hey, it is good. with this performance, you can get to 24 easily. If you want to improve, work on these: 1) if you want to correct something you just said, say I am sorry, and then add the correction. 2) use the full 1 minute. 3) some minor errors, such as "have students allowed" "pay extra money for the professor" 4) some pronunciation: unneccessary, entire
I don't think fillers will affect your score. Everyone has fillers in his saying.