求修改托福作文 板砖啊 板砖

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写作一直不好，写了也没人改，自己不太懂语法 大家帮忙改改吧 谢谢啦  用时40多分钟。。。。哎
题目 是 whether pets should be treated like family members 。

Nowadays, the issue of whether pets should be treated like family members is much discussed. People hold totally different opinions. Citizens who agree with the opinion hold the opinion that pets are just like our close friends should be well cared of; other people who oppose the idea, on the other hand, argue that pets hardly have mind and self awareness as human being, so we should not treat them as family members. Personally, I prefer the former view and I will reason and provide concrete evidences to support my viewpoint follows.
The first plain truth, pets are instrumental to citizens in spirit. As far we know, nowadays, young adults separate with their old parents to pursue their cherished dreams. As a consequence, elders are leaved in house alone. hence, they have no alternative but to keep pets as their "family members". For example, a old lady in BeiJing raise a huge amount of cats up to approximately 100 and consume her whole life with them. The more time elders spend with their pets, the more close relationship they become.
Secondly, pet is beneficial to other aspects such as citizens' health. For example, citizens have to do more excise as they must take action to keep their pets healthy even though the owner is so lazy that he is reluctant to do anything. With the advent of treating pets like family members, we may got astonishingly repay. For instance, about two years ago, a dog saved his owner by barking loudly when a serious fire set up in their kitchen. We can never deny the merit of pets.
Admittedly, it is undeniable that raising pets have some drawbacks, such as they may become to a "shit maker" which is definitely very boring and time-consuming. What is more, today many people become sickness when contracted with fairs of pets. Nevertheless, the disadvantages of pets carry less weight than those of advantages. Hence, it is reasonable to conclude that pets should be treated like family members.
In conclusion, despite some drawbacks, treating pets like family members, compare with raising them heartless, is instrumental rather than detrimental to citizen' life, it will beneficial us not only in citizens' spirit but also in building citizens' health.

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实践证明 没人给我改啊。。。。。。。。。。。。。。