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[原创]我的第一篇,希望大侠点评

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楼主
发表于 2006-11-26 15:56:00 | 只看该作者

[原创]我的第一篇,希望大侠点评

9.Living in big city or small city?

When facing the option of living in big city or small city, different

people may have different answer. A fair proportion of people prefer

big city holding the opinion that city life is more exciting. On the other hand,

others will vote for the latter choice because they concern the healthy environment.From my point of view, I side with the former attitudes and I will provide concrete evidence and support my view point as follows.

First thing first, job opportunity is fair far then its counterpart.

There is no deny fact that an increasing number of people migrate to big cities seek for better job. According to a survey, people who work in big city get paid as much as twice than the same job in the near by

small one in average. this means labor of former is value two times than its counterpart.   Besides the decent pay, welfare system in big city also can be considered as a factor. Generally,workers in big city enjoy a great deal of insurance such as life insurance, job insurance which

may rare in small city.

People generally accept the fact that big city life is qualitative. Take education service for example.People in big city have a verity of option to consider. They can sent their children in to nearby key school rather then

the one in another town. This priority can apply to medical service. Suppose that, a patient be taking into clinic a small city, people can not receive effective treatment immediately.

Last but not least, people fond of excitement. Personally, I like the exciting life style of metropolis. In my spare time, I often go to a cafe in our nerbourhood, spend time in central park and buy name branded clothes in the famous street.

In conclusion, life in big city means challenge, quality and exciting. And I really appreciate life in big city.


[此贴子已经被作者于2006-11-26 16:01:45编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2006-11-26 22:13:00 | 只看该作者
MM的有些句子过于冗长,比如第一段的最后那句。作文的句子是讲究有效性的。如果过于冗长,反而显得累赘。虽然说它会增加你的字数。但是,从学术论文的角度而言,有效性应该优先于字数。MM有些语法上的问题。请斟酌。
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2006-11-27 23:40:00 | 只看该作者
是不是语法错误多到不忍指出了.我的确在凑字数。能不能在指导一下?十分感激
地板
发表于 2006-11-28 10:06:00 | 只看该作者

我没有细看。MM别担心,至少我看过的地方语法错误不多。只是请你再仔细检查一下。因为刚写完可能会疏忽一些地方。偶会找个时间仔细看一下。哈。

MM加油哈。

5#
 楼主| 发表于 2006-11-28 13:50:00 | 只看该作者
谢谢你,我会努力的
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