大家给我的作文评评分看看能不能到5分

normanzhu

我的目标就是5分.我用简单的句子写的. 不知道这样好不好?? 请NN指点

We all work or will work in our jobs with many different kinds of people, in your opinion, what are some important characteristics of a co-worker (someone you work closely with)? Use reasons and specific example to explain why these characteristics are important

Every person likes to work with good co-workers. A good colleague should be a qualified and reliable employee with good interpersonal skills.

In the first place, a qualified co-worker can do a good job.  For example, an engineer with solid qualifications and skills can maintain the production line in a good condition. You never worry about the production line will stop due to his inefficiency. He knows every detail of machines and interactions between different systems. He can anticipate problems and make preventive actions in advance. When you work with such a co-worker, you will take him as an example.

In the second place, a good co-worker should be reliable. You never worry about he will be late for an appointment or worry about he will make you in a big trouble. If you happen to be a dean in a school, you will be happy to have such a person as a school driver. He will send students to school and back to home punctually and safely. You never worry about a traffic accident or students’ missing a class because he does not do his job well. Such a co-worker makes him a trustable person.

Last but not least, a good co-worker will have excellent interpersonal skills. You will find yourself happy to work with him. He can express his ideas clearly and efficiently. You never have the chance to misunderstand him due to his equivocal words. A good co-worker will have a good sense of humor. You will find it is a pleasant thing to work with him. He always makes a difficult situation single to deal with due to his lovely nature.

To sum up, qualification, reliability and interpersonal skills contribute to characteristics of a good colleague with whom you like to work.

likui

其他不说，首段和尾段就比较淡薄，这是不行的。

托福作文主要看个框架，八股文的说~

所以建议这位朋友研读一下范文。

还有you,your尽量不要出现，you就是阅卷人，我们有胆量对阅卷人指手划脚吗？

normanzhu

先谢谢楼上的朋友

把YOU该成WE可以吗? 这个我还真的没注意.

jch666

除了likui说的问题外，我觉得第2段的主题句不够鲜明。句子之间的衔接也显得较为单调。

pengstone

TWE中最好用people等泛指的第三人称

另外, 楼主的句子结构略显单一.