新argument 25 求拍，但求拍死！

卡列洪

25) The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.





This part of application begins by statingthat a jazz music club in Monroe can be a great profitable company. Thedevelopers demonstrate the argument by three reasons. Firstly, there is nolocal jazz club in Monroe ,while the nearest one is 65 miles away. Secondly,Jazz is rather popular in Monroe .Finally, a nationwide study shows that thetypical jazz fan spends nearly 1000per year on jazz.

To begin with ,the nearest jazz club is 65miles away from Monroe. However , the does not mean that the proposed new localjazz club can possess the local market all to itself. If the nearest jazz clubis the most popular club all around the world and attract the most famous jazzstars ,great chance is that these local jazz fans will remain to go to thatjazz club. Meanwhile ,the developer build the argument on the assumption thatthe local market can be attractive to these local jazz fans . To demonstratethe argument, we should still take the ability of the developers and some otherfactors into account.

Furthermore, building on a list ofstatistics concerning jazz, the developers conclude that jazz is extremelypopular in Monroe consequently. However ,the concrete connection between thepopularity and the prosperity is not effectively made. Even if over 100000people attended Monroe’s annual jazz ,how can we make sure that there are alarge amount of local people are interested in jazz. Maybe these people are allfrom other sites ,and local people are not that fond of jazz music .Meanwhile,several famous jazz musicians live in Monroe. However, this does mean that theylive in the city all the year around .It is likely that the Monroe has a coolclimate in the summer ,which attract lots of famous people to live here insummer ,including these well-known jazz stars. To strengthen this argument ,weshould make a survey on the population of jazz in these city .

Finally, they present the study ,whichindicates that the typical jazz fan spends nearly 1000 per year on jazzentertainment. However, this does represent the cost of jazz fans in Monroe. Maybethe fan in Monroe spends only 100 or less per year ,and they spend in theconcert mostly ,which is not hold in Monroe. Thus ,it makes little sense to thedevelopers who want to open a local jazz club .Even, we still need toinvestigate that how the fans spend their money on the jazz music .Thisinformation is essential for the developers to design their club ,and tosatisfy the demands of these fans.

In my opinion ,it is a rather attractiveidea to set up the first jazz club in Monroe .However, these developer are notlikely to persuade the bank effectively.

普渡哥

我觉得这篇文章有问题。。
看最后一段，作者在表达自己的观点，AW一般忌表达自己的观点，而是用例子和逻辑来攻击或者支持题目的观点。
他们不感兴in your opinion的东西。这不是主观题，是客观题。

卡列洪

嗯，出了结尾之外，还有哪些大问题呢？谢谢~~~

竹林中人

第一段没有处理好，一般最好是说出题目的结论和它的主要支持理由，最后指出这些理由是站不住脚的，因而结论没有说服力。
the does not mean？？
Meanwhile ,the developer build the argument on the assumption thatthe local market can be attractive to these local jazz fans . To demonstratethe argument, we should still take the ability of the developers and some otherfactors into account.——什么factor，需要说明，不说明就让人以为你这只是空说。。
你在第二段里面试图质疑两个点，这样不好，两个点都没说好，比如距离65英里这个，你说的这点不算错，但我觉得没有“正因为大家其实不喜欢Jazz，所以才那么远”这是基于事实的合理推论和假设，而你说的是65英里之外的那个club可能是世界上最好的，这点就有点空想了，可以放到靠后点说。
这篇argument从整体上说说理论证不够充分，需要加强，开头结尾需要改善！

卡列洪

好，O(∩_∩)O谢谢