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630二战托福~~必胜~~

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31#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-6-23 20:48:09 | 只看该作者
蓝色为意见或建议   高亮为精彩 绿色为总结 红色为错误
0621 独立
110815NA
One of your classmates needs help with some schoolwork. Which solution would you recommend your classmate should do: to ask you for help or to find a professional tutor for help?
我帮他:
我每天课不多,有时间;
我比t懂他;
T花钱
It is a common fact and an indisputable phenomenon that an increasing number of students would like to hire a professional tutor to help them. It is due to difficulty courses students receive, many assignments students should finish, and the resourceful tutors have. However, in my point of view, I still I could help my classmate better than a tutor.(感觉表达有点生硬,改成 my classmate can receive better help from me than from a professional tutor )

To begin with, sometimes, asking a tutor for help is not convenient. As we all know, the responsibilities of tutors could not only help students figure out academic problems they meet off class, but also prepare the other knowledge or information which will explain and interpret in class.(有问题的表达,主语是responsibilities, 但是谓语却用了help和prepare,这两个verb搭配的主语应该是sb,直接用be动词做谓语即可)So, maybe they have less time to induct(induct的意思是正式任职,用在这里语义不对) us as the mentors. Conversely, I havean abundant of (abundant是adj.  应该是abundance吧?但是没见过这个词组,最好自己查一下字典哦)free time. My classmate could ask me at any time because I do not have so- called “office hour”. For example, if my roommate has a question about the periodical table in chemistry, she could ask me when she gets up early at morning in weekend. Thus, no one could deny how convenient it is!
In addition, I know my friend better, comparing with the tutors(移到前面更好). Suppose, in a large- scale lecture hall, there are nearly one hundred students in the classroom. Could the tutors call out the name of each student? Obviously, it is impossible. On no account can they really know the character or the personality of a student. If they could not know much about a student, tutors could not help students in a proper way. However, it will be different when I face this problem. Every day, I spend much time on communicating with my classmates. I could know most of them about their study habits. Thus, when my classmate faces some problems in doing their assignments, I could interpret these academic questions on depending their different ways of learning. In this way, they could better understanding the answers.
Furthermore, we would pay some money to tutors because of the instruction. Especially, when we need a professional tutor, the price of tutoring will even higher. All of these could make students cause budget tensions. However, if I could give my classmates a hand, they could save a lot of money. Also, there is an old saying: a friend in need is a friend indeed. Thus, I could do my utmost to help others about their schoolwork. (上下逻辑不通,后面一句写成 帮助坚固我们之间的友情更好)

Personally speaking, although maybe it is true that students have different dictionaries of their own on finding proper guides which may tutor them, I still think I am a perfect candidate who could help my friends better in terms of convenience, all-round knowing and free-fee.

第一次见面,多多指教,瓜瓜改的有点严厉了,A同学多多见谅。

总评:文章结构完整,思路也很完整,但是有表达不是很合适。上下文的逻辑也需要稍微注意一下。拼写基本没有错误,赞一个

本来应该A同学给我批22号的独立哒,但是小分队有人说已经写过了,so瓜瓜偷懒木有写,so,A同学就不用帮我改了哈。
-- by 会员 瓜瓜不瓜 (2012/6/23 13:26:16)


哈哈 好的~~我才看见~~是我说的 哈哈 那个是0617刚考的 肯定是不会考了~~我们一起加油哈~~
32#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-6-23 20:53:04 | 只看该作者
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误







It is a common fact and an indisputable phenomenon that an increasing number of students would like to hire a professional tutor to help them. It is due to difficulty courses students receive, many assignments students should finish, and the resourceful tutors have. However, in my point of view, I still believe I could help my classmate better than a tutor.







To begin with, sometimes, asking a tutor for help is not convenient. As we all know, the responsibilities of tutors couldare not only help students figure out academic problems they meet off class, but also prepare the other knowledge or information which will explain and interpret in class. So, maybe they have less time to induct us as the mentors. Conversely, I have an abundant of free time. My classmate could ask me at any time because I do not have so- called “office hour”. For example, if my roommate has a question about the periodical table in chemistry, she could ask me when she gets up early at morning in weekend. Thus, no one could deny how convenient it is!







In addition, I know my friend better, comparing with the tutors. Suppose, in a large- scale lecture hall, there are nearly one hundred students in the classroom. Could the tutors call out the name of each student? Obviously, it is impossible. On no account can they really know the character or the personality of a student. If they could not know much about a student, tutors could not help students in a proper way. However, it will be different when I face this problem. Every day, I spend much time on communicating with my classmates. I could know most of them about their study habits. Thus, when my classmate faces some problems in doing their assignments, I could interpret these academic questions on depending on their different ways of learning. In this way, they could have a better understanding about the answers.







Furthermore, we would pay some money to tutors because of the instruction. Especially, when we need a professional tutor, the price of tutoring will even higher. All of these could make students cause budget tensions. However, if I could give my classmates a hand, they could save a lot of moneythe helps which I provided are obviously free,so my classmates could save some money. Also, there is an old saying: a friend in need is a friend indeed.(这里,friendclassmate还是有区别的额) Thus, I couldalways do my utmost to help others about their schoolwork. (这段的连贯性不是很好的说)







Personally speaking, although maybe it is true that students have different dictionaries of their own on finding proper guides which may tutor them, I still think I am a perfect candidate who could help my friends better in terms of convenience, all-round knowing and free-fee.



整体不错,能在40分钟内写出,很具有挑战性了。


-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/6/22 12:02:03)


哈哈 谢谢k改的文章,改的好好 确实我的第三个观点有点薄弱~~托福不用举什么特别出名的例子 就身边的小例子就好,什么我姐我妈我爸我弟我舅舅 哈哈~~把身边人都写遍了 就行 哈哈~~
33#
 楼主| 发表于 2012-6-23 21:30:13 | 只看该作者
tpo7 0623
Both the reading material and reading passage talk about an international organization start use certification to wood companies. However, the lecturer, in the listening passage, says many wood companies have adopted new, ecologically friendly practices in order to receive certification in the United States. It apparently revised the idea illustrated in the reading material.

First of all, in the reading passage, the author states that American consumers are vulnerable to so many advertising because they could not evaluate the labels of ecocertificaition. However, the professor defies the American consumers do not treat all the ads as the same. They can distinguish these productions independently. They have confidence to judge if the products are worth to buy or not. So the lecture totally disagrees with the standpoint made in the reading passage.

In addition, the reading material asserts that the prices of woods will be increasing because woods have been examined by a certification agency. Conversely, the professor maintains that the American consumers do really think more about the price, especially when the prices are much higher or lower than other competitors. But the prices of discrepancy of the two products are small, say less than 5%, the American consumers think others more than prices. For example, one person who values to pursue the products is that if the products are benefit for environment. It is different from what is stand in the passage.

Furthermore, the reading material says it is unnecessary to keep up with the development in the rest of the world. Nevertheless, the professor contends the company should pay attention on the international business is because the foreign competitor rather than the foreign consumer. If the native business is slow, some foreign company will go into the nation.

To sum up, all the information about certification illustrated in the lecture objects to the points in the reading passage.
34#
发表于 2012-6-24 13:05:28 | 只看该作者
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误



It is a common and an indisputable fact that people are much easier to become education nowthan in the past. There are many reasons to cause this situation. Generally speaking, it is due to high level of education, system learning or even more competition. In my point of view, a growing number of people receive more education easily, andat the same time(这样可以和上半句关联额) they can gain knowledge more convenient than the past.

In the first place, the reason is an increasing level of education and development of living condition. Suppose, fifty years ago, the condition of education. Our grandparents may had no chance to get education. On one hand, they are so poverty that their home hardly could support them to get further study. On the other hand, what's more important, nearly no teachers had educated well, not to mention my grandma can received a better instruction. However, due to the high level of education
nowadays, we could not only have knowledgeable and resourceful of teachers, but also could easily access to a huge number of information and knowledge by ourselves, because nowadays more and more media come into our life, such as Internet or television programs. .thanks to the invention of the computer and the internet, we can search all kinds of information through the internet. Also, the television shows, like CNN and discovery, help us broaden our horizon and better understand the whole world. So we can sink in an atmosphere full of education.

In addition, compare
d to the past, nowadays we accept more scientific learning system gradually. For example, in an elementary school, kids need to study multiplication table so that they can calculate numbers by themselves, and lay the foundation for the further study. When they are in high school, they need take advantage of the knowledge of multiplication table to understand the meaning of algebra. Then, going to the university, they should learn the calculus by understanding the multiplication table and algebra. Hence, learning system is more scientific than past, and the students can better understand the meaning of the academic information.

Furthermore, the third reason is more competitions. People pursue further educational degree, especially master degree and doctorate degree, because they realize that applying jobs are not easy tasks to them anymore. In old days, a person who has a bachelor degree can work in one of the TOP 500 companies. However, now, it is impossible. So they need to study harder and learn more knowledge to put them in favorable positions
into face the upcoming competitions.

To sum up, the reasons why people are much easier become education
educated than in the past is the easier access of acquiring knowledge, the more understandableconvenient way of learningachieving information and the stronger desire of gain knowledge, people in modern society can learn much faster than they used to do in the past.



XiaoA姐限时写的作文有一点小错误了,整体还是很好。
35#
发表于 2012-6-24 13:34:57 | 只看该作者
tpo7 0623
Both the reading listening material and reading passage talk about an international organization, which starts use certification to wood companies. However, the lecturer, in the listening passage, says many wood companies have adopted new, ecologically friendly practices in order to receive certification in the United States. It apparently revised the idea illustrated in the reading material.

First of all, in the reading passage, the author states that American consumers are vulnerable to so many advertising because they could not evaluate the labels of ecocertificaition. However, the professor defies the American consumers do not treat all the ads as the same. They can distinguish these productions independently. They have confidence to judge if the products are worth to buy or not. So the lecture totally disagrees with the standpoint made in the reading passage.independent ecofriendly agency 没有听到啊

In addition, the reading material asserts that the prices of woods will be increasing because woods have been examined by a certification agency. Conversely, the professor maintains that the American consumers do really think more about the price, especially when the prices are much higher or lower than other competitors. But the prices of discrepancy of the two products are small, say less than 5%, the American consumers thinkconsider about others more than prices. For example, one person who values to pursue the products is that if the products are benefit for environment. It is different from what is stand in the passage.

Furthermore, the reading material says it is unnecessary to keep up with the development in the rest of the world. Nevertheless, the professor contends the company should pay attention on the international business is because it is the foreign competitor rather than the foreign consumer没说完?. If the native business is slow, some foreign company will go into the nation.

To sum up, all the information about certification illustrated in the lecture objects to the points in the reading passage.

最后一个方面论证不够细致啊
其他还好啦
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