『写作小分队』求各位大神轰炸，板砖，不吝赐教～

hjl80959

As an old saying goes: he that lies down with dogs rises up with flea. Indeed, people's bad or good behaviors rub off on those around them. That is to say, without any consideration, we have already received much influence from people around us, especially friends. From this perspective, I, after careful contemplation, support that we can know a lot about a person through the types of his friends.
             First of all, similar interests can explain why different people are willing to come in an identical circle. Commonly, human being are the social animals, they are extremely inclined to live with the person who owns the similar interests. It is easy for them to conflict emotions, when they are taking about their intriguing topics. Through deeper and deeper communications with your friends, you will find that you are along the way to know your friends better. That basic fact is that if you want to make a friend with a stranger, getting some information from his friends is wise access. For example, several months ago, a friend of mine was longing pursuing a girl in the other class, but he even did know what was her name, which confused him very much. After long time internal confliction, he decided to discovery entry point consequently. He made an appointment with the girl's best friends and got whatever he desired. Fortunately, that girl was touched by this buddy's enthusiasm and determination. In eyes of the story, on no account can we ignore the significance of girl's friend. From that friend, my fraternal knew specific interests of girl.
              In addition, as an old saying goes: your friend is like a mirror, and it can reflect the advantages and disadvantages. Widely, it is accurate to judge a person's quality from his friends. For example, in our childhood, parents always told us we should get away from the youth who got touch with the bullies. Undeniably, just as child probably imitates the violent plots they watch from TV, staying with the bad boys for long time breeds vice extraordinarily. In this case, we can hardly concentrate on our moral uplift without thinking of people around us. Generally speaking, no matter how definitely you stick to your own position, influence from your friends is inevitable. Hence, the level of your friends’ quality represents yours to some extent.
              Finally, through contacting with people's friends, we can know their characters. Introverts like to stay in a tranquil place rather than extroverts prefer to boisterous places, and Introverts seldom accompany his friends to the lively places. However, the peaceful place like bookstores and coffer houses, are their favorite. If we can understand their friends’ character, justification of theirs is a piece of cake.
              In sum, granted the presentation of advantages above, we can learn a person's quality, interests and characters from his friends.

Vance1991

Hi hjl,说来惭愧,今天才开始看以前批改的文章....=.=
才看到了你的那句话...
by leaps and bounds是一个短语   adv. 飞跃地，突飞猛进地

fairyfinger

8.9综合
The lecturer is taking about the ecocertification, he believes that the American companies are bound to seek the ecocertification for the wood product. This lecture refutes the reading passage thoroughly.

      Firstly, the reading passage reckons that as American consumers are always exposed to the advertisements, which results in the untrust from consumers, even the ecocertification product. On the contrary, the speaker considers that the products that have the ecocertification are different from other products. People have more confidence on such products. This directly contradicts what the passage suggests.

      Secondly, the passage explains that ecocertified wood will be more expensive than normal wood, thus the consumers tend to choose cheaper ones. However, the lectures argues that unless the price of ecocertified wood is much higher than the unecocertified one, the American prefer to buy the recycling material as their awareness of nature preservation enhances day by day. This is another point where go against the passage.

      Thirdly, the author suggests it is only significant for the output American wood businesses to obtain the certification. This is against the lecture that in order to avoid foreign corporation to encroach the domestic market in the USA, the American company definitely are necessary（it‘s necessary for American companies) to improve their competiveness versus the foreign companies.

写得不错，关键点都抓到了说明听力没问题！
表达有时候句子略长，可以改短一点方便直接抓住意思。论试点还自己总结了，这点值得学习XD

hjl80959

8.10综合
The lecture is taking about three events listed in the memoir of Chevalier were all accurate and reliable, which refutes the passage thoroughly.
Firstly, the passage explains that Chevalier had borrowed a large amount of from a Swiss merchant, which hardly supported that Chealier was rich. On the contrary, the lecture argues that Chevalier had a great deal of wealth like parties and gambling, but it cost him some time to convert the wealth to the cash. When his money went out, he had to borrow cash to sustain his life until conversion finished. This point directly contradicts what the passage talks about.
Secondly, the passage claims that after many years, it was impossible to remember exact phrases from extended conversation. However, the speaker suggests that Chevalier would like to write down the conversation by note and keep notes for many years. Moreover, witness said the Chevalier actually owned a note. This is another point that goes against where the passage demonstrates.
Finally, the passage reckons that with the help of many well-connected friends, Chevalier escaped from the jam rather than used a piece of metal. This is against the fact that many other prisoners had more powerful friends, but none of them escaped successfully. Furthermore, the document did record that prison repaired a hole in Chevalier room after his escaping.
In sum, what the passage presents is unpersuasive in three parts.

hjl80959

8.10 独立 超时很多啊！！！
         Have you ever faced to the rude behaviors? Have you ever met with the brutal person? Have you ever lost your temper when you were confused with such impolite conditions? If you have undergone the similar experience like me, indeed, it is hard for us to remain ease and happy. However, after careful contemplation, I, maintain that we should never be impolite to another person no matter how reckless others show to us.
        Firstly of all, impoliteness is likely to deteriorate the relationship with others. Commonly, it is extremely significant for people to keep polite to each other, especially the neighbors. If we often do something rude to interfere in other people's lives, losing patience is an inevitable consequently. For example, the kids of my neighbor used to cross own lawn without informing. Moreover, they had shattered out house windows for several times when they were playing football. Nevertheless, their parents showed indifferent to their children's problems. One day, my parents finally could not ignore their impoliteness when children shattered window again, and they went to their home for the sake of complaining with their parents. After that quarrel, two families never communicated with each other. Hence, children's impolite behavior and impolite problem solution of two families resulted in the bad relationship.
      In addition, when we are impolite to others, the good impression and evaluation will be left to others.Gentlemen are welcomed by most of people in modern society fairly. That is why more and more people regard the courtesy as an essential character of a person. Take a brother of mine as an example. I accompanied him to participant in a party. By the way, he dated with a girl to see whether that girl is suitable be her future friend. Unfortunately, my brother drunk too much wine at party and raved all night, which gave a quite bad impression to that girl. What we can predict is that even through my brother assure that girl matched him perfectly. However, the girl was willing to make an appointment with my brother another time for his first rudeness. Consequently, because of the rudeness and impoliteness of my buddy, a sheer pity may remain in his heart for a whole life.
   Admittedly, coincident with the rapid rhythm nowadays, people believe it is impossible for us to keep our mood in a serene forever. Sometimes, there is no denying that people have to relieve their anger and behave impolitely, but we have to apology to others for social gaffes as soon as possible. As we not only don’t want to damage the fantastic relationship we have sustained for years but also leave a bad impression, we should keep polite constantly.

kaddish

As an old saying goes: he that lies down with dogs rises up with flea. Indeed, people's bad or good behaviors rub off on those around them. （？？）That is to say, without any consideration, we have already received much influence from people around us, especially friends. From this perspective, I, after careful contemplation, support that we can know a lot about a person through the types of his friends.（that isto say前面的句子再斟酌下哈）
            First of all, similar interests can explain why different people are willing to come in an identical circle. （中文上说的过去但是--不知道有没有确切这种说法）Commonly, human being（beings） are the（不要随便加the） social animals, they are extremely inclined to live with the (a ,记住不要随便加the)person who owns the(同样的问题) similar interests. It is easy for them to conflict （这里是用作动词还是名词？不管动词的话是conflict with ,名词的话缺少一个动词）emotions, when they are taking abouttheir（取掉） intriguing topics.（这里的逻辑呢，前面一句说相同兴趣的人在一起，后面要讲不同吧） Through deeper and deeper communications with your friends, you will find that you are along the way to know your friends better. That basic fact is that if you want to make a friend with a stranger, getting some information from his friends is（a） wise access. For example, several months ago, a friend of mine was longing pursuing (long的用法查下字典)a girl in the other（one ,the other 是两个物体之间的关系） class, but he even did know what was her name, （what her name was）which confused him very much. After long time internal confliction, he decided to discovery entry point consequently. (consequently去掉)He made an appointment with the girl's best friends and got whatever he desired. Fortunately, that girl was touched by this buddy's enthusiasm and determination. In （the）eyes of the story,(这个短语的of 后面一般是人吧) on no account can we ignore the significance of girl's friend. From that friend, my fraternal knew specific interests of (the)girl.(这段逻辑很乱呢--例子举的和段落论点没有实际关系吧，不能support)
             In addition, as an old saying goes: your friend is like a mirror, and it can reflect the(your) advantages and disadvantages. Widely, it is accurate to judge a person's quality from his friends. For example, in our childhood, parents always told us we should get away from the youth who got touch with the bullies.(这句话-神马意思) Undeniably, just as（a） child probably imitates the violent plots they watch(去掉累赘) from TV, staying with the bad boys for long time breeds vice extraordinarily. （==难道是我弱爆了，这句话也没懂，而且这个伴随性状语和前面一句能伴随么）In this case, we can hardly concentrate on our moral uplift without thinking of people around us. Generally speaking, no matter how definitely you stick to your own position, influence from your friends is inevitable. Hence, the level of your friends’ quality represents yours to some extent.  这段的论据又出现问题了，这里是如何表现从身边的朋友反映一个人的性格的呢
             Finally, through contacting with people's friends, we can know their (这里又没指代清楚)characters. Introverts like to stay in a tranquil place rather than（while） extroverts prefer to boisterous places, and Introverts seldom accompany his friends to the lively places. However, the peaceful place like bookstores and coffer houses, are their favorite. If we can understand their friends’ character, justification of theirs is a piece of cake.这段逻辑还算可以，说理也合理，但是总感觉楼主的三个论点有overlap
             In sum, granted the presentation of advantages above, we can learn a person's quality, interests and characters from his friends.
总结：嗯，可见楼主的用词还是很丰富的，但是很多词组的运用还要慎重，建议查下字典，还有哦，段内逻辑也需要加强下哈~~fighting！

hjl80959

Nowadays, people in increasing number believe that people, in modern society, are extremely working for money; most of professors are no exception. Commonly, more salary may stimulate people to arduous work and make high achievement extraordinarily. In this case, people tend to hold that for improving the quality of education, university should pay more money for professors. However, allowing for other aspects like importance of daily infrastructures and collections of books, I, after careful contemplation, maintain that extra money should be devoted to other fields.



First of all, compared to the functions of professors, the infrastructures typically play an essential role in students' studying. Indeed, professors are able to make great contributions in the research and enhance the comprehensive academic ability for the university. Nevertheless, no matter how renowned and powerful professors are, what students care about most is the place to study and equipment to do experiments. For example, in my university, students have to get up early to occupy a seat in the library, and you will see a long line in front of the library door, but even that quite amount of students fail in this “chair war”. Moreover, as lacking of new experiment equipments, last semester, two experiment classes have been delayed, which brought us some trouble. Hence, the establishment of infrastructures should be set in the first place.



In addition, books are the ample and main source of knowledge, and students generally absorb knowledge from them. Obviously, if students face to some thorny issues suddenly, it is better for students to discovery answers from books in the library. Professors are always taking efforts in research and have no enough time to help students solve problems. However, by the limitation of scale of the library and number of collected books, students, in China, often feel disappointed when they go to library. Therefore, university should spare more money to accumulate the number of books in the library as soon as possible.



Admittedly, people are willing to earn more money to make a better life.Nonetheless, as experts in academic field, professors do not desire money very much versus other careers. What they concentrate on fairly is their advanced research achievement and outstanding status in the academic field. If university input more in the professors' research task, that is what professors are longing for.



In sum, granted several reasons presented above, it is more significant for university to invest in infrastructures building, books along with professors research rather than salary.

Vance1991

The lecture is taking(talking) about three events listed in the memoir of Chevalier were(are) all accurate and reliable(这句话不对,有两个谓语动词了), which refutes the passage thoroughly.
Firstly, the passage explains(explained时态要统一) that Chevalier had borrowed a large amount of (money)from a Swiss merchant, which hardly supported that Chealier was rich. On the contrary, the lecture argues(argued在一句话中时态要统一的吧....) that Chevalier had a great deal of wealth like parties and gambling(Chevalier有很多财富像派对,赌博???), but it cost him some time to convert the wealth to the cash. When his money went out, he had to borrow cash to sustain his life until conversion finished. This point directly contradicts what the passage talks about.

Secondly, the passage claims that after many years, it was impossible to remember exact phrases from extended conversation. However, the speaker suggests that Chevalier would like to write down the conversation by note and keep notes for many years. Moreover, witness said the Chevalier actually owned a note. This is another point that goes against where the passage demonstrates.

Finally, the passage reckons that with the help of many well-connected friends, Chevalier escaped from the jam rather than used(using) a piece of metal(这里还可以更具体些,是通过挖穿ceiling出去的...). This is against the fact that many other prisoners had more powerful friends, but none of them escaped successfully(这里不全面,其他比Chevalier更有人脉的人也不能通过bribery出去,所以驳斥的阅读中的). Furthermore, the document did record that prison repaired a hole in Chevalier room after his escaping.

In sum, what the passage presents is unpersuasive in three parts.


楼主啊,一句话中的时态是要统一的啊,不可以前半句是现在时,后半句是过去时的啊!!!

gre呀gre

8.10 独立  Have you ever faced to the rude behaviors? Have you ever met with thebrutal person? Have you ever lost your temper when you were confused（混乱？乃想表达神马？） with such impolite conditions（situation吧？）? If you have undergone the similarexperience like me, indeed, it is hard for us to remain ease and happy.However, after careful contemplation, I, maintain that we should never beimpolite to another person no matter how reckless others show to us.  前面的让步段稍微有点长啊- - 看前面我一直以为你要表达的是反面观点啊

      Firstly of all, impoliteness is likely to deteriorate the relationshipwith others. Commonly, it is extremely significant for people to keep polite toeach other, especially the neighbors. If we often do something rude tointerfere in other people's lives, losing patience is an inevitableconsequently. For example, the kids of my neighbor used to cross own lawnwithout informing. Moreover, they had shattered out house windows for severaltimes when they were playing football. Nevertheless, their parents showedindifferent to their children's problems. One day, my parents finally could notignore their impoliteness when children shattered window again, and they wentto their home for the sake of complaining with their parents. After thatquarrel, two families never communicated with each other. Hence, children'simpolite behavior and impolite problem solution of two families resulted in thebad relationship.
    In addition, when we are impolite to others, the good impression andevaluation will be left to others. Gentlemen are welcomed by most of people inmodern society fairly.That is why more and more people regard the courtesy as an essential characterof a person. Take a brother of mine as an example. I accompanied him toparticipant in a party. By the way（这里说btw感觉不太好，去掉吧，在句尾加上during that time神马的表达的更清楚）, he dated with a girlto see whether that girl is suitable（加上to） be her（his） future friend. Unfortunately, my brotherdrunk too much wine（去掉wine更地道啊）at （加上the） party and raved all night, which gave aquite bad impression to that girl. What we can predict is that even through mybrother assure that girl matched him perfectly. However, the girl was willingto make an appointment with my brother another time for his first rudeness.Consequently, because of the rudeness and impoliteness of my buddy, a sheerpity may remain in his heart for a whole life. 这一段的例子感觉没说清楚，最好改成他约了这个妹纸，但是妹纸没看上他就是因为第一印象不好，就不要说妹纸能不能配上哥哥了，要不太复杂也太罗嗦，不适合表达你的观点。
 Admittedly, coincident with the rapid rhythm nowadays, people believe itis impossible for us to keep our mood in a serene forever. Sometimes, there isno denying that people have to relieve their anger and behave impolitely, butwe have to apology to others for social gaffes as soon as possible. As we notonly don’t（do not 托福写作不让缩写，do not放在not only之前） want to damage the fantasticrelationship we have sustained for years but also leave a bad impression, weshould keep polite constantly.
写的很好啊！几乎没有什么语法错误！但是结构上两个分论点有点少，最好举成三个，因为只说两个观点对逻辑什么的要求高，但是这里感觉展开的不够啊，字数多的原因是例子太长了，而且例子稍微有点一样，举例的角度都是自己的，要不说点名人的，要不说点数据，这样会更多样化~ 加油吧！真的写的挺好的！

hjl80959

8.12 独立
Coincident with the rapid rhythm of the modern society, people have to face to more and more issues everyday. It is necessary for people to work like an assemble-line that has capability of doing many works at the same time. However, many people remain it is proper to finish the work one by one in order not to make mistakes. After careful contemplation, I hold that we should develop the ability of doing muti-work simultaneously.

Obviously, we are likely to lose a large amount of opportunities when we choose to finish a project one by one. Commonly, the opportunity is alike a comet, and we do not determinate what is the next time that we are so fortunate to watch it again. In China, university students need to take part in enormous competitions to improve their specialized ability, but these competitions are always concentrated in the summer holiday. Nonetheless, before students step deeply in primary preparation for the competitions, none of them will decide which one is most appropriate for them. For this aspect, on no account can we let opportunity slip from our fingers.


In addition, the modern society need the excellent employee that is able to handle several works. Indeed, it is totally to exploit the value of staff what the requirement of company points out.Nevertheless, muti-task ability, indeed, promotes individuals to grow more rapidly, and helps them to stand out in the interview of company. For example, my brother participated in an interview of the greatest IT company in China. He presented to the boss his fantastic ability that he can finish muti-task at the same period such as establishing the website and composing program. Hence, the boss had a favorable attitude for my brother and employed him as the youngest personnel.


Finally, when people have to complete the same works, it is helpful for them to figure out what are different roles that he can play in variable works. Undeniably, no one can be a perfect leader in each field. An old saying goes: everyone has own shortcomings and merits. Consequently, we should weigh value and influence for others in different works so as to make a better life orientation.


Granted the reasons presented in the passage above, doing several projects at the same time not only helps us to create more opportunities but also improve our ability and define our goal.