蓝色为意见或建议 高亮为精彩 绿色为总结 红色为错误
0621 独立
110815NA
One of your classmates needs help with some schoolwork. Which solution would you recommend your classmate should do: to ask you for help or to find a professional tutor for help?
我帮他:
我每天课不多,有时间;
我比t懂他;
T花钱
It is a common fact and
an indisputable phenomenon that an increasing number of students would like to hire a professional tutor to help them. It is due to difficulty courses students receive, many assignments students should finish, and the resourceful tutors have. However, in my point of view,
I still I could help my classmate better than a tutor.(感觉表达有点生硬,改成 my classmate can receive better help from me than from a professional tutor )
To begin with, sometimes, asking a tutor for help is not convenient. As we all know, the responsibilities of tutors could not only help students figure out academic problems they meet off class, but also prepare the other knowledge or information which will explain and interpret in class.(有问题的表达,主语是responsibilities, 但是谓语却用了help和prepare,这两个verb搭配的主语应该是sb,直接用be动词做谓语即可)So, maybe they have less time to induct(induct的意思是正式任职,用在这里语义不对) us as the mentors. Conversely, I havean abundant of (abundant是adj. 应该是abundance吧?但是没见过这个词组,最好自己查一下字典哦)free time. My classmate could ask me at any time because I do not have so- called “office hour”. For example, if my roommate has a question about the periodical table in chemistry, she could ask me when she gets up early at morning in weekend. Thus, no one could deny how convenient it is!In addition, I know my friend better,
comparing with the tutors(移到前面更好). Suppose, in a large- scale lecture hall, there are nearly one hundred students in the classroom. Could the tutors call out the name of each student? Obviously, it is impossible.
On no account can they really know the character or the personality of a student. If they could not know much about a student, tutors could not help students in a proper way. However, it will be different when I face this problem. Every day, I spend much time on communicating with my classmates. I could know most of them about their study habits. Thus, when my classmate faces some problems in doing their assignments, I could interpret these academic questions on depending their different ways of learning. In this way, they could better understanding the answers.
Furthermore, we would pay some money to tutors because of the instruction. Especially, when we need a professional tutor, the price of tutoring will even higher. All of these could make students cause budget tensions. However, if I could give my classmates a hand, they could save a lot of money.
Also, there is an old saying: a friend in need is a friend indeed. Thus, I could do my utmost to help others about their schoolwork. (上下逻辑不通,后面一句写成 帮助坚固我们之间的友情更好)
Personally speaking, although maybe it is true that students have different dictionaries of their own on finding proper guides which may tutor them, I still think I am a perfect candidate who could help my friends better in terms of convenience, all-round knowing and free-fee.
第一次见面,多多指教,瓜瓜改的有点严厉了,A同学多多见谅。
总评:文章结构完整,思路也很完整,但是有表达不是很合适。上下文的逻辑也需要稍微注意一下。拼写基本没有错误,赞一个本来应该A同学给我批22号的独立哒,但是小分队有人说已经写过了,so瓜瓜偷懒木有写,so,A同学就不用帮我改了哈。
-- by 会员 瓜瓜不瓜 (2012/6/23 13:26:16)