麻煩請幫我改一下這篇098

farbaby

麻煩請大家幫我改一下這篇,感謝

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98.If you were asked to send one thing representing your country to an international exhibition, what would you choose? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

     If I were asked to send one thing representing my country to an international exhibition, I would choose a painting. From my point of view, there are a few reasons as follows.

     To begin with, paintings can express people's daily life. Paintings are very realistic and can show how people in different parts of the country go about their daily lives. For example, how people in various levels dress, what kinds of houses they live in, and what kinds of transportation they use. So, other country's people can easily know what my country's living through paintings.

     In addition, paintings can reflect people's emotion to their country. People usually draw a painting with certain emotion that they expect their country or future to be such as a stable, hard working, and joyful life. As a result, people in country can see an obvious goal to achieve without loosing their minds. This kind of painting can point out a brilliant future and a marvelous hope not only to our country but also to the people all over the world.

     Last but not least, paintings are easily understood. Paintings are an international language that even other country's people can apprehend them without complicated translating steps. Needless to say, people can easily appreciate the paintings escape misunderstanding.

     Therefore, paintings can express people's daily life and reflect people's emotion without misunderstanding so I totally support that send a painting representing my country to an international exhibition.

guandream

以下是引用farbaby在2004-10-31 2:18:00的发言：
麻煩請大家幫我改一下這篇,感謝

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98.If you were asked to send one thing representing your country to an international exhibition, what would you choose? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

     If I were asked to send one thing representing my country to an international exhibition, I would choose a painting. From my point of view, there are a few reasons as follows.(direct and clear, but repeated from the topic)

     To begin with, paintings can express people's daily life. Paintings reflect the realistic life that varies around the world. are very realistic and can show how people in different parts of the country go about their daily lives. For example, the custumes, building styles and transportataion is completely different between South America and Asia.(if some details added in this part, it will be better)how people in various levels dress, what kinds of houses they live in, and what kinds of transportation they use. So thus, other country's people can easily know what my other country's living through paintings.

     In addition, paintings can reflect people's emotion to their country. People usually draw a painting with certain emotion that they expect their country or future to be such as a stable, hard working, and joyful life. As a result, people in country can see an obvious goal to achieve without loosing their minds. This kind of painting can point out a brilliant future and a marvelous hope not only to our country but also to the people all over the world.(this conclusion is weakly related to the topic sentence)

     Last but not least, paintings are easily understood. Paintings are an international language that even other country's people can apprehend them without complicated translating steps. Needless to say, people can easily appreciate the paintings escape misunderstanding.(this paragraph seems a little weak, but I donot know how to write it better)

     Therefore, paintings can express people's daily life and reflect people's emotion without misunderstanding so I totally support that send a painting representing my country to an international exhibition.

good conclusion

the topic is still  board in this essay. paintings include different styles that are against some your supporting points, especailly the last point.

your language is good.

practice makes perfect

farbaby

感謝guandream的耐心指導,我又做了一些修改,希望能再給我一些建議

98.If you were asked to send one thing representing your country to an international exhibition, what would you choose? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

     If I were asked to send one thing representing my country to an international exhibition, I would choose a painting. From my point of view, there are a few reasons as follows.

     To begin with, paintings can express people's daily life. Paintings reflect the realistic life that varies around the world. For example, the customs, building styles and transportations are completely different between South America and Asia. Thus, other country's people can easily know what other country's living through paintings.

     In addition, paintings can point out a perspective to their country. People usually draw a painting with certain emotion that they expect their country or future to be stable and joyful. As a result, people in country can see an obvious goal to achieve without loosing their minds. This kind of painting can point out a brilliant future and a marvelous hope not only to our country but also to the people all over the world.

     Last but not least, paintings are easily appreciate without translating. Paintings that consist of a series of signs and color are an international language that even other country's people can apprehend them without complicated translating steps. Needless to say, people can easily appreciate the paintings by their real heart escape misunderstanding.

     Therefore, paintings can express people's daily life and point out a perspective without complicated translating steps so I totally support that send a painting representing my country to an international exhibition.

guandream

以下是引用farbaby在2004-11-1 19:37:00的发言：

感謝guandream的耐心指導,我又做了一些修改,希望能再給我一些建議

98.If you were asked to send one thing representing your country to an international exhibition, what would you choose? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

     If I were asked to send one thing representing my country to an international exhibition, I would choose a painting. From my point of view, there are a few reasons as follows.

     To begin with, paintings can express people's daily life. Paintings reflect the realistic life that varies around the world. For example, the customs, building styles and transportations are completely different between South America and Asia. Thus, other country's people can easily know what how people in other countries live other country's living through paintings.

     In addition, paintings can point out a perspective to of their country. People usually draw a painting with certain emotion that they expect their country or future to be stable and joyful. As a result, people in country can see an obvious goal to achieve without loosing their minds. This kind of painting can point out a brilliant future and a marvelous hope not only to our country but also to the people all over the world.( I still donot get your point here, and the connection bewteen the topic sentense does not exit. you need to rewrite these sentences)

     Last but not least, paintings are easily appreciated without translating. Paintings that consist of a series of signs and color are an international language that even other country's people can apprehend them without complicated translating steps. Needless to say, people can easily appreciate the paintings by their real heart escape misunderstanding.

     Therefore, paintings can express people's daily life and point out a perspective without complicated translating steps so I totally support that send a painting representing my country to an international exhibition.

good essay. rewrite the point I mention.

practice makes perfect

soaring

thanks~

pengstone

如果能举例说出几幅具体的画就更好了。

dengzi

我也觉得focus一个比较具体的东西比较好。

farbaby

請問一下大家指的"具體"是指什麼?具體painting的名字嗎?像是潑墨山水畫?(可是我也不知道這個英文怎麼講?)因為我對這方面所知有限,如果可以的話,麻煩提供一下幾個例子好嗎?感謝....

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另外,這一段我還是不知道該怎麼改耶,寫來寫去我都糊塗了,好無力>,<

In addition, paintings can point out a perspective of their country. People usually draw a painting with certain emotion that they expect their country or future to be stable and joyful. As a result, people in country can see an obvious goal to achieve without loosing their minds. This kind of painting can point out a brilliant future and a marvelous hope not only to our country but also to the people all over the world.( I still donot get your point here, and the connection bewteen the topic sentense does not exit. you need to rewrite these sentences)

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-11-3 21:48:18编辑过]

guandream

In addition, paintings can point out a perspective of their country. People usually draw a painting with certain emotion that they expect their country or future to be stable and joyful. some of paintings inspired people to pursue their life style that expresses in the paintings. Qing ming he shang tu, a famous painting that described the peaceful and harmorny life in Song Dynastry, not only spread the life style at that time but also encouraged descendants to chase their desired life style. the painting brings people the attaching meanings as well as the beuity(I donot how to spell).

just for reference, I am not sure that it is the same idea that you want to express.

farbaby

感謝guandream的指導,辛苦辛苦了!

the painting brings people the attaching meanings as well as the beuity

請問那個紅色的字是要表示什麼呀?我查不到這個單字耶