请问中介弄的这种简历能行吗？？恳请各位牛牛看看！（第二版发来啦）-->iammad转移

iammad

从字典上来说，alien一词并没有明确的贬义。大概诸位有这个印象是因为ET吧？在《快乐的大脚》里面，人类也是被企鹅叫做aliens的。但是关于foreign一词，曾经有学校的外教跟相处的不错的中国老师反映，他们不喜欢这个词，所以中介把foreign改成alien我并没有提出异议。我会好好考虑修改这个词，谢谢你们的提醒。

If you are not comfortable with "foreign", use "international" or "global".  I still feel "communicate with alien employees" funny.

Don't use "communiate", try something like "coordinate".

iammad

 

红字的部分是我改的。

1）那个alien那条，因为原文写“communicate”其实也是很虚无的，没有太大实在意义，所以我干脆删了，写了另外一个与HR有关点的事情上去。

 

2）班长的那个改过来啦~~~

 

3）organized party的那个，我觉得不够强，所以写了一个create a successful mode.

 

4)学生处助理的工作事项，我也改了，不晓得现在看起来会不会有冲击力一点?

 

5）把两项合并，lead and win

 

6)兴趣也改了，把毫无特色的jogging 和internet去掉。badminton我倒是真的打过，大学学了两年的体育课就是这个

Again, I can't see ur contribution. U just listed what you have done in the organization.

E.g.  Arranged an interview for a candidate and assisted to interview the replacement for my position before I left

If u arranged an interview and recruited a very bad guy who set fire in ur company, does it highlight ur ability?

I think u should emphasize on the result insead of job description (don't get me wrong, job description is important too, but i think u should focus more on the contribution).

The only contribution I can see is: Led a team of 6 people
        to win the 2^nd place with nearly 10,000 RMB premium income in 5 days, though this sentence seems to be awkward.

And, mixing extracurriculum activities with internships is very confusing.... U'd better separate them.

I strongly suggest you ask for a refund from the agency, if this is the best they can do after charging u for thousands of RMBs.....>_< 

青纱

以下是引用iammad在2007-11-21 18:06:00的发言：

 

红字的部分是我改的。

1）那个alien那条，因为原文写“communicate”其实也是很虚无的，没有太大实在意义，所以我干脆删了，写了另外一个与HR有关点的事情上去。

 

2）班长的那个改过来啦~~~

 

3）organized party的那个，我觉得不够强，所以写了一个create a successful mode.

 

4)学生处助理的工作事项，我也改了，不晓得现在看起来会不会有冲击力一点?

 

5）把两项合并，lead and win

 

6)兴趣也改了，把毫无特色的jogging 和internet去掉。badminton我倒是真的打过，大学学了两年的体育课就是这个

Again, I can't see ur contribution. U just listed what you have done in the organization.

E.g.  Arranged an interview for a candidate and assisted to interview the replacement for my position before I left

If u arranged an interview and recruited a very bad guy who set fire in ur company, does it highlight ur ability?

I think u should emphasize on the result insead of job description (don't get me wrong, job description is important too, but i think u should focus more on the contribution).

The only contribution I can see is: Led a team of 6 people
  to win the 2^nd place with nearly 10,000 RMB premium income in 5 days, though this sentence seems to be awkward.

And, mixing extracurriculum activities with internships is very confusing.... U'd better separate them.

I strongly suggest you ask for a refund from the agency, if this is the best they can do after charging u for thousands of RMBs.....>_< 

well firstly as an intern student i had hardly more opportunities to make some "real" contribution. As you know in the international corporation jobs are assigned and they just won't let an undergraduate do the essential work. 

i'll try to seperate the contributions and responsibilities.  do i have to attach clear subtitles as" achievements" and "responsibilities"?

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-11-21 18:25:23编辑过]

青纱

i am not sure what my work should be described. in the company everybody speaks a mixture of chinese and english and only when the foreigners can not clearly and correctly express themselves, i was called and made an spontaneous interpretation,after fully understand their real intention.   Could it be called "coordinate"?

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-11-21 18:30:35编辑过]

gelukkig

在某个国家工作的外国人， 一般用expat吧， 这个词很礼貌也很常用， 不要说ALIEN， 像异形一样， 只有移民局那么严肃的地方才用ALIEN这种词。

junjiefang

这要是中介改的，你就应该直接写信让他重来，他这明显是吃你的钱，随随便便叫个国内大学生或研究生改的，一定不是让native speaker改的。我就有过那么一次经历，第一次回来信上说得很好听，我也很期待，但真正看到后可把我气坏了，明显感觉跟我自己花半个小时改的没多大区别，于是我写信好好得训了他一顿，给他提了一大堆要求后，明显就认真了，时间花的也比第一次久。第二次出来感觉就好多了。但是内容方面还是太烂，但语言倒是好了不少。懒得让他改第三次了，最后还是自己来了。

xaquarius

中介如果真的这么厉害，就不做中介，自己申请了。大部分还是得自己把握的。。

苞米

Honestly, this is the worst resume I have ever read. I’ll be deeply impressed by the courage of the people who dare to use it. Find good resume samples online and spend some serious time---please don’t try to reinvent the wheel.

flower2

以下是引用苞米在2007-11-21 23:32:00的发言：

Honestly, this is the worst resume I have ever read. I’ll be deeply impressed by the courage of the people who dare to use it. Find good resume samples online and spend some serious time---please don’t try to reinvent the wheel.

不是吧，从语言的角度，这个简历还可以啊，这个估计就是中介唯一能做的。

好的简历关键是内容，因为楼主工作没多久，也只能写这些了。建议楼主申请硕士，因为你大学成绩挺好的，但是申请mba是需要多些工作经验的

Whitney

Just go to www. mba.com
Then search for "resume"