第一次写AWA 希望大家指点

lovebbshin

AI46.

There is a opinion that bureaucracy, which are equally likely to establish among both government and business, is far more damaging to the later than to the former. The conclusion seems a little bit plausible from the first sight, however, the supporters may ignore certain weakness of this argument. From my point of view, bureaucracy is at least as harmful to business as to government, considering the dissimilar targets, the different social influence, moreover, the equity of possibility.

 

First of all, there may not be an equal chance for the two different organizations to breed bureaucracy. It is a viewpoint defended by the majority that government is a more suitable place for bureaucracy to grow up. On the one hand, government is more hierarchy than the relatively democratically business. As in government agencies, the advanced officers not only receive higher salaries but also enjoy certain privileges, which is a predominant sign of bureaucracy. On the other hand, the likelihood of the appearance of bureaucracy is usually consciously suppressed by the leader of the company by the way of adjusting the structure or building up specific investigation regulations while it seems impossible for officers to challenge the prescriptions in a short time.

 

Even if bureaucracies are equally likely to occur in the two organizations, government could suffer more from bureaucracy than business due to the differences lying in the social influence between the two parties. As for bureaucratically business, only the employees will be the victims. Since the customers, or other related parties, have various methods to fight against bureaucracy. However, the victims of the bureaucratically government could be every citizens, regardless of their age, gender and social status. The reason is obvious: The government is the ultimate controller, so it is unrealistic to expect another force to rule it. Besides, the government associates with every individual’s daily life, that is to say, no one can drive the government out of his life.

 

Last but not the least, the degree to which one organization may be damaged by bureaucratic is determined by its targets. It is a universally acknowledged truth that the government is to direct a group of people, while the business is to make profit or to provide services. If the government is infected by bureaucrat icy, then the whole society is possibly moving towards a wrong direction. Nevertheless, the bureaucratically business is just faced with more trouble itself.

 

Overall, the recommendation- bureaucracy does more damage to business than to government, although both of then have the same possibility to establish bureaucracy- is insufficient. No one can deny that government may suffer more side-effects, or as many as, than business, when take the dissimilarities of ultimate goals and social effects into consideration.

lovebbshin

希望大家指点一下 让我晓得自己是什么水平

remona9t

我感觉你还是有想法的，但语法真的要提高：我就看了第一段，就发现一些明显错误：

There is a opinion that bureaucracy, which are equally likely to establish among both government and business

The conclusion seems a little bit plausible from the first sight

你如果一上来就这么多语法错误，我觉得进不了高分段

不是说句子越复杂越好，最好用你能handle的句式和语法，simple and straight-forward

多看点英文文章，尤其是老外写的issue，网上google一下，建议不要看新东方的所谓模板和例子，很多完全思路不对。

remona9t

还有，你写了这么多是在规定时间内么？哪怕写的简单，也不要超时间