作文写作求助

qisiwole

小女子写的烂文，恳请各位狠狠的拍啊！！

Playing computer games is a waste of time for children. Do you agree or disagree?

A hot and important controversy concerning on the problem of computer games hold a deeply discussion. A fair proportion of people contend that computer game is a waste of time for our children. As far as I am concerned, I do not want to spend many hours reading nonsense fictions with my thick glasses in a dumb space with, a high ceiling though, but a depressed atmosphere, while to join in the computer games will be much better an alternative to waste a weekend afternoon when I feel tired about my life.

 

The first plain truth, I am presenting here, is that computer games is instrumental to relaxation in the children’s life, they can recognize the society more comprehensive and objective from this kind of life style. As we know, Pressure as the key component of the modern world, all of the children must undergo a great deal of pressure that comes from various directions, including work, school, and so forth. Pressure is detrimental rather than instrumental and has been one of the biggest enemies. It hurts their health and personality. To keep healthy and work efficiently, an increasing proportion of the children pursue all kinds of ways to escape pressure especially the computer games. The first thing a stressful children notices on joining in the internet based games, is the naturally smile on the players’ face, but not the homework.. Great violent abreaction then turns to be one factor that matters as a unique experience that would never be gained when all of the children always stay in a sit-still pose.

 

Furthermore, behind my preference lies an equally important fact that computer game is conducive to group work experience. The importance of team work spirit in working together was confirmed by statistical reporter from Economic working in every field, it have demonstrated that those who play computer games always receive more personal experience and money than those who don’t during the children period. A good example may be found in the case that my friend vivi, when she plays the “imperial”, which latter became her favorite game, she can built her own country and do some fighting with some crews in the game, which the wonderful corporation convinced her that games means far more than just participate in it. Working with a group of people in the game will teach us how to get along with other members, how to communicate with your crews, and how to negotiate with boss. This kind of social skill is necessary to make a living in society and make more money.

 

Last but not least, playing computer game has its undeniable demerits. For instance, harmful to the children’s eyes, may be some children will addicted in it, then never emphasis on the study. However, the advantages of a carry more weight than those of this course.

 

In conclusion, despite some minor drawbacks, playing computer games is the effective ways to release stress and improve team work spirit, which is famed for its imitative armed forces, the honor of a generally excellent comment: outlet. The comments, however, contained a very important misunderstanding that being outlet does not mean must be grieved, considering the mimic suicide and the diversity kind of armies working together.

 

 

 

 

cmahongkong

是不是太长了点,综合写作好象不用写这么长吧,你好象写了538的字啊.有个疑问就是不知道楼主理解的CHILD是多大的年纪的?看下来感觉好象是工作了很长的时间,需要let out自己的压抑的情绪,第二个原因好象是多团队精神,我还是一样有个question,楼主理解的CHILD是多大的年纪的.孩子对这个概念非常的模糊,根本玩游戏就是在kill time,不可能会注意来team building的拉.

真实的看法, 不要生气.

qisiwole

谢谢你的建议，我也把这篇作文放到了小马过河上，七叔给我改了不少，但都是语法之内的。

真的很谢谢你的建议，我会好好参考，你说出了我最大的弊病：就是写着写着就不知道写哪去了！！就想把自己心里的段子写出来。

作文的字数我一向都很多，我知道这也很不好，我3月14日考的时候，作文也差不多500多字，结果只有17分。

这是最大的教训，我得改改！！争取5月份能有个好成绩！！

一起加油吧！！

要不咱俩互相改改??