求点评Argument作文~拜托大家

GentlePink

今天下午没事写了一篇Argument 7（书店要不要开咖啡馆），以前考过，但是考的不好，现在下定决心要好好考一次（5.31），请考过的G友帮我看看有什么问题和毛病，感激不尽

题目：7.The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.
"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

正文：
The Board of directors of M Books recommended that a cafe should be built inside their book store and children’s book section should be cleared to make space for it. However, the argument that a new cafe would help to attract customers for the book store will not be convincing until more information can be given.
Firstly, the argument contends that since Monarch has a good reputation on its books, thus if a new cafe is opened, the cafe would too be popular. This is absolutely groundless due to the fact that we have no clue about what the cafe will be like. Unless more detailed information about the cafe’s menu, price or decoration etc. is provided, we cannot be 100% sure if the cafe is going to be beneficial for the book store or not because chances are that Monarch might be only good at selling books but is a green hand in opening a cafe.
Second, the argument wrongly builds a connection between the census data and the future popularity of children’s books. This is because first, the census only says the percentage of the population under 10 has declined, but this is national data, it doesn’t mean the population of children in this area are also going to drop. Also, it is a percentage data, so there is possibility that children’s absolute quantity has not changed or even has risen, only the aging population or other population have taken up more proportion of the whole country owing to some reasons like medication has improved and people start to live longer. Lastly, even if children’s population does diminish, the selling of children’s books will not necessarily go down since sales volume of children’s books depends on many factors including the economic condition of the families who have children, parents’ average education background (people with higher degrees are more willing to invest on books) and the general opinion towards children’s book on youngsters’ development in the society except from solely the numbers. Therefore, unless the argument could provide evidence saying that the area’s children population is indeed dropping, and that the area’s parents are indeed less willing to purchase children’s books, we cannot jump to the conclusion that eliminating the children’s book section will not affect Monarch Books.
Lastly, the fact that Regal Books has newly opened a cafe does not necessarily indicate that Monarch has to open a cafe as well. The argument has not provided any information about the management situation of Regal’s cafe. What if Regal’s cafe is in deficit or it in turn gives a bad impression of the bookstore? If those are the cases, then Monarch should not open a cafe. Even if Regal’s cafe does sell well or brings positive impact for the bookstore, perhaps the reasons are that the blocks where Regal locates are in downtown and generally sell expensive coffee, whereas Regal’s coffee are much cheaper compared with other cafe. Or perhaps people around Regal Books could not find a good place to have a rest, then they could only choose the cafe inside Regal. Unless the argument could provide further evidence to prove that Monarch has similar situation as Regal and Regal does sell well, it cannot say opening a new cafe in Monarch will surely attract customers as well.
In conclusion, the recommendation is not well supported and many other information or evidence should be provided to validate the necessity and feasibility of opening a cafe in Monarch Books.