快考试了，求版主和众高手拍砖

风吹来的砂0

"revious experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age
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1.有其他原因使其他地区经营成功
2.P地区居民喜爱运动服并不代表他们会对NW的健康产品也有兴趣
3.忽略了市场供求的其他因素
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The author's notion that the Nature's Way who sells health food and other health related products will make more profits in Plainsville where the residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives seems at first glance to be an obvious conclusion. However the author doesn't make a cogent argument that building a store in Plainsville will surely profit, other important factors may be masked over without a complete consideration.

First of all, by mentioning in the memorandum that the NW's stores are most profitable in areas where the residents are highly concerned with healthy lives, the author implies that the residents' interest in healthy lives contribute to the success of these stores. However, i am not convinced that's the only factor that help to profit in these areas. For example, perhaps the residents in the most profitable areas have higher economic status than other areas' residents, thus, they are able and likely to spend more money on health food and health-related products which makes them seem more concerned with healthy lives. And maybe the area's residents are most aged people who tend to be more aware of their health, they could be willing to purchase health-related products in order to keep fit. These factors can be overlooked with the author's conclusion.

Additionally, the author draws a correlation stating that the residents in Plainsville who favor running shoes and exercise clothing will also favor the products of NW. I highly suspect that. The  mere fact that the residents there incline to buy exercise clothing and running shoes is insufficient evidence to conclude that they are interested in NW's products. Cause perhaps they just favor fatter style for clothing, and it doesn't mean they care about leading healthy lives a lot, in this case, postulating they will spend much money on the health related products is unwise, let alone profits.

The author cites there are more people than ever who take part in the local health club, weight training and aerobics classes in order to indicate that Plainsville's potential market is fairly big. While i argue that it is not a surefire. Here is the thought, we all know the market values the function of supply and demand, before checking out the true situation of the area, no one can assert there will be profits. As we know, the local health club nearly closed five years ago, even though the members of it are more than ever, it is maybe still not many enough. Even if there are adequate potential customers, the author should take their business opponents into account, fierce competition will pull the profits down.

The argument based on experience could provide potential profitable location for new stores, but before conclusion that a new store in Plainsville will profit greatly, a more complete understanding of all aspects must be acquired. After all, the market has multiple factors that can determine whether a store can profit or not, think twice before action is definitely a wise decision.

竹林中人

make more profits in Plainsville这个比较级是怎么来的？

Cause perhaps they just favor fatter style for clothing,？
The argument based on experience could provide potential profitable location for new stores？？

风吹来的砂0

make more profits in Plainsville这个比较级是怎么来的？

Cause perhaps they just favor fatter style for clothing,？
The argument based on experience could provide potential profitable location for new stores？？

-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/8/14 21:16:24)

版主看得确实很仔细，第一个是跟没P地区条件的地区相比，是我没写明白、第二个是断句标点的问题，前一个句点应该是逗号
这篇文章其他结构或者别的地方还有需要修改的么，谢谢版主，其实这是咱第二篇ARGUMENT，还有第一篇也发上来了，麻烦版主看看