【写作小分队】Aviva的作文贴~~欢迎大家来拍

Aviva0307

1. serious problem 这个好，正向 负向词体现出来了~我写时也
想用这么个词，想了半天也没想到serious~~~好~
2. remain the errors 好。
3. The professor contendsthat online encyclopedias have limit space（printed encyclopedia是空间有限的）——这个确实是我听错了~~我给你改的时候，说你错了。。其实是我错了。。嘿嘿

Crystaljoy

Look forward to ur good news!

Aviva0307

3月20日110304NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime.


2012-3-20写
12:23-12:53328 words
修改后：413 words




Basically, I disagree with the statement that most important problems in this age will be solved within our lifetime. I will present several of my reasons to hold my opinion.


To begin with, many important problems require long-term solution. Take the environmental protection for example. If a forest is destroyed, we need time for the recovery of this ecology system. Seeds of former trees need time to regerminate; trees need time to grow; other related organisms such as insects also need time to moved back and rebuild their nests. Also, animals may need even more time to migrate here. From this, we can see that solving problems require some basic time. Consequently, if certain problem solving processes demand two centuries, we surely cannot solve it in our lifetime.


In addition, everything in the society is changing and developing, so new problems are springing out following these changes and developments. That is to say, as we are solving current problems, new problems are coming. For example, last century, in some developing countries, the national core target was creating wealth, the overall national wealth. To meet this target, these countries chose to make a few people rich first. These days, as those few people become rich, those developing countries are rich, too. But new problems becomes that the gap between the rich and the poor are too large, leading to a lot of conflicts and social problems. From this single example, we can see that problems will never be wiped out totally. Accordingly, solving all the problem in our lifetime is not a realistic claim.


Admittedly, science and civilization have developed dramatically in these two centuries and we have already solved a lot of problems. However, there are far more efforts to make to solve social and natural problems. Put aside various discriminations such as racial, sexy, and regional discrimination in society, just consider the collective problem of the resource shortage. The resource shortage brings about a series of problems to deal with: the prices of oil and houses are rising day by day which significantly disturb our daily life and work; the lack of water and food lead to starving and disease in many less developed regions; and so on. There is no evidence to reveal that we can solve all the problems in our lifetime, such short a time.


In conclusion, based on what I have demonstrated above, I definitely do not believe that we can solve all the problems in our lifetime.

Aviva0307

3月20日综合写作：

TPO 10


In the reading material, the author gives us several reasons to conclude that environmental pollution caused the decline of sea otter population. However, the professor in the listening section provides her reasons to support the opposite explanation that it is the attacks by predators that caused the population decline.



First and foremost, the professor says that the pollutions have already been weakened. So pollution cannot explain the increasing decline of the population. On contrary, the reading passage thinks the known pollution indicates more other pollutions along the coast, which caused the decline of the population. At this point, the reading passage and the listening passage contradict each other.



In addition, the professor disagrees with the reading passage's assumption that several species declines at the same time can largely explained as caused by pollution. The professor points that the reason can also be that predators feed on both sea otter and other species in order to change diet.



Furthermore, the listening material contends that the uneven concentration of pollutants is not at the same place where the sea otter population decline distributes. On contrary, the reading passage attributes the uneven pollution to the uneven decline of population. Therefore, the listening passage is different from the reading passage at this point.

jiaosisisisi

zhan zuo 很快帮你revise ~

Crystaljoy

3.20独立修改

Basically, I disagree with the statement that （the 最高级要加）most important problems in this age will be solved within our lifetime. I will present several of my（删去。A of B 才行，都是N）reasons to hold my opinion. （开头简洁，但是不够吸引人，不能够体现你的写作功力。首段可以排比反问，背景介绍，引用名言，关键词解释等等，好的开头是成功的一半。）

To begin with, many important problems require long-term solution. Take the environmental protection for example. If a forest is destroyed, we need time for the recovery of this ecology system. Seeds of former trees need time to regerminate; trees need time to grow; other related organisms such as insects also need time to moved back and rebuild their nests. Also, animals may need even more time to migrate here. From this, we can see that solving problems require some basic time. Consequently, if certain problem solving processes demand two centuries, we surely cannot solve it in our lifetime. （总觉得不够扣题。if solving the most important problem demands for two centuries’ time, we surely cannot reach the destination in our lifetime.）




In addition, everything in the society is changing and developing, so new problems are springing out following these changes and developments. That is to say, as we are solving current problems, new problems are coming (out). For example, last century, in some developing countries, the national core target was creating wealth, the overall national wealth. To meet this target, these countries chose to make a few people rich first. These days, as those few people become rich, those developing countries are rich, too.（知道是先富带后富，共奔富裕路。。。可是这种中国特色的东西很难用英文表述清楚的，感觉拿来举例就是挑战自己也挑战评分老外。）But new problems becomes（appeared） that the gap between the rich and the poor are too large, leading to a lot of conflicts and social problems. (讲的是一件往事，应该全部用过去时。) From this single example, we can see that problems will never be wiped out totally. Accordingly, solving all the problem in our lifetime is not a realistic claim.

Admittedly, science and civilization have developed dramatically in these two centuries and we have already solved a lot of problems. However, there are far more efforts to make（far more efforts are needed 那个there be 尽量避免吧）to solve social and natural problems. Put aside various discriminations such as racial, sexy, and regional discrimination in society, just consider the collective problem（？）of the resource shortage. The resource shortage brings about a series of problems to deal with: the prices of oil and houses are rising（soaring 换个） day by day which significantly disturb our daily life and work; the lack of water and food lead to starving（starvation ） and disease in many less developed regions; and so on（这个用单独写出来么？）. There is no evidence to reveal that we can solve all the problems in our lifetime, such short a time.（such a limited time）

In conclusion, based on what I have demonstrated above, I definitely do not believe that we can solve all the problems in our lifetime. (结尾段你用的是正面总结，那么三个观点可以用简单的语言重述一遍来加强立场)



总评：整体结构很清晰，论证很完善，应该是满足了独立作文评分标准的前三点任务了，第四点是语言上的，有点点欠缺。



建议例子可以再细节一点，句式、用词，有点缺乏变化，开头结尾再美化一点。

Aviva0307

独立写作：

3月21日TPO11 Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with?


10:40—— 11:10 383 words
修改之后，403words


As the widespread of the internet application, information nowadays becomes massive and accessible. Some people think it becomes convenient for our work and daily life to use this information, while others think it brings about troubles to deal with the mess information. Basically, I strongly agree with the statement that internet provides people with more valuable information rather than mess problems.


First of all, internet provides us with useful knowledge in daily life. It has largely improved our life quality. For example, if I want to have a travel in a place that I have never been to, I can just search the internet for the routine and for the customary details of the place. Without the internet, I might need to cost money and employ a guide. Also, if I want to perfect my diet, I can easily search for cooking method and nutrition instructions on the internet. By doing this, the healthy food for my family will soon prepared. Furthermore, if we feel not quite ourselves, we can search for the internet and know thoroughly about what is wrong with our health quickly in order to decide how to control the ailment and which kind of hospital to go. In this term, the information provided by the internet is not just convenient, but is also life-saving.




In addition, information on the internet brings about great convenience to our work and study. It has definitely made learning for a life long time possible. We now can use internet to listen to the open class of nearly all the world famous universities. We can also use the Wiki websites to search more specialized information to assist our study in a certain field.


Admittedly, information on the internet indeed mixed useful information with the mess one, and the quantity of the overall information is too large to absorb by one person. However, large quantity and great mess information are not the troubles that we cannot deal with. Just use the effective method to classify and search for this information, we can well use this great knowledge resource. Thus, I still believe that the use of the information on the internet surpasses the trouble of the mess information.


Briefly speaking, I firmly believe that internet definitely provides a lot of valuable information to us. Although the quality of the information is too large to remember, the use of the internet to deprive information is obvious.

Aviva0307

3月22日110625NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more enjoyable to buy a new technological device when it becomes available than to wait until many people have owned it.


18:47- 19:17 words


Nowadays, driven by the fierce competition in the market and the rapid growth of the technology, technological devices are improving quickly. With this fast improvement, using new technological device becomes a fashionable behavior. However, I really do not think that it is more enjoyable to buy a new technological device when it becomes available than to wait until it approaches to many people. I have plenty of reasons to say so.


To begin with, former experience tells me that a new technological device is usually not convenient to use because the market always lack the overall set of facilities, services, and software to fit and support this new product. We can first take the products of apple for example. Because iPad is not used by as many people as possible, the operation system of iPad is not compatible with many common softwares that we frequently need on normal computers. That brings about a lot of inconvenience. On the other hand, if one day this product and its operating systems are used by many people, the softwares that we frequently use in daily life and everyday work will be created to fit of its system.


In addition, buying a new technological devices might make me feel more regretful rather than pleasant. First, common sense tells us that whether a new technological device is good or not cannot be fully discovered before thousands of times of testing by the consumers. If the product is perfect, we indeed can feel lucky and delighted. However, what if the product is not as perfect as we expected it to be? The answer is obvious that we will feel depressed. Therefore, in order not to be regretful, I think that waiting until many people have got it, used it, and estimated it, and then going to buy it is a wiser choice than buy it at the first time when it become available.




Furthermore, I think few people will deny that they want to buy the new technological device largely for the purpose of chasing the fashion trend. They pursue fashion because they want to have the common topic with others or be admired by others. However, if this technological device has not comes to the hand of enough numbers of people, people who have by this device at the first time cannot draw others attention and talk with others about this product. Others have not even known this product. Thus, even in the aspect of fashion, I do not think buying a new technological device when it is available is more enjoyable than buying it when many people have got it.


In brief, no matter in what aspect, I firmly believe that waiting until a technological device is owned by many people before going to buy it is more enjoyable than otherwise buying it when it is just available.

Crystaljoy

3.21 独立修改

As（with 因为as 后面跟句子） the widespread of the internet application, information nowadays becomes massive and accessible（explosive yet accessible. 两个含义不是并列关系吧）. Some people think it becomes convenient for our work and daily life to use this information（adds convenience to和后面对称）, while others think it brings about troubles to deal with the mess information（没有见过此表达，不知道这个表达是否地道？）. Basically, I strongly agree with the statement that internet provides people with more valuable information rather than mess（messy）problems.

First of all, internet provides us with useful knowledge in daily life. It（and）has largely improved our life quality. For example, if I want to have a travel in (make a trip to) a place that I have never been to, I can just search the internet for the routine and for the customary details of the place. Without the internet, I might need to cost money（搭配sth cost, sb spend）and employ a guide. Also, if I want to perfect my diet, I can easily search for cooking method and nutrition instructions on the internet. By doing this, the healthy food for my family will soon（be）prepared. Furthermore, if we feel not quite ourselves, we can search for(搭配 search the internet/ search for what information)the internet and know thoroughly（and quickly 调个位置）about what is wrong with our health quickly in order to decide how to control the ailment and which kind of hospital(doctor) to go(to). In this term, the information provided by the internet is not just convenient, but is (删去is not only…but also… 在is后面并列) also life-saving（life beneficial 救命的有点严重了吧）.

In addition, information on the internet brings about great convenience to our work and study. It has definitely made learning for a life long time （the saying , that it is never too old to learn ,）possible. We now can use internet to listen to the open class of nearly all the world famous universities. We can also use the Wiki websites to search more specialized information to assist our study in a certain field.

Admittedly, information on the internet indeed mixed useful information with the mess one, and the quantity of the overall information is too large to absorb by one person.(有点中式了。试试information on the internet, good or bad, floods our life.) However, large quantity and great mess information (?) are not the troubles that we cannot deal with. Just use the(take/adopt) effective method to classify and search for this（useful） information, we can well use (make best use of) this great knowledge resource. Thus, I still believe that the use of the information on the internet surpasses the trouble of the mess information. ( 从别人那学的，适合你这句~ banes triggered by ……far overweight boons )

Briefly speaking, I firmly believe that internet definitely provides a lot of valuable information to us. Although the quality of the information is too large to remember, the use of the internet to deprive information is obvious. （this ending seems not good = =）

这篇文章表达偏中式英语的感觉，不过要多阅读原版才能有效解决这个问题啊。鉴于你快考试了，再临阵磨枪背点地道的句型吧。我猜想极光是个冷酷少年/少女啊，因为你的语气真的很平很坚硬的感觉。希望你考场上能调动起兴奋神经（当然别太激动打错字哈），多修辞（比拟，反问，感叹之类），引用名言，长短句结合。每次举例最好不同类型的，举了自身的，更要名人的。

你已经能完成基本任务了，下面就是想办法让它更attractive一点就好啦。加油！

婷婷connie

是极光吗？