付图图的作文帖 求调教！！求蹂躏！！

小兔爱twins

我迟点来你给改哈~~  这头像真的十分欠调教。。。。 大爱卷福啊哈哈哈

小兔爱twins

我们是互改综合的。。。。。 你改了我的独立

小兔爱twins

The reading material questions the accuracy of Chevalier de Seingalt's memoir, arguing that some events were distorted or even invented. The lecturer, however, holds the view that his memoir is based on his experience for the following three reasons.

First, borrowing money does not necessarily mean his poverty. In Switzerland, parties and gambling were so demanding 最好能跟原文靠近 不要自己yy。。 听力原文是说 C花很多钱并没有说在switzerland party什么的很需求。。。 that Chevalier had to convert his property to cash. And that required time to complete. Therefore, Chevalier borrowed money from a Swiss merchant.

Second, it is Chevalier's taking notes every time after the conversation that determines the accuracy of the conversations between Chevalier and Voltaire. Some of his friends confirmed that he often consulted the notes to write the memoir several years later, which proves the accuracy.

Third, he must not have escaped from the Venetian prison by bribing jailers for the simple reason that even other prisoners, who were in better connection with powerful politicians, failed to do so（fail这个词用得有点yy 听力中 他并不是没有做成 而是不太可能去做）. Besides, the government reported 换成documented that the ceiling was repaired after Chevalier's escape. Those two pieces of evidence indicate that it was much more likely for him to escape by climbing the roof.

fuzhengrui

谢谢 我改正

The reading material questions the accuracy of Chevalier de Seingalt's memoir, arguing that some events were distorted or even invented. The lecturer, however, holds the view that his memoir is based on his experience for the following three reasons.

First, borrowing money does not necessarily mean his poverty. In Switzerland, parties and gambling were so demanding 最好能跟原文靠近 不要自己yy。。 听力原文是说 C花很多钱并没有说在switzerland party什么的很需求。。。 that Chevalier had to convert his property to cash. And that required time to complete. Therefore, Chevalier borrowed money from a Swiss merchant.

Second, it is Chevalier's taking notes every time after the conversation that determines the accuracy of the conversations between Chevalier and Voltaire. Some of his friends confirmed that he often consulted the notes to write the memoir several years later, which proves the accuracy.

Third, he must not have escaped from the Venetian prison by bribing jailers for the simple reason that even other prisoners, who were in better connection with powerful politicians, failed to do so（fail这个词用得有点yy 听力中 他并不是没有做成 而是不太可能去做）. Besides, the government reported 换成documented that the ceiling was repaired after Chevalier's escape. Those two pieces of evidence indicate that it was much more likely for him to escape by climbing the roof.

-- by 会员 小兔爱twins (2012/9/4 3:43:05)

面具小姐

9.3独立作文改
红色错误 绿色建议 蓝色吐槽 高亮精彩


Do you agree with the following statement? It is better tospend money on traveling and vacation than save money for the future.



Traveling to other places is appealing to many people who have to suffer fromgreat pressure at either work or school (in either work or life感觉work和school有重。。). Thetraveling population (The number of tourists) has been skyrocketingfor the last decade thanks to the increasing quality of life. Personally, I am inclined to travel rather than save money.



Traveling is an(经历吧) unforgettable experience in our life, withoutwhich our life would be boring and tedious. My uncle and aunt are definitely(这个词用得怪怪的呐。。) fanatic about traveling. They went to Italy on the yearly（我就只会annual）break, toured in(to) Japan during the Spring Festival and also enjoyed the fabulous viewsin Egypt in July. They all (both) had a verygood time, experienced different cultures, made warm-hearted friends and took lots ofpictures which will become their treasure when they get old. They regard thesetrips to different parts of the world as lubricant that enables them to work moreefficiently in the future.



Traveling is not always a period of time whenwe spend our money likewater (感觉有点怪旅行是一段XXX的时间?). Apart from the precious experiences, we can even earn money from the trips. Myfriend Zhang is a seniorand she is eager to find a job or an (实习可数) internship to make herself occupied. Last summer vacation, she spent all thetime on the trip to Europe (这意思更像是所有时间都花在去的路上了。。。). During the trip, she stumbled on a chance tobe a waitress in the local restaurant. She didn’t need to work on weekends soshe wandered around to experience the local culture and get (got) a better understanding of people there. She managed (节制自己吗？managed her money very well ) herself very well and wasted no money. In the end of the trip, sheeven earned one hundred Euros. So traveling doesn’t mean spending money all the time.



While I believe that spending our money on our trips is a good idea(为什么哦。。), we should be aware of the importance of budgeting before we set off.Another friend of mine, Liu, lives in a very wealthy family and has money to burn(图图你太厉害了 这么多有钱的词都被你发现了). Wherever he goes, he spends the entire trip in the local five-starhotels. So convenient and luxury the hotels are that he is even unwilling to gooutside and explore the city or sniff around. That kind of trip, I think, is nothing but a wasteof money as well as time.



To sum up, I prefer travelling because weshould explore the rest of our amazing world as long as we have the chances.And money is meant to be(doomed to be也行) spent. If we just sit there and worry aboutwhat emergency we will encounter or what a huge amount of money will be cost during the trip, our life is no longercolorful or exciting. So from my perspective, traveling is the better choiceover saving money.
图图这次的句式感觉很简单，好多we呢另外，其他我也找不出错误了。。。~~

fuzhengrui

综合写作：

TPO9

The reading material argues that fuel-cell engines have several advantages over internal-combustion engines and will replace them. The lecturer, however, holds the view that it is much less optimistic than what the reading indicates for the following reasons.

First, although hydrogen is a renewable resource, its producing procedures are too demanding. We cannot utilize it until it becomes the pure liquid, which requires minus 253 Celsius degrees and can only be made artificially. Besides, storing is a problem too.

Second, despite less polluted gas emitted from fuel-cell engines, there may be more pollution when the hydrogen is produced.This kind of source needs to be purified before use which burns much coal as well as oil. Therefore, hydrogen is not as clean as what we might think.

Third, fuel-cell engines should be made by expensive platinum. So far, all attempts to find alternative chemicals to platinum have turned out to be a failure. That makes it less likely to be put into market.

haduni

The reading material argues that fuel-cellengines have several advantages over internal-combustion engines and willreplace them. The lecturer, however, holds the view that it is much lessoptimistic than what the reading indicates for the following reasons.

First, although hydrogen is a renewableresource, its producing procedures are too demanding. We cannot utilize ituntil it becomes the pure liquid, which requires minus 253 Celsius degrees（这个好强大，我根本来不及记录这些细节） and can only bemade artificially. Besides, storing（storage of the hydrogen）is a problem too.

Second, despite less polluted gas emitted from fuel-cell engines(“releaseless polluted emission”这是一个替换写法 ), there may be more pollution when the hydrogen is produced. This kind ofsource needs to be purified before use which burns much coal as well as oil.Therefore, hydrogen is not as clean as what we might think（as we think,这样就好了吧）.

Third, fuel-cell engines should be made by expensive platinum（“白金”，好吧，这个词我查了才认识）. So far, all attempts to find alternative chemicals to（for） platinum have turnedout to be a failure. That makes it less likely to be put into market.


1          字数有点少：如果有时间的话，将reading里的内容适当的联系一点吧，可以增加一些字数。
2          要点都写出来了，并且，你对听力中的细节记录很详细。
3          如果可以象征性的写一个结尾段的话，就会更好，否则，这样不太像一个完整的文章。
4          赞一句，你对细节的把握整的很好，全篇之后竟然没有任何的拼写错误。要向你学习！

fuzhengrui

谢谢你的意见^_^
以前我以为阅读里面的信息考官默认考生是知道的，不需要大段复述，所以只是简单提了一下，也没有考虑字数问题
之前也没有写结尾的习惯。。。现在应该改一下
release是动词，没有releaseless这个词
在yahoo.com上搜索alternative for 和alternative to得到的搜索结果相差不大，都很多，大概在1320，000，000左右。且结果都是外国网站的。。所以这两个应该是等价的把。。   写的时候我也犹豫了一下，但没想太多。

The reading material argues that fuel-cellengines have several advantages over internal-combustion engines and willreplace them. The lecturer, however, holds the view that it is much lessoptimistic than what the reading indicates for the following reasons.

First, although hydrogen is a renewableresource, its producing procedures are too demanding. We cannot utilize ituntil it becomes the pure liquid, which requires minus 253 Celsius degrees（这个好强大，我根本来不及记录这些细节） and can only bemade artificially. Besides, storing（storage of the hydrogen）is a problem too.

Second, despite less polluted gas emitted from fuel-cell engines(“releaseless polluted emission”这是一个替换写法 ), there may be more pollution when the hydrogen is produced. This kind ofsource needs to be purified before use which burns much coal as well as oil.Therefore, hydrogen is not as clean as what we might think（as we think,这样就好了吧）.

Third, fuel-cell engines should be made by expensive platinum（“白金”，好吧，这个词我查了才认识）. So far, all attempts to find alternative chemicals to（for） platinum have turnedout to be a failure. That makes it less likely to be put into market.


1字数有点少：如果有时间的话，将reading里的内容适当的联系一点吧，可以增加一些字数。
2要点都写出来了，并且，你对听力中的细节记录很详细。
3如果可以象征性的写一个结尾段的话，就会更好，否则，这样不太像一个完整的文章。
4赞一句，你对细节的把握整的很好，全篇之后竟然没有任何的拼写错误。要向你学习！

-- by 会员 haduni (2012/9/5 9:10:07)

fuzhengrui

这篇写的不认真。。。求批评
综合写作：

TPO10

The reading material argues the pollution hypothesis seems more plausible to explain the repaid decline of sea otters. The lecturer, however, holds the view that attacks by predators are the culprit in the following three aspects.

First, no dead sea otters have been found around the Alaskan coast, which disproves the pollution theory. That piece of evidence is consistent with the predator theory that sea otters are eaten up by their predators.

Second, human hunters' involvement deprives the predators of their food and predators have to change their diets to other sea mammals such as seals and sea lions. Therefore, it is not the pollutants that kill the sea otters.

Third, the predators of sea otters do not like to live in rocky and shallow water areas, where the amount of sea otters remains the same. This piece of evidence proves the predator theory as well. Therefore, it is not the diffusion of pollutants that cause the uneven decline in sea otters.

婷婷connie

9.5 综合改文
TPO10
红色错误，蓝色讨论，高亮赞~

The reading material argues (that) the pollution hypothesis seems more plausible to explain the repaid（rapid） decline of sea otters. The lecturer, however, holds the view that attacks by predators are the culprit (这个词挺好，但是逻辑不对应，attacks怎么会是culprit,应该是predators are the culprit)in the following three aspects.

First, no dead sea otters(otters’ bodies是尸体没有找到)have been found around(off)the Alaskan coast, which disproves the pollution theory. That piece of evidence is consistent with the predator theory that sea otters are eaten up by their predators.

Second, human hunters' involvement deprives the predators of their food（orcas of their food whales) and predators have to change their diets to other sea mammals such as seals and sea lions. Therefore, it is not the pollutants that kill the sea otters(, but orcas).

Third, the predators of sea otters do not like to live in（are not accessible to这里不是它们不喜欢，而是身体太大，去不了） rocky and shallow water areas, where the amount of sea otters remains the same（stable）. This piece ofevidence proves the predator theory as well. Therefore, it is not the diffusion of pollutants that cause(causes) the uneven decline in sea otters.

Conclusion:

1.每一段的连词可以换一下，像moreover, additionally, what is more之类的，用first, second, third有点单调哦

2.词汇很丰富的说

3.有一些细节还要抓紧，像第二段的orca,最好点一下

4.总的来说，写的还是不错的~