【写作小分队】Aviva的作文贴~~欢迎大家来拍

Aviva0307

2月20日 2011.8.21NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? There is never a reason to be rude (impolite) to another person. Use specific reasons to support your answer.






Personally, I strongly agree with the statement that a person should never be impolite to others. I will develop my opinion by presenting several bad results caused by impoliteness.






First and foremost, impoliteness may make conflicts be worst.When we have some conflict with another person, calming down and being polite is very necessary. Otherwise, the situation might out of control, not mention reaching the mutual beneficial agreement. I have once seen a small event that can demonstrate this view. Last week, at the bus station, a man who was rushing to catch a bus ran into a seemly refined young lady. At the first response, the word 'sorry' written on his face and he was about to say something. However, before looking at his face, the young lady shouted at the man impolitely. On hearing the lady's impolite words, the man changed his 'sorry' face into an 'angry' one. The situation became heated that at last the man and the lady quarreled in the street. Actually, it is just a simple thing that required a simple sorry and tolerance. Whereas, the impoliteness behavior of the lady made this little conflict become worse.






Second, being impolite will have bad influence to the atmosphere around us. Suppose we are in a team. The most significant factor for the team's success is teamwork. If we behavior impolite to our teammates, we will ruin the cohesion of the team and thus will deter the team's success. When I was a internship in a company, I deeply learned that how impoliteness would damage the cooperation of a team. There was a colleague in my work team. He was an impatient person. Every time he found other colleagues do something that different with what he had expected, he would show a very impolite attitude in working. Although he was just toward one person, all the members in the team were enveloped in an unpleasant pressure and few people discussed at that moment.






Third, being impolite will make a bad impoliteness to others. To a person, his polite behavior has nothing to do with others. It is the indication of the person himself. Just imagine, if we see a person use rude words and show rude behavior, what will we think of him? It goes without saying that we must think that this person is not a well educated gentle man. Then, the result is that we will not choose to cooperate or make friends with him.






In fact, impoliteness can lead to more bad results than I have presented above. From these results, we can conclude that impoliteness is not a proper behavior for both ourselves and others. So we should remember the maxim: never be impolite to others.

Crystaljoy

2.20 Revised Version
蓝色为异议，紫色为建议，高亮为精彩！

Personally, I strongly agree with the statement that a person should never be impolite to others. I will develop my opinion by presenting several bad results caused by impoliteness. （开头多么简洁有力！I like!!!）

First and foremost, impoliteness may make conflicts be（删去，make sth adj/V）worst.When we have some conflict with another person, calming down and being polite is very necessary. Otherwise, the situation might out of control, not (to) mention reaching the mutual beneficial agreement. I have once seen a small event that can demonstrate this view. Last week, at the bus station, a man who was rushing to catch a bus ran into a seemly refined young lady. At the first response, the word 'sorry' (was) written on his face and he was about to say something. However, before looking at his face, the young lady shouted at the man impolitely. On hearing the lady's impolite words, the man changed his 'sorry' face into an 'angry' one. The situation became heated that at last the man and the lady quarreled in the street. Actually, it is just a simple thing that required a simple sorry and tolerance. Whereas, the impoliteness behavior of the lady made this little (small/minor)conflict become worse. (生动形象的例证哇~~~)

Second, being impolite will have bad influence to (exert a bad influence on) the atmosphere around us. Suppose we are in a team. The most significant factor for the team's success is teamwork. If we behavior(behave) impolite to our teammates, we will ruin the cohesion of the team and thus will deter the team's success. When I was a （an）internship in a company, I deeply learned that how impoliteness would damage the cooperation of a team. There was a colleague in my work team. He was an impatient person. Every time he found other colleagues do something that different with (differed from)what he had expected, he would show a very impolite attitude (negative attitude) in working.Although he(such attitude)was just toward one person, all the members in the team were enveloped in an unpleasant pressure and few people discussed (dared to speak)at that moment.

Third, being impolite will make a bad impoliteness to others. To a person, his polite behavior has nothing to do with others. It is the indication of the person himself. Just imagine, if we see a person use rude words and show rude behavior, what will we think of him? It goes without saying that we must think that this person is not a well educated gentle man. Then, the result is that we will not choose to cooperate or make friends with him.

In fact, impoliteness can lead to more bad results than I have presented above. From these results, we can conclude (we may safely draw the conclusion)that impoliteness is not a proper behavior for both ourselves and others. So we should remember the maxim: never be impolite to others.

Conclusion: 很喜欢你写的，没有拖沓没有废话。首句都亮明的观点，举例生动，特别是衔接很多很好~ 批注的小小的异议你看看吧~ 多多积累地道的搭配，再接再励！

Aviva0307

2月21日 2010.8.28NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Since people care public recognition more than money, they will work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given. Use specific reasons to support your answer


Personally, I totally disagree with the statement that people who care public recognition will work harder to obtain it even though there is no more money given. In my point of view, even though people prefer public recognition to money, they still need money to stimulate them to work harder. That is because money has a lot of crucial functions that cannot be replaced by purely public recognition. I will present several aspects of the monetary functions.


First of all, money supplies the basic consumption, which cannot be provided by public recognition. No one will deny that people need wearing clothes, consuming food, retaining houses, and using transportations. The four kinds of basic requirements in people's life are all demanding money. As a person is working harder and undertaking more tasks, his demand for these basic requirements will increase, too. For example, if a professor diligently gives more lecturers to the public and different schools, he will need more clothes that suitable for the public scenarios.


In addition to the basic requirements in everyday life, as a person work harder, he will need more money to relax and pay for the healthy investment and maintenance. As we all know, heavy work means heavy pressure. People who were under the strong work pressure for a long time need doing something relax so as to refresh. In addition, this kind of overload pressure often can harm people's health, causing some diseases or ailments such as high blood-pressure. Thus, the daily healthy maintenance needs money to support.


Besides, people who want to work harder and do something more excellent sometimes need the assist of finance. Only have more money, will they dare to dream of greater careers which they can concentrate to. For instance, suppose a rural teacher in an elementary school has limit money, he may merely pay his effort on how to conduct his math teaching well. However, if he has more money such as a hundred million dollars, he can work harder on how to build an outstanding elementary school for more children to study in. Being a teacher or attracting more excellent teachers has great difference in the effect which the teacher’s effort produces.


Actually, the function of money has more benefits than I have presented above. Consequently, we can safely draw the conclusion that money cannot be replaced by purely public recognition in encouraging people who value pubic recognition to work hard.

Aviva0307

TPO 6 综合：

In this lecture, the professor casts doubts on the reading material's statement that the encyclopedia has several important problems that make them much less valuable than traditional, printed encyclopedia.




First, the author views that online encyclopedia often not accurate enough compared to traditional ones. The professor, however, points that online encyclopedia are easy to correct while printed encyclopedia can present the errors for decades. Thus, the professor disagrees with the author on this problem.




The second problem the author says is that online encyclopedia may be illegally modified. Whereas, the professor argues that the encyclopedia can set the read only format, which will be reliable because of cannot be modified and that there are specific editor to eliminate the wrong changes. So, the professor is in contrast with the author on this problem.




The third problem the author claims is that online encyclopedia's frequent focusing on popular topics may make people lost in the information so that cannot know what information is in fact important. Contrarily, the professor disagrees with the author. The professor contends that online encyclopedias have limit space compared to print encyclopedias. So, online encyclopedias are more concerns about what is real important. Besides, the frequent use of the information estimated in the online encyclopedia is the strongest advantages of online encyclopedia to figure out the most significant information.

lixiang8747

Personally, I totally disagree with the statement that people who care public recognition will work harder to obtain it even though there is no more money given. In my point of view, even though people prefer public recognition to money, they still need money to stimulate them to work harder. That is（记的上新东方时候老师说过如果用that指代，that后面要加上指代的东西。比如that car is red，不能直接说that is red，所以这里最好加上that reason） because money has a lot of crucial functions对应最后一段 that cannot be replaced by purely public recognition.（这句话写得挺好） I will present several aspects of the monetary function.（建议用复数，下面谈论的更准确的说是钱的几种用途，不是一个用途的几个方面）


First of all, money supplies the basic consumption, which cannot be provided by public recognition. No one will deny that people need wearing clothes, consuming food, retaining houses, and using transportations. The four kinds of basic requirements in people's life are all demand money.（我觉得这句直接就写wearing clothes。。。。using trasportation are four kinds of basic requirements that were supported by money，比较简单） As a person is working harder and undertaking more tasks, his demand for these basic requirements will increase, too. （改成as well，这样有同时增加的感觉）For example, if a professor diligently gives more lecturers to the public and different school, he will need （用一般现在时吧，前后一致，这里画个问号讨论下）more clothes that suitable for the public scenarios.


In addition to the basic requirements in everyday life, as a person work harder, he will need more money to relax and pay for the healthy investment and maintenance.(maintenance 这个词一般是指汽车保养或者机器保养，不应该是人保养啊.觉得这句话写得怪怪的，可以明白的你的意思，但是不知道这种表达是不是可取。) As we all know, heavy work means heavy pressure. People who were under the strong work pressure（查了查没看到用strong形容work pressure的，如果你也不确定就还用heavy吧） for a long time need doing something （need sth to do sth）relax so as to refresh. In addition, this kind of overload pressure often can harm people's health, causing some diseases or ailments such as high blood-pressure. Thus, the daily healthy maintenance（还是这个问题） needs money to support.


Besides, people who want to work harder and do something more excellent sometimes need the assist of finance. Only have more money, can they dare to dream of greater careers which they can concentrate to. （用了部分倒装的句式，把助动词can提前强调有钱才能有勇气去实现更大的理想。不知道我理解的对否，希望和你讨论一下这句话）For instance, suppose a rural teacher in an elementary school has limit money, he may merely pay his effort on how to conduct his math teaching well. However, if he has more money such as a hundred million dollars, he can work harder on how to build an outstanding elementary school for more children to study in. Being a teacher or attracting more excellent teachers has great difference in the effect which the teacher’s effort produces.（这段的问题是我感觉你觉得例子脱离了比较人们到底care public recognition 还是money。还有一点就是，老师有钱不能证明就能把学校变好，觉得这个例子欠妥。）


Actually, the function（建议这里用functions，因为第一段起始就一直在讲functions，相应的后面has该为have） of money has more benefits than I have presented above. Consequently, we can safely draw the conclusion that money cannot be replaced by purely public recognition in encouraging people who value pubic recognition to work hard.

lixiang8747

啊，极光，为什么我在word里加了颜色的字到这里一粘贴就都成黑色了，对不起啊！！！

lixiang8747

boboo

In this lecture, theprofessor casts doubts on the reading material's statement that theencyclopedia has several important(个人觉得serious更好点？)problems that make them much less valuable than traditional, printedencyclopedia.

First, the author views that online encyclopedia often notaccurate enough compared to traditional ones. The professor, however, pointsthat online encyclopedia are easy to correct while printedencyclopedia can present the errors（remainthe errors会更好些）for decades. Thus, the professor disagrees with the author on this problem.

The second problem (is that)the author（最好不要一直重复用author，可以用用article，reading，reading material等） says is that onlineencyclopedia may beillegally modified(我就没想到这个表达，赞). Whereas, the professorargues that the encyclopedia can set the read only format, which will bereliable because of cannot be modified and that there are specific editorsto eliminate the wrong changes. So, the professor is in contrast with theauthor on this problem.

The third problem the author claims is that onlineencyclopedia's frequent focusing on popular topics may make people lost in theinformation so that cannot know what information is in fact important.Contrarily, the professor disagrees with the author. The professor contendsthat online encyclopedias have limit space（printed encyclopedia是空间有限的）compared to printed encyclopedias. So, onlineencyclopedias are more concerns about what is real important. Besides, thefrequent usingof the information estimated（有点没懂estimated） in the online encyclopediais one ofthe strongest advantages of online encyclopedia to figure out the mostsignificant information.


第一次批改他人作文，没发现太多问题，Aviva童鞋基本功比我好很多~~~我第三点听得晕乎乎滴。
红色是修改，蓝色是疑问，黄色是精彩。
一起加油！！！

Aviva0307

回复的编辑栏里面，有一个图标是从“word粘贴”，点击那个图标，直接粘过来格式就不会变啦~~

Aviva0307

1. 讨论：If 从句用一般现在时，主句用将来时，可以的。以前
学过个例句： If it rains, I will not go out.
2. health maintenance你说得对。我查了下词典，可以用health
care~~
3. strong pressure 确实是我自己造的~~查了下字典，原来有
常用的high pressure/ great pressure~~~
4. 讨论：Only have more money, can they dare to dream of
greater careers which they can concentrate to. ——确实是倒
装句。是不是中间的逗号应该去掉？
5. 例子：钱少当老师，钱多建学校——忘了比较reputation,你
说得对~~写到这里晕了。。。呵呵