也来参加写作小分队，6月15最后一战了，加油！！！

joan31217

如题， 我也来参加写作小分队了，之前一直潜水，拿不起笔来， 本来想靠着5月26日的转播偷懒，谁知道转播失败，本来就不该投机取巧。 从今天开始，每天坚持组里的活动，请童鞋们狠狠地批评和修改，谢谢啦~

雅宝2011

加油 一战打酱油失败 重回CD     真真正正开始写作文  一起加油~

joan31217

5月30日  独立写作  2011.3.19 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on theway young people behave.

Widespread and influential, movies and television play an importantrole in our lives. The impact of the movies and television on our lifestyle cannever be over-stated. While some people blame that movies and television havemore adverse effects on young people, such as destroying their communication, disturbingtheir study, and bringing violence and sex to them, I argue that movies andtelevision can put more positive effects on them.
Admittedly, it is true that there are many cases that young peopleare so addicted to movies and TV that they ignore communication with friendsand family. It is also true that many young people are exposed to violence and pornographyon movies and TV. As a result, the opponents contend that young people wastetoo much time and energy on movies and TV, so that they couldn’t concentrate ontheir study.   Nevertheless, it is not exactly precise to criticizethat movies and TV put more negatives influence on young people rather thanpositive influence.  In fact, if all factorsare contemplated, the advantages of movies and TV carry more weight than disadvantages.
First and forest, movies and TV are good educator and entertainer. Nature programs, documentaries andeducational programs can expose young people to a wide variety of usefulinformation, from nature science to anthropology, from astronomy to geography, fromart to philosophy. Young people can derive a great deal of knowledge frommovies and TV, which could be good supplement to their knowledge base learned fromschool.  Furthermore, movies and TV are excitingentertainment tools, since they are most fascinating and easiest escape means fromincreasing pressure, which come from family, school, society and so many otherdirections.  They have magic power to letviewers immerse themselves in the plot, therefore young people could find thatwatching movies and TV is the best way to learn and relax.
What’s more, movies and TV can improve young people’s sociallives because they offer us numerous topics to talk about.  For instance, after Titanic was screened in thecinema and on TV, it brought a hectic debate about the value of love; after Avatarwas performed, people rethink profoundly that how can human beings keep harmoniouswith nature. Moreover, imagine a family in front of the TV watching a favoriteshow, laughing, and sharing an enjoyment, how happy that moment could be!  In other words, watching movies and TV couldcreate a warm atmosphere and more popular topics to us.
With that said, spite watching movies and TV might have somedetrimental effects on young people, those negative effects could be overcomeby parents’ guidance and supervision. On the other hand, young people canobtain more benefits from movies and TV since they are great educational and recreational,communicational tools.

joan31217

5月30日，综合写作 TPO 7
The lecturer doubts many of the points made in the readingpassage about if American wood companies would use ecertification for theirwood products. The reading passage explains that American wood companies willeventually stop seeking ecertification whereas the lecturer provides severalcounterarguments to this view.
To begin with, while the reading passage claims that most ofAmerican customers would not place high value on the ecertificated products sinceit is full of ordinary products on market so that customers couldn’tdifferentiate those advertising, the lecturer notes that American customers, infact, are able to tell the difference between advertising claims made by theirown companies or claims made by international agencies.  According to the lecturer, American customersare prone to buy ecertificated products because they trust the products labeledby reliable third-party agencies.
Lecturer also refutes the second point in the readingpassage that American customers would not choose ecertificated wood products becausethose products might have higher price than other regular products. Thelecturer argues that American customers would not mind the price differencewhen this difference is not that notable. For most of American customers, they preferto buy the wood products that are friendlier to environment.
Finally, the lecturer says that the American wood companiescare about their internationally competitors. If they don’t catch up with therest of the world, many international companies would pour in the domesticmarket, and then local companies would lose their customers. Therefore, Americanwood companies have to seek ecertification to make themselves more competitive.
Thus it can be inferred that the professors challenges thepassage by giving reasons as to if American wood companies would pursueecertification for their products.

joan31217

5月31日 独立写作   2011.3.11 NA
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement? Although science and technology willcontinue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality ofpeople’s lives have already taken place.

It is commonly accepted that our society had dramaticallychanged by modern science and technology, and human had made extraordinary progressin knowledge and technology over the recent decades. However, we must be clearlyaware that in spite of the great improvement brought by science and technology,there are still numerous problems left that we should spare no effort toovercome in order to improve the quality of our lives.
To begin with, throughout the world, there are millions ofpeople who still have a miserable life and have to face the dangers ofstarvation and exposure.  While thepeople in the developed countries surf on the internet, travel abroad, and enjoya wide array of exquisite food, the majority of the world’s population lives inpoverty.  According to a recent survey,nearly the entire continent of Africa is impoverished.  New science and technology is needed to enhanceproductivity.
What’s more, I admit the fact that science and technologyhas improved the quality of the health care. With the help of technology wehave been able to save millions of lives by developing vaccinations, cures, andtreatment for diseases that used to be considered fatal. Nevertheless, whensome diseases are cured, other more serious diseases keep arising. To makethings worse, due to the abuse of antibiotics, the new diseases are more fatalsince virus could be stronger and hard to be killed.  Therefore, there are still a variety of medicaldifficulties need to be solved.
In addition to the problems of poverty and health, pollutionis another problem which plagues all of the industrial nations. Along with the rapidlydevelopment of science and technology, we are able to produce all kinds of commodities;however it also brings about pollution problem which threaten our lives andhealth. The ozone layer is getting thinner and thinner every year, which meansthat the sun’s radiation is causing more damage to people and the environment.The streams and lakes are polluted by industrial waste every day, which means thatwe might not drink clean water. In many countries, including our own, thepollution leaves so many things to be desired. People should develop scienceand technology to solve those problems.
With that said, although science and technology havefacilitate our lives, the most of improvement for the quality of people’s liveshave not been accomplished. New technology is needed to fight against the threemost serious threats to human beings: poverty, health, and pollution. It istime to take actions.


5月31日 综合写作 TPO 8

The lecturer doubts many of the points made in the readingpassage about the accuracy of Chevalier's memoir.
Firstly, while the reading passage holds that Chevalieractually was a poor guy since he had to borrow a large amount of money from aSwiss merchant, the professor argues that Chevalier was wealthy because hespent a great deal of  money on partiesand gambling. According to the professor, Chevalier borrowed money from someoneelse because he wanted to convert his property into cash when he ran out of hiscash, which doesn’t mean that he was poor.
The professor also refutes the second point in the readingpassage that Chevalier couldn’t memorize every detail in the conversations betweenhimself and Voltaire after many years. She explains that Chevalier immediatelywrote down everything mentioned in the conversations after they conversed.  There is also an evidence to support thatChevalier do so.  A witness who livedwith Chevalier said that when Chevalier organized and created his memoir, healways referred to his previous notes and journals which documented everydetail in the conversations.
Finally, the professor goes on to argue that Chevalierescaped from prison by using a metal tool to destroy the ceiling of his prisonroom rather than bribing the jailers. In fact, there were many other prisoners inthe same prison who have more power, but they couldn’t escape prison like Chevalier.Moreover, according to some government documents, after Chevalier escaped, the ceilingof his old prison was repaired.
There are some of reasons the lecture gives for support theaccuracy of Chevalier’s memoir.

fhr1988

5月31日 独立写作   2011.3.11 NA
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement? Although science and technology willcontinue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality ofpeople’s lives have already taken place.

It is commonly accepted that our society had dramaticallychanged by modern science and technology, and human had made extraordinary progressin knowledge and technology over the recent decades. However, we must be clearlyaware that in spite of the great improvement brought by science and technology,there are still numerous problems left that we should spare no effort toovercome in order to improve the quality of our lives.
To begin with, throughout the world, there are millions ofpeople who still have a miserable life and have to face the dangers ofstarvation and exposure.  While thepeople in the developed countries surf on the internet, travel abroad, and enjoya wide array of exquisite food, the majority of the world’s population lives inpoverty.  According to a recent survey,nearly the entire continent of Africa is impoverished.  New science and technology is needed to enhanceproductivity.
What’s more, I admit the fact that science and technologyhas improved the quality of the health care. With the help of technology wehave been able to save millions of lives by developing vaccinations, cures, andtreatment for diseases that used to be considered fatal. Nevertheless, whensome diseases are cured, other more serious diseases keep arising. To makethings worse, due to the abuse of antibiotics, the new diseases are more fatalsince virus could be stronger and hard to be killed.  Therefore, there are still a variety of medicaldifficulties need to be solved.
In addition to the problems of poverty and health, pollutionis another problem which plagues all of the industrial nations. Along with the rapidlydevelopment of science and technology, we are able to produce all kinds of commodities;however it also brings about pollution problem which threaten our lives andhealth. The ozone layer is getting thinner and thinner every year, which meansthat the sun’s radiation is causing more damage to people and the environment.The streams and lakes are polluted by industrial waste every day, which means thatwe might not drink clean water. In many countries, including our own, thepollution leaves so many things to be desired. People should develop scienceand technology to solve those problems.
With that said, although science and technology havefacilitate our lives, the most of improvement for the quality of people’s liveshave not been accomplished. New technology is needed to fight against the threemost serious threats to human beings: poverty, health, and pollution. It istime to take actions.


5月31日 综合写作 TPO 8

The lecturer doubts many of the points made in the readingpassage about the accuracy of Chevalier's memoir.
Firstly, while the reading passage holds that Chevalieractually was a poor guy since he had to borrow a large amount of money from aSwiss merchant, the professor argues that Chevalier was wealthy because hespent a great deal of  money on partiesand gambling. According to the professor, Chevalier borrowed money from someoneelse because he wanted to convert his property into cash when he ran out of hiscash, which doesn’t mean that he was poor.
The professor also refutes the second point in the readingpassage that Chevalier couldn’t memorize every detail in the conversations betweenhimself and Voltaire after many years. She explains that Chevalier immediatelywrote down everything mentioned in the conversations after they conversed.  There is also an evidence to support thatChevalier do so.  A witness who livedwith Chevalier said that when Chevalier organized and created his memoir, healways referred to his previous notes and journals which documented everydetail in the conversations.
Finally, the professor goes on to argue that Chevalierescaped from prison by using a metal tool to destroy the ceiling of his prisonroom rather than bribing the jailers. In fact, there were many other prisoners inthe same prison who have more power, but they couldn’t escape prison like Chevalier.Moreover, according to some government documents, after Chevalier escaped, the ceilingof his old prison was repaired.
There are some of reasons the lecture gives for support theaccuracy of Chevalier’s memoir.

-- by 会员 joan31217 (2012/6/1 7:19:35)

你是求人帮改么？

Crystaljoy

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

Widespread and influential, movies and television play an important role in our lives. The impact of the movies and television on our lifestyle can never be over-stated.（overstated就可以了吧）While some people blame that movies and television have more adverse effects on young people, such as destroying their communication, disturbing their study, and bringing violence and sex to them (感觉有点点chinglish~ engaging them in violence and sex? ), I argue that movies and television can put（exert） more positive effects on them.


Admittedly, it is true that there are many cases that young people are so addicted to movies and TV that they ignore communication with friends and family. It is also true（undeniable换个词） that many young people are exposed to violence and pornographyon movies and TV（programs）. As a result, the opponents contend that young people waste too much time and energy on movies and TV, so that they couldn’t concentrate on their study.   Nevertheless, it is not exactly precise to criticize that movies and TV put more negatives influence on (negatively influence这个词组用的太多了，换个V形式吧) young people rather than positive influence (, without any merit).  In fact, if all factors are contemplated, the advantages of movies and TV carry more weight than disadvantages.


First and forest, movies and TV are good educator and entertainer. Nature programs, documentaries and educational programs can expose young people to a wide variety of useful information, from nature science to anthropology, from astronomy to geography, from art to philosophy.（列举很棒！） Young people can derive a great deal of knowledge from movies and TV, which could be good supplement to their knowledge base learned from school.  Furthermore, movies and TV are exciting entertainment tools, since they are （the形容词最高级）most fascinating and easiest escape means from increasing pressure, which come（stems/originates三单） from family, school, society and so many other directions(方向？sources).  They have magic power to let viewers immerse themselves in the plot（immerse viewers in the plot更简洁一点吧）, therefore young people could find that watching movies and TV is the best way to learn and relax.


What’s more, movies and TV can improve young people’s socialllives because they offer us numerous topics to talk about.  For instance, after Titanic was screened in the cinema and on TV, it brought a hectic debate about the value of love; after Avatarwas performed (was put on), people rethink profoundly that how can human beings keep harmonious with（stay in harmony with）nature. （举例很棒！）Moreover, imagine a family （gathering）in front of the TV watching a favorite show, laughing, and sharing an enjoyment, how happy that moment could be!（祈使句，感叹句让文章很生动！）  In other words, watching movies and TV could create a warm atmosphere and more popular topics to us.


With that said, spite(that接句子的话要加个引导词比较好吧，接N用in spite of) watching movies and TV might have some detrimental effects on young people, those negative effects could be overcome by parents’ guidance and supervision. On the other hand, young people can obtain more benefits from movies and TV since they are great educational and recreational, communicational tools. (总结很棒！)



总体感觉很棒，语言内容都基本无可挑剔。

一点小建议：

1.让步段最好放在倒数第二段而不是正数第二段，因为感觉外国人比较直接，先说重要的观点，然后再考虑反面显得逻辑严谨。中国人表达观点会比较迂回婉转。

2.词汇可以更加多样化，比如“施加影响”全文用了太多次。尝试多换种表达或者句式更好。

Crystaljoy

5月30日，综合写作 TPO 7
The lecturer doubts many of the points made in the reading passage about if American wood companies would use ecertification for their wood products. The reading passage explains that American wood companies will eventually stop seeking ecertification whereas the lecturer provides several counterarguments to this view.


To begin with, while the reading passage claims that most of（可删吧）American customers would not place high value on the ecertificated products since it is full of ordinary products on market so that customers couldn’t differentiate those advertising, the lecturer notes that American customers, in fact, are able to tell the difference between advertising claims made by their own companies or claims made by international agencies.  According to the lecturer, American customers are prone to buy ecertificated products because they trust the products labeled by reliable third-party agencies.


Lecturer also refutes the second point in the reading passage that American customers would not choose ecertificated wood products because those products might have higher price than other regular products. The lecturer argues that American customers would not mind the price difference when this difference is not that notable. For most of American customers, they prefer to buy the wood products that are friendlier to environment.


Finally, the lecturer says that the American wood companies care about their internationally competitors. If they don’t catch up with the rest of the world, many international companies would pour in the domestic market, and then local companies would lose their customers（leaving local companies less customers 这句话可以一个主语）. Therefore, American wood companies have to seek ecertification to make themselves more competitive.


Thus it can be inferred that the professors challenges the passage by giving reasons as to if American wood companies would pursue ecertification for their products.



我没有做这篇。单纯就结构、语言、完成综合任务来说，十分完美！

lxc1989614

5月31日 综合写作 TPO 8

The lecturer doubts many of the points made in the readingpassage about the accuracy of Chevalier's memoir.
Firstly, while the reading passage holds that Chevalieractually was a poor guy since he had to borrow a large amount of money from aSwiss merchant, the professor argues that Chevalier was wealthy because hespent a great deal of  money on partiesand gambling. According to the professor, Chevalier borrowed money from someoneelse because he wanted to convert his property into cash when he ran out of hiscash, which doesn’t (did not)注：作文中不能出现缩写~ mean that he was poor.
The professor also refutes the second point in the readingpassage that Chevalier couldn’t memorize every detail in the conversations betweenhimself and Voltaire after many years. She explains that Chevalier immediatelywrote down everything mentioned in the conversations after they conversed.  There is also an evidence to support thatChevalier do so. A witness who livedwith Chevalier said that when Chevalier organized and created his memoir, healways referred to his previous notes and journals which documented everydetail in the conversations. witness 好像米有看到refer的部分吧~只看到记录谈话
Finally, the professor goes on to argue that Chevalierescaped from prison by using a metal tool to destroy the ceiling of his prisonroom rather than bribing the jailers. In fact, there were many other prisoners inthe same prison who have more power, but they couldn’t escape prison like Chevalier.Moreover, according to some government documents, after Chevalier escaped, the ceilingof his old prison was repaired.
There are some of reasons the lecture gives for support theaccuracy of Chevalier’s memoir.

teresaz318

Widespread and influential, movies andtelevision play an important role in our lives. The impact of the movies andtelevision on our lifestyle can never be over-stated(more exaggerate). While some people blame that movies and televisionhave more adverse effects on young people, such as destroying(这里好像有点怪destroy 一般是比较实质上的东西破坏，lz你是想说影响他的沟通能力吗？affects可以吗？) their communication, disturbingtheir study, and bringing violence and sex to them, however,因为你后面内容相反了，其实这些连词在托福写作中很重要哦，是你文章的结构和逻辑的体现I argue that movies and television can put more positive effects on them 这里已经指代不清了

Admittedly, it is true that there are many cases prove that young people are so addicted to movies and TVthat（and lead them） they ignore communication with friends and family. It is also true thatmany young people are exposed to violence and pornography on movies and TV. Asa result, the opponents contend that young people waste too much time andenergy on movies and TV, so that they couldn’t concentrate on their study.  Nevertheless, it is not exactly precise to criticize that movies and TVput more negatives influence on young people rather thanpositive influence. In fact, if all factors are contemplated, the advantages of movies and TVcarry more weight than disadvantages.

First and forest, movies and TV are good educator and entertainer. Natureprograms, documentaries and educational programs can expose young people to awide variety of useful information, from nature science to anthropology, fromastronomy to geography, from art to philosophy. Young people can derive a greatdeal of knowledge from movies and TV, which could be good supplement to theirknowledge base learned from school.  Furthermore, movies and TV areexciting entertainment tools, since they are most fascinating and easiestescape means from increasing pressure, which come from family, school, societyand so many other directions.  They have magic power to let viewersimmerse themselves in the plot, therefore young people could find that watchingmovies and TV is the best way to learn and relax.

What’s more, movies and TV can improve young people’s social lives because theyoffer us numerous topics to talk about.  For instance, after Titanic wasscreened in the cinema and on TV, it brought a hectic debate about the value oflove; after Avatar was performed, people rethink profoundly that how can humanbeings keep harmonious with nature. Moreover, imagine a family in front of theTV watching a favorite show, laughing, and sharing anenjoyment, how happy that moment could be!  In other words,watching movies and TV could create a warm atmosphere and more popular topicsto us.

With that said, spite watching movies and TV mighthave some detrimental effects on young people, those negative effects could beover come by parents’ guidance and supervision. On the other hand, young peoplecan obtain more benefits from movies and TV since they are great educational and recreational, and communicationaltools.


注意一下每段的topic sentence 应该是一个主题
个人感觉第二段有点乱，就是表达得不过统一
其他还不错， ＝ ＝ 我应该要改31的不小心改错了  等等再帮你改31