鲜花村的写作贴

猫和鸭

8/21综合 TPO19

In the lecture, Bill who is invited by the marketing class professor completely refutes what stated in the reading passage. According to the passage,it demonstrates that using the buzzer to promote the product has the negative image on marketing. However,in the listening material, Bill is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, he states that buzzer has many positive images for consumers.

First of all, Bill claims that companies always choose the customers who really used their product and realized it very good to be the buzzers. These buzzers will provide their truth feeling on the product which the companies need them to promote to customers. Though these buzzers are paid by companies ,they will never do like the actors who just show the performance not the truth thinking on the TV advertisment. In contrast ,the reading passage points out that the the buzzers always promote the product with the untruthy thinking to customers. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, Bill states that the customers who the buzzers promote the product to are always ask many questions about this product,like its price, the service,and how long the buzzer had been used. It seems the customers are very thoughtful on the product which they really interested in. Contradicting what is stated in the reading that the customers always blind attempt and purchase the product when the buzzer promote it to them.

Finally, Bill raises the issue that promoting a product to friends-another type of customers by the buzzers. This way will help to increase the friendship. Because, if the buzzer introduced a product which he really used and feel its good to his friends,his friends maybe will purchase it and try it . Then they will love it while get a good experience on this product. So there is no doubt that this will improve the relationship between buzzers and their friends. But the reading passage points out that the friends of the buzzers should be unwilling to trust them if the buzzers promote the product to their friends. It opposes to the lecture's expectation.

In conclusion, the point made in the lecture contracts with what is presented in the reading material.

ykhjy

8.21 综合 修改·~
蓝色good  黄色需修改 红色我改的 绿色批注总结
In the lecture, Bill who is invited by the marketing class professor completely refutes what stated in the reading passage. According to the passage,it demonstrates that using the buzzer to promote the product has the negative image on marketing.[总觉得有点奇怪，image有影响的意思么？如果只有印象的意思，就用得不太好了] However,in the listening material, Bill is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, he states that buzzer has many positive images [还是那个问题~文中应该是说得蛮客观的，只是澄清有些人对buzzer的误解。]for consumers.

First of all, Bill claims that companies always choose the customers who really used their product and realized it very good to be the buzzers. These buzzers will provide their truth[true]feeling on the product which the companies need them to promote to customers. Though these buzzers are paid by companies ,they will never do like the actors who just show the performance not the truth thinking on the TV advertisment. In contrast ,the reading passage points out that the the buzzers always promote the product with the untruthy thinking to customers. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.【细节非常好！】

Second, Bill states that the customers who the buzzers promote the product to are always asking many questions about this product,like its price, the service,and how long the buzzer had[has 时态前后要一致把，这个我不确定。可以讨论下]been used [the product] . It seems the customers are very thoughtful on the product which they [are] really interested in. [感觉这句话是自己的观点。文中未提及呀~~不用写的]Contradicting what is stated in the reading that the customers always blindly attempt and purchase the product when the buzzer promotes it to them.

Finally, Bill raises the issue that promoting a product to friends-another type of customers by the buzzers. This way will help to increase the friendship. Because, if the buzzer introduced a product which he really used and feel its good to his friends,his friends maybe will purchase it and try it . Then they will love it while get a good experience on this product. So there is no doubt that this will improve the relationship between buzzers and their friends. But the reading passage points out that the friends of the buzzers should be unwilling to trust them if the buzzers promote the product to their friends. It opposes to the lecture's expectation.【这段有问题，文中没有指出是friends！只是普通buzzer和普通顾客之间的trust   整个社会的trust】

In conclusion, the point made in the lecture contracts with what is presented in the reading material.【细节很具体 挺好的  但要注意不要提及自己观点  不要听错点了】

猫和鸭

独立写作8月22日parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently

As the modern society develops, there is a debate over between that parents should help children to do their work and encourage children to do their work independently. Every man has his faults. Should parents help children to do their work ? Should parents encourage children to do their work independently? Opinions vary among people due to distinct backgrounds. I, however, I prefer the view that parents should encourage children to do their work independently.My view can be greatly substantiated by following reasons.

First, there is no doubt that we need improve children's thinking and problem-solving skills which are important for their future. If we need improve these skills for children ,we need encourage them to do their work by themselves. As it did in the case of my uncle's son Tom who is 12 years old. One day,he asked his father why the car can move on the road by itself. My uncle didn't answer Tom's question directly instead of getting him in the car. He set a example to Tom that how to make the car's engine to work by the car key. and asked Tom the relation between the engine and car. Of cause Tom can't answered it clearly. So after several days, his father bought some car-models from the store while borrowed some special car books from library. Then he encouraged Tom to find the answers from these resources by himself. Tom  had spent his whole spare time on it in that period. Thanks to his father encouragement, he finally find out the answer about why the car can move by itself. The most important thing is that he became to interested in cars and he told me he want be a motorcar engineer in future.

Second, on no account can we ignore the importance of organization of children. Like my little sister Rose.When she was five , she began to be asked arrange her room independently, like clean the trash can, fold her clothes.and arrange all toys and on forth. At the beginning of this process, she asked my mother to help her on this task. But my mother didn't really give her a hand, she just give her some oral directions with setting some simply examples. Like how to fold the clothes.and how to clean the trash from the floor. Though Rose was feeling very confused on these tasks at the beginning. But she tried to think how to deal with these troubles and tried to do them by herself. In spite of she didn't to everything perfectly, but she tried her best to deal with them, and she learned these skills by herself very fast. Her teacher was so proud of her and awarded a big praise before other students when her teacher knew that she can do these things. What a great job Rose did!

Finally, I disagree that parents should help children to do their work because of the recent case about my cousin brother Jackie who is 7-year- old student in elementary school.He doesn't like math because he always get the low grades. But It's a wonder that his math homework is always on the great job. So the teacher who was very confused on it made a home visit. And then the teacher knew from Jackie's father. He said he always help Jackie on the math homework because Jackie doesn't like the math and don't want spend more time on it in the past time. The teacher realized problem and let the father knew that if he always help his child on the homework, that mean this child has no chance to think and solve the problem by himself. He will always depend on his parent's help.So he will never learn math well. Then he will more depressed and more diffidence when he found he always get a low grades.It is conceivable that this pessimistic sentiment will impact his whole life.

From all the above I discussed, I can safely draw the conclusion that in order to the health developing of children, we should let them learn to thinking and handling when they are in some difficult situations and learn to face them. Therefore, the parents should encourage their children learn to do the work independently for sure.

freddychan

As the modern society develops, there is adebate over between that parents should help children to do their work andencourage children to do their work independently. Every man has his faults.Should parents help children to do their work ? Should parents encouragechildren to do their work independently? Opinions vary among people due todistinct backgrounds. I, however, I (去掉) prefer the view that parentsshould encourage children to do their work independently. My view can begreatly substantiated by following reasons.
First, there is no doubt that we need (to) improve children's thinking and problem-solving skills whichare important for their future. If we need improve these skills for children(感觉有点重复，可以尝试用Ifwe want to do so) ,we need(hadbetter) encourage them to do their work by themselves. As it did in thecase of my uncle's son Tom who was 12 years old. One day, he asked his fatherwhy the car can(could)move on the road by itself. Myuncle didn't answer Tom's question directly instead of getting him in the car.(这句话感觉有点奇怪，是不是应该My uncle didn’t answer hisquestion, and instead, got him in the car?) He set a(an) example to Tom that howto make the car's engine to(/)work by the car key, and asked Tom(him)the relations between the engine and (the) car. Of cause Tom can't answered(couldn’t answer) it clearly. So after several days,his father bought some car-models from the store while borrowed some specialcar books from library. Then he encouraged Tom to find the answers from theseresources by himself. Tom had(/)spent his whole spare time on it in that period. Thanks to his father(father’s) encouragement,he finally find(found)out the answer about why the car can move by itself. The most important thingis that he became to(/)interested in cars and he told me he want(wanted to) be a motorcar engineer in future.
Second, on no account can we ignore the importance of organization of children(这是什么意思？孩子们的组织？是自理能力么？self-care ability?). Like my little sister Rose. When she was five ,she began to be asked (to)arrange her room independently, like clean(cleaning) the trash can, fold(folding) her clothes, and arrange(arranging) alltoys and on forth(什么东东？). At the beginning of this process, she asked my mother to help heron this task. But my mother didn't really give her a hand, she just give（gave） her some oral directions with setting some simply examples, likehow to fold the clothe and how to clean the trash from the floor. Though Rose was feeling(felt) very confusedon these tasks at the beginning, but she tried to think how to deal with thesetroubles and tried to do them by herself. In spite of she didn't to everythingperfectly(in spite of后面加的是名词，一般是fact，而且虽然、但是只能用一个，用了though就不能用but), but（/） she tried her best to deal with(handle) them, and she learned theseskills by herself very fast. Her teacher was so proud of her and awarded a bigpraise before(in front of)other students when her teacher knew that she can do these things. What a greatjob Rose did!
Finally, I disagree that parents should help children to do their work becauseof the recent case about my cousin brother Jackie who is 7-year- old student inelementary school. He doesn't like math because he always get(gets) the low grades. ButIt's a wonder(感觉有点中式英语，不需要这句，变为but his math homework is always on the great job.) So the teacherwho was very confused on（about） it made ahome visit. And then the teacher knew from Jackie's father. He said（found out the coreof the question that Jackie’s father） always helps Jackie(him) on the math homeworkbecause Jackie doesn't like the math and don't want (to) spend more time on it in the past time. Theteacher realized problem and let the father knew(know) that if he always help(helps) his child on the homework, that mean(means) this child has nochance to think and solve the problem by himself. He will always depend on hisparent's help. So(,and)he will never learn math well. Thenhe will more(worse still, he will feel much) depressed and morediffidence when he found(finds)he always get(gets) a lowgrades. It is conceivable that this pessimistic sentiment will impact his wholelife.
From all the above I (have) discussed, I can safely draw the conclusion that inorder to the health(healthy) developing of children, we should let them learn to thinking and handling(how tothink and handle) when they are in some difficult situations and learn to face them(/).Therefore, the parents should encourage their children learn to do the workindependently for sure.

Summary:
Merits:  文章写了700多个字，令人惊叹，而且例子也很好，很棒！
Shortcomings：时态问题很严重，还有第三人称单复数问题，我觉得你可以少写点字，多注意一下这方面问题，毕竟老外最讨厌这个。个人觉得其实没必要每个都写例子，有些用文字稍微阐述下就可以了，过多的例子会让文章显得不太紧凑。还有动词的选择方面可以用的更广一点，一意多词，没必要每次都是一样的，就好像一直need，可以转换下。还有句子的标点符号问题，简单句貌似有点小多。
Anyway, 还是重在积累，多谢谢，我觉得你字数没什么问题了，文章结构也很清楚，该在句子精炼上下点功夫了。
鉴于这是我第一次给别人改作文，所以我也不知道该注意什么，把想说的都说了，要是有不对的地方还请多担待哈~~个人观点，仅供参考！
一起加油吧~~ ^_^

猫和鸭

8/23综合写作

The professor explained three aspects of genetically modified tree,each of which has successfully address the problems mentioned in the reading passage concerning survival, cost and negative effect.

First , the professor pointed out that the genetically modified tree will get a problem to survive when it move to a new place where the  environment is not fit for it. Because of the climatic, pest, different environment and on forth. The reading passage ,by contrast ,suggests that the genetically modified tree is hardier then the other nature tree. The reading passage gives a example on the papaya-tree which is transplanted successfully.

The second point of difference between the lecture and the reading passage concerns the cost and profit of planting the genetically modified tree.The professor asserts that the specific company will charge the high fee on the planting genetically modified tree from the farmer for service.

Finally, the professor argues that the genetically modified tree will seize the more resource which the nature tree around them need to depend on for survival, such as light, nutrition, water.because the genetically modified tree always grow faster so they need more resources of course. However, the reading passage contends that the genetically modified tree can prevent can prevent overexploitation of wild trees, specially unique and rare species of trees because they are hardier and grows faster than other trees. It will very useful on economical in our lifes.

In a summary, All above opinions of the lecture illustrate that the professor disagrees with the points in the reading passage.

猫和鸭

8/24独立。。
Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Do you A/D

As the modern society develops, there is a debate over whether movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.Different people hold different opinions on this topic because their distinct backgrounds. Some people agree that the movie and TV have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.In contrast, I prefer to disagree on this view. Myself view can be greatly substantiated by following discussions.

First, there is no doubt that watching movie and TV can make the people very comfortable. Especially for the young people who have the big pressure every day on their work or study. Watching movie and TV enable their to fell relaxed. Like myself, when I'm tried on my body and feel very limp on my brain, I always choose to watch some movies and TV programs which I'm interested in. This recreation will let me feel very comfortable and happy. It will very useful for my coming work or study under stain.

Second, there is no one but longs to make a good relationship with their friends and families. To watch movie and TV with them is a great pleasure of course. Because we can chat with each other on some mutual interested topics or joke with them in this happy time.Like a recent important event about Olympic games, we gathered together and watched TV for different Olympic sports every evening at that period time. I had lots of fun on this recreation with my friends and families.

Finally, on no account can we ignore the value of knowledge. The more knowledge we learn, the more learned we become. I never think that watching movie and TV will give young people more negative effects than positive effects, because there are always two sides to everything. The key is choose the correct program of movie and TV which will beneficial to our young people. Such as political news, 'discovery channel ',even education programs and on forth. I'd l like to rent some English film DVDs or choose some English programs on TV Because of improving my TOEFL listening skills. This learning method,unlike reading books, is not replaceable. I enjoyed every minute of this method that watching English movie and TV.

From all the above I have discussed, I can safely draw the conclusion that in order to have a good life habit for young people, we should improve our social skills and learning skills on the right method, meanwhile, this method also can give us more fun and relax, therefore, watching movie and TV is this right method. So I totally disagree that watching movie and TV have more negative effects than positive effects for young people.

gre呀gre

8.24 独立Movies and television have more negativeeffects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Do you A/D


窝是错误君 窝是没错但是改了更好君 窝是结构君 窝是写的赞！
As the modern society develops, there is adebate over whether movies and television have more negative effects thanpositive effects on the way young people behave(这句话没错啦，窝觉得最好不要原话抄下来，换几个单词会更好，老外会比较喜欢~).Different peoplehold different opinions on this topic because （加上of）their distinct backgrounds. Some peopleagree that the（这里不是特指啦） movie and TV have more negative effects than positive effects on theway young people behave.In contrast, I prefer to disagree on this view（这里指代的有点混乱了，直接说出你自己的观点最好了，或者把this换成such或that会更好）. Myself（反身代词不能这么用吧，换成my就好了） view can be greatly substantiated byfollowing discussions.
这一段结构没什么问题，中间那句提出别人的反面观点，突然就没下文了，感觉有点突兀啊，窝觉得要不然就不提出来，然后放到文章最后做成让步段反驳，要提出来反面观点就一句话反驳一下不成立的理由，这样会更好~

First（first在口语中比较常见，换成firstly更书面一些）, there is no doubt that watching movie and TV can make the peoplevery comfortable. Especially（换成逗号，especially后面不是完整的一句话）for the young people who have the（改成a，不是特指） big pressure every day on（是from吧，pressure一般都是压在人身上的啊） theirwork or study. Watching movie and TV enable their（them吧） to fell（是想说feel？笔误） relaxed. Like myself, when I'm（I am，托福写作不让用简写） tried on my body（窝觉得换成physically更好） andfeel very limp on my brain（窝觉得换成mentally更好）, Ialways choose to watch some movies and TV programs which I'm（I am）interested in. This recreation will let me feel very comfortable and happy. Itwill （加上be）veryuseful for my coming work or study under stain.

Second（secondly）, there is no one but longs to make a goodrelationship with their friends and families. To watch movie and TV with them（，of course，这样写更地道） is a great pleasure of course. （改成逗号，because后面是个从句，不能单独做句子）Because we can chat with each other on some mutual interested topicsor joke（jokes） with them（重复了） in this happy time.Like a recent important event about Olympic games, we gathered together andwatched TV for（on更好吧） different Olympic sports everyevening at that period time. I had lots of fun on this recreation withmy friends and families.

Finally, on no account can we ignore the value of knowledge.The more knowledge we learn, the more learned（窝觉得换成wiser更贴切） webecome. I never think（换成have never thought更好） that watching movie and TV will give young people more negativeeffects than positive effects, because there are always two sides to（on更好吧） everything. The key is （加上to或者把choose换成choosing）choose the correct program of movie and TVwhich will（加上be或者把beneficial换成benefit）beneficial to our young people.（换成逗号，such as后面不是完整句子）Such as political news, （加上the）'discoverychannel '（英语中有单引号么？貌似都是双引号啊）,even education programsand on forth.（加上一个过渡的会更好吧，比如Asfor me神马的） I'd（I would） like to rent some English film DVDs or （加上to更好）choosesome English programs on TV Because of （加上the help of会更好）improving my TOEFL listening skills.This learning method,unlike reading books, is not replaceable. I enjoyed（enjoy吧）every minute of this method that watching English movieand TV.（同位语that后面必须是完整的句子，把that换成逗号，或者在that之后加上means变成定语从句）

From all the（statement） above I have discussed, I can safely drawthe conclusion that in order to have a good life habit for young people,（young people和we有点逻辑混乱啊，在young people前加上us会更好） we should improve our social skills andlearning skills on（换成with会更好吧）the right method, meanwhile, this method also can（also放这里会更好）give us more fun and relax（relaxation）, （改成句号）therefore, watching movie and TV is this right method. So I totallydisagree that watching movie and TV have more negative effects than positiveeffects for young people.

Tips：写的挺好的，但是小问题还是很多啊，再细心一点就好了，这里是我的几个建议，希望对你有帮助~
1 标点符号神马的还是要注意，用好了文章地道简洁，用不好就是错误啦，所以写的时候要细心啊~
2 句子感觉有点过于简单了，写的更骚一点呗，毕竟托福就是为了显示你的写作水平有多么的牛逼，如果短时间内不能把句子写的更地道，那么就把词换成高端词神马的，CD上有相关帖子可以看看；
3 感觉a/an和the你有点分不清楚，窝觉得可以问一下度娘；
4 句子的结构上，很多句子感觉分不清楚是不是要独立成一个句子，也就是分不清完整句子和不完整句子，最简便的方法就是看谓语有没有，引导的连接词能不能单独引导一个主句；
5 词性的问题上感觉掌握的不是很清楚，背单词的话一定要注意词性，名词动词一定要分清楚，尤其是主语和宾语必须是名词性的，这个一定要注意，你的文章里这样的问题很多哦~
窝不是权威啊，所以有问题的话欢迎讨论！加油！(o^^)oo(^^o)

猫和鸭

8/26 综合写作 TPO24
The professor explains three aspects of a 70-million-year-old fossil of Tyrannosaurus(T.rex). Each of which has successful addressed the problems which mentions in the reading passage concerning the existence about the organic material, red blood cells and collagen.

First, the professor points out that the organic material is much less likely from the T.rex. It is much more likely to be something else like bacteria which colonize hollows in the bones of T.rex. The reading passage,by contrast, suggests that the organic material should be from the T.rex. Because of the soft and flexible remains of the actual blood vessels of T.rex.

The second point of different between the lecture and the reading passage concerns the red blood cells which found by microscopic examination. The professor asserts that this tissue is probably just pieces of reddish mineral which the scientists found it in fossils of other animals found in the same place.

Finally ,the reading passage contends that the collagen has been found from the T.rex bones by a test.However,the professor argues that the collagen is not from T.rex but from some reccent source which contains collagen. Such as the skin of the researchers who are handling the bones. Because, this fossil of T.rex is 70 millions-year-old,that means is too improbable to has this kind of alive tissue on it. Even 100-year-old fossil of animals cannot be found out the collagen.

In a summary, all above opinions of lecture illustrates that the professor disagrees with the points in the reading passage.

猫和鸭

写这篇文章要了我半条命，太痛苦了，啊啊啊。。。。

8/27独立写作 know a person from type of friends that he has,agree or disagree
As the saying goes, "Birds of a feather flock together, people of mind fall into the same group."  Though we can think that people who gather together in the same group have the same demands or purpose, they still have the differences among these group, let alone in friends. As far as I concern,I disagree that knowing a person from his friends' type.My view can be greatly substantiated by following discussions.

To begin with, from the most convincing reasons from the my view, one must be stressed is that the two good friends have the totally different personality types. Like my best friends,Rose, who is a quite person. In contrast, I'm a open-mind person. Because of the different disposition,we have many difference. For example, Rose likes listening blues music, and I like listening rock music. Rose like clearing the room,and I hate doing any housework. Rose likes drawing,and I like dancing. From another point of view, usually extroverts tend to lack self-discipline while introverts lack courage. Like Rose always clams me when I'm angry and I also always encourage Rose when she is gutless. So depend on these, Who can say he will know me from Rose's type? What a ridiculous idea!

Secondly, it is universally acknowledged that friends are generally divided into two categories--a speaking acquaintance and confidant. Also can call"causal friend" and "close friend". A recent case concerns Tom who is my team-work partner on the working plan. We have cooperated very well. He sometimes buy me a drink for thanking me for the help on his work problem. We also chat with each other on some topics of our work area. Even Though we both enjoy this speaking process, our friendship is only limited to working field. If some one want to know what kind of person I am, how can he get my whole informations from Tom? There is no doubt that the person who want to know me will never get the right answers from my friend who called the speaking acquaintance.

From all the above I have discussed, I can safely draw the conclusion that in order to know a person objectively, we should not observe his friends' type to get the answers in a dogmatic way, and therefore. I disagree that knowing a person should be from types of friends that he has!

sarahpx

TP024修改

The professor explains three aspects of a 70-million-year-old fossil of Tyrannosaurus(T.rex). Each of which has successfully addressed the problems which mentions in the reading passage concerning the existence about the organic material, red blood cells and collagen.（开头从句套从句有点晕+_+）

First, the professor points out that the organic material is much less likely from the T.rex. It is much more likely to be something else like bacteria which colonize hollows in the bones of T.rex. The reading passage,by contrast, suggests that the organic material should be from the T.rex. Because of the soft and flexible remains of the actual blood vessels of T.rex.（谓语涅？LZ这意思没说完啊）

The second point of different between the lecture and the reading passage concerns the red blood cells which were（或者去掉which） found by microscopic examination（这个没印象啊，lz再听听？）. The professor asserts that this tissue is probably just pieces of reddish mineral which the scientists found it in fossils of other animals found in the same place. （哈？不是这个意思吧？）
Finally ,the reading passage contends that the collagen has been found from the T.rex bones by a test.（可以不用）However,the professor argues that the collagen is not from T.rex but from some reccent source which contains collagen. Such as the skin of the researchers who are handling the bones. Because, this fossil of T.rex is 70 millions-year-old,that means is too improbable to has this kind of alive tissue on （这个表达比较别扭的说）it. Even 100-year-old fossil of animals cannot be found out the collagen.


总的来说lz 的听力要听清楚的才好网上写，否则扣分很严重额。
然后句式可以稍微多样一点。