【写作小分队】tyyhappy 欢迎狂批^_^

tyyhappy

6-28
Have you ever read through piles of professional books in order to prepare for a further study or research in the same field? Have you ever figured out the mistakes or faults you made before to avoid remaking it again unconsciously? Such is a useful skill that human beings go over the past with the purpose of conquering new problems and puzzles in societies. From my point of view, what happened before provide us a plenty of useful materials and practical experiences, and they will probably assist a lot in making certain about present and future problems.

First of all, a large number of resources and materials lead to a complete understanding of puzzling problems. For example, steeping on the moon last century by satellites surprised the world because of its extremely difficulty and wonderful shot. No one could ignore the immense written materials made by the old generation or omit the practical experiences and researches before. With these precious resources, the dream of flying out of the earth turns out to be an unbelievable reality for human beings. Therefore, we con not emphasize more about the importance of reviewing history knowledge.

Also, mistakes or faults conducted before avoid us repeating useless work or remaking wrong decisions. Though conflicts and wars still commonly happen nowadays, they appear partly. None of the countries would lead a political controversy to a worldwide war due the extremely cruel World War Two. Millions of people died painfully in the toxic gas or gun-shot; numerous mothers lost their lovely children who devote themselves to protect the country and public’s safety. Terrible results deeply impress the world. Consequently presidents and chairmen or chairwomen across the world nowadays are doing utmost to avoid leading different opinions or profit conflicts to world wars. It is just the horrible history that influences decisions and policies made for present and furture.

Admittedly, devoting too much to the past figures might create less. However, balancing drawing knowledge from the past and creating new ideas is a necessary skill for scientists politicians workers and so on. It is somewhat reasonable innovation develop the world but not the so called experience, but just like how could one invent a computer without electric energy experience and history work as mentioned.

As far as I am concerned, despite the limited shortcomings of concentrating on the past, the merits of it easily surpass. Reviewing the past by human nature is inevitable in order to figure out the information provided by the former and prevent from making mistakes again.

每次都超过半小时，happy要速度要速度~~

sang824

Have you ever read through piles of professional books in order to prepare for a further study or research in the same field? Have you ever figured out the mistakes or faults you made before to avoid remaking it them again unconsciously? Such is a useful skill that human beings go over the past with the purpose of conquering new problems and puzzles in societies. From my point of view, what happened before provide us a plenty of useful materials and practical experiences, and they will probably assist a lot in making certain about present and future problems.

First of all, a large number of resources and materials lead to a complete understanding of puzzling problems. For example, steeping(??) on the moon last century by satellites surprised the world because of its extremely difficulty and wonderful shot. No one could ignore the immense written materials made by the old generation or omit the practical experiences and researches before. With these precious resources, the dream of flying out of the earth turns out to be an unbelievable reality for human beings. Therefore, we con can not emphasize more about the importance of reviewing history knowledge.

Also, mistakes or faults conducted before avoid us(不确定这种说法，prevent us from?) repeating useless work or remaking wrong decisions. Though conflicts and wars still commonly happen nowadays, they appear partly. None of the countries would lead a political controversy to a worldwide war due the extremely cruel World War Two. Millions of people died painfully in the toxic gas or gun-shot; numerous mothers lost their lovely children who devote themselves to protect the country and public’s safety. Terrible results deeply impress the world. Consequently presidents and chairmen or chairwomen across the world nowadays are doing utmost to avoidleading holding different opinions or profit conflicts to world wars. It is just the horrible history that influences decisions and policies made for present and furture.

Admittedly, devoting too much to the past figures might create less. However, balancing drawing knowledge from the past and creating new ideas is a necessary skill for scientists politicians workers and so on. It is somewhat reasonable innovation that develop the world but not the so called experience, but just like how could one invent a computer without electric energy experience and history work as mentioned.(这两句话之间的联系没有看懂诶，感觉是连接词的问题，但替换以后感觉前后关于experience的意见不一致？)

As far as I am concerned, despite the limited shortcomings of concentrating on the past, the merits of it easily surpass. Reviewing the past by human nature is inevitable in order to figure out the information provided by the former and prevent from making mistakes again.

To happy:
文章的开头排比很不错，是不是两句就够啦？
感觉没什么大错误，语法表达都很完整，就是注意个别用词搭配
例子赞一个哈哈，我现在就开始focus on 各种杜撰例子了..

加油！

tyyhappy

Have you ever read through piles of professional books in order to prepare for a further study or research in the same field? Have you ever figured out the mistakes or faults you made before to avoid remaking it them again unconsciously? Such is a useful skill that human beings go over the past with the purpose of conquering new problems and puzzles in societies. From my point of view, what happened before provide us a plenty of useful materials and practical experiences, and they will probably assist a lot in making certain about present and future problems.

First of all, a large number of resources and materials lead to a complete understanding of puzzling problems. For example, steeping(??) on the moon last century by satellites surprised the world because of its extremely difficulty and wonderful shot. No one could ignore the immense written materials made by the old generation or omit the practical experiences and researches before. With these precious resources, the dream of flying out of the earth turns out to be an unbelievable reality for human beings. Therefore, we con can not emphasize more about the importance of reviewing history knowledge.

Also, mistakes or faults conducted before avoid us(不确定这种说法，prevent us from?) repeating useless work or remaking wrong decisions. Though conflicts and wars still commonly happen nowadays, they appear partly. None of the countries would lead a political controversy to a worldwide war due the extremely cruel World War Two. Millions of people died painfully in the toxic gas or gun-shot; numerous mothers lost their lovely children who devote themselves to protect the country and public’s safety. Terrible results deeply impress the world. Consequently presidents and chairmen or chairwomen across the world nowadays are doing utmost to avoidleading holding different opinions or profit conflicts to world wars. It is just the horrible history that influences decisions and policies made for present and furture.

Admittedly, devoting too much to the past figures might create less. However, balancing drawing knowledge from the past and creating new ideas is a necessary skill for scientists politicians workers and so on. It is somewhat reasonable innovation that develop the world but not the so called experience, but just like how could one invent a computer without electric energy experience and history work as mentioned.(这两句话之间的联系没有看懂诶，感觉是连接词的问题，但替换以后感觉前后关于experience的意见不一致？)

As far as I am concerned, despite the limited shortcomings of concentrating on the past, the merits of it easily surpass. Reviewing the past by human nature is inevitable in order to figure out the information provided by the former and prevent from making mistakes again.

To happy:
文章的开头排比很不错，是不是两句就够啦？
感觉没什么大错误，语法表达都很完整，就是注意个别用词搭配
例子赞一个哈哈，我现在就开始focus on 各种杜撰例子了..

加油！

-- by 会员 sang824 (2012/6/29 16:36:21)

谢谢sang~~
这个排比的用法“十天搞定托福作文”上有哪，其实是三个最好，可是我憋的好痛苦的说，还有最好能把例子和接下来的观点对应。
用词搭配很苦恼，觉得sang的作文表达好舒服的说，sang是怎么做到的，求经验^_^。

tyyhappy

@chenglu。让我话痨一下吧，昨儿和chenglu聊了之后，今儿看了185的20页，主要看了论证和结构还有用词，看了鸟儿的作文，看了词汇，看了词组。下笔舒服多了。谢谢亲爱哒。
6-29
Have you ever thought completely about your interest in order to make decisions about career plan? Have you ever made wide researches about society labor demands? Such is the common reality that when choosing career for future we should take various factors into considerations. In my point of view, children have no needs to pick the similar career as their parents.

First of all, it goes without saying that interest plays an undoubtedly vital role in deciding career. No one would make great effort to a subject he is tired of, or one could hardly compete with a concentrating and focused student who fall in love with his major. Take Bill gates for example, he is doomed to make contributions to computer science according to his love for computing and designing. People who follow parents’ career seldom focus on his current work, not to mention future plans. Totally obeying to parents or running after them turns out to live an ordinary and meaningless life to some extent. Consequently, I argue for that children should make clear what they are interested in and consider it as an aspect when making decisions of dreams.

Also, society demands but not merely parents’ occupations should be taken into consideration. If the field or domain that parents work in for all life is going down, then what is the meaning for children to be engaged in the same but not brilliant field? Besides, as technology and science develop, the demands of society change rapidly. Shouldn’t we go into an easily access domain rather than copy out parents’ path? For instance, students majored in finance nowadays are difficult to hunt for a job as supply of workers in financial department surpass the demand largely. However, sometimes it is just because parents work in banks and benefit a lot from their occupation that most pick finance. Therefore, we cannot emphasize much about the importance of society needs.

Admittedly, sometimes parents’ work experience influence children a lot and naturally they cultivate an interest since they are young. However, choices of careers depend on plenty factors such as interest demands of course including growing up environment but not only the last one. To avoid the negative impact of copying parents’ path directly, all factors mentioned should be considered.

As far as I am concerned, children should carefully think about careers but not follow parents’ work career again. Interest is undoubtedly regarded as an important part since children would like to work on what they adore. Moreover, society demands should also be given attention.

srafcatt

kchszy06ban,先道个歉，我不是来抢你任务的~~~tyyhappy对我太好了，我来回报她一下。ttyhappy，你28日的作文真心写的不错，赞一下~~

srafcatt

非常好修改和建议

Have you ever thought completely about your interest in order to make decisions about career plan? Have you ever made wide researches about society labor demands? Such is the common reality that when choosing career for future we should take various factors into considerations(take sth. into consideration). In my point of view, children have no needs(应为need,若为“需要”之意，是不可数名词) to pick the similar career as their parents.

First of all, it goes without saying that interest plays an undoubtedly vital role in deciding career. No one would make great effort to a subject he is tired of, or one could hardly compete with a student concentrating and focusing on his major wonderfully. Take Bill Gates for example, he is doomed to make contributions to computer science according to his love for (of) computing and designing.In most cases，people who follow parents’ career seldom (fail to) focus on his current work, not to mention future plans. Totally obeying to parents or running after them，to some extent，（插入语的使用会加分，插入语放在谓语前） turns out to live an ordinary and meaningless life. Consequently, I argue for （believe）that children should make （be） clear about what they are interested in and consider it as an aspect （a important factor）when making decisions of （about）dreams.

Also,It's society demands but not（rather than）merely parents’ occupations should be taken into consideration. If the field（field指的是具体的田地或场地，用areas吧） or domain that parents work in for all life is going down, then what is the meaning for children to be engaged in the same but not brilliant（promising怎么样？） field? Besides, as technology and science develop, the demands of society change rapidly. Shouldn’t we go into an easily（应为easy） access domain rather than copy our parents’ path? For instance, students majored（who major） in finance nowadays are difficult to hunt for a job as supply of workers in financial department surpass （surpass为优于，超越之意，是褒义词，用于形容意料之外的成绩。这句话这么说怎么样？Vacancies in demand are rare.）the demand largely. However, sometimes it is just because parents who work in banks and benefit a lot from their occupations that make the most pick finance. Therefore, we cannot emphasize much about the importance of society needs.

Admittedly, sometimes parents’work (working) experience influence children a lot and naturally they cultivate an interest since they are young. However, choices of careers depend on plenty factors such as interest demands of course including growing up environment but not only the last one. To avoid the negative impact of copying parents’ path directly, all factors mentioned should be considered.

As far as I am concerned, children should carefully think about careers but not follow parents’ work career again. Interest is undoubtedly regarded as an important part since children would like to work on what they adore(adore用于崇拜或爱慕某人，用are crazy about吧~~). Moreover, society demands should also be given attention.

594字。非常之多的字呀~~~钦佩一下。那种排比式的开头确实拉风。Tyyhappy，看得出来你很勤奋呀。而且热心，再次谢谢你看我的作文。

问题是：

1.重复性的结构相同的句子出现多次，鉴于字数很多，你可以考虑直接删掉。

2.用词需要更加准确，这个很重要。在你想用某个词之前，可以查字典确认一下用法。

加油吧~~~祝tyyhappy 写作高分~

tyyhappy

6-30
Have you got a friend who grown up with you for years, knowing your favorite songs and your special eating habit? Have you ever made new friends when moved to a new city for the sake of work or study? Such is common reality that people keep in touch with their ever-best friends and in the meantime make new friends when living in a different new environment. From my perspective, it is accepetable and sometimes good when moving to a new city though living old friends.

First of all, it goes without saying that communication tools today enable us to keep in touch with our friends no matter how far we live apart. As technology and science develop at a rapid speed, mobile phones and personal computers make it possible for us to talk at any time. Take myself for example, my best friend now studies in my hometown almost thousands kilometers far away from my university. For several times a week we give calls to each other in order to get information about what is going on in each other’s daily life: Whether the boy who she adores give her text messages to play outside or how I conquer the dilemma of conflicted schedules. Constant and frequent communications turn out to close connections with best friends. Therefore, the high-tech communication tools ensure our relationship with our friends.

Also, the fact that we are able to make new friends in new places plays an important role in indicating the merit of living in new cities. Hardly can anyone live a life all his or her life time at a certain unchanged place. To crave for our brilliant future or experience a different life, by human nature, we consequently move to new metropolis. It is obvious that new friends, who have common habits with you or who work together with you would be made. That is to say, the number of friends never reduced for your moving. For instance, Zedong Mao and Enlai Zhou met each other while working together for the liberty of China’s public, and subsequently become close friends in the rest of their life. It should not be ignored that friends come from all over the world, but not only a focused city or country. Thus, the drawback of moving out seems to fade up.

Admittedly, none of us could touch with all our old friends for all the time and common topics become less for distances. However, life does not always run as what we want it to be. On the other hand, really best friend are those who would not lose contact with you wherever you live.

As far as I am concerned, it is acceptable and exciting, to some extent, when changing into a new environment as I mentioned all above.

tyyhappy

7-1
Have you ever finished school work with complete help of parents and been spoken highly of teachers? It is not seemingly comfortable to be praised for others’ effort. Have you ever come into the situation that teachers are not informed of your drawbacks as you hand on homework well at the aid of parents? Such is common question which would encounter when parents help children do schoolwork instead of letting them finish independently. Form my perspecitive, it is not wise for parents to give a hand to kids for following reasons.

First of all, it goes without saying that teachers conclude from children homework about how they grasp knowledge and who is in need of extra consideration for poor performance. What if parents together do homework with children and it appears that those students are good at this part. Take myself my example, my experience at high school is a typical counter-example. I remember there is a time that difficult math problems are assigned to us and each time I turn to my father for help to work them out which consequently leads to perfect homework for a long time. However, the action turns out to be a short-sighted behavior for I get low scores in the final exam in need of independently work. If I have had done homework on my own would I still have got the same scores as before and I guess the answer is no. Therefore, the shortcoming of dependently work far outweighs it good.

Also, the truth that children should cultivate independent thinking patterns plays a vital role when it comes to accomplish homework. No one would come up with excellent ideas if he or she always relies on others; no one is able to complete a challenging task wonderfully if one never does with it alone. Obviously, the theory suits children as well. For instance, once my little sister went out to visit her school friend by bus. It is the first time for her to catch a bus in the complicated transportations and she easily made a mistake by getting on an opposite direction bus. This is not rare. Consequently, I believe children should be brought up without too much help from parents.

Admittedly, sometimes extra guidance leads to an effective work. However, there are other ways such as internet books and experiences from precedent which would probably act as well.

As far as I am concerned, it is not essential to help children with their schoolwork for the reasons I mention above.

sang824

Have you got a friend who grown up with you for years, knowing your favorite songs and your special eating habit? Have you ever made new friends when moved to a new city for the sake of work or study? Such is common reality that people keep in touch with their ever-best friends and in the meantime make new friends when living in a different new environment. From my perspective, it is accepetable and sometimes good when moving to a new city though living old friends??.

First of all, it goes without saying that communication tools today enable us to keep in touch with our friends no matter how far we live apart. As technology and science develop at a rapid speed, mobile phones and personal computers make it possible for us to talk at any time. Take myself for example, my best friend now studies in my hometown almost thousands kilometers far away from my university. For several times a week we give calls to each other in order to get information about what is going on in each other’s daily life: Whether the boy who she adores give her text messages to play outside or how I conquer the dilemma of conflicted(conflicting) schedules. Constant and frequent communications turn out to close connections with best friends. Therefore, the high-tech communication tools ensure our relationship with our friends.

Also, the fact that we are able to make new friends in new places plays an important role in indicating the merit of living in new cities. Hardly can anyone live a lifeall his or her life time(living all his/her life或者live through his/her lifetime) at a certain unchanged place. To crave for our brilliant future or experience a different life, by as human nature, we consequently move to new metropolis. It is obvious that(换成obviously吧？文章太多 it is...that的表达) new friends, who have common habits with you or who work together with you would be made. That is to say, the number of friends never reduced for because of your moving. For instance, Zedong Mao and Enlai Zhou met each other while working together for the liberty of China’s public, and subsequently become close friends in the rest of their life. It should not be ignored that friends come from all over the world, but not only a focused city or country. Thus, the drawback of moving out seems to fade up.

Admittedly, none of us could touch with all our old friends for all the time and common topics become less for distances. However, life does not always run as what we want it to be. On the other hand, really best friend are those who would not lose contact with you wherever you live.

As far as I am concerned, it is acceptable and exciting, to some extent, when changing into a new environment as I mentioned all above.(感觉结尾总结可以再把观点理由重述一下)

To happy: 几乎没有什么语法错误是我很膜拜的吖吼吼
好多倒装的句式用得很精彩
这篇文章写的时候我就在想论证it is a good thing 呢还是 loss of old friends, 想到前者好让步就那么写了不知道可行不～
还有关于表达，我倒觉得自己很欠缺呢，因为ETS又不喜欢绕来绕去的长句，我很纠结怎么才能达到简洁有效的表达呢
只有象鸟儿解说的多学习范文啦先。。
一起加油！

tyyhappy

Have you got a friend who grown up with you for years, knowing your favorite songs and your special eating habit? Have you ever made new friends when moved to a new city for the sake of work or study? Such is common reality that people keep in touch with their ever-best friends and in the meantime make new friends when living in a different new environment. From my perspective, it is accepetable and sometimes good when moving to a new city though living old friends??.

First of all, it goes without saying that communication tools today enable us to keep in touch with our friends no matter how far we live apart. As technology and science develop at a rapid speed, mobile phones and personal computers make it possible for us to talk at any time. Take myself for example, my best friend now studies in my hometown almost thousands kilometers far away from my university. For several times a week we give calls to each other in order to get information about what is going on in each other’s daily life: Whether the boy who she adores give her text messages to play outside or how I conquer the dilemma of conflicted(conflicting) schedules. Constant and frequent communications turn out to close connections with best friends. Therefore, the high-tech communication tools ensure our relationship with our friends.

Also, the fact that we are able to make new friends in new places plays an important role in indicating the merit of living in new cities. Hardly can anyone live a lifeall his or her life time(living all his/her life或者live through his/her lifetime) at a certain unchanged place. To crave for our brilliant future or experience a different life, by as human nature, we consequently move to new metropolis. It is obvious that(换成obviously吧？文章太多 it is...that的表达) new friends, who have common habits with you or who work together with you would be made. That is to say, the number of friends never reduced for because of your moving. For instance, Zedong Mao and Enlai Zhou met each other while working together for the liberty of China’s public, and subsequently become close friends in the rest of their life. It should not be ignored that friends come from all over the world, but not only a focused city or country. Thus, the drawback of moving out seems to fade up.

Admittedly, none of us could touch with all our old friends for all the time and common topics become less for distances. However, life does not always run as what we want it to be. On the other hand, really best friend are those who would not lose contact with you wherever you live.

As far as I am concerned, it is acceptable and exciting, to some extent, when changing into a new environment as I mentioned all above.(感觉结尾总结可以再把观点理由重述一下)

To happy: 几乎没有什么语法错误是我很膜拜的吖吼吼
好多倒装的句式用得很精彩
这篇文章写的时候我就在想论证it is a good thing 呢还是 loss of old friends, 想到前者好让步就那么写了不知道可行不～
还有关于表达，我倒觉得自己很欠缺呢，因为ETS又不喜欢绕来绕去的长句，我很纠结怎么才能达到简洁有效的表达呢
只有象鸟儿解说的多学习范文啦先。。
一起加油！

-- by 会员 sang824 (2012/7/1 12:58:44)

谢谢sang^_^
是呀，我论证的时候关于论点也很纠结的说。保险起见还是loss friends吧。可以多看看185，上面观点还挺主流的，也很好的提供了思路。
我经常绕来绕去就几个句子，说的太顺口了，都不知道换换，哎要注意。