我的4.5分作文 大家帮忙看看怎样改才能上5分？

rinaxu2003

考试的文章是事先准备过的，考场上20分钟就写完了，还留出了时间检查语法错误。本以为5段式的结构搭好了， 字数凑够了，得个5分不成问题。可是成绩出来了才4.5。欲哭无泪，关键是不知道怎样才能提高。请各位大虾帮忙看看。。。

AI 040  "With the increasing emphasis on a global economy and international cooperation, people need to understand that their role as citizens of the world is more important than their role as citizens of a particular country."

Which role is more important: the role as the citizen of the world, or the role as the citizen of a particular country? Viewing from different angle, different people may hold different opinions due to their different backgrounds and experiences. As far as I am concerned, being good citizens of our country is the fundamental requirement to everyone of us. While whether one role should be put in front of another quite depends on a specific situation and should be judged on a case-by-case basis. My point can be substantiated by following discussions.

First of all, being a good citizens of our own country is the basis of being a good citizens of the world. Every one is born initially as a citizen of the country, where there are a series of explicit conduction codes of the society telling its people clearly what they should do and what they should not do. It is hard to imagine a person, who fails to follow the basic constructions of his society, can be well-behaved when he acts on the global base, where the conduction code is relatively vague and even controversial.

Second, being a good citizen in one’s society can often help one be a better citizen in the world. For example, those who are fighting as a citizen for natural environment protection may realize the importance of global cooperation, thereby join in the Green Cross and fight for the global environmental issue. And a well-educated person with decent manner and charity mind is welcomed to all societies.

Admittedly, conflicting obligation sometimes arise as a result of our new “dual” citizenship. For example, an U.S military official with an advisory role in the United Nations peace-keeping force might face conflicting courses of action – one would secure the interest of U.S, and another would better serve the international interest. However the fact that such a conflict exist does not mean that one role should automatically supersede the other. Instead, this situation should be resolved by carefully considering and weighing consequences of each course of action.

To sum up, due to the above reasons, we can safely come to the conclusion that good national citizenship is not only the basis but also the inspiration of being a good global citizen. When conflict between two roles appears, whether one should take precedence over another should be handled with careful consideration.

anchoret

第二点似乎有点牵强。。。

yzlinlin

记得有人曾说过(好象还是较权威的人，我想找出处，却难找到了)： 文章开头最好不要用问句。中文这样写往往觉得好----提起读者胃口。但美国人好象不欣赏这种作法，给他们留不好的第一印象。我最初的模板也是用问句，现在是坚决不用。

作文真的不难，我最初也是怕死了作文，第一次考时花了近一半功夫在上面。其实，现在看作文是最省力的。你精心准备模板(多参考高分模板)，记熟打熟，考场上沉着，尽量多写。你会发现得5分真的不难。但要得6分，就不是那么简单了。不过，5分以上，我觉得足够了。

希望对你有帮助。

rinaxu2003

原来开头还有这个讲究。 thanks a lot!

excellent

实际上，我认为开头用不用问句不是关键，因为范文178中有许多文章都是问句开头。

我认为这篇文章正文部分例子再丰满一些，字数再多一些就更好了。

祝您成功！

rinaxu2003

thanks!