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I would like to give you some advice about your writing since you sincerely greet. As your first essay, it is fairly good. Though it is a little short, the main idea is clear. However, you need to provide facts, data, and detail points to support your topic sentence,making your essay unity and coherence. Moreover, you need to use varied type of sentences, not only simple, but also compound and complex sentences, rather than simple sentence only. Your conclusion is strong, but you have to prove your conclusion. Anyway, your attitude is very good, making up other defects. | 
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发表于 2007-2-7 23:26:00
