Ms邹暂别CDers（给大家的帮助至July 20止，抱歉！)

nvxiazou

给朋友们改作文发现的常见问题：

devote to 误为：devote into

话说得太满

一开头就说**事情引起社会上很大的争议，很多讨论，有些人支持...有些人反对...，很Chiglish

be faced with 误为：face with

爱用生僻词汇，SAT词汇等

JANE1989

谢谢姐姐 出了成绩我一定告诉你~~~~~~~要是需要你陪练 我一定告诉你 可是那样很麻烦你

Lucyibt

楼上的mm

[此贴子已经被作者于2009-7-1 23:53:11编辑过]

nvxiazou

以下是引用Lucyibt在2009-7-1 17:57:00的发言：

楼上的mm

?

nvxiazou

以下是引用JANE1989在2009-7-1 11:03:00的发言：
谢谢姐姐 出了成绩我一定告诉你~~~~~~~要是需要你陪练 我一定告诉你 可是那样很麻烦你

no problem

luoyangqiulu

楼主MM，我五战的成绩还是不理想，已经报了名准备六战了。加你gmail了，用户名就是我ID，希望跟你讨教一些大作文的技巧，先谢谢了！

nvxiazou

以下是引用luoyangqiulu在2009-7-6 8:34:00的发言：
楼主MM，我五战的成绩还是不理想，已经报了名准备六战了。加你gmail了，用户名就是我ID，希望跟你讨教一些大作文的技巧，先谢谢了！

没问题，已经回复你作文的问题了。其他部分也欢迎讨论。

nvxiazou

an example revised by me, authorized by the author for me to post it here

Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern, some people think technology improves people’s life, and others believe that it can’t give people a convenient and comfortable life. As far as I am concerned, I would like to say technology brings many negative things to human beings in some ways. There are many reasons I will mention here.

 

First of all, new technology sometimes influences people’s health.For instance(such as 一般用在句子中间), many automobiles run on the road, there are a lot of waste(不可数)pouring（如果让pour做不及物动词，是pouring涌入，要是及物，则应为被动语态poured被倒入） into the air. Also, noise and dust make people feel nervous. Walking on the road and breathing the polluted air, no one has a good mood. In other words, all of these things would damage our health. So, much voices are raised to protect the atmosphere. In many countries of the world, many people would like to ride bicycle to go to work rather than(instead of +动名词，但和前文不定式不一致) to drive the car.

 

Furthermore, some advanced technology damage the environment. For example, in the Gold Rush period, the corporations developed extraction technology to find gold（此处不必特指）, which were both frightfully efficient and frightfully destructive; techniques that destroyed the rivers and caused California’s first environmental disaster（因为是first）. Massive derricks lifted rocks and sand from the mines, which after a short time, obliterated the formerly pristine rivers and put many pieces(species?) in danger. The new technology did not give people beautiful scenery; on the contrast, it destroyed the natural landscape. That is, nature can never go back.

 

Despite the advantage (后接定语从句，整个句子表达一个方面)that modern technologies give people many values, such as you can learn the latest news, messages and even learn about other countries' customs from internet, or just watch TV for fun, also there are many disadvantages they have. An obvious example is that, nowadays many teenagers are addicted to computer and TV all day. These would impact their eyesight. Many parents so worry about that (宾语从句)their children’s vision have deteriorated.

 

In a word, technology is just like a double-edge sword：
            if people do not use them in a right way, it not only damages our environment but also threatens the safety of human-beings, such as nuclear technology.

nvxiazou

the original version

Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern, some people think technology improves people’s life, and others believe that it can’t give people a convenient and comfortable life. As far as I am concerned, I would like to say technology brings many negative things to human being in some ways. There are many reasons I will mention here.

 

First of all, new technology sometimes influences people’s health. Such as, many automobiles run on the round, there are a lot of wastes pour into the air. Also, noise and dust make people feel nervous. Walking on the road and breathing the polluted air, no one has a good mood. On the other words, all of these things would damage our health. So, much voices are raised in protect the atmosphere. In many countries of the world, many people would like to ride bicycle to go to work instead of to drive the car.

 

Furthermore, some advanced technology damage the environment. For example, in the Gold Rush period, the corporations developed extraction technology to find the Gold, which were both frightfully efficient and frightfully destructive; techniques that destroyed the rivers and caused California’s first environmental disasters. Massive derricks lifted rock and sand from the mines, which after a short time, obliterated the formerly pristine rivers and put many pieces in danger. The new technology did not give people beautiful scenery, on the contrast, destroyed the natural landscape. That is, nature can never go back.

 

Despite the advantages that modern technologies give people many values, such as you can learn the latest news, messages and even learn about other countries custom from internet, or just watch TV for fun, also there are many disadvantages do they have. An obvious example is that, nowadays many teenagers are addicted in computer and TV all day. These would impact their eyesight. Many parents so worry about their children’s vision have deteriorated.

 

In a word, technology just like a double-edge sword, if people do not use them in right way, it not only damages our environment but also threaten the safety of human-being, such as nuclear technology.

nvxiazou

问：有没有大作文的模板可以借鉴？

答：不好意思，我没有模板。但我有一个套路：叙述开头－－引出话题－－议论－－正反论证－－结论&引申。