这样的作文算跑题吗？请前辈帮我修改一下。

shy725 · 发表于 2004-10-27 01:08:00

Think of the most interesting class you have ever taken. Why did you enjoy this class so much? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.

The answer about this statement is depending on personal experience,personality type and emotional concern. We may find some people enjoy music class,meanwhile, others preper to take the sports class.There are so many choice about this topic. However, in my point of view,I like to take computer class.My arguments about this point are listed as follows.

The main reason for my propensity is leaning computer can help me communicate with my friends and my family more often.For example,before I learning to use aomputer ,I just call my family every month or write some letters.It take me more time and money than using computer.Though this computer class, I can email our famliy,even talk though the computer.It is more convenient for me.Any time and any place you can connect with them,whatever they are at home or not.I needn't wait for the letter from my family.

Another reason can be seen by everyone is that it is more easy to see some news recently.In colledge,we just have one TV set in our room.Every one prefer different programs.After we learn to use computer we can go to the internet to find the program which we like.For isntance,I like listening music,I can find any music that I like,It is very easy.My roommate care about the news she can find the recently news about all over the world without waiting for the TV program schedule.

last but not the least,after I taking the computer class,I can buy something I like though the computer.Sometimes I will buy some books or DVD though internet.It save a lot of time and a lot of energy for me . I don't like shopping, but though the internet I can buy anything that I want,even TV set or computer .I needn't go to shopping mall and carry it by myself.

There are still many other reasons that can account for my fondness,but obvious one have been presented.So I strongly commit to the notion that my favorite class is the computer class.After learning to use it ,It make my life more easy than before.I enjoy this class so much!

请大家帮我看一下，周五马上就要考试了，这样的作文大概可以多少分啊？多谢了！

friend_friend · 发表于 2004-10-27 07:48:00

不客气地说,写得是有些跑题了.文章论述了COMPUTER在你生活中的重要性.以此做为喜欢COMPUTER CLASS的理由就显得比较牵强.如果能够在如何在COMPUTER CLASS上学得有用的知识,以及此课的教授方式如何把枯燥的知识生动起来,会扣题更紧.

另外,文章正确表达意思的能力还较弱.句子罗列,没有承转结合.语法错误和拼写错误较多.还需要加强基本功练习.

3 - 3.5

pengstone · 发表于 2004-10-27 21:45:00

FF说得有道理.

另外在考试时尽量避免一些可以避免的语法错误. 因为这些错误而被扣分实在不值得.

例如,在第一段里,There are so many choice

第二段里, before I learning to use aomputer ,I just call

shy725 · 发表于 2004-10-27 23:51:00

非常感谢你们的指导，我要是早点来这就好了，还有两天就考试了，我还能做些什么呢？

shy725 · 发表于 2004-10-28 00:04:00

FF, 谢谢你的帮助，你能再帮我修改一下吗？你说的没有起承转合，还有句子罗列我自己不知道该怎么改

马上要考试了，真是急啊，你还会回到这里看一下吗，期待回音！

这样的作文算跑题吗？请前辈帮我修改一下。