[求助]ＴＷＥ１４８，修改稿，ＮＮ再给指导一下

guoliwei

请大家一定帮忙，写的不爽的说。先谢了。

TWE 148 Games can teach people about life. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

This is a controversial issue about whether games can teach people life. When facing this question, different people will present different answers depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern. Some people hold the opinion that games could teach men a lot about life. Others, on the contrary, believe that a game is no more than a form of amusement and could teach people nothing about life. As far as I am concerned, however, I would rather agree with the former than the latter. My arguments are presented as follows.

To begin with, games could teach a person to obey rules. The rules which form the basic order in a society have always played an important part in our lives. Without rules, everything would be in a state of chaos. For example, in ordinary living, people are required to follow diverse regulations under various circumstances, such as the laws of a country, the rules of a company and the disciplines of a school. In other words, only those people who have the awareness to obey rules could enjoy the happiness which life afford them. Often games provide people with a recreational program to foster the awareness easily and impressively. During a game, whether it is simple or complex, each player engaged in it would be asked to play strictly according to certain regulations. Thus people’s awareness of obeying rules would be greatly improved and strengthened.

Next, games teach people to sense the failure and success while having fun. Like life itself, a game is full of competition in which players always experience the joy of win and the pain of loss. Such experiences would help people to become more mature and develop a placid nature. For instance, a person would not turn arrogant and conceited when he wins a game, while he also would not feel depressed and sad accordingly if defeated. This will be very helpful for people to confront with fiercely competitive activities in their future study and work, keeping them full of confidence until they attain success.

Furthermore, playing games is of enormous value for people to cultivate the team spirit. Many games are group activities, which involve communications and cooperative ways of thinking. When people are engaging in a basketball game, usually they advance together and cope with difficulties together. During the process of cooperation, mutual understanding and consideration are promoted.

From what have been discussed above, I strongly support the statement that games could teach people about life. And I believe when the time comes to ‘play the game’ in the real world, people would be ready and prepared.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-9-22 14:13:25编辑过]

guoliwei

没有人给改改么?

iceboy

他们几个都考完了, 在忙申请. 非常累非常痛苦

您可以试着帮其他的朋友修改作文, 互相修改才是能达到最大的提高

修改几片, 您自己写的时候, 更加能避免错误了

GOOD LUCK

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-9-21 20:57:10编辑过]

guoliwei

呵呵，知道了。我自己先多修改吧。

pengstone

... ...

To begin with, games could (注意时态 用在此处不好 may)teach a person to obey rules. The rules which form the basic order in a society have always played an important part in our lives. Without rules, everything would be in a state of (or you may say "decline to")chaos. For example, in ordinary living(real life), people are required to follow diverse regulations under various circumstances, such as the laws of a country, the rules of a company and the disciplines of a school. In other words, only those people who have the awareness to obey rules could enjoy the happiness which life afford them. Often games provide people with a recreational program to foster the awareness easily and impressively. During a game, whether it is simple or complex, each player engaged in it would be asked to play strictly according to certain regulations. Thus people’s awareness of obeying rules would be greatly improved and strengthened.

如果能用一个具体的游戏来说明就更好了

Next, games teach people to sense (and handle)the failure and success while having fun. Like life itself(As the partial reflection of real life), a game is full of competition in which players always experience the joy of win and the pain of loss. Such experiences would help people to become more mature and develop a placid nature. For instance, a person would not turn arrogant and conceited when he wins a game, while he also would not feel depressed and sad accordingly if defeated. This will be very helpful for people to confront with ("sb be confronted with sth" or" sb face sth" )fiercely competitive activities in their future study and work, keeping them full of confidence until they attain (till final)success.

Furthermore, playing games is of enormous value for people to cultivate the team spirit. Many games are group activities, which involve communications and cooperative ways of thinking. (For example)When people are engaging (engaged)in a basketball game, usually they advance together and cope with difficulties together. During the process of cooperation, mutual understanding and consideration are promoted.

guoliwei

非常感谢pengstoneＧＧ，百忙之中给我宝贵意见。再次感谢！嗯，我再多多修改。

rt316

以下是引用guoliwei在2004-9-20 22:56:00的发言：

请大家一定帮忙，写的不爽的说。先谢了。

TWE 148 Games can teach people about life. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

This is a controversial issue about whether games can teach people life.(The issue of whether games can teach people is a controversial one.或许会更好一些) When facing this question, different people will present different answers depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern. Some people hold the opinion that games could teach men a lot about life. Others, on the contrary, believe that a game is no more than a form of amusement and could teach people nothing about life(觉得不错). As far as I am concerned, however, I would rather agree with the former than the latter. My arguments are presented as follows.

To begin with, games could teach a person to obey rules. The rules which (that) form the basic order in a society have always played (可能always play比完成时好一些) an important part in our lives. (个人建议这里用because之类的词连起来) Without rules, everything would be in a state of chaos. For example(这里的例子针对性不强，到底是针对chaos还是其他的，例子不能仅仅是一些名词), in ordinary living, people are required to follow diverse regulations under various circumstances, such as the laws of a country, the rules of a company and the disciplines of a school. In other words, only those people who have the awareness to obey rules could enjoy the happiness which life afford them. Often (often的位置好像有点问题) games provide people with a recreational program to foster the awareness easily and impressively. During a game, whether it is (no matter how) simple or complex, each player engaged in it would be asked to play strictly (这个副词的修饰对象不明) according to certain regulations. Thus people’s awareness of obeying rules would be greatly improved and strengthened.

Next, games teach people to sense the failure and success while having fun. Like life itself, a game is full of competition in which players always experience the joy of win and the pain of loss. Such experiences would help people to become more mature and develop a placid nature. For instance, a person would not turn arrogant and conceited when he wins a game, while (and) he also would not feel depressed and sad accordingly if defeated. This will be very helpful for people to confront with fiercely competitive activities in their future study and work, keeping them full of confidence until they attain success.

Furthermore, playing games is of enormous value for people to cultivate the team spirit. Many games are group activities, which involve communications and cooperative ways of thinking. When people are engaging (playing) in a basketball game, usually they advance together and cope with difficulties together. During the process of cooperation, mutual understanding and consideration are promoted.

From what have been discussed above, I strongly support the statement that games could teach people about life. And I believe when the time comes to ‘play the game’ in the real world, people would be ready and prepared.

likui

不是不愿改，实在是8错，没什么大问题；

就是一个while改and，同意其他人的看法；

还有就是experience作经验的时候是单数。

guoliwei

7楼的stoneren GG给了这么多中肯的建议，多谢多谢了！还有kui kui GG, pumpkin 一起谢过，祝你们申请一切顺利啊！

guoliwei

综合各位ＮＮ的建议，自己也修改了一下，大家再给看看。

The issue of whether games can teach people is a controversial one. When facing this question, different people will present different answers depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern. Some people hold the opinion that games could teach men a lot about life. Others, on the contrary, believe that a game is no more than a form of amusement and could teach people nothing about life. As far as I am concerned, however, I would rather agree with the former than the latter. My arguments are presented as follows.

To begin with, games may teach a person to obey rules. The rules that form the basic order in a society always play an important part in our lives. Without rules, everything would decline to a state of chaos. In real life, people are required to follow diverse regulations under various circumstances, such as the laws of a country, the rules of a company and the disciplines of a school. Only those people who have the awareness to obey rules could enjoy the happiness which life afford them. (这里想用一个连接词，使上下句衔接紧密，可是想不出来一个合适的词，这也是为什么原来把often放到games前面的原因，权当个连接词来用) Games often provide people with a recreational program to foster the awareness easily and impressively. For example, in a chess game, each player would be asked to play according to certain regulations. If he does not obey the rules, he will be deprived of the right to continue. Thus people’s awareness of obeying rules would be greatly improved and strengthened.

Next, games teach people to sense and handle the failure and success while having fun. As the partial reflection of real life, a game is full of competition in which players always experience the joy of win and the pain of loss. Such experience would help people to become more mature and develop a placid nature. For instance, a person would not turn arrogant and conceited when he wins a game, and he also would not feel depressed and sad if defeated. This will be very helpful for people to face with fiercely competitive activities in their future study and work, keeping them full of confidence till final success.

Furthermore, playing games is of enormous value for people to cultivate the team spirit. Many games are group activities, which involve communications and cooperative ways of thinking. For example, when people are engaged in a basketball game, usually they advance and cope with difficulties together. During the process of cooperation, mutual understanding and consideration are promoted.

To sum up, games not only develop people’s awareness to obey rules, but also cultivate them to own team spirit and handle the success and failure in a right way. From what have been discussed above, I safely draw the conclusion that games could teach people about life. And I believe when the time comes to ‘play the game’ in the real world, people would be ready and prepared. (觉得原来的结尾有些单薄，显得头重脚轻，又加了几句话)

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-9-22 14:11:57编辑过]