不以30分为目标的行为都是耍，流，氓！

Serena0710

谢谢LS喵总的细心修改！！！！小毛病不少，以后注意。这个最后一段吧~~~我也觉得怪怪的。。。有点把自己撂翻了的赶脚。。。

Serena0710

My historyprofessor in the university has told me that:" History is not just about memorying (memorizing) the dates and events happenedin the past, but it also can give us a better understanding of the present andthe future." That is to say, reviewing the past can always shed light onhow to tackle the problem we meet. I strongly agree with this statement for thefollowing reasons.

Reviewing thepast is a good way to improve ourselves, because we can learn from the mistakeswe have made and this kind of experience keep us from committing the samefaults. This is especially helpful when we are about to address the presentissues that are similar with ones in the past. Take Steve Jobs as an example,who is the founder of Apple. 20 yeas ago, Jobs's new product Macintoshattracted a lot of customers by it amazing figure and advanced technology, andcreated a miracle in the IT industry - 70000 sets of sale in 100 days. However,it finally fell for the short of software support and high price. In 2005, whenJobs was planning the launch of Iphone, he just avoided to make same mistake.He build up the App store and thus complete his supply chain. There is no doubtthat Iphone is a big success in this day and age. Obviously, in the light ofthe past, Jobs know how to address the problems in a better way.

Anotherimportant reason is that, by learning from the past, we can take measures inadvance and thus be more efficient instead of suffering from a huge loss ofmoney, even people’s lives. The earthquake happened in Tangshan
, china, in 1976 impresses the world.The city transformed into ruins in one night and more than 2 billions of peoplelost their lives in that disaster. Even though the government helps localpeople rebuild the city, authorities didn’t learn a lesson from this strategy.In 2008, Sichuan, China, a equally terrible earthquake attacked several cities,leading to the result that billions of people are homeless and majority of themlost their family members and friends. It's true that earthquakes are unpredictable,but the authorities have not taken any measures as the Japanese Governmentdoes. Numerous death and great loss necessitate the education of how to protectand escape from the earthquake in Japan. In comperision(comparison), the Japanese government did receive positive effect in thetsunami in 2010.
To sum up, basedon the examples mentioned above, I firmly claim that studying our own historystories is a better way to help us address the present and future problems

婷婷connie

8.25改文
825 独立 In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

嘿嘿，第一次改serena的作文哦

红色错误，蓝色疑惑+评语，高亮精彩~

My historyprofessor in the university has told me that:" History is not just about memorying (memorizing) the dates and events happenedin the past, but it also can give us a better understanding of the present andthe future." （开头的引用不错，点题啦）That is to say, reviewing the past can always shed light onhow to tackle the problem we meet. I strongly agree with this statement for thefollowing reasons.

Reviewing thepast is a good way to improve ourselves, because we can learn from the mistakeswe have made and this kind of experience keepsus from committing the samefaults. This is especially helpful when we are about to address the presentissues that are similar with ones in the past. Take Steve Jobs as an example,who is the founder of Apple. 20 yeas ago, Jobs's(Jobs'写所有格时，后面有s就不用再加了~) new product Macintoshattracted a lot of（可以换一个高级的scads of~） customers by it（its） amazing figure and advanced technology, and(这里婷婷觉得用thus更好)created a miracle in the IT industry - 70000 sets of sale in 100 days. However,it finally fell for the short of software support and high price. In 2005, whenJobs was planning the launch of Iphone, he just avoided to make same mistake.He build（built） up the App store and thus completed his supply chain. There is no doubtthat Iphone is a big success in this day and age(哈哈，看到啦~). Obviously, in the light ofthe past, Jobs knows how to address(solve之类的替换，之前用过address了) the problems in a better way.

Anotherimportant reason is that, by learning from the past, we can take measures inadvance and thus be more efficient instead of suffering from a huge loss ofmoney, even people’s lives. The earthquake happened in Tangshan, china, in 1976 impresses（impressed） the world.The city transformed into ruins in one night(overnight（adv）： very quickly or suddenly ) and more than 2 billions of peoplelost their lives in that disaster. Even though the government helps localpeople rebuild the city, authorities didn’t(did not)learn a lesson from this strategy(tragedy).In 2008, Sichuan, China, a equally(an equal) terrible earthquake attacked several cities,leading to the result(这里来个倒装：results are) that billions of people are homeless and majority of themlost their family members and friends. It's true that earthquakes are unpredictable,but the authorities have not taken any measures as the Japanese Governmentdoes. Numerous death and great loss necessitate the education of how to protectand escape from the earthquake in Japan. In comperision(comparison), the Japanese government did receive positive effect in thetsunami in 2010.


To sum up, basedon the examples mentioned above, I firmly claim that studying our own historystories is a better way to help us address the present and future problems.



Conclusion:

1.注意主谓一致哦，像s和时态之类的小问题就不要犯~

2.建议serena写一个让步段，这样既显得逻辑严谨，也能彰显文采，用一些： Admittedly， I concede that...之类的模板

3.写的很流利！加油啦

Serena0710

谢谢婷婷的修改！特别好~~
今儿没感觉。。。写的很suck。。。。

Maverick3

10.19二战的可以加入吗？

Serena0710

10.19二战的可以加入吗？

-- by 会员 Maverick3 (2012/8/30 11:41:30)

可以的，详情规则见此贴  http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-741014-1-1.html

miss绿光

占一个。马上来看！哎呀我用的修订模式，粘贴不上来！！！
给你Q把~
另外，咱俩的头像现在很match呀有木有！！！

Serena0710

The reading passage examines the top that, environment pollutions, ratherthan attacks by predators are more likely the reasons for the declining of seaotter populations. The professor’s speech concerns with the same topic.However, she contends that environment pollution is more likely the explanationfor the decreased otters, which is the opposite of what the reading passagesays. And in the presentation, she offers lots of evidence to buttress heridea.

First, even though the reading passage indicates that water samplescontain increased levels of chemical, which directly lead to the otters deathsfor the reason that otters can't fight against infections that threaten theirlife. The professor argues in the lecture that the pollution hypothesis will beweakened because no one can find death otters washing up on the Alaska

beaches. That isnot what we expect if pollutions give otters life-threatening infections. Thefact that we can hardly find death otters prove the predator hypothesis.

Second, the reading passage states that pollutions have negative effectsnot only on the otter, but also on other sea mammals. However, the lecturersays that because human has preyed so much whales that the orcas have to changetheir diets. Consequently, all the small sea mammals, including the sea lionsand seals, are available for orcas.

Third, the professor believes that the amount of otters depends on thelocation they live while the reading passage claims the uneven pattern of otterdecline. The professor gives us details that otters living in the place whereorcas can access easily decline greatly and ones in the place where orcas cantget into do not decrease. She also points out the fact that orca is too largeto get in to shallow and rocky areas to support her idea.

To sum up, the professor precisely finds the flaws in the reading passage,and compelling proves that environment pollutions instead of the predatorscause the decline of sea otters in Alaska
.

jijismile

The reading passage examines the topic that, environment pollutions, rather than attacks by predators are more likely the reasons for the declining of sea otter populations. The professor’s speech concerns with the same topic. However, she contends that environment pollution is more likely the explanation for the decreased otters, which is the opposite of what the reading passage says. And in the presentation, she offers lots of evidences to buttress her idea.

First, even though the reading passage indicates that water samples contain increased levels of chemical, which directly lead to the otters deaths for the reason that otters can't(尽量用cannot) fight against infections that threaten their life lives. The professor argues in the lecture that the pollution hypothesis will be weakened because no one can find death otters washing up on the Alaska beaches. That is not what we expect if pollutions give otters life-threatening infections. The fact that we can hardly find death otters proves the predator hypothesis.

Second, the reading passage states that pollutions have negative effects not only on the otter, but also on other sea mammals. However, the lecturer says that because human has preyed so much many whales that the orcas have to change their diets. Consequently, all the small sea mammals, including the sea lions and seals, are available for orcas.

Third, the professor believes that the amount of otters depends on the location they live while the reading passage claims (claim表主张意思时，后面好像不能直接名词，应该接that或者to be)the uneven pattern of otter decline.（这个你不知道你是否会有疑问，你再问我吧） The professor gives us details that otters living in the places where orcas can access easily decline greatly and ones in the place where orcas cant cannot get into do not decrease. She also points out the fact that orca is too large to get in to shallow and rocky areas to support her idea.

To sum up, the professor precisely finds the flaws in the reading passage, and compellingly(这个地方是不是应该用副词形式的啊？我没见过，所以不确定啊！) proves that environment pollutions instead of the predators cause the decline of sea otters in Alaska.



总结一下，Serena是不是刚练过gre的作文，感觉有些地方有点像。听力非常不错，几乎所有的内容都写出来了，厉害厉害，个别词汇有些小错误，稍加注意检查一下估计没有问题的！

Serena0710

Human beings have made numerous breakthroughs since the industrial reformation. You can not imagine the life without telecommunications. You can not imagine life without light. You can either not imagine life without the Internet. However, problems such as the abolition of nuclear weapons, fuel shortage and water scarcity need to be addressed and they may not be solved within our lifetime.


First and foremost, worse and worse environmental conditions necessities more effort to conserve our limited resources. We can see that the more and more people who live on the island on pacific have become homeless because of the raise of sea level, caused by global warming. We can also see that million of children die of starvation and water scarcity. Take my daily life as a example. Almost every family in our city has at least one private car. Consequently, the fresh air has disappeared. Gradually, I felt very uncomfortable with my nose. I went to see my doctor and the diagnose is allergy to the emission of cars. So I have to stay at time for a ling time to cure the disease on my nose. Apparently, the environment problems have posed threatens on people's daily life.


What's more, human being are still suffer from the war, especially the threatens brought by the nuclear weapons. Through out the humanity history, people fight for rights, for freedom, for territory and for resources and origin of all these fight is that human beings are greedy- they always desire more than what they have. In 2002, American authorities stared the war with Iraq for the purpose of oil control. However, that was the beginning of mounting pain on the human being. People in Iraq lost their family and friends in the war and the country had to be faced with a great economic loss. Not only in Iraq, but also in American, parents lose sons and young people lost friend since thousands of soldiers were killed by that cold-blood war. There are the all fates we can not oversee.


The above-mentioned clearly illustrate my point that the problems of our time will not be solved. But, pessimism is not the solution. Instead, we need to re-examine ourselves and what we have created, to minimize the loss and continue our endeavor to tackle the problems.