请问中介弄的这种简历能行吗？？恳请各位牛牛看看！（第二版发来啦）-->iammad转移

audreychenjj

和LZ交流一下：UMN的PS是不是很不一样啊？更像MBA的Essay的写法？你应该申请了这家吧。

青纱

回ls，我申请了UMN，但是PS还没有完全成稿。

我申请的不是MBA,而是labor relation下面的HRM。

青纱

ranning:

thanks for ur frankness. As a matter of fact, my only experience related to HR is my intership in that Shanghai trading company. I assisted the HR manager to sort the employee files. IN my spare time at work i read magazines mailed only to senior HR managers in shanghai area.  For one time i was assigned to arrange an interview and inform a candidate when time was set. However far it is from a professional HR work, the intership gave me a chance to look inside the HR machanism in a Fortune500 corporation.  Do you think it is worth mentioning?

青纱

coolwind & yaoyao 99: thanks a lot.

audreychenjj

LZ MM

我知道你申请HR啊，他家的我也申HR，所以问你觉得PS是不是有点不一样。

青纱

以下是引用iammad在2007-11-21 14:37:00的发言：

LZ的文章似乎发到“商学院Master交流区”比较合适吧，个人认为有工作经验再去读的MBA和一出校门就可以直接去读的商科Master的resume的写法还是有差别的。

不过有几个小建议供LZ参考。

1） Monitor of the class.... 我总觉得这个Monitor比较别扭，有监视的感觉，不知道native speaker是怎么称呼班长的，但我觉得President of Class看起来顺眼一点，班总统嘛~~~~ ^_^

2） Communicated between Chinese and Alien employees。  Alien可以解释成外星人的说~~~~~  ^_^  是不是用foreign比较好？（不确定，请NN们指正）

3） Led a team of 6 people...  Led them to do what? Leading 6 persons to clean restroom is quite different from leading them to design spaceship...u'd better explain it a little bit

4)  Interests:  Internet....  You are interested in Internet. Who doesn't?

5)  You seem to have a lot of experiences. However, most of them seem to be trivial (no offense). To highlight the importance of ur exp., you'd better seperate the "Responsibility" and "Contribution", and work harder on the "Contribution" part. This structure will make ur resume much more clear, and shows adcom that u played an important role in the activity.

Just my 2 cents.

1）关于monitor一词:

谢谢提醒，我注意其他地方，把这个疑点给忘记了。

2）关于alien一词，我去查了牛津英汉：

alien: (名词）1) (fml or law) person who is not a naturalized citizen of the counrey in which he is living; 2)being from antoher world

（形容词）a) foreign;  b)unfamiliar;strange

从字典上来说，alien一词并没有明确的贬义。大概诸位有这个印象是因为ET吧？在《快乐的大脚》里面，人类也是被企鹅叫做aliens的。但是关于foreign一词，曾经有学校的外教跟相处的不错的中国老师反映，他们不喜欢这个词，所以中介把foreign改成alien我并没有提出异议。我会好好考虑修改这个词，谢谢你们的提醒。

3) u r totally right........however i am still not sure about how to make the difference. in that team individual member develops business on himself and as a team leader  i  just encouraged them to go on and compete with other teams.

4) that makes sense. i will delete it.

5) it seems that this CV is far from perfect. i 'll adjust.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-11-21 17:41:32编辑过]

青纱

以下是引用audreychenjj在2007-11-21 17:12:00的发言：

LZ MM

我知道你申请HR啊，他家的我也申HR，所以问你觉得PS是不是有点不一样。

我还没有完全写完……大概这周末可以弄好。要不我周末再帖上来我们交流？

audreychenjj

嗯，治学态度严谨，赞一个。

audreychenjj

以下是引用青纱在2007-11-21 17:16:00的发言：

我还没有完全写完……大概这周末可以弄好。要不我周末再帖上来我们交流？

呵呵呵呵，好呀。

青纱

EDUCATION          XXX
                            UNIVERSITY                                                                   XXX
                            China

                              Bachelor of Art, June 2008

                              Major: English (Business Management Oriented)

·         GPA: 3.4/4.0, top 10% of class

·         GMAT: 720, Oct. 2007

·         IELTS: 7.5, June 2007

·         Coursework: Management，Management of Small Business，Principles of Accounting，Macro& MicroEconomics，
                            Contemporary British Society and Culture，Contemporary America Society and Culture，Interpretation.

·         Awards and honors:

ü         1^st prize on Intercollegiate & interclass competition, 4 times

ü         1^st prize Scholarships

ü         2^nd
                        prize Scholarships, twice

ü         3^rd
                        prize Scholarships, twice

·         President of the class 2004/2005

 

EXPERIENCE         XXX (Shanghai) International Trading Co. Ltd.                            Shanghai, China

07/2007 - 08/2007    Program Assistant – Administration Dept.

·         Consulted directly with the supplier to discuss the specifications;

·         Translated
                                    important pieces of news and emailed them to the managers in Asian Area

·         Involved in the job-reallocation when an employee was seriously diseased and asked for a long-term leave.

·         Arranged an interview for a candidate and assisted to interview the replacement for my position before I left

 

10/2006 – 01/2007   XXX Univ.Students’ BBS ：http://bbs.jnustu.net                        Guangzhou, China

                              Webmaster

·         Led the team of 8 people, in full charge of planning, purchasing, publication, financing and hosting

·         Organized the ever-largest off-web party with hundreds of people took part in, and created a successful mode for later parties.

·         Increased the number of browsers and topics published at least by 50% at the end of years

 

09/2005 - 09/2006    Students’ Affairs – Jinan
                            University                                               XXX, China

Personal Assistant of the Director

·         Allocated the activity tasks to class presidents and supervised on them

·         Arranged and presided monitors’ meeting

·         Reported and advised on the student issues

 

08/2005                   China XXX Insurance (group) Co., Ltd.                                          Jiangsu, China

                              Team leader -Workshop
                            in Salesperson Training
                            

·         Received professional interpersonal skills training

·         Led a team of 6 people
                        to win the 2^nd place with nearly 10,000 RMB premium income in 5 days.

 

ADDITIONAL        •    Languages: Native Speaker of Chinese (Cantonese and Mandarin), Fluent in English

·         Interests: Piano for 13 years ，Badminton

·         Computer Skills: Premium Pro & Photoshop

 

 

红字的部分是我改的。

1）那个alien那条，因为原文写“communicate”其实也是很虚无的，没有太大实在意义，所以我干脆删了，写了另外一个与HR有关点的事情上去。

 

2）班长的那个改过来啦~~~

 

3）organized party的那个，我觉得不够强，所以写了一个create a successful mode.

 

4)学生处助理的工作事项，我也改了，不晓得现在看起来会不会有冲击力一点?

 

5）把两项合并，lead and win

 

6)兴趣也改了，把毫无特色的jogging 和internet去掉。badminton我倒是真的打过，大学学了两年的体育课就是这个