their price of products. However, the author does not present enough information that Bargain Brand breakfast cereal can ensure its market status in the future. The author ignores to provide information about the competitors, such as 'what is their business strategy in the future?' 'Will they continue to lower their products' price?' 'Will the customers change their buying inclination if the competitors' product price continue to lower?' In order to estimate the threat from competitors in the future, the author should answer these questions at first.

In addition to the above, there is no proof in the argument which can substantiate the competitiveness of the company in the other fields of the market. For example: how can the author assure that strategy of low-price will succeed again in the fields? Probably just because there was no company producing low-price products in the field of cereal, the introduction of budget brands by Bargain Brand Cereals is like a surprise attack and made a great success. But what will happen if the situation in other fields is different? Will such strategy success again? The author cannot answer such questions. Before reaching a conclusion the author should make comprehensive investigation and answer the foregoing questions in order to avoiding risks.

To sum up, after pointing out so many questions which need to be answered by the author, we can say that the evidence cited in the argument can hardly be relied on. Before reaching a final conclusion and making recommendation, the author should answer the questions listed above in order to have a more accurate picture about the market status of the company and perspective of the future market.
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沙发
发表于 2012-10-31 10:45:17 | 只看该作者
considering that the lasting welcome of the Bargain Brand breakfast cereal from customers and advantages over other companies on such products,


第一句话有问题,the lasting welcome of什么意思啊?
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-31 11:09:24 | 只看该作者
表示“持续热销”之类的含义,不知道怎样表达,查了词典也没找到,只好乱写了。
地板
发表于 2012-10-31 21:45:37 | 只看该作者
表示“持续热销”之类的含义,不知道怎样表达,查了词典也没找到,只好乱写了。
-- by 会员 zhanghaolin (2012/10/31 11:09:24)

不知道你是如何看出持久热销的?这是你自己引入的新的信息,而非题目中出现的
5#
发表于 2012-10-31 21:57:07 | 只看该作者
in somehow??
the many questions这里不需要the
第一段的内容我感觉LZ说的有点虚,你首先应指出题目应对哪些问题作出回应,并且什么样的回应才可以支持题目的结论,然后再说题目中缺乏相信的信息,而只是模糊的说明,因而……as we know, sound and persuasive evidence always needs specific data and result from comprehensive surveys. Words such like 'quickly drew many customers away' cannot be a sufficient proof to prove the company's high and steady status in the market. 类似这样的话,尽量少说,而需要的是你具体地说明,比如,你说quickly不能怎么样,那你在写的时候就要说说具体怎么样的信息才能这样。
6#
发表于 2012-10-31 22:02:02 | 只看该作者
二三段类似。
最后提个建议,LZ可以写的更具体些,而不止于指出问题,并且尽量让中间的三点能形成一个逻辑链,环环相扣,步步推进,这样论述的气势就出来了。
7#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-31 22:05:48 | 只看该作者
谢谢竹林中人的建议。
8#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-10-31 22:11:40 | 只看该作者
竹林中人确实说的不错,文章中很多地方我就是套模板,自己都感到写的纯论述,假大空,比较虚,没有什么内容。另外我实在感到30min之内,好像写不完啊,基本上我都要花费40分钟左右,要不只能码400来词,还有20来天杀鸡,怎么办啊,求帮助。
9#
发表于 2012-10-31 22:46:49 | 只看该作者
竹林中人确实说的不错,文章中很多地方我就是套模板,自己都感到写的纯论述,假大空,比较虚,没有什么内容。另外我实在感到30min之内,好像写不完啊,基本上我都要花费40分钟左右,要不只能码400来词,还有20来天杀鸡,怎么办啊,求帮助。
-- by 会员 zhanghaolin (2012/10/31 22:11:40)

加油,坚持写下去,等你的大脑里面有了一个自己的写作模式,就会很快的,argu的类型就那么几个,错误也就常见的几个,熟悉了,自己的模板就出来了
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