Argument 58求拍拍

小小游儿

Argument 58

the vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."



Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument


写作
In this argument, the vice president recommends that in order to improve employees’ productivity, Climpon should implement electronic monitoring of employees’ Internet use from their workstations. To support this recommendation, the arguer states that employees who use the Internet inappropriately from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities. He also cites that installing software on company computers to detect employees’ Internet use is the best way to prevent employees from wasting time on the job and it will foster a better work ethic at Climpon and improve Climpon’ s profits.



In the first place, the author unfairly assumes that employees who use the Internet inappropriately from their workstations need to be identified and punished. The author fails to consider the employees’ current working state. If Climpson’ s employees use the Internet appropriately and use all their work hours to do their job at present, then the author’s rest of reasoning can all be rejected out of hand. To better illustrate this assumption, the author should provide more specific evidence whether the phenomenon that employees spent work hours on personal or recreational activities through the Internet exists at present. Moreover the author provides no evidence what move and pace of work Climpon Industries stand on. If employees are not filled with very much workload and they can complete their work with high efficiency, the employees spending work hours on personal or recreational activities seems nothing to their company. To strengthen this argument, the author should clarify the move and pace of Climpson.



In the second place, the author falsely assumes that installing software on company computers to detect employees’ Internet use is the best way to prevent employees from wasting time on the job. In order to draw a better conclusion, the author must affirm that the detecting is a legal measure and this will not violate personal privacy. Futhermore, the author should rule out the possibility that the detecting will not result in the resistant emotion of employees. Lacking evidences explain the detecting is the best way to prevent employees from wasting time on the job, the author’s assumption makes unconvincing.



Finally, the assumption that the detecting can prevent employees from wasting time is unwarranted. I t is entirely possible that the employees do other things for entertaining such as playing with their mobile phones and reading stories on work hours. This scenario is quite possible, especially considering they cannot use Internet to do personal activities. Moreover, the author’s final aim is improving Climpon’s overall profit. But profitability is a function of revenue and expense. The author overlooks that the cost of electric monitoring and software may be a lot.



To sum up, the recommendation lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the author maintains. To strengthen the argument, the author would have to provide more evidence concerning the detecting can prevent employees from wasting time and improve their productivity. To make it logically acceptable, the author would have to demonstrate the cost of electric monitoring and software is worthy.

时间:42 min字数:526

小小游儿

我没按照我的提纲写,以下是我刚开始时准备的提纲,写文章的时候写着写着就变味道了,我更喜欢按照题目给的论据顺序写,按论据顺序抄题方便点哈!
提纲:1.电子监测可以节省时间,但不一定能提高生产力
    2.即使能够提高生产力和培养好的工作态度,作者也没提到现在员工的生产力和工作态度如何
    3.即使现在员工的工作态度和效率影响到了工作,也无法判断是否有必要对员工态度进行检测

小小游儿

等待中

小小游儿

救救我啊

竹林中人

按照题目的论据入手，对一般的题目都可以的，但有些题目，自己组织下还是好些。通过大脑加工的还是具有个性些。
另外你可以开始好好写Issue了