TWE041 诚心希望大家把我批改。本人英语水平一般

Rafe

TWE041 (套用redpassion老师的模板写的）
Land for human needs or endangered animals

    
With the progress of human beings currently. Nature resource is getting
little and little . Human beings go into raptures at the exploitation
of resource .But no one realize that animals have been influnced deeply
.Consequently ,if i was faced with the question I would probably follow
later----animals. In the following discussion, I would like to reason
and provide evidence to support my viewpoint.
    No issue is more
important now tan the one that each sort of animals play a
indispensable role in the whole ecosystem. Once one sort of them become
extinct ,the consequence would be unthinkable because the ecological
chain was breached . Fact wintess and presents many examples currently.
Certain building company failed to construct a community since the
amounts of loca frog was too large. Consequently, they kill all frag
there just for business .As a result , absence of frag cause leap of
amount of frag. Fortuantely , they didn not extingush all frag in the
word. Don't you think this example quoted above are very persuasive?
   
Benefiting human beings is another head and chief reason that I have
chosen to put here. It is to better illustraction that can demonstrate
the view. Thorught history, shepherd dog play a vital role in people's
daily life.Histroical flockmaster took hand from shepherd dogs to
manage sheep or cows. Without Shepherd dog ,I couldn't imagine how hard
would the work being to humans,IN addition to this ,dog play a role of
keeping the door.Accordingly , no matter what animals, however ,is
crucial for persons. If you can see that ,you can understand it more
deeply.
   Superior as land for animals, it also has own demerits
such as limiting development of people  even sometimes block humans.
Nevertheless the merits of Animals,carry more weight than that of
disadvantage of animals. so the most striking conclussion is obvious.
  
To sum uo, given the reason discussed above, which sometimes interwine
to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we can safely
arrive the conclussion that only by developing collectively with
animals can human beings muchly living in the earth. In fact ,not only
do I perfer to leaving land to animals but also to protecting them as
possible as i can.

[此贴子已经被作者于2009-2-1 10:30:56编辑过]

huimie

修改一：

With the progress of human beings currently. Nature resource is getting little and little .

1st, 中間應該是逗號

2nd, less and less

3rd, With the progress of human beings currently此句不通。

huimie

還有不少拼寫錯誤比如ｔｈａｎ——ｔａｎ