【写作小分队】tyyhappy 欢迎狂批^_^

DanielleZ

Have you everspent few hours on a seemingly difficult math problem？ However, your friend help you work it outdirectly in few minutes. Have you ever been assigned a task which needs to beaccomplished soon when you travelled outside? Who would you ask for assistance? I guess the answer would be your friend(我觉得加上以后会感觉稍微清楚一点呢). Such is common reality that wewould like to make friends with those who would give us a hand whenever. In mypoint of view it makes sense to choose useful and helpful friends other thanfriends who have lots of fun with you.

First of all, it goes without saying that friends'help may lead to more efficient study. Sometimes a piece of recommendation orguidance from friends may enlighten us suddenly. Take myself for example, onceI was working on company's financial sheets to calculate some importantfigures. It is my friend that pointed outfiguring out such things by excel costs plenty timeand she suggested to search a website called Wind for these figures. How lucky!The website has provided all what I wanted and needed to work out already and it saved muchtime for me. What if my friend had not told me about the wonderful website, themassive work must have(时态，had) driven me crazy. Therefore, I state that weshould we should make friends who are ready to do you a favor.

Also, friend's help in daily life plays a vitalrole when considering choosing friends. There are emergencies that we could notdeal with merely by ourselves. For instance, once I failed to catch the trainon which my friend took my bags and computers. It turns out to be a tragicbecause my friend has to take these bags to her hometown however far from mine.With worry, ideas came to my mind that I could ask another friend to bring itback home, who just studied (happenedto study我才happy应该想表达的是正好的意思吧，所以我觉得happen to do 比just要准确捏~) in that city and were going back to home. Andthings went on well at last with my bags back few days later. That's why Iemphasize friends who would solve your problems are undoubtedly important.

Admittedly, staying and playing with friends whoalways crack jokes add up happiness. However, why not we ourselves play therole in such relationship or just choose friends who possess both qualities? Mybest friend Victor is a perfect paragon. He is highly spoken of for hiskindness and helpful actions, in addition he appears humors.

As far as I am concerned, being ready to help uscomes first when it comes to choose friends for reasons mentioned above.(原因再简单总结一下我觉得会更好一些。)


其实这篇文章，我写的非常痛苦。改了happy这篇文章后，我感觉又多了一些思路。
总体文章写的木有大问题，理由用的也不错。加油啊！

tyyhappy

7-8独立
Could I provide him with professional and wonderful suggestions of his schoolwork? Could I make proper plans and schedules for him according to his task and goad? Such are questions that I think over and answers are no. In my point of view, he had better turn to the professor or a professional tutor for help in order to accomplish his work effectively and efficiently.
First of all, it goes without saying that a professional master would come up with qualified recommendations by making use of his knowledge and experience. Take myself for example, I have ever done utmost to write a personal statement for a university when I required to submit for some reason. Hardly could any friends of mine produce such an essay at high school as we had never done it before, of course including me. However, my Chinese teacher turned up in my mind as she was good at writing and I asked her advice. The decision turned out to be a wise action, and she pointed out that I should compare myself to something to make a difference from other students'. It is the wonderful idea that leaded my essay to an extraordinary one at that time. Therefore, I state that great tutors should be his first choice.
Also, an appropriate plan or schedule provided by the experienced tutor for him also plays a vital role in choosing assistant. Only experienced and professional tutors or masters could set proper plans for they have dealt with similar incidents or matters a lot before. For instance, once I was preparing for my music test, my music tutor made a schedule for me due to my appearance and abilities. That is to say, I was trained under professional guidance and the schedule turned out to be effective. What if I just reviewed by myself without a systematic plan raised by my master, I just can imagine. Consequently, we cannot emphasize the importance of masters much according to the evidence mentioned above.
Admittedly, sometimes we are more likely to express our ideas more greatly when chatting with our close friends. However, we can take measures to cultivate our communication patterns with tutors or professors more naturally. What I often be advised is to regard the tutor as your parent or brother, and you are familiar with them.
As far as I am concerned, he should turn to a professional tutor instead of me for all merits as above. If he make good use of available resources and refer to diversity suggestions, his school work will probably be finished with high quality.

tyyhappy

Have you everspent few hours on a seemingly difficult math problem？However, your friend help you work it outdirectly in few minutes. Have you ever been assigned a task which needs to beaccomplished soon when you travelled outside? Who would you ask for assistance?I guess the answer would be your friend(我觉得加上以后会感觉稍微清楚一点呢). Such is common reality that wewould like to make friends with those who would give us a hand whenever. In mypoint of view it makes sense to choose useful and helpful friends other thanfriends who have lots of fun with you.

First of all, it goes without saying that friends'help may lead to more efficient study. Sometimes a piece of recommendation orguidance from friends may enlighten us suddenly. Take myself for example, onceI was working on company's financial sheets to calculate some importantfigures. It is my friend that pointed outfiguring out such things by excel costs plenty timeand she suggested to search a website called Wind for these figures. How lucky!The website has provided all what I wanted and needed to work out already and it saved muchtime for me. What if my friend had not told me about the wonderful website, themassive work must have(时态，had) driven me crazy. Therefore, I state that weshould we should make friends who are ready to do you a favor.

Also, friend's help in daily life plays a vitalrole when considering choosing friends. There are emergencies that we could notdeal with merely by ourselves. For instance, once I failed to catch the trainon which my friend took my bags and computers. It turns out to be a tragicbecause my friend has to take these bags to her hometown however far from mine.With worry, ideas came to my mind that I could ask another friend to bring itback home, who just studied (happenedto study我才happy应该想表达的是正好的意思吧，所以我觉得happen to do 比just要准确捏~) in that city and were going back to home. Andthings went on well at last with my bags back few days later. That's why Iemphasize friends who would solve your problems are undoubtedly important.

Admittedly, staying and playing with friends whoalways crack jokes add up happiness. However, why not we ourselves play therole in such relationship or just choose friends who possess both qualities? Mybest friend Victor is a perfect paragon. He is highly spoken of for hiskindness and helpful actions, in addition he appears humors.

As far as I am concerned, being ready to help uscomes first when it comes to choose friends for reasons mentioned above.(原因再简单总结一下我觉得会更好一些。)


其实这篇文章，我写的非常痛苦。改了happy这篇文章后，我感觉又多了一些思路。
总体文章写的木有大问题，理由用的也不错。加油啊！

-- by 会员 DanielleZ (2012/7/9 0:16:11)

谢谢dan，辛苦啦^_^

kchszy061ban

Could I provide him（这个有性别歧视在里面的额） with professional and wonderful suggestions of his schoolwork? Could I make proper plans and schedules for him according to his task and goad? Such are questions that I think over and answers are no. In my point of view, he had better turn to the professor or a professional tutor for help in order to accomplish his work effectively and efficiently.

First of all, it goes without saying that a professional master would come up with qualified recommendations by making use of his knowledge and experience. Take myself for example, I have ever done utmost to write a personal statement for a university when I required to submit for some reasons. Hardly could any friends of mine produce such an essay at high school as we had never done it before, of course including me. However, my Chinese teacher turned up in my mind as she was good at writing and I asked her advice. The decision turned out to be a wise action, and she pointed out that I should compare myself to something to make a difference from other students'. It is the wonderful idea that leaded my essay to an extraordinary one at that time. （这个转折的有一点突兀）Therefore, I state that great tutors should be his first choice.

Also, an appropriate plan or schedule provided by the experienced tutor for him also plays a vital role in choosing assistant. Only experienced and professional tutors or masters could set proper plans for they have dealt with similar incidents or matters a lot before. For instance, once I was preparing for my music test, my music tutor made a schedule for me due（according） to my appearance and abilities. That is to say, I was trained under professional guidance and the schedule turned out to be effective. What if I just reviewed by myself without a systematic plan raised by my master, I just can imagine. Consequently, we cannot emphasize the importance of masters much according to the evidence mentioned above.

Admittedly, sometimes we are more likely to express our ideas more greatly when chatting with our close friends. However, we can take measures to cultivate our communication patterns with tutors or professors more naturally. What I often be advised is to regard the tutor as your parent or brother, and you are familiar with them.

As far as I am concerned, he should turn to a professional tutor instead of me for all merits as above. If he make good use of available resources and refer to diversity suggestions, his school work will probably be finished with high quality.
队长的作文句式多样，表达清楚，真应该多看下。

tyyhappy

7-6
综合
The reading passage raises the issue that the society benefits a lot from genetic modification. However, this statement is strongly questioned in the lecture which provides with drastically different evidences and argues that it has seriously negative impacts.

The professor begins pointing out that tress may not survive when pests or others changes in climates occurred. Because there are plenty of wild trees varying in genes, part of they them are doomed to get through these damages and pick up by nature however some died. But the genetically modified trees are uniform and they will soon die out when deadly factors appear. This view disagrees with the standpoint that genetically modified trees are made to resist dangers as demonstrated in the reading passage.

The professor goes on to mention that farmers spend more on genetically modified tress. It goes without saying that companies will charge more for the special seeds. According to the reading passage, farmers make extra profits as these trees grow faster than normal ones. Therefore, the lecture goes against with what is represented in the reading passage.少了一小点信息by law...

Finally, the professor states that these trees pose a threat on other trees. Genetically modified trees grow faster and better so that they spread and take up more space 可以用aggressive  in forests. As a consequence, normal trees have to compete with them for water or nutrients. This view casts doubt on the contents of the reading passage which considers that special tress will protect other trees from cutting down for their accumulations meet the need of wood.

只有些小错误 其他都蛮好
但是包子不大清楚 是不是要完全遵照听力原文的表述嘞 看到HAPPY用了很多自己的表达 在有听力原文的情况下 嘿嘿

-- by 会员 包子不包子 (2012/7/8 6:38:50)

to 包子
恩恩，实在是记了就听不全，听全了就只能自己随便记两笔，回头再自己组织··哎，苦逼听力···要是能用原文多好啊^_^

tyyhappy

7-6 独立
Have you ever attended an online class of biology or economy? Have you ever listened to an open lecture given by universities? Such is common reality that nowadays open universities and convenient internet are likely to provide more opportunities to obtain knowledge than before. In my point of view, people nowadays are more easily available to knowledge than people in the past days.



First of all, it goes without saying that modern people can take advantage of rapidly developed computers and widely used internet to get educated. Online classes, various of (various 是形容词建议去掉of)books and videos of lectures are offered to housewives workers and all kinds of people who lack massive time or great opportunities to study in universities. Take my best friend Victor for example, he learns French all and merely on the internet. The books downloaded from the internet and websites about how to learn French turns out to play an important role for him in the process of self-learning. Hardly can anyone in the past believe that we learn a language without a teacher talking with us face by face. Also, it is the website called Ted that shows plenty lectures in diversity areas and these lectures improve my ability of listening to English a lot. Therefore, I state that we have more chances to learn contrast to the past days.



Also, open lectures and various programs given by universities play a vital role in promoting educations. Diversity programs are provided to students who merely have time at night or weekend but are in deep eager to study in universities. For instance, my university is filled with bank workers and company managers on weekends for they are taking further study in business or finance. As far as I am concerned, account finance engineering and math which largely improves skills at work is taught as fundamental subjects in these programs. In addition, open lectures are increasing. Last week, there was an open lecture about Black-Shores equation given by Shores who are given the Nobel Prize Award in my university. That is to say, scholars, students and anyone else have the access to attend the lecture. How surprising and exciting is the new.（这个语气用这不错啊，更生动啦.但是我觉得应该这样 How surprising and exciting the new is!）Consequently, we cannot emphasize more about the fact that people get more opportunities to get knowledge.

Admittedly, nowadays more lures emerge and they may probably take up time or energy from people. However, if we take control of time and balance the schedule, we will probably come over these negative impacts.（这段再有个例子就好啦，虽然字数已经很多）

As far as I am concerned, the more developed our society is as today, the more easily for people to get educated. For one thing, we benefit from the massive knowledge on the internet. Moreover, more lectures and classes are reachable in universities.

Happy的写作水平比我强多啦，我觉得总体写得不错啦，我也从文章中学到了很多，有什么迅速提高作文水平的方法求赐教啊~

PS：好不容易才找到happy的作业地址啊

-- by 会员 丰碑无语Yee (2012/7/8 9:50:15)

to 丰碑
不好意思，总是忘了粘链接···
不敢当赐教，给你我练习的方法丰碑参考下^_^
《十天提高托福作文》看看，再读下185篇，再搭电梯看看鸟儿的作文，再背一些好的句子肯定棒棒哪^_^。（我是这么练的，觉得还挺有效果滴~~）
加油↖(^ω^)↗

Crystaljoy

7-8独立
Could I provide him with professional and wonderful suggestions of（to） his schoolwork? Could I make proper plans and schedules for him according to his task and goad（goal？）? Such are questions that I think over and answers are no(总觉得一句话中,主语换来换去不好,容易使读的人感到累。就像我们自己读英文句子，不管再长，先提取的是一套主谓宾，然后才接收其他用修饰语串联起来的次要信息。这点你再体会体会。我的修改：My answer, after deep analysis, goes to no.). In my point of view, he had better turn to the professor or a professional tutor for help in order to accomplish his work effectively and efficiently.


First of all, it goes without saying that a professional master would come up with qualified recommendations by making use of（有点别扭，benefited from后置修饰吧） his knowledge and experience. Take myself for example, I have ever done utmost to write a personal statement for a university when I required to submit for some reason.（下划线的地方感觉不合适。once I was required to submit a personal statement）Hardly could any friends of mine produce（感觉你找写手一样） such an essay at high school as we had never done it before, of course including me. However, my Chinese teacher turned up in my mind as she was（a master） good at writingand I asked her advice（删去，这句跟后一句联系更大）. The decision （to ask her for advice）turned out to be a wise action (one), and she pointed out that I should compare myself to something to(把你比作什么。。？) make a difference from other students' (through novel metaphors ). It is the wonderful idea thatleaded （, which made 一个主要意思尽量一句串起来）my essay to an extraordinary one at that time. Therefore, I state that great tutors should be his first choice.


Also, an appropriate plan or schedule provided by the experienced tutor for him also plays a vital role in choosing assistant（这个论点有点诡异？）. Only experienced and professional tutors or masters could set proper plans for they have dealt with similar incidents or matters a lot before. For instance, once I was preparing for my music test, my music tutor made a schedule for me due to my appearance（performance？）and abilities. That is to say, I was trained under professional guidance and the schedule turned out to be (much more) effective. (I cannot imagine) What if I just reviewed by myself without a systematic plan raised (set up) by my master, I just can imagine. Consequently, we cannot emphasize the importance of masters(too) muchaccording to the evidence mentioned above.


Admittedly, sometimes we are more likely to express our ideas more greatly (honestly and directly) when chatting with our close friends. However, we can take measures to cultivate our communication patterns with tutors or professors more naturally. What I often be advised is to regard the tutor as your parent or brother, and(someone) you are familiar with them.


As far as I am concerned, he should turn to a professional tutor instead of me for all merits as(listed) above. If he (could) make good use of available resources and refer to diversity suggestions, his school work will probably be finished with high(higher) quality.



小哈。你的结构基本符合ETS的要求。但是表达要再注意一下，有时候表达影响了理解内容。

1.and 不要滥用了。一个句子一个主要意思，附属信息可以用which等连接词串起来。

2.长短句结合。即使是叙事体，也不能很多短句的写成流水账。可用上such, this,转折词等，显得环环相扣，有逻辑。

3.别太罗嗦。多写实词增强细节，少写可有可无的状语。

4.每段主题句一定要表述清楚，不能有歧义。让步段也得合情合理，不是勉强凑结构的，而是使得逻辑更完整。

5.写完多读几遍。

考前把你写过的读几遍，JJ题目观点准备好。考试时候好好检查，问题不大啦~ 加油！