【写作小分队】鸟儿Cjoy的作文贴~~To be more logical~~~

Herisson0509

Generally speaking, focusing on one single project each time is a reliable method to achieve a certain goal. Nevertheless, under some exceptional circumstances, a more effective and efficient approach calls for your multi-task ability, that is to say, managing several projects at the same time, sometimes is more appropriate to make all the best.（其实这里你已经表达出了对第二个比较赞同）

On one hand, the virtues of finishing one project before starting another are undeniable. When fully dedicate yourself to the work at hand, you turn to be very concentrated and more likely to perform well. Suppose, for example, a student attempting to attend a literature lecture and write his physical report cannot make a win-win solution by combining two. He will neither listen to the professor carefully nor present the report precisely. In contrast, if he just focuses on one attainable task and spares no effort on it, better results of each one would be seen. Such one time one focus approach can no doubt make the very project more easily attainable.（句式很赞）

What I point out above are exceptional cases, admittedly; yet they do exist. Obviously, we cannot give a simple hasty generalization that which one is absolutely right, but depend on distinct circumstances. Generally, a whole hearted dedication is a fast and effective path to the ultimate goal; while in some other instances, handling multi-tasks that are closely related may be instrumental in more guarantees to success.这段就得全部改掉了.只需对自己的观点再强调一下就好了。这段就得全部改掉了.只需对自己的观点再强调一下就好了。

姐的作文还是很棒啊估计这篇写的你很揪心吧可能是状态不佳的原因不过依然

我太喜欢你的那些句式了

prodliu

Generally speaking, focusing on one single project eachtime is a reliable method to achieve a certain goal. Nevertheless, under some exceptionalcircumstances, a more effective and efficient approach calls for yourmulti-task ability, that is to say, managing several projects at the same time,sometimes is more appropriate to make all the best.

On one hand, the virtues of finishing one project before starting another areundeniable. When fully dedicate yourself to the work at hand, you turnto be very concentrated and more likely to perform well. Suppose, for example,a student attempting（这里我查了一下朗文，好像没有suppose doing的用法，你再看一下） to attend a literature lecture and write hisphysical report cannot make a win-win solution by combining two.（如果要用suppose的话，你看看可不可以这样改：for example, a student may not besupposed to make a win-win solution, while he is attending a literature lectureand writing his physical report at the same time） He will neither listen to the professor carefullynor present the report precisely.(用个倒装怎么样，neither will he follow up the professor,nor present his opinions in the report precisely.) In contrast(这点不对比了，直接用个frankly), if he just focuses on one attainable task and spares noeffort on it, better results of each one would be seen. Such one time one focusapproach can no doubt make the very project more easily attainable.(换一个词，accessible)

On the other (hand), doing two or more projects at thesame time can equip you with more opportunities to conquer unexpectedchallenges that may springup. For instance, there is an increasing number of double-major studentsin the university nowadays(there be句型在gmat里表示客观存在，这里好像不太合适。An increasing number of universitystudents choose double-major courses),not because that they are too bored and want to seek out novel pleasures, butthat they study a variety of subjects in order to prepare for the competitivechallenges they will face in careers.(not…but不平行，not because, but because they decide toobtain a wide ranger of knowledge for their job marketing in the future.) Actually, many academic disciplines are closelyrelated in subtle ways. Likewise, the Origin of species, a notable book writtenby Darwin, caused(这本书不能cause吧，改成内容？theory?) a hot（intense） debate among socialists and politicians at thattime. If lacking an understanding of biology or whatsoever, it would beimpossible for them to have a convincing say. The same deal goes（works well） for agraduate with a well-round educational background who gets more job offers thanothers.

What I point out above are exceptional cases, admittedly;yet they do exist. Obviously, we cannot give a simple hasty generalization thatwhich one is absolutely right, but depend on distinct circumstances. Generally,a whole hearted dedication is a fast and effective path to the ultimate goal;while in some other instances, handling multi-tasks that are closely relatedmay be instrumental in more guarantees to success.

观点很好啊，我觉得觉得例子再有说服力一些就更好了，尤其是后面达尔文那个，换一个例子会更好。这种分情况而论的作文我也是第一次写，多写几篇会好的，哈哈

prodliu

outweigh是我觉得你用的好的地方

Crystaljoy

3月18日  110211NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.


The issue at hand is that whether the parents should allow their children to make mistakes and learn from such errors. In my view, it is impossible to go through life without conducting errors, thus parents do need let children gain wisdom from past mistakes in order to avoid making the same mistake twice, and the reasons are obvious.


Initially, it shapes stronger character to admit one's blunder. In face of stumbles, many less tough minded people choose to run away rather than acknowledge. For example, in the tragic case of Yao Jiaxin happened in 2011, Yao Jiaxin's car, at high speed, knocked down a passenger, just like a normal traffic accident happened everyday. When he realizes what misstep he had conducted, however, he refused to take the responsibility but to silence the poor injured by cruel murder. Of course, he was sentenced to death at the end, a punishment he shouldn't have received if he had acknowledged his faults at the very beginning. It's easy to make mistakes but hard to accept, as you have to be very honest toward the fallibility of measures you've taken, and judgments you've made. But that's what a strong character necessarily requires.


Besides, from the wisdom we gained from past mistakes, human can be more smart, or at least more cautious with the occasional similar recurrence. Since we are human being, nobody is perfect enough to avoid any misconduct, let alone living in a world where life in a maze and love is a riddle. Also as we are human being, we can, by nature, reflect ourselves by examing the actions and processes that led to mistakes, we can see what the matter is really about and what difference we can make to get another outcome, or at least to lessen the unfavorable impact. Yes, we can, because we are human being. If parents want a healthy complete life of their children, just let them go, they will grow up themselves.


Given that the ability to learn from their own mistakes can help children shape tough mind and hone analytical skill, it is important that parents free children from over protection, and let them grow up soon !

prodliu

3月18日  110211NA Do youagree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow theirchildren to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

开始加一下描述：Nowadays, a bizarre/erratic phenomenon often happens :Children sometimes cannot figure out what is right thing to do, this occurrencecomes out due to parents’ indulgence. In today’s society, we nearly have nosiblings because of the Family Planning Policy. As a result, our parentsusually attend us cautiously and help kids do everything for worry.  From my perspective, however, it is impossible to go through life without conducting errors. Thusparents do need let children gain wisdom from past mistakes in order to avoidmaking the same mistake again, and the reasonsare obvious.

Initially,it shapes stronger character to admit one's blunder. In face of stumbles, it is pretty apparent that many less tough-mindedpeople choose to run away(换成shun，今天在tpo看到的，还真用上了) rather than acknowledge.For example, in the tragic case of Yao Jiaxin happened in 2011, Yao Jiaxin'scar, at high speed, knocked down a passenger, just like a normal trafficaccident happened everyday. When he realizes what misstep he had conducted, however, he refused totake the responsibility but to silence the poor injured by cruel murder. Ofcourse, he was sentenced to death at the end, a punishment he shouldn't have received if he hadacknowledged his faults at the very beginning. It's easy to make mistakes but hard to accept, asyou have to be very honest toward the fallibility of measures you've taken, andjudgments you've made. But that's what a strong character necessarily requires.

Besides, from the wisdom we gainedfrom past mistakes, human can be more smart, or at least more cautious with theoccasional similar recurrence. Since we are human beings,nobody is perfect enough to avoid any misconduct, let alone living in a world where life in a maze and love isa riddle. Also as we are human beings, we can, by nature, reflectourselves by examining the actions and processes that led to mistakes, we cansee what the matter is really about and what difference we can make to getanother outcome (and what we can do to make differenceup), or at least to lessenthe unfavorable impact. Yes,we can,(奥巴马都来啦！！！)  because we are human being. If parents want ahealthy complete life of their children(If parents wanttheir children to have a healthy complete life), just let them go, theywill grow up themselves(sooner or later).

Given that theability to learn from their own mistakes can help children shape (build/mold) tough mind and hone (??什么意思) analytical skill, itis important that parents free children from over protection, and let them growup soon !

这篇写的不错，论点很清晰啊，句式表达也很好，词语转化也不错，基本上没什么问题。改的时候已经很晚了，如有疏忽告诉我啊。

婷婷connie

在prodliu的基础上改的-紫色

开始加一下描述：Nowadays, a bizarre/erratic phenomenon often happens :Children sometimes cannot figure out what is the(感觉顺点？)right thing to do, this occurrencecomes out due to parents’ indulgence. In today’s society, we nearly have nosiblings because of the Family Planning Policy. As a result, our parentsusually attend us cautiously and help kids do everything for worry. （这句话我觉得可以删掉） From my perspective, however, it is impossible to go through life without conducting errors. Thusparents do need let children gain wisdom from past mistakes in order to avoidmaking the same mistake again, and the reasonsare obvious.

开头有点长，真正考试的时候，肯定不能这么写得像红字那样。



Initially,it shapes stronger character to admit one's blunder. In face of stumbles（stumblevi. 踌躇，蹒跚；失足；犯错vt. 使…困惑；使…绊倒n. 绊倒；蹒跚而行）, it is pretty apparent that many less tough-mindedpeople choose to run away(换成shun，今天在tpo看到的，还真用上了) rather than acknowledge.For example, in the tragic case of Yao Jiaxin happened in 2011, Yao Jiaxin's（his）car, at high speed, knocked down a passenger, just like a normal trafficaccident happened everyday. When he realizes what misstep he had conducted, however, he refused totake the responsibility but to silence the poor injured by cruel murder. Ofcourse, he was sentenced to death at the end, a punishment he shouldn't have received if he hadacknowledged his faults at the very beginning.(虚拟用的好)It's easy to make mistakes but hard to accept, asyou have to be very honest toward the fallibility of measures you've taken, andjudgments you've made. But（这个地方不应该转折？）that's what a strong character necessarily requires.

Besides, from the wisdom we gainedfrom past mistakes, human can be more smart（smarter）, or at least more cautious with theoccasional similar recurrence. Since we are human beings,nobody is perfect enough to avoid any(换成every是不是好一些？)misconduct, let alone living in a world where life in a maze and love isa riddle. Also as we are human beings, we can, by nature, reflectourselves by examining the actions and processes that led to mistakes, we cansee what the matter is really about and what difference we can make to getanother outcome (and what we can do to make differenceup), or at least to lessenthe unfavorable impact. Yes,we can,(奥巴马都来啦！！！)  because we are human being. If parents want ahealthy complete（两个形容词可以这么连吗？）life of their children(If parents wanttheir children to have a healthy complete life), just let them go, theywill grow up themselves(sooner or later).

Given that theability to learn from their own mistakes can help children shape (build/mold) tough mind and hone(??什么意思)analytical skill, itis important that parents free children from over protection, and let them growup soon !
结论：级别绝对不一般，要是有三个主段更好，但文章的论证的是人类所获得的好处，这个题主体是children，建议例子多从小孩的角度出发~

prodliu

为什么不能像开头写的那样啊，

Crystaljoy

To Pro----D:）

婷婷的意思我想是，考试时间紧张，也许用不了那么多笔墨在开头的引子上。
你的描述就像是剖析了题目现象的原因，真不是我等提笔能道来的。不过我还是很欣赏你写的那些，说明你是个爱思考的人。

hone what skill  磨炼…能力 （哈哈，我也是才看的手机报学的，卖一下）

你下次再麻烦一点，格式就不会那么乱了。
可以把word里修改后的用CtrlC--- 回复---导航左起第二个从word粘贴---CtrlV. 习惯了也很方便的。
不管是改你的还是看我的，单词粘在一起，我真的看不进去 T T

Crystaljoy

To 婷~婷~

stumble   N 可以表示错误，失误    eg: make stumble/misstep/mistake

建议不错，谢谢~

Crystaljoy

3月20日110304NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime.

To be honest, our living standard today is better off in large scope due to the ever-improving technology. But as the technology is to make a substantial change to the natural environment, numerous unforeseen byproducts would also spring up, such as the environmental pollution, energy crisis and so on so forth. They will, by no means, pose a less threat on the human being than what starvation, deadly diseases did decades ago.

Admittedly, it has been years that our last generations keep attacking the ecosphere by exploring the natural rainforest, tapping the deep ocean, and conquering the far continents. But now it's time we received the cruder counterattack from the nature. For instance, the all-time frequent earthquakes shake our newly-built homelands which were habitats of animals, involving China, Chili, New Zealand, Japan, Philippine etc. and catastrophically diminish our ability to enjoy what the high-tech provides us. What's worse, the contaminated water and air, as well as the radioactive exposures eradicated by the hi-tech, may severely poison our body. Thus we generation are actually put in a more dangerous ecosphere than grandparents who mainly live to crave life necessities.

Besides, we have to acknowledge the fact that we are on the path of running out of energy. I'm not surprised at all, for instance, that the price of oil continues to soar, while the number of cars is not decreased. The reason is obvious: the explosive populations are consuming resources at an ever-faster speed, especially in the emerging economies. Although the energy shortage may not be solved overnight, we generation cannot neglect its seriousness for the sake of our descendents, or how can we exempt the responsibility when hand over a dying planet to them?

Luckily, many governments and communities are striving to work on such problems I mentioned, they implement laws on environmental pollution and support the exploration of new clean energy. However, some businessmen and individuals who just take action on their own interests, are unwilling to make sacrifice. That's why still few drivers accept the environmental-friendly but costly electricity powered automobiles. Obviously, we still have a long way to go, both for governments and individuals.

In sum, the most important problems, namely environmental pollution, energy crisis etc., are still there awaiting to be tackled in our lifetime, even with the cooperation of generations.