[讨论]近期考试作文修改组(6.30/7.7的CDer进)

markfu1022

7号考...多多指教～谢谢～～～

86. If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where would you go? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

 

 

People are forever dreaming of going back to some time and place in the past. Chances permitting, I am likely to choose to live in the prehistoric epoch when the environment remained unpolluted, the life was still simple and people were closer to the nature.

 

Thousands of years ago in the prehistoric age, the sky was blue, the water remained clean and the field was still green. No factories, no traffic, and no pollution. By contrast, after centuries of modernization and development, our planet became more civilized yet polluted. According to a research conducted by the Environmental Association of China two years ago, the carbon dioxide the whole world produces every year was 300 times the amount of that thousands of years ago.

 

Modern people suffer from heavy pressure. However people who lived in prehistoric epoch tended to lead a relatively simple life. When those primitive men staggered home loaded with what they had captured, they were greeted by a smell of pork or beef since their wives had already prepared the dinner for them. They began hunting after the sun rises and when home when the sun sets, free from the complicated modern concerns like whether I will lose my job tomorrow and how I can flatter my immediate boss.

 

City born and city bred, we are gradually separated with nature. Nevertheless, people of early age never do without nature. For those who lived in the cave or on the trees, every morning they woke up to a beautiful melody sung by little birds and gentle sunshine on their skin. While on the contrary, the noise of the traffic or the annoying alarm clock pulls us out of the bed everyday, marking the prelude to a new day of hustling and bustling.

 

Living close to the nature, these primitive people led a simple life without pollution. What a fantasy life that would be! I just wish that one day I could go back that epoch, even only for one day or two.

 

liushajj23

30 好就考了，唉……享受不了了

德克的猪

以下是引用popray在2007-6-27 22:44:00的发言：

7号考试，今天刚刚开始写作练习，方志书到用时才恨少呀。猪猪请多指点！

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

 

Yesterday's evening paper mentioned that 30,000 more people were planning to apply for a higher education this summer, brining the total number of applicants to nearly 600,000. The news discovers the fact that more and more people today are interested in college or university.

 

 

One of the main drives for such activity is relevant to the employment. According to a research by a human resource market analysis company, the opportunity for a job candidate to win the application is in positive relation to his/her academic background, especially in those high-tech industries such as IT and chemistry engineering. Therefore, it is easy to understand that, with the return of securing a good occupation, people are willing to apply to college or university as an investment.

 

 

At the same time, it is also true that some people who might already have an admirable position or a reasonable pay re-enter the school for post-graduate program, like a MBA for example. I would explain the phenomenon by crediting the school as a second environment to set up the social network. It is highly possible that the future career partner might come from your classmates, or the next customer might just live next door to your dormitory. I would like to share a living example of myself that my counter partner in the head quarter office graduated from the same university as mine.

 

 

Although career preparation is one of the most significant motives for education, there are quite a lot of people looking for their live partners in the classroom. Last week, I have attended a wedding of my best friend who discovered the true love during the school year, and he whispered to me that the university may be the last opportunity in your whole life to dream about the pure love.

 

 

In summary, people go for high education for various goals - some out of career point of view, others for private reasons. I believe most of them can be achieved since high education has such a high “return on sales”.

半个小时内很困难的写完，后边用了15分钟又修改了一下。

Yesterday's evening paper mentioned that 30,000 more people(这里应该把比较的对象说出来:30,000 more students than that of last year) were planning to apply for a higher education this summer, brining the total number of applicants to nearly 600,000(60万,我觉得不是一个很大的数字,如果你准备举数字,那干脆就说10 million). The news discovers(discover这个词用的不好,这个词最好说是自然的发现,这里就说show) the fact that more and more(前面你已经用了more,这里可以用a invariably-increasing number of) people today are interested(be interested在这里不是太好,这里最好用college and university做主语,写为:college or university education currently, it seems that, never fail to exert a magical fascination on a multitude of students) in college or university.

 

One of the main drives for such activity is relevant to the employment. According to a research by a human resource market analysis company, the opportunity for a job candidate to win the application is in positive relation to his/her academic background, especially in those high-tech industries such as IT and chemistry engineering. Therefore, it is easy to understand (It is simple and plain that) that, with the return of securing a good occupation, people are willing to apply to college or university as an investment.

(论述依然不充分,你应该把这样一个句子说出来:C or U education, via instructing expertise and conveying knowledge, makes students contented with some of the essential qualities which may, probably, lead them to success in the future and strengthen their competitive power)

 

At the same time, it is also true that some people who might already have an admirable position or a reasonable pay re-enter the school for post-graduate program, like a MBA for example(我不建议用for example,这里可以用let us say). I would explain the phenomenon by crediting the school as a second environment to set up the social network. It is highly possible that the future career partner might come from your classmates, or the next customer might just live next door to your dormitory. I would like to share a living example of myself that my counter partner in the head quarter office graduated from the same university as mine.

(论证依然不充分,你应该说:Some of us, at times, fail to realize the importance and value of the students who are setting around us. As a matter of fact, they, who are learning the same major as we are, may, probably, become our future workmates or even consumers. Therefore, it is fairly reasonable to say that university study can help one to build many relationships which can be useful in the coming days)

 

Although career preparation is one of the most significant motives for education, there are quite a lot of people looking for their live partners in the classroom. Last week, I have attended(attended就可以了) a wedding of my best friend who discovered the true love during the school year, and he whispered to me that the university may(might) be the last opportunity in your whole life to dream about the pure love.(这段写得还勉强可以)

 

In summary, people go for high education for various goals - some out of career point of view, others for private reasons. I believe most of them(指代不清楚,这里应该用你要指代的那个名词) can be achieved since high education has such a high “return on sales”.

 

你的作文的缺点是个通病:论述不充分,感觉很干瘪,一个点没有说清楚就开始下一个了.TOEFL作文不一定非要3个点的,2个甚至1个都是可以的,只要你可以达到well developed.

graciezhai

唉，速度和质量真是难以协调的矛盾。。。7月7号考，欢迎赐教！

Movie, as one of the crucial inventions during the Industry Revolution, has become an indispensable part of people’s leisure and cultural life. Among various types of movies, I personally most enjoy those that can offer me joy and pleasure. Therefore, I prefer the entertaining and relaxing movies over the serious ones for the following three considerations.

 

First and foremost, the primary purpose for producing a film is to entertain and amuse the mass audience. In other words, to shot serious movies which may reflect certain social issues so as to teach people profound principles is far from the film producers’ original intention. Which one would be a wiser choice in the cozy couch with a cup of tea after a long-day’s exhausting work, to watch a heavy movie describing the miserable life of an unhappy family during the Great Depression, or to watch a relaxed and humorous action comedy? I will definitely choose the latter one without hesitation.

 

Furthermore, we do not need serious movies with tremendous topics to think over our life and society, since we have already been offered other superior and efficient means and materials to perform the thinking process. In current technology dominated world, people can check the internet to understand the updated news, read the e-books to acknowledge diverse expertise. Besides, people will ponder and summarize from their experiences in school or work. Why should we abandon these easily accessed resources and seek extra lessons from the movies?

 

Last but not least, it might not be a good idea for people to ‘think’ after they watch ‘serious’ movies. It is widely accepted that, in order to chase maximum profit, film makers may modify, exaggerate or even distort the event and our world in movies. This means that what we see in the movies might not be real and cannot reflect the virtual world we are living in. Consequently, to laugh or to cry after watching a movie is more practical and beneficial than to analysis repeatedly or to think deeply.

 

All in all, happy movies give me joys and sad movies bring me tears. I desire the entertainment an excellent movie can provides me and enjoy the amusement during the watching, while not the deep instruction from a serious movie that makes me ponder.

graciezhai

下面这篇写多了，当然时间也长，主要是例子方面字数有点失控。。。

Independence is a forever hot topic for younger generation. Which should be a wiser choice, to be purely independent by moving out from home as soon as possible, or live with parents for a longer time? I believe the answer varies and depends on individual situation. Generally speaking, living by oneself improves young people’s abilities and urges them to mature, whereas living with family provides them comfort life and protects them physically and mentally. Personally, I prefer to live with parents for a longer time for the following three considerations.

First and foremost, parents are children’s best teachers. After spending nearly twenty years together, parents know better about their kids than anyone else. College students can share their troubles and problems with parents in order to get comfort and obtain suggestions. Even if they have joined the job market, parents are still able to guide them with great patience and advice them using their rich lifetime experiences. I followed my parents’ guidance in college and specialty, and I majored in Accounting in a prominent university. Now, I am a successful auditor in one of the worldwide big-four accounting firms. If it were not for my parents, I might immaturely chose an art major and would be struggled for an job opportunity now.

 

In addition, living with parents guarantees a superior living standard. In most Chinese families, children are the precious above everything else in their parents’ eyes. They make great efforts to offer their children an excellent living condition. However, those young people who are crying for independent life are usually immature physically and mentally. Too lazy to cook delicious and nourishing food, too busy to clean house and wash clothes, sometimes even too careless to lock the door or close the gas stove, most young people are not able to take good care of themselves. By contrast, what parents can provide are not only ironed shirts before work and timely dinner after overtime, but also kind care that may covers all aspects of our work. Thus we can devote enough energy to study and work.

 

Last but not least, living with parents helps young people to build the right consumption concept and aid them in making deposit. Currently, the fierce competition in China causes many graduates to accept jobs with low-pay, which might not even cover the basic living expenses like housing and utility charges after thoughtless consumption in cloth and traveling. Consequently, short of money will never be a problem if they choose to live with parents for a longer time after graduation.

 

All in all, as a young lady who just leave home and lead an independent life of my own, I still miss the comfort life of living together with my parents. That period is the most precious and memorable time of my entire life, and it teach me a lot which are still useful in helping me lead a successful and enjoyable personal life.

mabla

7.7 在职时间仓促  处女作 很久不写手生，还请高手猛拍，指点复习思路 bow

There is a general discussion today on the issue of whether it is better to work on only one project at a time or to work on several projects at the same time. People who favor the single task working argue that it makes focus on one task therefore makes a better outcome. Those who advocate parallel working, on the other hand, emphasize that it will maximum one's utility of time and thus more efficient.

Probably, one has a good reason to work on tasks one by one in a given period because it make one focus on the problem and there is high possibility of finishing the job of high quality. For instance, in Google and other prestigious software companies, products are developed in such a way that any working group is solving one specific problem at one time, which is proved to be a efficient method form experiences of this intelligence intensive industry. In fact, reserach indicates that focusing is the key word of success for both firms and individuals. Further more, since one is much less anxious doing only one task at a time compared with working in a multi-task style, and one is likely to perform better in such circumstance.
   Despite all claims above, multi-tasks advocates doubt the value of so called concentration. In their eyes, instead of working on one task at one time, it is multi-task working more efficient. The primary reason is that the multi-task approach can save time by utilize small amount of time. Actually, there are ways some amount of time available when doing one job. If parallel working is adopted, the time efficiency will increase. The further reason is that multi-task can sweep away weariness brought by doing one job for a long time. The time table of any school, which arrange more than one subject to learn every day, is based on this belief.
  In conclusion, single-task working has the advantage of focusing on the aim, which contributes to work quality while multi-task working has the benefit of time efficiency. And as different people have different working habits, the answer to this choice is: it depends.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-6-28 17:49:01编辑过]

Akrisa

猪猪,好人啊,鼓励下

wzhiBT

顶

wblmxxx

July 7th

DealtaTest3-it's more important to work at a job that people enjoy than it is to earn a lot of money?

There are a lot of debates on the issue of whether to choose a job based on personal enjoyment or the amount of salary. At first glance, high paid jobs are appealing to all but every employee. However, if we take a deeper consideration, enjoyments are more important for the reasons rendered below.

 

Always in this modern society, we may see a multitude of so-called successful CEOs who immerse themselves into the struggle of chasing for more colorful papers-money. Although their stressful lives bring them comparatively high levels of living conditions-beautifully decorated houses, superb performance private cars and daily diets of high quality, as a matter of fact, they are unconsciously becoming the prisoner of money. Virtually, they have less time to enjoy those money or get together with family members. Therefore, money causes emotion problems rather than brings happiness.

 

On the other hand, job or career means more to an individual. It is not only a mean to make a living, but it also acts as an important avenue for personal development. Without the interest, one would feel boring or tiring when he/she meet with difficulties in dealing complex problems in the office. Such a negative attitude would influence his/her working performace and exert a detrimental impact on others. Day after day, he/she will lose the incentive to make progress or pursue for higher position just because the satisfactory of current pay.

 

Besides individual's development, there are also several conspicious factors worthy to be considered. Among them health is the most important one. Imagining a job with high wages, however also involves heavy workload like periodic travels or extended work hours, it probably cannot be handled by our bodies. I believe most of people who turn a blind eye to their health would regret when they get old, being bothered by various kinds of diseases.

 

Needless to say, money is a basic tool for us to lead our lives. Nevertheless, it does not mean everything because there are lots of other important things like enjoyment, development opportunities and health problems which weigh more to people. Accordingly, I support the statement that it's more important to work at a job that I enjoy than it is to earn a lot of money.

sciphi

Nowadays, as the development of the internet technology, distance learning and online computer classes emerge, It is really a revolution to the tradional teaching methods. By this kind of learning style, the student can receive informantions far from the place now they are in. Although there are many benefits brought by the new ways of studying, I think the tradional classroom learning still has many good factors which the new online computer classes doesn't posess.

First, for the classroom learning, the students and their professor can discuss questions face to face. This is helpful for developing the skills of the social interaction. If the students are separated respectively, they would feel lonely, this is a great weakness to the online study. Also, for some specific disciplines, it is not convient for teacher to giving online courses, such as mathematics, physics, and also techonological classes. The teacher need to write some formulars in the blackboard. Surely, I know there are some softwares by which the teacher can input the formular on the computer screen, but it is still not convenient.

For another reason, without the supervising of the teacher, some students would escape the classes or they may not concentrate on the lecture, as the teacher can't see them. Then, after a long time, these lazy students would fail to finish the subjects. Also, different students has different interests, in the classroom learning, the student can ask the questions anytime without affecting the efficiency of the teaching.

Hence, although there are many excellent characteristics of the new technology, the traditional classroom learning still can't be replaced.