『写作小分队』求各位大神轰炸，板砖，不吝赐教～

hjl80959

8.11综合
The lecture is taking about three reasons about the difficulty for using hydrogen as an alternative source of energy, which thoroughly refutes the passage.
Firstly, the passage explains that hydrogen can be derived from various plentiful sources like natural gas and water. Therefore, the fuel-cell engine utilizes easily available. On the contrary, the lecture claims that hydrogen that can be applied for the fuel of automobiles must be pure liquid hydrogen, which only can be obtained at a very low temperance and hard to store. This point directly contradicts what the passage suggests.

Secondly, the passage argues that traditional fuel may bring the air pollution to the environment. However, the speaker reckons that the production process of the pure hydrogen must create a lot of pollution, as process need to burn oil and coal. This is another point where the passage goes against the reading.

Thirdly, the passage demonstrates that fuel-cell will soon be competitive since it will spend less money and perform more efficiently. This is against the fact that manufacturing the fuel-cell engine is complicated, which need platinum, otherwise chemical reaction will not undergo.

In sum, three points of the passage are all unpersuasive.

lemonyhu

The lecture is taking about three reasons about the difficulty for using hydrogen as an alternative source of energy, which thoroughly refutes the passage.
Firstly, the passage explains that hydrogen can be derived from various plentiful sources like （gmat里like不能用来举例子，所以LZ还是用as保险点）natural gas and water. Therefore, the fuel-cell engine utilizes easily available. On the contrary, the lecture claims that hydrogen that can be applied for the fuel of automobiles must be pure liquid hydrogen, which only can be obtained at a very low temperance and hard to store. This point directly contradicts what the passage suggests.

Secondly, the passage argues that traditional fuel may bring the air pollution（bring air pollution就够了~the在这反而奇怪~） to the environment. However, the speaker reckons that the production process of the pure hydrogen must create a lot of pollution, as process need to（这地方我就觉得process need to的表达有点奇怪，need这种情态动词表示需要，但是这个过程需要。。。觉得可能这样直接译不太准，不如换成人做主语） burn oil and coal. This is another point where the passage goes against the reading.

Thirdly, the passage demonstrates that fuel-cell will soon be competitive since it will spend less money（这个地方跟上面的那个有点像，it spend money，it takes money to？） and perform more efficiently. This is against the fact that manufacturing the fuel-cell engine is complicated, which need platinum, otherwise chemical reaction will not undergo.

In sum, three points of the passage are all unpersuasive.



1、首先文章很清晰，反驳的观点也很明确

2、有一些小的地方我觉得读起来不太顺，尤其是情态动词方面的，楼主可以看看~

3、如果觉得有什么不对的可以跟我讨论哈

gre呀gre

8.11独立窝是错误君 窝是没错但是改了更好君 窝是结构君 窝是写的赞！


Nowadays, people in(加上an) increasing numberbelieve that people, in modern society, are extremely working for money; mostof professors are no exception. Commonly, more（higher更好） salary may stimulate people toarduous work and make high achievement extraordinarily. In this case, peopletend to hold that for improving the quality of education, university should paymore money for professors. However, allowing for other aspects like importanceof daily infrastructures and collections of books, I, after carefulcontemplation, maintain that extra money should be devoted to other fields.（加上to improve the quality of education inuniversity会更好，因为题目的目的是提高水平，点题的时候最好说的完整一些）

First of all, compared to the functions ofprofessors, the infrastructures typically play an essential role in students'studying. Indeed, professors are able to make great contributions in theresearch and enhance the comprehensive academic ability for the university.Nevertheless, no matter how renowned and powerful professors are, what studentscare about most is the place to study and equipment to do experiments. Forexample, in my university, students have to get up early to occupy a seat in thelibrary, and you will see a long line in front of thelibrary（library’s） door(我觉得用gate感觉更好啊), but even that quite amount of students fail in this “chair war”（结果呢？没占上座就没法高效学习或者用图书馆的什么资源之类的，后果要说出来啊）. Moreover, as lacking of new experiment equipments, last semester,two experiment classes have been delayed, which brought us some trouble. Hence,the establishment of infrastructures should be setin（on，in the first place的意思是起初） the first place.

In addition, books are the ample and mainsource of knowledge, and students generally absorb knowledge from them.Obviously, if students face to（换成with更好些吧，face to就是朝向的意思，face with有面对的意思） some thorny issues suddenly, it is better for students to discovery（discover，窝觉得用explore更好，求讨论） answers from books in the library. Professors are always takingefforts in（on） research and have no enough time（不知道错在哪里，但是读起来怪怪的，美国语料库也没查到有权威刊物用过这个用法，换成do not have enough time吧） to help students solve problems. However, by（窝觉得用with好一些，求讨论） the limitation of scale of the library and number of collectedbooks, students, in China, often feel disappointed when they go to library.Therefore, university should spare more money to accumulate the number of booksin the library as soon as possible.

Admittedly, people are willing to earn moremoney to make a better life. Nonetheless, as experts in academic field,professors do not desire money very much versus other careers. What theyconcentrate on fairly is their advanced research achievement and outstanding status in theacademic field. If university input more in the professors' research task, thatis what professors are longing for.

In sum, granted several reasons presentedabove, it is more significant for university to invest in infrastructuresbuilding, books along with professors（professor’s）research rather than (加上in) salary.
GJ！继续加油！窝改不出来更多的了- -

hjl80959

8.13独立
Coincident with the fantastic development of the human society, along with the fast-changing technology, the world is typically becoming smaller and smaller. Due to this amazing situation, the event happening thousands of miles away seems to occur around us. However, even the information brought from other countries is more accessible, some people still hold that events around the world do not affect our lift. Allowing for influence of these events on the security our country, future of human beings, as well as ourselves, I maintain that events do affect our life.


First of all, What Chinese people are most concerned with is the problem of the South China Sea. If the public are regarding the problem as nonsense, it will totally be a great mistake. This confliction with other countries around the South Sea is not only about the territorial debate but also the nature resource. Image that the astonishing price of domestic oil will decrease rapidly since our country starts to exploit abundant oil under the sea. Moreover, the great compensation will be made for our national economy so that government will pay more funds to education, medical security and infrastructures.Judging from these aspects, our life is fairly associated with the South Sea.


In addition, what people are most concerned with is the curiosity rover, which has launched on the Mars. Also, people in an increasing number question the significance of the plan for exploring the Mars. The fact is that as condition of the earth deteriorates day by day, human beings must take efforts to discovery a new home to root in, and we are eager to find the aliens so as to exchange the advanced technology with them. Considering promising future of the human beings, it is obvious that space exploration is inevitable and has an enormous influence on our future life.


Finally, the London Olympic Games has just perfectly finished, people are still immersed in the exciting atmosphere. At the same time, many questions are left by athletes in the events. What is the limitation of the human being?Whether Bolt can run faster? No one can deny that during the past century, the record of Olympic has been broken again and again, as a result, the level of human beings enhances gradually. Consequently, more teenagers, who have been affected by the spirit of the Olympic, are devoted to the sport exercise and the sale of the sports shop is booming simultaneously. Needless to say, the events influence us potentially.


Grant the popular reasons presents above, the events around world, indeed, affect the several aspects of us------life condition, future, and life style.

gre呀gre

8.12 独立

Coincident with the rapid rhythm of the modern society, people haveto face to more and more issues everyday. It is necessary for people to worklike an assemble-line that has capability of doing many works at the same time.However, many people remain it is proper to finish the work one by one in ordernot to make mistakes. After careful contemplation, I hold that we shoulddevelop the ability of doing muti-work simultaneously.

Obviously, we are likely to lose a large amount of opportunitieswhen we choose to finish a project one by one. Commonly, the opportunity is alike(换成like，alike是形容词和动词，但是语料库里面alike一般都是作为后置定语的) a comet, and we do（can更符合） not determinate what is the next time that we are so fortunate towatch it again. In China, university students need to take part in enormouscompetitions to improve their specialized ability, but these competitions arealways concentratedin the summer holiday. Nonetheless, before students step deeply in primarypreparation for the competitions, none of them will decide which one is most appropriate for them（我觉得要么在most前面加上the，要么把most放到them后面）.For this aspect, on noaccount can we let opportunity slip from our fingers.

In addition, the modern society need the excellent employee that isable to handle several works（加上at the sametime更好）. Indeed, it is totally to exploitthe value of staff what the requirement of company points out. Nevertheless,muti-task ability, indeed, promotes individuals to grow more rapidly, and helpsthem to stand out in the interview of company. For example, my brotherparticipated in an interview of the greatest IT company in China. He presentedto the boss his fantastic ability that he can finish muti-task at the sameperiod such as establishing the website and composing program. Hence, the bosshad a favorable attitude for my brother and employed him as the youngestpersonnel.

Finally, when people have to complete the same works, it is helpfulfor them to figure out what are different roles that he can play in variableworks. Undeniably, no one can be a perfect leader in each field. An old sayinggoes: everyone has own shortcomings and merits. Consequently, we should weighvalue and influence for others in different works so as to make a better lifeorientation.

Granted the reasons presented in the passage above, doing severalprojects at the same time not only helps us to create more opportunities butalso improve（improves）our ability and define（defines） our goal.

hjl80959

8.14
Coincident with the development of society by leaps and bounds, the technology exceptionally made a great progress-- we have the washing machines to help us wash dirty clothes; we have the lamp to illuminate our room; we have the car to bring us more convenience if we go on foot. Thanks to the fantastic proliferating of technology, our life quality has reached to a new level. However, people in an increasing number hold the view that the most significant improvement has been taken place. From my prospective, I, after careful contemplation, refute this statement.
             First of all, a large amount of fierce diseases are still left in the world, which has been confusing our lives for decades. Image that AID, SARAS, even the obesity bring some trouble to our life. How can we announce confidently that our life has made the most significant improvement? For example, the staffs, which are often sedentary during the working time, have to face with the spine cervical problems, along with the obesity. Moreover, increasing number of people, in Africa, are suffering from the tortures of AIDS. There is no doubt that if the technology has completely eliminated these fatal diseases, we hardly acknowledge the great improvement of life has been made.
            In addition, undeniably, some advanced technology, which we can predict, has not been utilized in our daily life. Nothing can be more popular than artificial technology in modern society. Take the robot as an example; even the supercomputer called deep blue defeated the chess champion. Nevertheless, the level of robots now stays at the experimental process. It cannot help us write homework as well as cook dishes. In other words, the technology that we eagerly look forward to has not been applied to our life, let alone to improve our life.
           Admittedly, men in the prehistory may feel content when they were able to building stone houses as a storm shelter. On no account can they predict that they can eat hamburgers or travel to other planets by spaceship. As an old saying goes: history always has an astonishing similar. Million years later, their offsprings have the similar feeling-content. Obviously, more unbelievable products and inventions will occur in the future.
           Granted the persuasive reasons above, I feel obliged to maintain the technology has too many surprises to present to us as to improve our life and handle recent thorny problems.

gre呀gre

8.13 独立Coincident with the fantastic developmentof the human society, along with the fast-changing technology, the world istypically becoming smaller and smaller. Due to this amazing situation, theevent happening thousands of miles away seems to occur around us. However, eventhe information brought from other countries is more accessible, some peoplestill hold that（hold后面不能直接加that，最好加上view） events around the world do not affectour lift(笔误，lives). Allowing for influence ofthese events on the security our country, future of human beings, as well asourselves, I maintain that events do affect our life.


First of all, What（what）Chinese people are most concerned with（我觉得most放到这里更好）is the problem of the South China Sea. If the public are regarding the problemas nonsense, it will totally be a great mistake. This confliction with othercountries around the South Sea is not only about the territorial debate butalso （加上about）the nature resource. Image that theastonishing price of domestic oil will decrease rapidly since our countrystarts to exploit abundant oil under the sea. Moreover, the great compensationwill be made for our national economy so that government will pay more funds toeducation, medical security and infrastructures.Judging from these aspects, ourlife is fairly associated with the South Sea. 额额额，政治话题最好不要出现在托福中啊，因为南海的问题在国际上其实是有争议的，最好不要写这样的话题啊，但是一些确认的东西可以写，比如反法西斯的胜利是个好东西什么的，还有宗教和军事最好都不要涉及~

In addition, what people are most concernedwith is the curiosity rover（Curiosity Rover）,which has launched on the Mars. Also, people in an increasing number questionthe significance of the plan for exploring the Mars. The fact is that ascondition of the earth deteriorates day by day, human beings must take effortsto discovery（discover） a new home to root in, and we areeager to find the aliens so as to exchange the advanced technology with them.Considering promising future of the human beings, it is obvious that spaceexploration is inevitable and has an enormous influence on our future life.

Finally, the London Olympic Games has justperfectly finished, people are still immersed in the exciting atmosphere. Atthe same time, many questions are left by（我觉得换成behind更好）athletes in the events. What is the limitation of the human being?Whether Boltcan run faster? No one can deny that during the past century, the record ofOlympic has been broken again and again, as a result, the level of human beingsenhances gradually. Consequently, more teenagers, who have been affected by thespirit of the Olympic, are devoted to the sport exercise and the sale of thesports shop is booming simultaneously. Needless to say, the events influence uspotentially.

Grant（To grant） thepopular reasons presents above, the events around world, indeed, affect theseveral aspects of us------life condition, future, and life style.
写的挺好的，但是感觉有点偏题啊，这个题问的是，了解世界上发生的事不会影响我们的生活，我觉得否定应该否定在了解上啊，就是不了解世界上正在发生的事也不会影响到我们的生活，不知道我对题目理解的对不对，文章只是说出来了事会影响，但是没有说了解会影响，不知道是不是我理解题目理解的不对，求讨论！

hjl80959

8.14 综合
The lecture is taking about the subject in a painting is not a full-length portrait of Austen, which refutes the passage thoroughly.
Firstly, the passage explains that Austen' family gave permission to use the portrait as illusion in an edition, so it was a portrait of the author. On the contrary, the lecture reckons that the portrait was authorized 70 years after Austen' death, and most of the relatives did not what Austen looked like. This point directly contradicts what the passage take about.
Secondly, the passage argues that the face in the portrait clearly resembled the one in Cassandra's sketch who was her sister, especially eyebrows, noses, mouth and overall shape of the face. However, the speaker suggests that there were a lot of family members among which contained many girls at the similar age with Austen. In this case, the portrait might be an illustration of her relatives. This is another point where the listening goes against.
Thirdly, the passage consider the style of the unsigned painting linked to painter that was hired by the Austen' family. This is fairly against the fact that the canvas under painting begun to be sold when the Austen had been older than the teenager in the painting.
Granted three reasons above, the passage is unpersuasive.

hjl80959

8.15独立
Have you ever made mistakes? Have you ever been afraid of the punishment after making mistakes? Have you ever lied to your parents to avoid the punishment? If you have the similar experience like me, needless to say, majority of people will agree on the statement that parents should allow their children to make mistakes, as well as learn from their mistakes.

First of all, commonly, parents are always inclined to put punishment to admonish children of making mistakes, which is likely to have a bad influence on children.Smart as children are, they would rather lie to parents rather than acknowledge mistakes. Obviously, children will slip into a habit of telling lies as soon as they have done something wrong. Consequently, this habit takes a toll on children' collective growth.According to the Proceedings of National Academy of Sciences, that injurious influence on their childhood is closely related to their future life. This group of children may escape responsibility in their future jobs and be less loyal to the corporation. Hence, there is no doubt that parents should allow their children to make mistakes.


In addition, as an old saying goes: learning from the mistakes is a shortcut to the success. The mistake is like a mirror that tends to reflect shortcoming of people. Take me as an example. What confused a lot was that when I begun to write IBT compositions, I always typed wrong words and made some stupid grammar mistakes. However, after reviewing the mistake made in the past, I learnt an efficient pattern about how to type words quickly and composed a satisfactory composition. That is to say, by digging the valuable points out of mistakes,mistakes will act like a beacon to illuminate our way to success.


Admittedly, there is no denying that during the whole life of people, everyone must make mistakes. Faced with the situation, the positive attitude is extremely important. Instead of escaping from problems that mistakes bring to us, so brave are we to copy with them, and then learn from them. It not only develops our confidence in ourselves but also accumulates priceless treasure.


Granted that reasons presented above, on no account shall we ignore that the advantages such determination exerts on us, parents should allow children to make mistake so that they will gain confidence, ability, alongwith the previous quality-honesty.

chasedreamabc

The lecture is taking about the subject in a painting is not a full-length portrait of Austen, which refutes the passage thoroughly.

开头有点问题，虽然比较简洁，但是建议可以试试模版，使文章更加丰满。

Firstly, the passage explains（建议改成asserts） that Austen' family gave permission to use the portrait as illusion in an edition, so it was a portrait of the author. On the contrary, the lecture reckons that the portrait was authorized 70 years after Austen' death, and most of the relatives did not应该少词了what Austen looked like. This point directly contradicts what the passage take about.

Secondly, the passage argues that the face in the portrait clearly resembled the one in Cassandra's sketch who was her（建议her改成Austen’s ） sister, especially eyebrows, noses, mouth and overall shape of the face. However, the speaker suggests that there were a lot of family members among which contained many girls at the similar age with Austen. In this case, the portrait might be an illustration of her relatives. This is another point where the listening goes against.(感觉listening的部分说的太少了)

Thirdly, the passage consider（+s） the style of the unsigned painting linked to painter that was hired by the Austen' family. This is fairly against the fact that the canvas under painting begun to be sold when the Austen had been older than the teenager in the painting. （最后一段感觉要点表达的不是很好，给一个example,用以参考As the professor shows, the canvas of the portrait is not match the time period of Austen. It seems the William did not sell this kind of canvas when Austen was supposed to be a teenage.）

Granted three reasons above, the passage is unpersuasive.