新手上路 大家豁出去 拼命拍砖 鞠躬鞠躬 if u have a dream u have to defend it

chenglu9066

20120627独立

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.



When it comes to the issue that compared with the people who live in cities ,the people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. Taking all the relevant factors---- the timecitizensspending with their family, the distractions which come from theirdaily affairs, the interpersonal relationship in cities. It is not difficult to make the judgement that :people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families .

First and foremost, in cities , people usually are busyengaginginvarious affairs which come from the jobs or daily life---everyday they have deadline to meet ；goals to fulfill; decisions to make ----Obviously ,they lack the time to spend with their families. Undoubtedly, with less time ,citizens can’t take good care of their family, since taking care of family is a matter of time ---that is the more time you spend with your family ,the better you can take care of them.On the opposite, if you don’t have enough time spent with your family, you can’t

talk with them in depth about the obstacles they encounter and provide alternative solutions ;you can’t go abroad to enjoy a wonderful vacation with your family or you can’t participate your family members’ graduation ceremony On the other hand ,people who live in rural areas are more available ----whentheir family members getstuck in their daily life or when the family members are sick and need nurse.

Additionally , people in rural areas have less distractions ,that is ,when decide which way to spend time ,they have limited options –to work on the farm or to stay at home .Unlike the citizens ,they have no cinema ,musem,restaurant or other public facilities .Consequently ,they spend most part of their leisure time charting or playing with their families .This can be demonstrated by the undeniable fact that in the cities ,children often feel lonely and turn to the internet gamesto search the sense of belonging during fighting with the virtual enemies . Whereas ,in the rural areas ,children often have outdoor activities such as hiking ,skiing or jogging with their family members . MoreoverTherefore ,in this case ,people in rural areas can take better care of their families .



All these illustrations point out that :with enough time ,less distractions building from the daily affairs , people who live inrural areas can take better care of their family than the people who live in cities do .

chenglu9066

这是 我第一次写作文帖子

Crystaljoy

鼓励一个！实力派！
看看写作小分队大本营的帖子~welcome

tyyhappy

蓝色是疑问，红色是修改，黄色是高亮。

When it comes to the issue that compared with the people who live in cities, the people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. Taking all the relevant factors---- the time citizens spending with their family, the distractions which come from their daily affairs, the interpersonal relationship in cities（这个排比好啊）(但是这个句子结构无谓语哪). It is not difficult to make the judgement（judgment） that: People who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.
First and foremost, in cities , people usually are busy engaging in various affairs which come from the jobs or daily life---everyday they have deadline to meet ；goals to fulfill; decisions to make ----Obviously ,they lack the time to spend with their families. Undoubtedly, with less time ,citizens can’t take good care of their family, since taking care of family is a matter of time ---that is the more time you spend with your family ,the better you can take care of them. On the opposite, （连词很舒服）if you don’t have enough time spent with your family, you can’t talk with them in depth about the obstacles they encounter and provide alternative solutions; you can’t go abroad to enjoy a wonderful vacation with your family or you can’t participate your family members’ graduation ceremony.（例子读起来很舒服） On the other hand, people who live in rural areas are more available ----when their family members get stuck in their daily life or when the family members are sick and need nurse.
(论证过程严谨)
Additionally , people in rural areas have less distractions ,that is ,when decide which way to spend time ,they have limited options –to work on the farm or to stay at home .Unlike the citizens, they have no cinema, musem(museum), restaurant or other public facilities .Consequently ,they spend most part of their leisure time charting or playing with their families .This can be demonstrated by the undeniable fact that in the cities ,children often feel lonely and turn to the internet games to search the sense of belonging during fighting with the virtual enemies . Whereas, in the rural areas, children often have outdoor activities such as hiking, skiing or jogging with their family members . Moreover Therefore(?两个词连着用) ,in this case ,people in rural areas can take better care of their families .
All these illustrations point out that: with enough time, less distractions building from the daily affairs, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their family than the people who live in cities do.

To chenglu

Happy水平有限，chenglu悠着点看嘞。

Chenglu的结构是总分分总，用词和句式变化很多样，是happy学习的榜样。

但是格式上，chenglu用的是先标点再空格，不知道是粘贴的问题还是chenglu没有注意了，我粘到word里面都是先空格后标点。

思路探讨：1他们被很多事情牵绊着不能陪伴家人2他们的干扰很少空余时间很多。只看中心句子会觉得两个议论点有些相近。我觉得第一点再强调下是被城市里繁忙的工作所牵绊，第二点在陈列观点的时候再强调：他们被城市里的很多娱乐休闲文体活动所吸引。

chenglu9066

谢谢 happy的修改  新晋队长哦~  撒花撒花 支持支持

chenglu9066

 Have you ever reviewed your previous examination paper for the approaching test? Have you ever seen the international companies analize their past experience while handling current business affairs?Have you ever recognized that scientists base their theories on observation before?If you haven't, you never know how significant it is to review the past for the sake of finding solutions of the current and future problems .

First and foremost ,learning from the past helps us predict the future ,consequently,being aware of the possible situation in the future assist us in solving the problems of the present and future .A small example can give some light to this point :when decide whether a newly-developed car is worthy putting into the maket ,the company will take all relevant information, which concluded by their previous maket researches ,into consideration ,then make a SWOT Analasis, that is analyzing the Strength,Weakness,Opportunity,Threat the company will encounter in the car's Launch  hase.Undoubtedly ,after deliberating the past experience,companies can predict some of the difficulties that may arise in the future and in this way the company  can be better prepared for them.
 Another priority of reviewing past is that everthing happening today stems from the past and will have direct effect in the future ,understanding our history aid us  in  avoiding old mistakes and make wise decisions .This can be demonstrated by the undeniable fact that when human beings are suffering from the Green House effect---rising sea level ,higher tempreture ,serve natural disasters,in the attempt to reveal the reasons behind this phenomenon,scientists gather the former meteorological data and compare it with the current data ,then they make the judgment that it is the green house gas emited by human activities and the hole in the ozone result in this effect.Afterwards,several  countries reach agreement on energy saving and emission reduction  in the Copenhagen Climate Council.Moreover,most countries take measures to protect the ozone layer ---using the substitute fuel and limiting the emission of carbon dioxide. In this way ,the green house effect is remited .Hence ,by studing the past ,we can avoid old mistakes and solve the current and future problems.
 All these illustrations point out that :studying from the past will bear fruit:predicting the future and avoiding old mistakes,at this point,why not review the past to solve the current and future problems ?

chenglu9066

 这次写的够慢的了  查了半天单词

chenglu9066

表沉了哇

瓜瓜不瓜

6.28独立作文 求狠拍

红色为错误 蓝色为建议 绿色为段落评价 紫色为总评


Have you ever reviewed your previous examination paper for the approaching test? Have you ever seen the international companies analize（拼写错误 analyze） their past experience while handling current business affairs?Have you ever recognized that scientists base their theories on observation before?If you haven't, you never know how significant it is to review the past for the sake of finding solutions of the current and future problems .
（开头段写的太好了！！！！热泪盈眶！！！！比我的好很多很多！！！我想破脑子也没想到这些点！！！赞！！！）

First and foremost ,learning from the past helps us predict the future ,consequently,being aware of the possible situation in the future（这两个动名词短语在逻辑上是前后顺序，但在结构上仍然是并列关系，所以中间加一个and） assist us in solving the problems of the present and future .A small example can give some light to this point :when decide whether a newly-developed car is worthy putting into the maket ,the company will take all relevant information, which concluded by their previous maket researches ,into consideration ,then make a SWOT Analasis（拼写错误analysis）, that is analyzing the Strength,Weakness,Opportunity,Threat the company will encounter in the car's Launch Phase（为什么大写？。。）.Undoubtedly ,after deliberating the past experience,companies can predict some of the difficulties that may arise in the future and in this way the company can be better prepared for them.

Another priority of reviewing past is that everthing happening today stems from the past and will have direct effect in the future ,understanding our history aid us in avoiding old mistakes and make wise decisions .This can be demonstrated by the undeniable fact that when human beings are suffering from the Green House effect---rising sea level ,higher tempreture ,serve natural disasters,（前后是两个完整的句子，改成句号）in the attempt to reveal the reasons behind this phenomenon,scientists gather the former meteorological data and compare it （data是datum的复数，所以是them）with the current data ,then they make the judgment that it is the green house gas emited（emitted） by human activities and the hole in the ozone result in this effect.Afterwards,several countries reach agreement on energy saving and emission reduction in the Copenhagen Climate Council.Moreover,most countries take measures to protect the ozone layer ---using the substitute fuel and limiting the emission of carbon dioxide. In this way ,the green house effect is remited .Hence ,by studing the past ,we can avoid old mistakes and solve the current and future problems.

All these illustrations point out that :studying from the past will bear fruit:（两个冒号的嵌套lulu之前有木有见到过？我木有见到过，所以不知道对不对哈，要是你也不确定的话，可以把第二个冒号改成that的从句）predicting the future and avoiding old mistakes,（一句话已经完了，句号吧）at this point,why not review the past to solve the current and future problems ?

总评：瓜瓜迟到，sorry啦！！！！！第一次互改O(∩_∩)O

         lulu的文章观点和支持的例子 说的理由都很好很好，瓜瓜这篇题目相比就写的好差了╮(╯▽╰)╭
         木有特地高亮精彩，因为觉得整篇文章基本都是复杂句，都用的很好，要划就要划整篇啦！
        但是lulu存在一个问题：就是只讲了两个点，一般都是用五段式，就是讲三个点，所以尽量写到三个点吧，是在想不出第三个观点，可以用一个让步段。4段看起来有点少哦。
        一些小错误瓜瓜都在文章中注明了，这里就不说了哈。一起加油！

chenglu9066

七月四号 独立作业

七月4号 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the past people eat more healthy food than what people have nowadays

   Have you ever eaten fry while sitting in the KFC Have you ever gained weight after eating snacks for couple of days ? Have you ever felt thirsty when you eat the bacon? If you haven’t ,You probably don’t know that in the past people eat more healthy food that what people have nowadays .
           First and foremost ,it is widely acknowledged that as the food reservastion technology develops sharply, the food industry usually  adds various kinds of chemicals which have adverse affects on human body in the food  to extend the food's longevity .This can be demonstrated by the undeniable tragedy that in 2010 ,the ShanDong province of china ,hundreds of babies died of the milk powder which is added excess toxic chemicals used by the producers to lengthen the longevity of the milk powder.On the other hand ,in the past ,people feed their babis on breast milk. In this point ,undoubtedly,compared with the man-made milk powder ,the breast milk is much healthier,consequently ,the babies who are  fed on the breast milk will have a stronger body than the babies who are fed on the milk powder.

Additionally ,owing to the unhealthy food such as the potato chips、chocolate and cheese cakes which contain not  nutriments  but lots of fats and salt,current people constantly suffer from  obesity 。According a research conducted by the World Health Organizaiton ,in 2011 the number of people who are attacked by disease such as high blood pressure and hyperlipemia is twice the number of people who live  in 1990.Obviously,the unhealthy food which contains   quantities of chemical additive and fat  contributes to the  high blood pressure and the hyperlipemia .Let's trace to the past ,people often cooked their food in a healthy way ,that is ,the food was usually steamed or boiled by the water with proper  amount of oil.In this way,thus ,in the past people eat healthier food than people do now.

All these illustrations point out that :with lower salt ,fat and less chemical addtive,  cooked in a  healthy way ,the food  people live in the past have  is much healthier  than what people have nowadays .