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[心经] [原创]解读IBT-OG高分作文

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发表于 2007-2-21 23:12:00 | 显示全部楼层

[原创]解读IBT-OG高分作文

中国学生写应试作文大多有一个坏习惯,那就是样式死板,就算不是套模板也是呆板的五段体-开头+2 or 3论点+结尾,这似乎在IBT的评分标准里并不是高分作文的样式。下面我试着来逐一解读OG的高分作文的标准:

 

1Development, “well developed, using clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications, and/or details.” 也就是作者要用清楚恰当的解释、例证还有细节描述来阐述自己的观点。

这里涉及到三个很关键的原则:
A.   
不要采用千篇一律的冗长段子来作开头介绍和结尾结论,这样凑出来的字数并不讨好。这其实表明的ETS的立场,不欢迎死板的模板式文章。

B.      不要言之无物。我们写这篇essay的目的是要develop一个topic,说明我们的观点,言简意赅比废话连篇要讨好得多,不要一味单纯地计较字数的多寡。

C.      不要一味只将话题集中在“这个事实的存在”上,
  
要用比较具体的方式来阐述观点。这表明了ETS是希望作者运用适当的事例和细节描述来推出观点,而不是用不同的表达方式重复一个事实。

从这个标准来看,一味地死套模板显然已经不能满足IBT评分者越来越高的要求了。那种传统的“首段提出观点,然后分2~3段分别论述几个论点,再来结尾总结”的呆板格式似乎受到了挑战。事实上,从ETS列出的高分作文范例可以看出,散文式的文章更受推崇。

其实如何定义这个“散文式”真不容易,我自己个人看法是,开头亮出观点还是必要的,尽量用一些比较贴近生活的事例(例如OG-practice中的5分范文“when young adults should leave their parents”中的首段)或者是为大众所接受的常识式标准(例如OG中的5分范文“Dishonesty kills reliability”中的首段)来引入观点,这样会自然而然吸引读者的兴趣。

中间展开观点要用几个论点并无很硬性的规定,因为ETS真正看重的是作者develop topic的能力,这里有一个小tips,就是每个理由都尽量举些例子。能想到world famous的先上,最好是大部分人都知道的事例,比如说跟Business有关的可以举Bill Gates,跟科学有关的可以举霍金,跟政治有关的可以举George Washington,跟体育有关的举Michael Jordan,跟艺术有关了来个Da VinciVan Gogh,或者是Beethoven等等。想不到了来点中国式的也行,毛主席雷锋汉武帝孙悟空。。。实在还是想不到说说自己的经历也行,这个反正没有人能证实,即使夸张一些或者是加上点想像也没有人会去戳穿你的。这样说可能有点太天马行空,但关键是想说明思维要扩散些,例子土点也没有关系,主要是能帮助我们展开话题。

(PSHighlight的部分是引自偶之前写过的一篇GMAT AWA心得中的部分,感觉对T的作文一样适用。)

Tips:
平时多读书多看报,丰富自己的知识面同时在不知不觉间收获不少写作素材,考试时顺手拈来。

 

2.Organisation, is really something that raters notice when you fail to organize. If an essay is organized, a reader will be able to read it from beginning to end without becoming confused. 这里说得很明确了,ETS看重的文章组织其实是要使读者读起来不会产生误解和迷惑,并不同于我们一般理解上的严谨而死板的结构,数碗数碟一点二点三点那种模式。这里也提到了三个关键点:

A.Unity-统一性。作者在文章中提出的不同的观点和例证,目的是要为论证同一个观点服务,而不是在简单地用不同表达重复同一个问题。形式上生硬套用“firstly”“secondly”等字眼并不能保证文章就是unified的,必须重视实质上的统一。

B.Progression-渐进性。结论是在论述中慢慢形成的,作者所写的任何文字都是围绕着主题展开,切忌跑题,不知所云。

C.Coherence-相关一致性。文章前后是相互呼应的,段落之间是自然联系的,文章各部分之间应该是浑然一体的。

这个要求其实是比较高的,因为ETS在意的是文章的整体感觉,而不是你到底用了几个观点来论述你的观点。从OG中的高分作文范例可以看出,即使整个论述只有1条主线,只要前后联接得自然流畅,并能一引导读者向结论靠近,就是好文章。

举个例子,像那篇“when young adults should leave their parents”,其实文章的只围绕了一个观点进行:“不少早早离开家里独立生活的年轻人其实思想上并不够成熟,他们实际上需要更多时间去学习和充实自己,才能更好地处理社会上的复杂和挑战”,评分者认为作者很好地“develop”了自己的观点,主线十分突出,论述很充分(既解释了为什么思想上不够成熟-因为21世纪竞争越来越大了,又解释了为什么需要更多时间去充实自己-因为年轻人需要更充分地学习各种独立生活的技能才能更好地为以后充满挑战的生活做准备云云…),过渡很自然流畅(用一句“so living independently at an early age is not suitable for all young adults”就自然地将话题进一步展开),还引用了一些观察资料作为客观证据(an observation shows that many University graduated students are unemployed. Therefore, they will not be…)

Tips:
好好研究下OG上的高分范文,体会rater的评语。胡敏作文、笑来范文都是不错的素材,虽然个人感觉IBT的喜爱的文体来得有点更加自由,但相信考试时要能写出那样的文章,得低分的可能性相当低了。(详见第4点的风格分析)


3. Language use, an essay must display “consistent facility in the use of language”. 这一点要求其实很清晰明了,作者要显示出对语言的熟练掌握和娴熟运用的能力,不仅词汇要丰富,句式也要多样。

语言要多样化,多用高级词汇,大胆使用同位语、插入语、伴随状语等,句子也大可适当运用复杂句式如定语从句、状语从句、表语从句等; 前后表达同一意思避免用同一词,简单句与复杂句相互呼应,相得益彰。

补充一句,对于考过GMAT的同学来说,高分的AWA并不意味着高分的IBT-writingGMAT的写作更注重文字的逻辑性和结构的严谨性,而IBT的写作则更注重论点的陈述方法、文字的流畅性、句式的多样性及叙述的条理性。有了GMAT的坚实文字基础,建议大家尽量摒弃那种条条框框的模板写作方法,适应IBT的种种写作要求。

Tips:
平时研究语法时注意句式的积累,背单词时注意同义词的互相替代。

4. 浅淡文章风格分析

现在IBT区比较多用的范文资料主要有三个,胡敏托福高分作文(置顶的托福资料大全编号OW05)、TWE范文450篇(置顶的托福资料大全编号OW03)及李笑来的托福高分作文(由于版权问题,网友可以到网上定购或者到书店购买),下面结合本人对OG高分作文的理解和对各材料中范文的阅读体会,试着分析下三个材料哪个更适合ETS的风格要求,总体印象如下,权供参考了:

A.(惊喜地发现)胡敏的风格跟OG的范文最像,不论是开头,散文式的文章结构,表达方法还是句子的繁简结合都挺像的,而且偶看了近10篇,都没有出现骑墙的观点,估计他老人家也不怎么赞成骑墙呗~赞下老哥的好东东~

B. (
意外地发现)笑来的风格相比之下反而显得比较不靠谱了,偶以为他不足之处在于:1、过分强调结构的东东,过渡词等都比较死板; 2、开头结尾比较生硬,有些太模板化了; 3、看到不少骑墙的文章,OG中几篇高分的范文都没有这样的例子,目前网友对这方面的反馈较少,实在不知道ETS对此有啥看法。个人看法,骑墙观点要慎用。

C. 450
篇里面比较杂乱,每个topic有好几篇范文,有些个人感觉实在不怎么样,有些还挺不错的,同学们参考的时候得批判继承了。


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-3-2 0:09:53编辑过]
 楼主| 发表于 2007-2-21 23:12:00 | 显示全部楼层

附录一:从OG中摘出来的独立写作评分标准

How essays are scored
1.       Development is the amt and kinds of support (examples, details, reasons) for your ideas that you present in your essay. To get a top score, your essay should be according to the rater guidelines, “well developed, using clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications, and/or details.” The raters will judge whether you have addressed the topic and how well your details, examples, and reasons support your ideas.

Do not “memorize” long introductory and concluding paragraphs just to add words to your essay. Raters will not look favorably on wordy introductory and concluding paragraphs.

Likewise, raters will not look favorably on paragraphs like the following, which uses a lot of words but fails to develop any real ideas.

In your writing, make sure you develop some solid ideas about the given topic. Don’t just use a lot of words saying that a certain issue exists. Your essay may be 300 or even 400 words long, but if it consists largely of the sorts of empty or content-free paragraphs shown above, you’ll probably earn a score of just 1 or 2.

2.       Organization is really sth that raters notice- when you fail to organize. If an essay is organized, a reader will be able to read it from beginning to end without becoming confused. Writing in paragraphs and marking transitions from one idea to another in various ways usually helps the reader to follow your ideas. But be aware that just using transition words such as first or second does not guarantee that your essay is organized. The points you make must all relate to the topic of the essay and to the main idea you are presenting in response. In other words, your essay should be unified. The scoring guide mentions “unity” as well as “progression” and “coherence”- these are terms that all have to do with how well your essay is organized and how easy it is for the reader to follow you ideas. To earn a top score, you need to avoid redundancy (repetition of ideas), digression (points that are not related to your main point, that take away from the “unity” of your ideas), and unclear connections (places where it is hard for the reader to understand how 2 ideas or parts of your writing are related).

3       Language use is the third criterion on which your essay will be judged. To get a top score, an essay must display “consistent facility in the use of language.” There should be a variety of sentence structures, and word choice should be appropriate. If your essay includes a few minor lexical or grammar errors, you can still get a high score. However, if you make a lot of grammar errors and if those errors make it hard to understand your meaning, you will get a lower score. Raters will also judge your essay based on the complexity of sentence structures and on the quality and complexity of your vocabulary. If you use very simple sentences and very basic vocabulary, you will probably not be able to express very complex ideas. If your language is hard to follow, your sentences are overly simple, and your vocabulary is limited, you may score no higher than a 3 no matter how impressive your ideas may be.

附录二:新托福独立作文评分标准
            

5 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following
o effectively addresses the topic and task
o is well organized and well developed, using clearly appropriate explanation, exemplification, and/or details
o displays unity, progression, and coherence
o displays consistent facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety, appropriate word choice, and idiomaticity, though it may have minor lexical or grammatical errors

4 An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following
o addresses the topic and task well enough, some points may not be fully elaborated
o is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanation, exemplification, and/or details
o displays unity, progression, and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connection
o displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have may have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure or word form or idiomatic language use that do not interfere with meaning

3 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following
o addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanation, exemplification, and/or details
o displays unity, progression, and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured
o may demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning
o may display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary

2 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weakness
o limited development in response to the topic and task
o inadequate organization or connection of ideas
o inappropriate or insufficient exemplification, explanation, or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task
o a noticeably inappropriate choice of word or word forms
o an accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage

1 An essay at this level is seriously flawed by one or more of the following weakness
o serious disorganization or underdevelopment
o little or no detail, or irrelevant specifics, or questionable responsiveness to the task
o serious and frequent errors in sentence structure or usage


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-2-22 0:42:15编辑过]
发表于 2007-2-21 23:21:00 | 显示全部楼层

沙发

发表于 2007-2-22 00:39:00 | 显示全部楼层

板凳。

有点空,顺便过来顶以下偶像Jojo.

 楼主| 发表于 2007-2-22 00:44:00 | 显示全部楼层
以下是引用mbz在2007-2-22 0:39:00的发言:

板凳。

有点空,顺便过来顶以下偶像Jojo.

哇塞,真给面子,大N也来咧~哈哈,偶大大滴不敢当之余这边厢有礼了~~

发表于 2007-2-22 11:01:00 | 显示全部楼层
发表于 2007-2-22 11:11:00 | 显示全部楼层

谢谢楼主!

我这儿正在痛苦的准备作文呢,一天两篇的练,综合还好独立写作老超时……囧

下去仔细的研究这些资料~

发表于 2007-2-22 11:13:00 | 显示全部楼层

真好,收好,5天以后开始研究。。

发表于 2007-2-22 23:14:00 | 显示全部楼层

辛苦了!

发表于 2007-2-23 01:59:00 | 显示全部楼层

讚一個   awesome !!!!

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