请各位帮我看一下作文，主要是不足之处和需要改进的地方，大恩不言谢！！！

fancy3667

People attend college or university for many different reasons(for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

                                                      Why people attend college

    Have you ever faced the problem that whether to attend college after graduate from high school? Have you ever lost in thought and considering can college education give you what you really pursue? Have you ever made a struggle to gain the chance of entering college for you life and future? Whether or not to enter college is one of the biggest problems students face. But most students who have opportunity will attend college before going to work., and the reason is that attending college can give provide people with higher salary, more working choices and the ability to realize their dreams.

   First of all, employers are willing to pay a higher salary to a person with higher educational degree. This is because companies consider educational degree as an important standard of judging one’s working ability. As a result, college students not only have a lower chance to be refused when handing in job applications, but also gain more trust from employers. According to 1000 studies carried in 10 main provinces by Chinese most famous research agent SCBS, the average monthly salary of college-graduate students is twenty percent higher than high school-graduate students. No one can deny the truth behind the number.

    Moreover, there are more operating posts available for college-graduate students. As we know, colleges not only teach the knowledge about us own major, but also teach a variety of other interesting things like geology, biology, psychology and so on, meaning that people can have a brief understanding of all kinds of knowledge that can be used in lots of fields. When choosing jobs, students with college degree will have more opportunities. They can find a job in treasure’s department of government that needs accountant skills, or in a biologic institute that doing research frequently. And there is no doubt that the student’s skills learned from college will fulfill these basic requirements.

    In addition, an equally essential factor which deserves people attention is that attending college is the first step for people to realize their dreams. There is a saying that what the mind of a man can conceive and believe, the mind of a man can achieve. When Chinese old leader, Zhou Enlai, was young, he was asked that why he studied so hard. He answered: “To realize my dream that make our country more prospective, I must be diligence and attend the college in the future.” Finally, he attend china’s most famous college, which not only gave him precious knowledge of politic, but also courage and insight. these precious things made crucial contribution to Zhou’s way of realizing his dream. All in all, attending the college give us more strength and ability to realize our dreams.

txsnowsea

1，，我觉得最好不要在开头用问句了吧。感觉那些问句在整篇文章没有起到任何作用。
2，你的第二论点是不是可以说大学除了教会我们知识之外，更好的教会我们如何做team player ，如果improve leadership skill，可以解释更多的机会参加campus activities，认识更多的人，提高communicaiton skill啊什么的。而这些skills，可以让我们更好的prepare for living after college。
3，你最后总结是不是应该再分个段子。。这样这篇essay就看起来是5段essay，开头，3个论点，加最后的结尾。