求修改作文 Argu25

a121813602

A25：A jazz music club in Monroe

In this argument, the author concludes that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. To support the conclusion, the author points out that the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself and jazz is extremely popular in Monroe. In addition, the author cites a nationwide study that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment to further demonstrate. However, the argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

First of all, the author assumes that the proposed new jazz music club in Monroe would have the local market all to itself. However, unless this new jazz club can attract local jazz fans, they do not care to attend the club 65miles away. The author does not reveal any evidence that this new club is good and can attract jazz fans. Therefore，the claim that the new jazz club would have the local market all is untenable.

Similarly, the author employs a variety of evidence to support that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe, including over 100,000 people attending Monroe’s annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians living in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program is “Jazz Nightly”. However, close scrutiny reveals that it is unreliable in several aspects.

Firstly, it is entirely possible that the vast majority of festival attendees are out-of-town visitors.

Moreover, that several well-known jazz musicians living in Monroe would go a long way toward to support the author’s claim. It is entirely possible that these musicians perform elsewhere and live in Monroe temporarily, just because in Monroe the landscape is very beautiful.

In addition, the author’s claim of the popularity of its nightly jazz radio show does not demonstrate jazz is popular in Monroe. The author no evidence that radio listeners would be interested in going out to hear live jazz.

Even if the three evidences above are all prove that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe, it can not deduce that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. We need more information about the operator’s ability of management, budget, competitive advantage and other competitive entertainment and so on. But no evidence is provided.

Finally, the nationwide study showing that the average jazz fan spends $1,000 each per year on jazz entertainment would support to the claim only if Monroe residents typify jazz fans nationwide. However, the applicant provides no credible evidence that this is the case(this is not necessarily the case).

To sum up, the author’s fails to substantiate its conclusion that a jazz club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise, because the evidences cited in the analysis do not lend strong support to what the author maintain. To make the argument more convincing, the author would have to provide more information about the specific business conditions. Additionally, he would have to provide more credible evidence about the popularity of jazz in Monroe. Consequently, if the argument had include the given factors discussed above, it would have been more thorough and logically acceptable.

a121813602

求修改啊，提点意见吧，谢谢大家了

a121813602

大侠们拜托了